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I'm concerned the man I'm dating secretly doesn't like women. Advice?

belladun

By belladun
in Relationship Advice

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belladun Rookie

belladun

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I've been on a few dates with a guy from France. I'm aware of European culture, specifically French culture. Everything is good apart from the fact that I'm concerned about his views on women. Once we were watching a youtube video about silly things people have done and he said a few times "Wow " referring to a woman. That same night he was telling me a story about how some women look nice but once they open their mouth, they're not feminine. A few times he's talked about how the women here in the city I live in are trashy. Last night we were talking about the fact that he thought I was an air hostess when we first met. Then we were talking about our favourite airline and he mentioned how some air hostess are trashy. I told him that men can be as well. This is aggravating me. I had a sports bra on the other day and he asked at dinner time whether it was too tight. It confused me as I obviously wouldn't wear something uncomfortable. He told me that when I swear it doesn't suit me yet he's perfectly able to swear. He is 29 and I'm 22.

 

TL;DR guy I'm dating appears to have strange views about (women) possibly?

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Clio Mentor

Clio

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Imo, this has nothing to do with the European/French culture and everything to do with him being a jerk. You can find jerks in any culture. This sounds like a guy who has an inferiority complex so he tries to corrode the confidence of the women that he is dating in order to feel superior. That is emotional abuse and it is not ok in any culture. At 29 he knows that a woman his age would send him packing so it is probably no coincidence that he targeted a younger woman to pull this kind of crap. He is taking advantage of your youth and inexperience and taking out on you whatever inferiority complexes he has against women. Don't walk, run! And next time someone makes you feel like that, please consider it a red flag NOT some cultural trait to be dismissed.

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belladun Rookie

belladun

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Imo, this has nothing to do with the European/French culture and everything to do with him being a jerk. You can find jerks in any culture. This sounds like a guy who has an inferiority complex so he tries to corrode the confidence of the women that he is dating in order to feel superior. That is emotional abuse and it is not ok in any culture. At 29 he knows that a woman his age would send him packing so it is probably no coincidence that he targeted a younger woman to pull this kind of crap. He is taking advantage of your youth and inexperience and taking out on you whatever inferiority complexes he has against women. Don't walk, run! And next time someone makes you feel like that, please consider it a red flag NOT some cultural trait to be dismissed.

 

Really appreciate this! Would you personally stick around? If so, would you bring it to his attention next time he does it or what do you suggest?

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goddess Mentor

goddess

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Posted
Imo, this has nothing to do with the European/French culture and everything to do with him being a jerk. You can find jerks in any culture. This sounds like a guy who has an inferiority complex so he tries to corrode the confidence of the women that he is dating in order to feel superior. That is emotional abuse and it is not ok in any culture. At 29 he knows that a woman his age would send him packing so it is probably no coincidence that he targeted a younger woman to pull this kind of crap. He is taking advantage of your youth and inexperience and taking out on you whatever inferiority complexes he has against women. Don't walk, run! And next time someone makes you feel like that, please consider it a red flag NOT some cultural trait to be dismissed.

 

RED FLAG! RED FLAG! --- "This sounds like a guy who has an inferiority complex so he tries to corrode the confidence of the women that he is dating in order to feel superior. That is emotional abuse and it is not ok in any culture."

 

Fully agree with this. Sounds like my STBX and I will guarantee you (100%) that it will NOT get better, but worse with time. What a chauvinistic jerk he is! Leave him immediately, please. You don't need this kind of emotional abuse in your life.

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DancingFool Grand Master

DancingFool

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I'll just second what Clio said as it's spot on. This guy has serious serious issues that have nothing to do with culture. To answer your questions, I'd be long gone. That's just life experience speaking. No, I wouldn't stick around and try to talk to him - he knows who he is and what he is doing. Don't hope to teach him and don't get yourself into thinking that if only you can make him see what's right.....it doesn't work like that with people. He has to sort himself out if he ever wants to, but they rarely do and if they do, it's because they've lost enough in life, had enough women run away screaming that they finally have to face the fact that they need to do something.

 

When you stay with someone who acts like that, all you really do is enable them to stay horrible.

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maew Veteran

maew

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Would you personally stick around? If so, would you bring it to his attention next time he does it or what do you suggest?

 

The first time I heard a remark about trashy women come out of his mouth I would find an excuse to run, run away. I have zero tolerance for sexism and misogyny. Not only do I have zero tolerance, I get absolutely enraged when people make remarks like that so it's best if I am not within throwing distance of these people lol...

 

If he did decide to ask me why I wasn't interested I would simply say that we don't share the same values, particularly around women.

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j.man Grand Master

j.man

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Well he certainly doesn't like women who don't fit with what he expects women to be.

 

Not to take away from sexism being an issue, but between this and the other recent thread with the guy ****ing with someone's napkins and her side of the table, what answer are you looking for? If were were like, "Nah, no biggie," would you hitting him up for date for another date? If the dude's accent is worth the lay despite him being what sounds like a Grade A d1ck, don't let us stop you. But you don't need a jury of your peers to justify your being put off by some pretty obvious jackassery to simply not agree to go out with him again.

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Clio Mentor

Clio

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Really appreciate this! Would you personally stick around? If so, would you bring it to his attention next time he does it or what do you suggest?

 

I think that I was pretty clear. Don't walk, run = not sticking around. I would end it. It is rather disturbing that you have such difficulty letting go of this jerk. What is it that you find so appealing? If you feel a need to stick around jerks and teach them better then you are in for some very big disappointments down the road. Life is hard as it is. Please don't make yours harder by trying to "fix" hurtful people. Good luck.

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goddess Mentor

goddess

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Posted
I'll just second what Clio said as it's spot on. This guy has serious serious issues that have nothing to do with culture. To answer your questions, I'd be long gone. That's just life experience speaking. No, I wouldn't stick around and try to talk to him - he knows who he is and what he is doing. Don't hope to teach him and don't get yourself into thinking that if only you can make him see what's right.....it doesn't work like that with people. He has to sort himself out if he ever wants to, but they rarely do and if they do, it's because they've lost enough in life, had enough women run away screaming that they finally have to face the fact that they need to do something.

 

When you stay with someone who acts like that, all you really do is enable them to stay horrible.

 

DancingFool's last sentence is SO true! I did that and I wasted so many years of my life. Move on.

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Jellybean9 Rising Star

Jellybean9

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Read that and I'm shocked.

 

Please tell me you never plan on meeting this guy again.

 

He has no respect for women full stop. This will also probably be apparent while in a relationship with him.

 

He is simply rude! Nothing to do with his culture.

 

It's all about him as a person and he is a d***.

 

Run away as fast as you can!

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