Dating &Business mixing

[figureitout23]

Yes well I said that too. He has so many connections but hasn't reached out to anyone. However my brother is in a similiar field and I actually got them together to do business plenty of times. He doesn't reject that. He's all for it.

 

This stuck out to me and I think I’ve asked you before multiple times but never got an answer.

 

Are you inserting us into your fights Mandee?

 

What I mean is are we here to give you advice on the subject or are you just mad and need to vent?

 

I mean there have been a ton of posts about this guy some worse than others but you stay, and you seem to come back after you two bicker or fight to ask our opinion but then yet again nothing really changes. I’m teult under the impression you are happy in your relationship but for whatever reason you need validation.

 

I don’t know I could be totally grasping for straw I just noticed the bold and thought ‘so what?’ That’s what someone says in the heat of an argument to the person, “ you don’t reject them you’re all for them but when it comes to ME” the statement is entitled and full of emotion. Like what youre saying is it’s not about the job but about him choosing you.

 

FWIW. I agree with the others not only would it be bad for your relationship dynamics, he doesn’t owe you a career, youre his girlfriend not his dependent, but again it seems this is about so much more than the job.

[katrina1980]

 

I guess I shouldn't use it though because of how it's thrown around. But yes, we both work hard. However I have a work/life balance. I like to enjoy my time off etc. He doesn't. He doesn't stop working. Once something is done,he needs to start something else. If he takes a 2 day trip, he feels guilty,needs to get back to the office asap. Doesn't truly relax . He's all work, no play. And yes since he owns the business, he works 24/7 because there's networking involved when out of office.

 

 

Can you explain how in the world you're able to have any sort of relationship with a man who works 24/7 and incapable of relaxing?

 

How does this work, can you explain cause I'm genuinely confused by this.

 

I also don't understsnd how you're able to remain and be happy with a man who has such a low opinion of you, clearly.

 

Serious questions mandee, again genuinely curious how that works.

[j.man]

I think it's quite easy to see how if we don't assume the dynamics are one-sided. It's been pretty easy since her first of however many threads on the guy to infer she wouldn't know what to do with an actual great guy if he fell from the sky and onto her lap. As big a fan as I am of the analogy, not everything boils down to discerning which is the chicken or the egg. Sometimes like just attracts like. They may not be so in identical ways, but I'd put a decent amount of money on them both being very conventionally flawed individuals, both toward themselves and each other.

 

Unfortunately, you get quite a few long-term relationships like this which survive simply for the sake of neither wanting to be single and neither-- at least in their present condition-- not being able to do any better than what they've got, frankly speaking.

[Batya33]

I'm not using that word negatively. I guess I shouldn't use it though because of how it's thrown around. But yes, we both work hard. However I have a work/life balance. I like to enjoy my time off etc. He doesn't. He doesn't stop working. Once something is done,he needs to start something else. If he takes a 2 day trip, he feels guilty,needs to get back to the office asap. Doesn't truly relax . He's all work, no play. And yes since he owns the business, he works 24/7 because there's networking involved when out of office.

 

 

I work hard and he knows it but we are in two totally different fields. I have several degrees and it's a shame, but my field doesn't produce a lot of money. However I needed to earn a master's degree just to have it. It's unfortunate. So with alot of thought I am looking into starting a new path.

 

I don't think he doubts my work ethic. He just keeps saying he can't "mix." A few times he actually asked me why I would want to work there if I have a master's degree? So it's like he admires my education but he doesn't understand . Although I have a master's degree,my job produces less pay than a person in his field without one. Which is the case for alot of careers.

 

Yes - an "aholic" term is negative. By definition. And maybe to him work is what inspires and invigorates him -just doesn't fit in with your definition of "play". Yes I can relate to having felt guilty taking time off when I worked more than full time. Yes, for the last 4-5 years of my full time career (out of 15 years) I was constantly networking when out socially. Part of the job. I signed up for it. And partly it was very enjoyable and something I was good at. Not an "aholic". That's great you have a work-life balance. I work on that, for sure, and what it looks like to me likely wouldn't look that way to many others because no, I don't get manicures/massages/facials, no I no longer go out at night to meet friends for dinner/drinks (but I did, regularly, from age 16-42), no I don't sunbathe or sit out on my balcony, or go to starbucks and get a frappucino (a typical suggestion by one of my friends). I don't have hobbies or activities like that unless you count daily exercise and reading. Never did. How I relax would probably seem odd or lame to others - and I couldn't care less, works for me.

 

This morning I worked out at 8:45 and by 10am I was doing work in another room, came out at 11 with a question for my husband who is in a related field and had a spirited discussion because yes I was that caught up in my work. He enjoyed it and I know didn't see it as "ugh she doesn't have a work/life balance". He was doing work too on his computer. Seemed pretty relaxed to me. Seriously, sounds like you're imposing your own views of work, work-life balance, what counts as work time, relaxation on him and he is his own person. You're allowed not to want to hang out with him of course if you're incompatible but this judgey stuff seems counterproductive. If he asks you for your input on how to relax or achieve a work-life balance that's different of course. Sounds though like he's good with his lifestyle and choices.

 

So how he relaxes may work for him and not for you and if he doesn't relax enough he's a big boy and he'll see if it's to a point where his health is affected. Certainly if your analysis is he can't relax and doesn't have a work-life balance then I ask again -why are you with him when you do? If he never relaxes how is it you two go on dates? Spend time together?

[mandeelove]

Yes - an "aholic" term is negative. By definition. And maybe to him work is what inspires and invigorates him -just doesn't fit in with your definition of "play". Yes I can relate to having felt guilty taking time off when I worked more than full time. Yes, for the last 4-5 years of my full time career (out of 15 years) I was constantly networking when out socially. Part of the job. I signed up for it. And partly it was very enjoyable and something I was good at. Not an "aholic". That's great you have a work-life balance. I work on that, for sure, and what it looks like to me likely wouldn't look that way to many others because no, I don't get manicures/massages/facials, no I no longer go out at night to meet friends for dinner/drinks (but I did, regularly, from age 16-42), no I don't sunbathe or sit out on my balcony, or go to starbucks and get a frappucino (a typical suggestion by one of my friends). I don't have hobbies or activities like that unless you count daily exercise and reading. Never did. How I relax would probably seem odd or lame to others - and I couldn't care less, works for me.

 

This morning I worked out at 8:45 and by 10am I was doing work in another room, came out at 11 with a question for my husband who is in a related field and had a spirited discussion because yes I was that caught up in my work. He enjoyed it and I know didn't see it as "ugh she doesn't have a work/life balance". He was doing work too on his computer. Seemed pretty relaxed to me. Seriously, sounds like you're imposing your own views of work, work-life balance, what counts as work time, relaxation on him and he is his own person. You're allowed not to want to hang out with him of course if you're incompatible but this judgey stuff seems counterproductive. If he asks you for your input on how to relax or achieve a work-life balance that's different of course. Sounds though like he's good with his lifestyle and choices.

 

So how he relaxes may work for him and not for you and if he doesn't relax enough he's a big boy and he'll see if it's to a point where his health is affected. Certainly if your analysis is he can't relax and doesn't have a work-life balance then I ask again -why are you with him when you do? If he never relaxes how is it you two go on dates? Spend time together?

I hear you. We are on two different pages with work. But there's positive points in his work ethic too. So I'm not complaining. It just gets unfair when he judges me for not being like him or working to the bone.. He is different than me so I def tell him to chill out or have more fun, life is short yada yada. But I see it as helping him or destressing him. He tells me to work more,be tied up 24/7 in work. Him working 24/7 can get boring to me but not a deal breaker otherwise I wouldn't be there. He is certaintly more bothered by my work attitude rather than me being bothered by his.

 

As far as time together...We have weekends mostly to spend time. Mostly Saturday nights and Sundays. I sometimes visit him during the work for a couple hours. But if we are together there's a percentage of time that he's on his phone or laptop for work. It just happens. Sometimes we are out at a museum or a dinner and he will answer the phone for work. It just happens. I honestly got used to it so It doesn't bother me anymore.

 

You and your partner are on the same page regarding work from what I'm reading. So it really is about compatability. But like I said,I'm not really upset about his working 24/7. Some people just love to work. Just not fair that he intrudes on my style or love for adventure. That's on him. Oh and one last point. He identifies as a workaholic.

[mustlovedogs]

I hear you. We are on two different pages with work. But there's positive points in his work ethic too. So I'm not complaining. It just gets unfair when he judges me for not being like him or working to the bone.. He is different than me so I def tell him to chill out or have more fun, life is short yada yada. But I see it as helping him or destressing him. He tells me to work more,be tied up 24/7 in work. Him working 24/7 can get boring to me but not a deal breaker otherwise I wouldn't be there. He is certaintly more bothered by my work attitude rather than me being bothered by his.

 

As far as time together...We have weekends mostly to spend time. Mostly Saturday nights and Sundays. I sometimes visit him during the work for a couple hours. But if we are together there's a percentage of time that he's on his phone or laptop for work. It just happens. Sometimes we are out at a museum or a dinner and he will answer the phone for work. It just happens. I honestly got used to it so It doesn't bother me anymore.

 

You and your partner are on the same page regarding work from what I'm reading. So it really is about compatability. But like I said,I'm not really upset about his working 24/7. Some people just love to work. Just not fair that he intrudes on my style or love for adventure. That's on him. Oh and one last point. He identifies as a workaholic.

 

He owns a company. If he’s working hard, why would he want you to BOTH work less hard AND tell him to work less hard?

[Batya33]

I hear you. We are on two different pages with work. But there's positive points in his work ethic too. So I'm not complaining. It just gets unfair when he judges me for not being like him or working to the bone.. He is different than me so I def tell him to chill out or have more fun, life is short yada yada. But I see it as helping him or destressing him. He tells me to work more,be tied up 24/7 in work. Him working 24/7 can get boring to me but not a deal breaker otherwise I wouldn't be there. He is certaintly more bothered by my work attitude rather than me being bothered by his.

 

As far as time together...We have weekends mostly to spend time. Mostly Saturday nights and Sundays. I sometimes visit him during the work for a couple hours. But if we are together there's a percentage of time that he's on his phone or laptop for work. It just happens. Sometimes we are out at a museum or a dinner and he will answer the phone for work. It just happens. I honestly got used to it so It doesn't bother me anymore.

 

You and your partner are on the same page regarding work from what I'm reading. So it really is about compatability. But like I said,I'm not really upset about his working 24/7. Some people just love to work. Just not fair that he intrudes on my style or love for adventure. That's on him. Oh and one last point. He identifies as a workaholic.

 

yes it's fine if he refers to himself in that way. Why are you telling him what to do with his free time? Does he ask you whether he should chill out or have more fun? My sense is that he doesn't feel you two are compatible as far as how hard you're willing to work and he's afraid it's going to be challenging to supervise you and awkward.

[Jibralta]

Is one of them the boss of the other?

 

Yes, I agree that different things work for different people, I just wouldn't feel comfortable with my boyfriend being my boss and I feel that my co-workers would see me differently if my boyfriend was my boss. The dynamic would not very healthy I think, but of course there must be relationships where one is the direct boss of the other that work.

 

Yes, his dad is the boss. Their relationship is perfectly healthy.

[abitbroken]

He is in need of 2 or 3 new employees and is finding people not qualified for the job so far. Since I'm applying to all similiar jobs , I just figured it would be good to start there. But I see the cons as well so I think I will let it go for now and look at other places.

 

But....you are not qualified, either. You have no experience in the field.

[Gary Snyder]

Tons of couples work together and there are tons of family businesses out there.

[Batya33]

Tons of couples work together and there are tons of family businesses out there.

 

Yes of course and there are tons of people who choose not to form a family business or have their boyfriend/girlfriend work with them. But this thread isn't about what's generally true but rather whether she should be concerned that her boyfriend -who she's had multiple issues with - doesn't want to train her and bring her into the business. I think in this case it would be a bad idea for many reasons.