1 word replies after four dates

[Hollyj]

Just sex. For sure.

 

From another forum, i received this very interesting reply about the situation. I dont agree at all, but its interesting:

 

Actually, I am surprised that he gave you four chances. Yes, he does want one thing... absolute commitment. He was waiting for you to plant your flag in him solidly but instead you played Little Miss Muffet sitting on her tuffet. He's not mad at you. He just realizes that unless you are with him and for him one hundred percent at the very start then you can have no future together.

 

You have an outstanding profile. You'll get another chance with someone else. You don't have to sleep with this kind of guy, if that is what worries you. He wants someone who is totally devoted to him.

 

Don't agree with that at all! I think it was ridiculous advice.

 

Men who are interested and respect you, do not have sex talk, before you have been intimate, and certainly not before you met. Period!

 

Be smarter in your dating and follow people's actions, and not their words.

[MissCanuck]

There are sex-driven people of all ages, OP. Believing a 40-year-old isn’t capable of being a player was an erroneous assumption, and do was believing he “needs” a relationship.

 

Go by actions, not words. Regardless of age.

[purplepaisley]

I don't know their family dynamics, but I don't think he would have put the phone on speaker if it was a wife, girlfriend, or hookup. To insist on speaking to him? I don't see the problem; however, if he stated he was on a date and would call back, and she refused this response, I would worry more about the what crazy-making this family or sister is...keep an eye out for that...may not want to marry into that. Also considering this so-called FWB who is perhaps sniffing after him like a puppy, and he's yanking her chain and put her on speaker...which is why the phone went silent. I don't know. The scenario is strange no matter how you slice it.

 

I also find asking for pictures a bit off, at least for a guy that age. At 18 or 19 or young adult venturing to their independent new place for the first time...pictures! A little strange for a guy who's 40. It seems a bit fraudulent in nature...seeing if the potential mate has wealth or scoping out the goods. Just strange.

 

His actions and behaviors to me come across as rather immature as a whole. He's doing a lot of grownup things, sure, but he has family control (sister) and he's actively sleeping with someone but "let's date and see where it goes," and pictures of the house, which I think most grown men would not ask for despite their curiosity, and sex talk, sexting.

 

There are a lot of red flags. I don't think he's worth more of your time.

[Annia]

I don't know their family dynamics, but I don't think he would have put the phone on speaker if it was a wife, girlfriend, or hookup. To insist on speaking to him? I don't see the problem; however, if he stated he was on a date and would call back, and she refused this response, I would worry more about the what crazy-making this family or sister is...keep an eye out for that...may not want to marry into that. Also considering this so-called FWB who is perhaps sniffing after him like a puppy, and he's yanking her chain and put her on speaker...which is why the phone went silent. I don't know. The scenario is strange no matter how you slice it.

 

I also find asking for pictures a bit off, at least for a guy that age. At 18 or 19 or young adult venturing to their independent new place for the first time...pictures! A little strange for a guy who's 40. It seems a bit fraudulent in nature...seeing if the potential mate has wealth or scoping out the goods. Just strange.

 

His actions and behaviors to me come across as rather immature as a whole. He's doing a lot of grownup things, sure, but he has family control (sister) and he's actively sleeping with someone but "let's date and see where it goes," and pictures of the house, which I think most grown men would not ask for despite their curiosity, and sex talk, sexting.

 

There are a lot of red flags. I don't think he's worth more of your time.

 

I don't think they've slept together, at least not yet. But yes I agree with you, this guy seems strange.

[Chrys31]

I don't think they've slept together, at least not yet. But yes I agree with you, this guy seems strange.

 

No we didn't sleep together although he has been very sexually suggestive.

 

Well.... once this woman rang, he answered the phone and said what do u want and he hang up. So she insisted.

 

I did a little bit of research yesterday and I saw he has a company in London since 2007 which is now dissolved. To me he said that he lives in London 6 years. The Ltd secretary is this woman that called him.

 

He had told me he works as a contractor in London but the company is dissolved.

 

I searched also on Facebook extensive search Inc tagged photos posts and stuff and could not find anything

[Wiseman2]

Ok. Now stop stalking and "researching" and obsessing. It's over. You dodged a bullet. Focus on dating decent local men who respect you and want a relationship. Avoid sexting. Avoid shady characters and this won't repeat itself.

No we didn't sleep together although he has been very sexually suggestive.

 

I did a little bit of research yesterday and....

 

I searched also on Facebook extensive search....

[Chrys31]

ok.... i had sent him today a msg on the dating . site as i deleted his number that i would appreciate if he told me he is not interested anymore in me instead of disappearing and he told me that he is really tired and difficult to sleep in the new place. I said ok whatever. I think he is ridiculous

[katrina1980]

ok.... i had sent him today a msg on the dating . site as i deleted his number that i would appreciate if he told me he is not interested anymore in me instead of disappearing and he told me that he is really tired and difficult to sleep in the new place. I said ok whatever.

 

I think he is ridiculous.

 

So why are you bothering with this? To the extent that you are?

 

And if I may ask, why do you need him to tell you he's not interrsted? My goodness you've never even met the man.

 

Not to mention, you deleted his number so it appears you are not interested in him either!

 

Did you tell him?

 

No, so again don't get why you need him to tell you.

 

No disrespect but this entire situation is ridiculous including your behaviour don't you think?

 

Fact: People suck sometimes, no matter what their age.

 

Let it go.

[Chrys31]

if you read my thread we had four dates and yes out of courtesy, i would prefer to say that instead of disappearing.

 

His answer was ridiculous

[Chrys31]

I deleted his number because he disappeared and today i decided to get control of this situation

[milly007]

So you’re actually still interested in this guy?

[Chrys31]

No and after his reply today def not i realised he is def a player

[katrina1980]

if you read my thread we had four dates and yes out of courtesy, i would prefer to say that instead of disappearing.

 

His answer was ridiculous

 

Ok apologies, didn't realize you had four dates, my bad.

 

Yeah, it hurts when a man chooses to just disappear, I hear ya on that.

 

But once it's clear he has, best to just let it go, if you contact him, it will either go ignored or he'll respond back with something ridiculous, as he just did.

 

Sorry. :(

[Chrys31]

and he now has the nerve to call me baby as well.

 

I think he is not well in his head

[katrina1980]

No and after his reply today def not i realised he is def a player

 

Not sure if he's a "player" or not, what is clear is that he can't be bothered, he's no longer interested, if he ever was.

 

But if it makes you feel better to think he's a player, no argument from me!!

 

For me I try to not draw such conclusions, the most important thing is to recognize that we just aren't a good fit and move on.

[Chrys31]

Ok well.... if you read above his behaviour is clearly not normal at all.

 

If he was not interested why then he went out four dates with me and was kissing me lol.

 

I just think he is . unbalanced

[katrina1980]

and he now has the nerve to call me baby as well.

 

I think he is not well in his head

 

 

He's messing with you now, can you block him on the site?

 

I think that's best.

[Chrys31]

yes i totally think thats the best.

thats not a behaviour of a mentally stable person

[katrina1980]

Ok well.... if you read above his behaviour is clearly not normal at all.

 

If he was not interested why then he went out four dates with me and was kissing me lol.

I just think he is . unbalanced

 

I dunno, he was interested but after four dates, he lost interest?

 

It happens! That's why we date for awhile versus getting married after first date. Lol

[Chrys31]

to me seems that something else is going on here.

 

i dont think i want to find out

[Wiseman2]

Stop chasing him. After 4 dates he owes you nothing. Don't go into crazy mode. If he's so crazy, awful, a player, etc, leave him alone and move forward.

i had sent him today a msg on the dating site as i deleted his number that i would appreciate if he told me he is not interested anymore in me instead of disappearing and he told me that he is really tired and difficult to sleep in the new place

i realised he is def a player

I think he is ridiculous

I think he is not well in his head

[katrina1980]

to me seems that something else is going on here.

 

i dont think i want to find out

 

Yeah there is.

 

His goal was never a "relationship" he wanted sex.

 

After four dates, realized it was too much work getting it, and couldn't be bothered anymore.

 

That's my take but who the hell knows!

 

Does it matter? Why not just block him on the site?

 

Why all this mental energy trying to figure him out?

 

Waste of time if you ask me.

[Chrys31]

I agree with you here katrina, seems pretty much like it

[figureitout23]

I agree with you here katrina, seems pretty much like it

 

Yep total waste of time.

 

And your language is very telling.

 

You can’t just villainize every man who doesn’t act how you deem he should, it’s not how the world works, your words about it were to put it bluntly down right nasty, but you’re the one hung up about it.

 

I realize it’s a defense, we all have them, but if you’re jumping to it with every interaction you will become jaded and you will start to approach dating expecting to be disappointed.

 

It’s just not a good idea.

[Annia]

Ok well.... if you read above his behaviour is clearly not normal at all.

 

If he was not interested why then he went out four dates with me and was kissing me lol.

 

I just think he is . unbalanced

 

Interest is not linear and can fade away at any time. 4 dates is not enough to know a person. Given that he was so sexual even before meeting, it's no surprise that he'd fade away after a few dates. Also, I don't recommend enquiring or telling anything when you notice this. Just delete the contact and move on, specially when there weren't enough dates and time spent together to create attachment and an emotional strong bond.