She cancelled our date

[BrokenGator]

I can be very flexible.. But, in this case, i do not want to continue with people who do not value my time. I value other's time, and always fulfill commitments, unless physically unable. This is who i am. I follow through on my word, and people know that they can depend on me. My life is busy and I have many good friends. I have reliable friends, because I have weeded out the flakes.

 

Thank you! I can't imagine being married to someone who is flakey and have to deal with kids, work, family, friends, etc... sounds like a nightmare.

[Hollyj]

I think YOUR stance is the problem with today’s society. If there are this many people who have an opinion that opposes yours, why can’t you just accept that other people feel differently? Why do you have to be right and they have to be wrong? Why does it have to be your way or no way?

 

We all need to learn to accept different opinions, or at least be tolerant of them. You don’t have to agree with me, but I can still see your side. I can respect your opinion and think no less of you while still maintaining my own point of view (without personally insulting you).

 

I was not attacking you. If this works for you, then that's fine. But, it does not work with my schedule. In his case, this was really not cool.

[BrokenGator]

So, now it's your fault.

 

Dude, when she does it again, then you will have no one other than yourself to blame. She has shown you who she is.

 

 

I know.... I know....

[BrokenGator]

I was not attacking you. If this works for you, then that's fine. But, it does not work with my schedule.

 

It doesn't work with ANYONE who values their time.

[figureitout23]

There's a major aura of demanding respect while not necessarily earning it, and what feels like entitlement and some hair-trigger, emotional responses, and some immaturity.

 

I could be wrong...it's the impression I'm getting.

 

I question if attempts to date this girl consists of a lot of "let me know" and "wanna hang," and this leaves the girl doing a considerable amount of the footwork, planning an activity, trying to make sure he's okay with the plans, and chasing...making her chase, "What do you want to do?", so when this concert pops up, why not? I mean, this guy is a wet noodle, and this is what she wants to do, so come along...or don't. It's not like he's putting in any effort or anything.

 

Again, just my impression.

 

I'm all for the second chance. I don't recall the OP saying this is a repeated act of the last-minute bail on dates...if this is the first time, why not try a second? She did, after all, invite him. She didn't invite him using the script he conjured up in his head, but she did invite him.

 

I'm older. I have had to deal with kids, sick kids, cancelled babysitters, mothers who have something come up so dad takes the kids for the weekend, aging parents, family crises, job, traffic, social obligations, last minute, etc....these things happen. If life is so messy the second, possibly third planned date results in a cancellation...done...call me when your life slows down.

 

If this is a repeated situation, time to give up the ghost, OP, she's just not into you.

 

If the OP is being "chill" with his "let's hang," leaving his lady friend to make all the choices...meh, guys like that aren't interested and are immature. Effort in, is effort out.

 

Forgive me if I'm off-base.

 

Did you actually PLAN something? Time, place? Is this the first time or one of many times she's cancelled?

 

One of many? Move on.

 

One time? It won't kill you to see if there's potential for a re-do if you're really interested...your choice.

 

Wishy-washy and "let's hang" and "let me know"? Stop doing that. Make a plan. You'll have plenty of time to "hang." Go out, do something different, special...make her your priority and show it.

 

If you took the reigns and had a solid plan, and she bailed? Unless this is a repeated offense, I don't see the harm in trying once more.

 

Don't play games. Don't play this "respect card" and "She'll have to do all the work" garbage. If you want her, treat her as such. If she keeps dangling that carrot and leaving you without a date on Friday, walk away. When her life slows down, she can look you up.

 

Oh purple I could kiss you right now.

 

I really thought no one else noticed the tone and attitude coming from the OPer, we are not getting a full story, you can tell he is so incredibly angry by all this I can feel it dripping from the pages, this post wasn’t to get opinions he wanted a bash session. Notice in every response he’s sure to say...I wouldnt want someone like that in my life, she’s a flake, she’s selfish, she’s this she’s that, those are the words of someone needing advice?!?!

 

This reminds me of that one poster a little while back that ranted about the woman who cussed him out via text after a date, everyone harped on the woman and it turned out the poster was the one with the major issues all along, look at this mans words! He’s wanting to punish her this is scary and it’s encouraged... boggles my mind.

 

Purple your post is seriously spot on.

 

Thank you.

[Hollyj]

YOU ARENT HER BOYFRIEND YOURE DATING HER!!!

 

You act like she owes you a blood vow and her first born...

 

Yikes...

 

My actual full response is coming, I just had to clap back at you real quick, everybody else is right fighting with each other so they don’t notice, but I see fully your smart Alec, entitled, insecure responses. Your expectations are insane and you posted to have a bashing party because your egos brushed. It’s gross and I’m so disappointed that this board keeps doing this with posters like you...

 

They have been dating for several months. But, it doesn't matter if it was within the first month, or first year.

[indea08]

It appears that OP has made up his mind that there can’t possibly be any decent people who feel differently about this topic, so I’m bowing out of this thread.

 

OP, I wish you the best in finding a woman who’s beliefs better align with yours.

[figureitout23]

They have been dating for several months. But, it doesn't matter if it was within the first month, or first year.

 

Since when is anyone obligated to keep dating plans? She invited him but apparently ‘she didn’t ask right’

 

Are you actually reading the posters verbiage or are you just worried about voicing your personal option? I’m not being sarcastic, serious question, look at the language this man is using, opinions aside, look at his verbiage and how he speaks about this woman. You think that’s ok?

[BrokenGator]

It appears that OP has made up his mind that there can’t possibly be any decent people who feel differently about this topic, so I’m bowing out of this thread.

 

OP, I wish you the best in finding a woman who’s beliefs better align with yours.

 

Thank you! I know there are a lot of respectful people who respect others and their time. I am not worried about finding someone great! :)

[BrokenGator]

Since when is anyone obligated to keep dating plans? She invited him but apparently ‘she didn’t ask right’

 

Are you actually reading the posters verbiage or are you just worried about voicing your personal option? I’m not being sarcastic,Serious question, look at the language this man is using, opinions aside, look at his verbiage and how he speaks about his woman. You think that’s ok?

 

I am not her slave driver she can choose to act any way she wants... she can be respectful or unrespectful. I'm not forcing her to do anything. Besides, its hard to teach these things to adults becuase you either learn it or don't learn it while you're growing up.

[figureitout23]

I am her slave she can choose to act any way she wants... she can be respectful or unrespectful. I'm not forcing her to do anything. Besides, its hard to teach these things to adults becuase you either learn it or don't learn it while you're growing up.

 

And she’s not forcing you to date her, if you don’t like it it’s seriously not worth getting this worked up you stop seeing her and move on. We aren’t all going to be matches that’s what dating is for. If cancelling last minute is a deal breaker it’s a deal breaker and that’s ok you let it go and move on.

 

But like I said that’s not really what any of this is about.

[Hollyj]

Since when is anyone obligated to keep dating plans? She invited him but apparently ‘she didn’t ask right’

 

Are you actually reading the posters verbiage or are you just worried about voicing your personal option? I’m not being sarcastic, serious question, look at the language this man is using, opinions aside, look at his verbiage and how he speaks about this woman. You think that’s ok?

 

She invited him to join her and her friend, but they already had previous plans. There is a difference.

 

I didn't see it. He also doesn't have to date her.

[Hollyj]

They are not compatible, as she is not reliable, and he has other expectations.

 

Time for the OP to find someone else.

[figureitout23]

Well since you didn’t notice here are a few gems literally just from the last page..

 

Yeah, i'm insane for expecting people to meet their commitments with me! hahaha, do you live your life making decisions from an 8-ball? lol

 

Thank you! I can't imagine being married to someone who is flakey and have to deal with kids, work, family, friends, etc... sounds like a nightmare.

 

It doesn't work with ANYONE who values their time.

 

I didn’t even realize there was history and she’s cancelled before, so this rage and indignation is starting to makes a ton of sense..

 

Yeah, something similar. But last time I wussed out, probably encouraged her to do it again.

 

So the question becomes is he angry at her or himself?

[itsallgrand]

I honestly do not understand the defending of this woman's choice to bail on a planned date in favour of something else she felt like doing as anything but rude.

And I grew up in a very small town. Life was slower, we all knew each other, but it was still considered harsh to bail on someone for no real reason. In fact, it felt like people took ones word even more seriously than my experiences elsewhere.

 

I think when you want to show you value someone on a basic level, showing up and keeping ones word is a beginning. If you can't count on someone even for that, what can you count on?

[Hollyj]

Well since you didn’t notice here are a few gems literally just from the last page..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I didn’t even realize there was history and she’s cancelled before, so this rage and indignation is starting to makes a ton of sense..

 

 

 

So the question becomes is he angry at her or himself?

 

I think that it is with himself.

 

Bottom line, they are not compatible.

[BrokenGator]

Well since you didn’t notice here are a few gems literally just from the last page..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I didn’t even realize there was history and she’s cancelled before, so this rage and indignation is starting to makes a ton of sense..

 

 

 

So the question becomes is he angry at her or himself?

 

I'm not really angry. Upset is probably a better word. I'm upset at her for being flakey.. and I'm upset at her for expecting her not to be flakey again.

[Hollyj]

Gator,

 

You know this. She has shown you in the past that she she does not value you or your time. Why have you continued to pursue her?

[BrokenGator]

Gator,

 

You know this. She has shown you in the past that she she does not value you or your time. Why have you continued to pursue her?

 

You are absolutely right.

[purplepaisley]

Say what??? lol We set a day, time, and location and she agreed to them.... and she canceled for something better. Who is the wishy-wash one here? lol

 

Responding with an LOL, and no real substance to your plight, just a "well I did," really doesn't make any changes in what in the world is going on here other than I suspect you do a lot of "she doesn't respect me," "she needs to prove to me," and "let's hang" and "let me know." and tossing in an LOL really downplays everything...it's not funny. You're too busy demanding respect to notice how disrespectful that is.

 

You had a defined date with place and time, so yeah, changing plans and bailing is not cool, and I would be mad and annoyed. A one-off, hopefully. Repeated cancellations? You need to stop. Let it go. No games. No making her "prove" anything or chase you. Make a choice...move on. You can't change her or make her behave differently or love you. It is what it is.

 

If you're into her, you are 100% with her, not forcing her to jump through hoops and being vague and creating these invisible rules. If she's screwing with you and flighty and flaky, move on, sweetie. Don't play games and create this cat and mouse where she has to forever chase you...I think that's what got you in this mess in the first place, and you will forever find yourself in this position where she bails and lets you down...stop.

 

Don't punch a wall. The wall always wins.

[BrokenGator]

Responding with an LOL, and no real substance to your plight, just a "well I did," really doesn't make any changes in what in the world is going on here other than I suspect you do a lot of "she doesn't respect me," "she needs to prove to me," and "let's hang" and "let me know." and tossing in an LOL really downplays everything...it's not funny. You're too busy demanding respect to notice how disrespectful that is.

 

You had a defined date with place and time, so yeah, changing plans and bailing is not cool, and I would be mad and annoyed. A one-off, hopefully. Repeated cancellations? You need to stop. Let it go. No games. No making her "prove" anything or chase you. Make a choice...move on. You can't change her or make her behave differently or love you. It is what it is.

 

If you're into her, you are 100% with her, not forcing her to jump through hoops and being vague and creating these invisible rules. If she's screwing with you and flighty and flaky, move on, sweetie. Don't play games and create this cat and mouse where she has to forever chase you...I think that's what got you in this mess in the first place, and you will forever find yourself in this position where she bails and lets you down...stop.

 

Don't punch a wall. The wall always wins.

 

Why do I need to keep asking her out on dates, have her commit to them, to just break the commitment? Hence, if she really wants to see me and date me and be together, she needs to reach out to me if she's still interested. Is this a hard concept to understand?

[limichelle]

I agree Gator actions speak louder then words. If she is interested she won’t keep flaking. But to be honest I wouldn’t hold my breath. I think it’s best you move on to someone more reliable.

[purplepaisley]

Why do I need to keep asking her out on dates, have her commit to them, to just break the commitment? Hence, if she really wants to see me and date me and be together, she needs to reach out to me if she's still interested. Is this a hard concept to understand?

 

And there again is your rude, entitled reply, and your general entitled attitude.

 

How about this? Step away.

 

She has bailed on you repeatedly and stomped all over your feelings and has behaved rudely on more than one occasion, so instead of playing this game and creating some relationship in your head that is NOT reality, you simply need to stop...STOP.

 

The thing is, she's going to miss your attention and your presence at some point, so she'll shower on the attention and charm and suck you back in, and then meander off again once you start to feel comfortable and seek more from her, and since she's not really that into you, or maybe she's not ready for anything serious, she's going to back off again. She likes her orbiters.

 

This scenario will not change.

 

And when you're busy being rude, entitled, and playing games, ducking back to make her chase you more, dangling the carrot, push-pull...this will be a repeated scenario, and frankly, I maintain my opinion that you are behaving entitled, but you call it "chill" and she needs to "prove" and "respect" while you pull back your efforts and attention after chasing...push/pull, hot/cold...I think you play games, and I think this causes a backlash because you keep her off-kilter...she doesn't know what you want or what you're doing, and she is responding accordingly.

 

If she consistently cancels dates, the bare-bones, obvious solution is to realize, she's just not into you and MOVE ON. I know it's not an easy task, but you can't keep doing this to yourself. Move on. There are plenty of women your age who are done with the partying and are ready to get serious...YOU need to stop this game-playing, get real, and decide what you want and pursue it; let go when it's not working, but don't let your ego rule.

[katrina1980]

Oh purple I could kiss you right now.

 

I really thought no one else noticed the tone and attitude coming from the OPer, we are not getting a full story, you can tell he is so incredibly angry by all this I can feel it dripping from the pages, this post wasn’t to get opinions he wanted a bash session. Notice in every response he’s sure to say...I wouldnt want someone like that in my life, she’s a flake, she’s selfish, she’s this she’s that, those are the words of someone needing advice?!?!

 

This reminds me of that one poster a little while back that ranted about the woman who cussed him out via text after a date, everyone harped on the woman and it turned out the poster was the one with the major issues all along, look at this mans words! He’s wanting to punish her this is scary and it’s encouraged... boggles my mind.

 

Purple your post is seriously spot on.

 

Thank you.

 

Oh I noticed too FIO, and for the OP or anyone to get this butt hurt because his date cancelled the day before (not last minute) for another opportunity to which she asked him to join if he was interested, suggests somethiing is seriously off with that person (in this case the OP).

 

My god OP, chill out for heaven's sake, you are way over-reacting and that's putting it mildly!

 

You say it was a "fake" invite which interpretation comes from a very insecure and distrustful place, a very negative place.

 

If you had more confidence and were more secure, less sensitive, you'd view her asking you to join, or however she worded it, as more positive, as her wanting to share w you an activity she enjoys, and her still wanting to see you.

 

But no, you spin a negative, get all butt hurt, taking her cancellation way too personally, deeming her disrespectful, a flake, the list goes on.

 

No, her being disrespectful would be her canceling like an hour or two prior, with no excuse or some bogus excuse like her third cousin just broke up w her bf and needs her, not inviting you to join or rescheduling.

 

That is a blow off, and disrespectful.

 

For god sakes, you're dating, and "shyt" (another opportunity) happens sometimes, and people (even interested people) cancel dates, it happens all the time -- that's dating.

 

If "shyt" happens too often, then stop dating her, but this tirade you're on is ridiculous!

 

Flexibility is so important, you will never survive if you continue to get this butt hurt over a cancellation the day prior w an invitation to join if you were interested.

 

I will tell you in all honesty, if I discovered a man I had just started dating got this butt hurt over this, I would be so turned off, he wouldn't have to "ghost" me or "make me do all the work" cause I would be outta there!

[BrokenGator]

I agree Gator actions speak louder then words. If she is interested she won’t keep flaking. But to be honest I wouldn’t hold my breath. I think it’s best you move on to someone more reliable.

 

Exactly!!!