The phone is a big secret...

[spunkmire]

yeah she's cheating on you. All the red flags are there. Next time you're with her look her right in the eye and say "I know the truth." Then wait

[thornz]

So in other words you like playing games.

 

I can see not wanting your partner to be on the phone while you're with them but going out of your way to make it look suspicious is crazy.

 

I don't play games. There's nothing suspicious about exercising my autonomy, having basic manners to take a phonecall outside and protecting my privacy when others don't have the manners not to read my business over my shoulder. I added password and notifications because of juveniles at work messing with each others phones. Perfectly legitimate behaviour which was my point. The actions themselves don't tell you a lot without context. Your gut will tell you the truth.

[wgmitch]

yeah she's cheating on you. All the red flags are there. Next time you're with her look her right in the eye and say "I know the truth." Then wait

 

Okay. What am I waiting for? What a look? Something she will say?

[wgmitch]

Okay, more...

 

So we were supposed to go to a wedding this coming Sat., Jun 8. Last Monday when we spoke she said she wanted to go alone and that she RSVP'd for 1. We were to ride up to NY with her parents. I said ok and we decided we would just take a break and think about things. Last night I got a text asking if I wanted to still go to the wedding and that her mom would call her aunt and ask if it was okay. I thought about it and said yes I would go. She said okay and that her mom would call. I did not hear back so this morning I asked if I was coming to her house tonight Friday? It would be easier for me as I'm over an hour from her and then the 2+ hour drive to NY for the wedding. I got this response.

 

"Hi. I have had a terrible week. Last night was bad with my son. I'm completely worn out. Tonight isn't good for me. Can you come tomorrow afternoon? We don't have to leave til 4-5."

 

Part of me feels I'm being used to fill a seat. I'm pretty sure she didn't RSVP this late, as we have had this wedding plans on our schedule for over 2 months.

 

Mitch

[DancingFool]

Ouch....seems like she is breaking up with you in the worst, most passive aggressive way possible... Essentially by being a jerk to you until you get fed up enough to call an end to this charade.

 

Forget the wedding, tell her you two are done and move on. You are dangerously close to going down a path where you'll lose your self respect if you continue to allow her to jerk you around. Walk away now and make it clean. It will hurt, but if you don't....it will become much much worse and more messy and painful overall. Don't torture yourself trying to hang on. It's over. Call it. Move on.

[Starlight925]

Um, yeah, sorry to say that I agree.....she's being a jerk in hopes that you'll either break up with her, or that she can just use you till she doesn't need you anymore.

 

Tell her thanks but no thanks on the wedding, and wish her well.

 

Sorry.

[reinventmyself]

If things are fragile, this certainly isn't the time to play red light, green light with someone. Not if your intention is to salvage a relationship.

I'd pass on the wedding.

 

Her half hearted attempt and back peddling is concerning.

 

And I agree with the phone antics. I've experienced it myself. One minute it's full disclosure, the next week it's in the silverware drawer? True story. We bbq'd. I was putting away the washed dishes, all the while wondering why the phone was missing. And there it was. All my other hunches ended up being correct as well.

[wgmitch]

Well, to follow up I broke up with my gf not long after this last post. Crazy how long I put up with so much stupid stuff. I have no regrets. It was a bit of a fight o get my money back on the trip to Spain, but I am getting a refund. Good grief I can't believe I was going to hang in there just for this trip with all these uneasy feelings of her cheating and just how she treated me. I've grown so much in the last two years since my breakup that brought me to ENA to let this happen to me. It's crazy how some times it's complete anguish and other times it's a total relief after a break up.

 

I leave with a couple of good ENA quotes. "Silence can be the worse medicine to swallow." and "Do not keep looking backward, you will miss what's going on right in front of you."

 

Keep evolving.

 

Mitch v3.0

[saluk]

Always nice to see a happy ending to one of these stories ;)

 

No, seriously, it sounds like you made the only good move possible here. Great news that you were able to get the refund. It's a good reminder that we aren't always as trapped as it feels at the time.

 

Head high, and good luck in the future.

[reinventmyself]

I am glad to hear you found some clarity. Enough to make a decision that feels right for you.

Sometimes the highs are met with some lows you don't necessarily see coming.

But either way, I am glad you did what felt like the right thing.

[trufo]

Well, to follow up I broke up with my gf not long after this last post. Crazy how long I put up with so much stupid stuff. I have no regrets. It was a bit of a fight o get my money back on the trip to Spain, but I am getting a refund. Good grief I can't believe I was going to hang in there just for this trip with all these uneasy feelings of her cheating and just how she treated me. I've grown so much in the last two years since my breakup that brought me to ENA to let this happen to me. It's crazy how some times it's complete anguish and other times it's a total relief after a break up.

 

I leave with a couple of good ENA quotes. "Silence can be the worse medicine to swallow." and "Do not keep looking backward, you will miss what's going on right in front of you."

 

Keep evolving.

 

Mitch v3.0

 

Great job, my friend! I wish I would've done what you've done. I felt my (ex)girlfriend was doing shady stuff and turns out I was right. Extremely long emails to and from a guy over the period of a week. I desperately clinged on and I am still in contact with her. I don't think she even knows the hurt her deceit caused me. The reasons for the breakup all focused on her falling out of love, the sex being bad, her wishing I would fight for her et cetera.

 

Dear God, I'm still letting her walk over me I think. I went over to her work because she was in a terrible spot as something happened between her and her mother who left her at a young age. I just can't let go of my love and affection for her, even though I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with her.

 

Oh man, this post went a different direction I planned it to go. In any way, you've done well.

[wgmitch]

Great job, my friend! I wish I would've done what you've done. I felt my (ex)girlfriend was doing shady stuff and turns out I was right. Extremely long emails to and from a guy over the period of a week. I desperately clinged on and I am still in contact with her. I don't think she even knows the hurt her deceit caused me. The reasons for the breakup all focused on her falling out of love, the sex being bad, her wishing I would fight for her et cetera.

 

Dear God, I'm still letting her walk over me I think. I went over to her work because she was in a terrible spot as something happened between her and her mother who left her at a young age. I just can't let go of my love and affection for her, even though I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with her.

 

Oh man, this post went a different direction I planned it to go. In any way, you've done well.

 

Tru,

 

I'm sorry you are going through this, I know exactly how it feels. That being said, be true to yourself and go no contact. If you had a break up, why are you still in contact? It just doesn't work for you. You can see that,right? You said it yourself, and I know this is what hurts the most, "I don't think she even knows the hurt her deceit caused me." Then why spend another minute of your precious life thinking about her? You need to turn this around and get your self respect back. Go NC and stay that way no matter what.

 

Silence from you is the best you can do for your situation.

 

I hope the best for you.

 

Mitch

[Rabican]

Good for you man.... Bet you feel like a giant weight has been lifted from your shoulders.

 

Trufo take his advice.

[Buffer01]

If your subconscious is telling you to look at this then don’t rug sweep it. There is a issue here. It could be a valid reason but I doubt it. Even though you are in a relationship for a short time the communication should be good enough to ask to look at her phone without here deleting any thing. If it is a violation of her privacy then that is a classic comment of a cheating spouse. Cut all contact with her cold turkey. It isn’t a good relationship regardless of looks feeling etc. She isn’t that into you if she can’t let you look at her phone. Move on

[wgmitch]

Good for you man.... Bet you feel like a giant weight has been lifted from your shoulders.

 

Trufo take his advice.

 

Thank you! Yes! I feel good about myself again.

 

Mitch

[wgmitch]

If your subconscious is telling you to look at this then don’t rug sweep it. There is a issue here. It could be a valid reason but I doubt it. Even though you are in a relationship for a short time the communication should be good enough to ask to look at her phone without here deleting any thing. If it is a violation of her privacy then that is a classic comment of a cheating spouse. Cut all contact with her cold turkey. It isn’t a good relationship regardless of looks feeling etc. She isn’t that into you if she can’t let you look at her phone. Move on

 

Thank you! Done and moved.

 

Mitch

[Buffer01]

Needs more investigation into her phone activity. Possible something going on. If you can’t improve the communication between the two of you, then don’t accept anything less than the truth. If not then move on and don’t take the trip with her.