caraviolin Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 First I would like to thank you all for all the past help you've given me. My best friend and I have sorted out our problems along with her marriage issues and I have recovered with therapy and learned so much from when I posted about the last guy on here. You all are so awesome and give so much great advice. I met, at the end of May a wonderful man. We took things slowly, the right way, and we waited to have sex. =) I set my boundaries (thank you all for really being clear on that with me ;)).It was one of the things he admired most about me: my self restraint. He happens to be a very sexual person too, so my making him be patient impressed him a lot. We totally hit it off in every way and finally had sex, and a day before the fourth of july we became official. When I say he treats me well, it is an understatement. He treats me with dignity, respect ,and sweetness. He treats me like a princess and most everything in the relationship is wonderful. I feel he is my match. He is also verbally expressive and we communicate well. Despite everything so great, we are having some major sexual issues.When we first had sex, for the first two weeks things were ok and we had sex very very often. We used condoms but he is large and uses Magnums, which apparently are very uncomfortable. He told me he prefers to be condomless in a monogamous relationship.The problem he has with them is he has trouble maintaining hardness due to lack of sensation. I told him I'd think about going on the birth control. Fourth of july weekend he got injured pulling vines for a friend. Unfortunately he has 3 slipped discs in his back from years of construction work and football and bad arthritis and sciatica that flares up from time to time. Since that weekend, his body has been in pain and he has been doing his best deal with the pain. However in the meantime, he has been unhappy in missionary position which is frustrating me. I have been dealing with it but slowly his libido has been going down and now, at aug 1, we don't have sex much. When we do, it isn't in missionary which is my very favorite position. I miss it. If we do missionary or any position for that matter, he never comes and usually looks like he is totally in pain. He claims it isnt me and that he is stressed due to work and pain in his body. However, he has been hinting at the birth control a bit, telling me that would increase his sex drive. However, I will go into some detail now some occasions that are creating uncertainty in me. One is he likes to either have sex or be given oral during the night. He says he is half asleep when these instances happen. I don't mind this but I am feeling resentful lately due to only blow jobs during the night. Therefore resentment is budding from the lack of satisfying sex coupled with being woken up in the middle of the night to give him head. Sunday night was bad. We had sex for like two minutes and then we stopped, and when we talked about just having him condomless for a minute his libido went up. As we got into it I said no last second and then he just got off of me and went back to stuff he was doing on his phone. It made me want to cry; I feel I am not worth having sex with if we use condoms. I told him my thoughts and he again said it isn't me and that his libido is just low due to stress and pain in his arm. He was really sweet about it but I still felt upset. Monday night was the worst. We got in late from a concert and he explained he wasn't feeling sexual. In the middle of the night he wanted a BJ which I gave but I added after I wished he had sex with me instead. He nicely asked me if that discussion could wait in the morning. We are in a newly born relationship and these sexual issues so early on are stirring unrest in me and I am struggling to come to terms with this.He is an amazing boyfriend and gives me so much and I truly feel like an ass for feeling resentful over the lack of sex. When we don't have sex he wants to pleasure me in other ways but I don't want them; I want just basic missionary sex for a change. I am trying to put aside my neediness but it is causing anxiety in me. He says he has low libido and then wants a BJ, and sex is just so so when we even do have it because he is in pain...I just don't know what to do. He doesn't know that I was in an emotionally abusive relationship once where I did go on birth control and the guy withheld affection and sex from me, all through the emotional upset of side affects from the pill. I am afraid the same thing with happen here and he will still not want sex much and I will be stuck on this horrible pill. I would feel more confident about going on it if I knew he would want me. I know I have to deal with these feelings and take into consideration his feelings of pain and stress but I still feel resentful. Do you guys have any tips on how I can come to terms with some of this? I'm pretty sure this is my problem here and I need advice on how to come to terms with this because I see it as potential poison. Link to comment
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