Going forward with a grievance?

[Jellybean9]

Hopefully you will adopt a more mature and professional attitude and learn some interpersonal skills. Not getting along with this manager no matter what a jerk she may have been proves you can not deal with all sorts of personalities effectively.

 

Also your veiled threats and frequent complaints, not to mention, the idiotic advice from "people" to sue and cash in on that makes you a liability, not an asset, to any company unfortunate enough to have hired you. This is why upon your resignation you were put on garden leave.

 

Mature and Professional Attitude?

 

You have no idea of the sort of person I am to suggest I need to learn some interpersonal skills. Have I ever had an issue with this in my life before? No!

 

So encountering an issue I guess that means I lack interpersonal skills. If I had poor interpersonal skills I'm sure I wouldn't have been considered a team player and an asset to other departments and companies I have worked with in the past.

 

Maybe you have not read what I wrote about my manager but I smiled and grinned through all her comments. Did not back chat, I tried to keep a professional distance from her. I didn't complain once prior, despite it starting since March.

 

I decided to finally address it to the head of HR. Which is the professional and mature way to deal with the matter. You may disagree but no employee should have to deal with the invasive questions, mockery of their accent, odd racial slur and all the other stuff.

 

Guess by speaking up means I have poor interpersonal skills. I guess all that is normal in the work place for the UK?

 

I can deal with difficult personallities thank you very much. I work in HR for crying out loud! I've dealt with difficult people daily!

 

I've had a variety of managers and supervisors since I've left school. Never once have I been pushed to the point I have with this manager. Doesn't mean I lack basic life skills!

 

I've dealt with difficult people in the past. I have dealt with different personallity types effectively. So I have no idea what you are going on about.

 

You are basing me on the flaws of a poor manager. I have dealt with the manager by following protocol.

 

The advice of someone who specializes in employment law and some government agencies to support workers. As well as a trade union representative must make it all idiotic advice? They are professionals suggesting how to deal with the matter profesionally.

 

Yes people said sue but not as the unltimate goal. Mainly people suggested I speak up about it so they are aware of her managerial skills. As other than me and a part time women. There is no one else under her. So her attitude and behavior will continue in the company.

 

I am not sure where you got the idea of frequent complaints. I remained quiet about it all for months. Only spoke about it all in November and here we are now! That led to me having to file my resignation letter. Nothing frequent about my "complaints"

 

Any office issue needs to be addressed. It is why we have HR departments to ensure all employees are getting the support they need.

 

So calling me immature and unprofessional due to dealing with an employee that essentially has been in breach of her contract on many occasions. Is not a great way to be offering advice on a forum that is meant for advice.

 

I hold my hands up. I've handed in my resignation and moving on. I will walk away and not even bother with their exit interview that they want. I never had a gripe about my resignation what so ever.

 

I came her seeking advice on pursing the matter with my manager.

 

Eventually my ex-manger will make inappropriate comments about black or asain people. The next time she does, someone will be braver to file a grievance and hopefully my ex-manager will be dismissed on grounds of gross misconduct.

 

Not my problem now!

 

I came to this forum for advice. A lot of people have been very supportive and thank you very much to those that have.

[Batya33]

"Any office issue needs to be addressed. It is why we have HR departments to ensure all employees are getting the support they need. "

 

Well - no - not every office issue needs to be addressed with HR or even in any formal way. And it's work - you need to get the requisite support to do your job, be productive and contribute to the bottom line. I was freezing in my office last month so I had someone come to check my heater and resolved it. I had an issue with sexual harassment many years ago, consulted confidentially with some trusted friends and a professional and based on their advice was able to address it with self-help. Why? Because it wasn't worth going to HR and burdening those hard working people if I could address it myself. and yes it was an "issue". HR is not your mom and dad or a 3rd grade teacher, ok? Try self-help first, or try to resolve it by thickening your skin and go to HR if you absolutely cannot be productive in your work and contribute to the bottom line. Sure if there is physical abuse or someone is using racial slurs or similar then you likely would report it just like you might call the police if it happened outside of work in certain circumstances but I think you're looking at it too broadly and it will make you seem like a troublemaker in the work place despite good intentions.

 

That is how you came across in what you wrote - very broad with the "any issue" and your posts on this thread seem to go to extremes or nearly so -I understand you want to vent and that tends to be more extreme. I think companies value employees who can deal with issues on their own without running to HR with every "issue"

[Wiseman2]

That is the point. You don't need many interpersonal skills to deal with congenial professional people. You need them most when dealing with difficult personalities as in this case.

If I had poor interpersonal skills I'm sure I wouldn't have been considered a team player and an asset to other departments and companies I have worked with in the past.

[Jellybean9]

I was freezing in my office last month so I had someone come to check my heater and resolved it.

 

had an issue with sexual harassment many years ago, consulted confidentially with some trusted friends and a professional and based on their advice was able to address it with self-help. Why? Because it wasn't worth going to HR and burdening those hard working people if I could address it myself. and yes it was an "issue".

 

Try self-help first, or try to resolve it by thickening your skin and go to HR if you absolutely cannot be productive in your work and contribute to the bottom line. Sure if there is physical abuse or someone is using racial slurs or similar then you likely would report it just like you might call the police if it happened outside of work in certain circumstances but I think you're looking at it too broadly and it will make you seem like a troublemaker in the work place despite good intentions.

 

That is how you came across in what you wrote - very broad with the "any issue"

 

I appreciate your advice and imput.

 

If it was as simple as getting the heater fixed I would still be working there today. It's not!

 

I have dealt with sexual harrassment in the past like at the car show room I mentioned. I didn't go running to HR then!

 

Are you saying racial slurs, active invasion into staffs perosal life and confidential data is not an issue that needs to address in the office?

 

I work in a prestigious organization that is currently top in their feild. I do not expect to have to go into work to have my sex life questioned! Hear the word "Paki". Have to hear her say how "you wouldn't want baby with black features" espicially the fact my nephew is half black. Other minor racial offenses. Other poor management that may I add effected my time at work.

 

If you was to deal with the issues on your own. How would you?

 

I can't change the way she thinks or speaks to me.

 

I said I found what she said uncomfortable. I even stated I am a private person and would like to keep my personal life private.

 

Leaving a professional meeting relating to work. She turns to me and says "I haven't heard about your dating life lately". This is when I reiterated I don't want to talk about my personal life. Next day she sees I'm dressed up... She shouts across the office saying "Jelly is off on a date tonight with one of her many men".

 

I tried reasoning with her before "running to the mom of HR". There was no reasoning with that women.

 

What other option did I have?

 

Maybe grow some thick skin and become a crocodile. But I work in an office with profesionals. I work hard on keeping my reputation profesional. Honestly think she got kicks out of tarnishing it.

 

Some of you guys have all said I should never of raised an issue. How long would you honestly of continued working under a manager like that?

 

I was being proactive and looking for work elsewhere. But running wouldn't solve the issue which I ended up doing.

 

I know I have vented some of the points. But honestly living day in day out. A normal.perosn would crack.

[Jellybean9]

That is the point. You don't need many interpersonal skills to deal with congenial professional people. You need them most when dealing with difficult personalities as in this case.

 

If I lack those skills I lack those skills. Doesn't matter to my life right now.

 

I've opened up to a lot of people around me. None of them has experienced some of that. Yes we all experience bad managers and deal with it.

 

First job I had from university my manager had me working well beyond the legal working day. Got on with it and didn't compmaot. Dealt with his poor managment. Maybe that's poor interpersonal skills?

 

Someone like her should not be in management - it's not my place to say, I respect that. An employee should not made to feel that way in the workplace regardless.

 

My company is pro employee wellbeing. I do feel like having an employee experience classic "school room" bulling is not protecting their wellbeing.

 

Sit there and think honestly with yourself. How would you have handled the situation in my shoes? Used your interpersonal skills to cope and not seek the support your company is entitled to offer you?

[Batya33]

I appreciate your advice and imput.

 

If it was as simple as getting the heater fixed I would still be working there today. It's not!

 

I have dealt with sexual harrassment in the past like at the car show room I mentioned. I didn't go running to HR then!

 

Are you saying racial slurs, active invasion into staffs perosal life and confidential data is not an issue that needs to address in the office?

 

I work in a prestigious organization that is currently top in their feild. I do not expect to have to go into work to have my sex life questioned! Hear the word "Paki". Have to hear her say how "you wouldn't want baby with black features" espicially the fact my nephew is half black. Other minor racial offenses. Other poor management that may I add effected my time at work.

 

If you was to deal with the issues on your own. How would you?

 

I can't change the way she thinks or speaks to me.

 

I said I found what she said uncomfortable. I even stated I am a private person and would like to keep my personal life private.

 

Leaving a professional meeting relating to work. She turns to me and says "I haven't heard about your dating life lately". This is when I reiterated I don't want to talk about my personal life. Next day she sees I'm dressed up... She shouts across the office saying "Jelly is off on a date tonight with one of her many men".

 

I tried reasoning with her before "running to the mom of HR". There was no reasoning with that women.

 

What other option did I have?

 

Maybe grow some thick skin and become a crocodile. But I work in an office with profesionals. I work hard on keeping my reputation profesional. Honestly think she got kicks out of tarnishing it.

 

Some of you guys have all said I should never of raised an issue. How long would you honestly of continued working under a manager like that?

 

I was being proactive and looking for work elsewhere. But running wouldn't solve the issue which I ended up doing.

 

I know I have vented some of the points. But honestly living day in day out. A normal.perosn would crack.

 

I was simply referring to your broad statement that seemed to encompass all issues no matter what. Please read what I wrote. I was simply using the heater and the sexual harrassment as examples and then gave my opinion about your broad statement. What you wrote above is very different from what I was responding to. I'm sorry you had issues with your manager. My go to default is that I am there to be a productive employee and contribute to the company or firm or agency, whatever is the situation. My "thank you" is my paycheck -anything else is gravy. My employer doesn't need to be "pro wellbeing" of employers - the employer simply needs to have rules and procedures and protocols that are legal and hopefully fair (hopefully!). I don't look to my employer to be "pro" my wellbeing -I look to the employer to provide a place with enough office supplies and staff so that we can get the job done. Obviously there are boundaries that should never be crossed -like harassment, abuse, anything not legal - but no I'm not looking for the employer to be responsible for me being happy in my work environment or for expressing appreciation beyond my paycheck (of course it's welcome and appreciated when I do get positive reinforcement too!)- I make the choice to be happy or not. And I can choose to leave of course. Where I work in the U.S. I've always been an employee at will - I can be let go for any reason as long as it's a legal reason. Maybe it's different where you are.

[Jibralta]

Jellybean, if you were harassed, I think you should file a grievance. It probably won’t do you any good, and the company in all likelihood will not up and fire your boss over the issue. HOWEVER, the incident will remain on her record, and they will most likely take action if she does this to someone else in the future. You don’t have to have concrete written proof. You just need to state your case clearly. Remember, you won’t be winning anything out of this; at most you’ll just help someone else out who is being bullied by her. Personally, I think it’s worth the effort.

[mustlovedogs]

Agreed with the above.

 

But do so accurately and succinctly. Avoid the language you use here - it’s often dramatic and over the top and de legitimizes your case.

 

And absolutely avoid any work place events. Just my opinion, but quitting, complaining about her, and then going to a party feels juvenile and like it’s motivated by revenge.

[boltnrun]

Agree, if you want to say goodbye to work mates arrange to meet them over the weekend for lunch. Don't worry about not getting a collection taken up for you or a work financed farewell lunch.

[chitown9]

Agree, if you want to say goodbye to work mates arrange to meet them over the weekend for lunch. Don't worry about not getting a collection taken up for you or a work financed farewell lunch.

 

I don't know how you exactly want to say your goodbyes....but I would just would want to make one parting remark for the record, " The sex was good too!!!" chi

[Jellybean9]

I was simply referring to your broad statement that seemed to encompass all issues no matter what.

 

Just to clarify by "any office issue". I'm not talking about simply generic issues. I was referring to issues that are in the league of harrassment and bullying.

 

I appreciate you took it as a broader term.

 

Yes you can go get a heater and deal with it without seeking HR's help.

 

I was uncomfortable with my desk chair. So ordered in back support without consulting anyone else.

 

I agree we are responsible for our own happiness within the work place.

 

I've been known as the girl to smile and skip around the office and make the other departments laugh when handing out my interview packs.

 

This all slowly dwindled the more and more I had to deal with my manager. My happiness is more important. Tried to talk to HR. Nothing helped so inevitably I left.

 

We are responsible for our own happiness that's why I'm here now.

 

I work in HR are main Moto for our office is to provide employees with a "happy working environment".

 

A lot of HR courses in the UK focus on this to ensure employees are not stressed and end up depressed. So that's why we are "pro-wellbeing" in the UK.

 

The idea came about from the fact you spend a significant amount of your life at work. There should me support for employees mental health as well as other aspects. Which is what we provide as a department.

 

Also we have created a place where staff and come and talk openly about issues. We are often the first point of contact for those that are depressed and need support.

 

Guess you don't expect that from your HR department. But it's something we provide in the UK. As well as general enrichment and encouraging health and fittness.

 

You are well within your right to leave whenever. Once you've worked your months' notice. It is a lot to do with free will, I get that.

 

But I also see a HR department as providing support. No one should feel the need to leave a company on grounds of not being supported. I do believe that is a failure of the company itself.

 

But maybe that's me and philosophy from looking at it from a HR perspective.

 

Thank you for your comments. I appreciate your was referring as you thought I meant "all issues" even the small ones.

[Jellybean9]

Jellybean, if you were harassed, I think you should file a grievance. It probably won’t do you any good, and the company in all likelihood will not up and fire your boss over the issue. HOWEVER, the incident will remain on her record, and they will most likely take action if she does this to someone else in the future. You don’t have to have concrete written proof. You just need to state your case clearly. Remember, you won’t be winning anything out of this; at most you’ll just help someone else out who is being bullied by her. Personally, I think it’s worth the effort.

 

That's essentially why I personally wanted to go forward with it all myself.

 

I doubt she will be fired. My company is really good at brushing things under the carpet. But at least if it is on record...

 

If she ever did this again to another employee. That employee was brave enough to mention it to head of HR. Then at least they can refer back to what I said and maybe actually take it seriously.

 

That's why I mentioned I will discuss it all in the exit interview.

 

I said to the HR I have nothing to gain but at least help someone else if this was to happen again. Literally your words lol.

 

Thank you for your advice.

 

I have it all written down with dates. I even have some email evidence of the managerial side to it all.

 

So I'll go forward with the exit interview and see that happens.

 

This was the reason my cousin who specializes in employment law suggested I go ahead with it. So will probably get that far in terms of her record.

 

Agreed with the above.

 

But do so accurately and succinctly. Avoid the language you use here - it’s often dramatic and over the top and de legitimizes your case.

 

And absolutely avoid any work place events. Just my opinion, but quitting, complaining about her, and then going to a party feels juvenile and like it’s motivated by revenge.

 

Yes I would not use the language I have used here at all.

 

I have written it all out and my cousin (employment lawyer) has made sure it looks profesional.

 

I hold my hands up I am not the best English writer in the world. So guess that's why some people are interpretating what I am saying differently.

 

You do not need drama when making those sort of points profesionally. You just state the facts really which is what I have done.

 

That is right about the party. I won't attend. It only came about when questioning the garden leave.

 

It would feel humiliating to go to the party. I know a lot of staff have asked about me but I can arrange a meeting to say farewell outside of work related stuff.

 

Same reason I will not go for the "last" day they have offered. I have nothing to gain from that either.

 

I'll go for my exit interview. Then collect my stuff and walk away.

 

Agree, if you want to say goodbye to work mates arrange to meet them over the weekend for lunch. Don't worry about not getting a collection taken up for you or a work financed farewell lunch.

 

Definitely don't need there money. They don't even finance the lunch anway.

 

I've arranged goodbye drink with the other members of staff. So that's all I need really.

 

The collection is not a problem. Just shows how they have not treated me the way you are meant to treat all employees. On garden leave or not. Again a reflection of them and not me.

 

 

Thanks for all your advice guys. Really appreciate it all.

[Wiseman2]

Everyone should inform themselves of not only a companies handbook/policies inside and out but should also be familiar with the employment laws in their jurisdiction. For example in the US there is the EEOC. If and when someone makes racist remarks right there and then you mention 'excuse me please do not make racial slurs in my presence'. Anything else including silence is condoning it.

 

As far as personal questions, kidding around etc. You would be wise to learn how to deflect and handle those things without running to HR with complaints or veiled innuendos about harassment, discrimination, etc. lawsuits. That is where interpersonal skills with obnoxious or difficult people come into play. There are a vast number of books you could read on that topic. It would also help you articulate things from a less argumentative and overly defensive stance as seen here post, after post, after post.

 

This would also help you shift from this victim mentality to one of dignity and professionalism and someone who stands up for things from a well informed perspective rather than ..."at this college job...","my people told me..." and other hearsay and anecdotal based point of view. Read Read Read. Many books out there on how to appropriately deal with difficult people at work instead of always feeling like a victim or getting in cat fights with certain people.

Someone like her should not be in management My company is pro employee wellbeing.

[Jellybean9]

Wiseman,

 

Thank you for your input.

 

I familiesed myself with our employee handbook very well. As a part of my job is to understand this very handbook and to keep up to date with employment law.

 

The first incident of her racial slur I did not say anything. I had just joined the department and thought it would be an isolated incident. It was not. I admit I had handled it wrong as it was a new experience that I has never had to face before in employment.

 

The invasive personal questions I had said I was uncomfortable with. Learn to brush them off. Until she started making a big deal office wide with it.

 

Within our employee handbook. It states if you have an "issue" you speak to you line manager. If your line manager is the "issue" you speak to the head of HR. Just so happens the head of HR is also head of my department and has a close personal relationship with my line manager.

 

This "chat" with the head of HR is considered filing a grievance.

 

Law states with the "issues" I stated to file a formal grievance. So I followed both the company policy and employment law.

 

For the record a formal grievance in the UK is not the same as a lawsuit. Two very different things. I was not suing. I was not taking matters further. I was following the "handbook" and "employment law".

 

I am not claiming a am a victim. I am merely stating what happened.

 

Everyone deals with things differently. I can certainly say I did not handle it in an unprofessional manner.

 

This is a place to comfortably seek advice on what happened. I may seem argumentative. Or defensive. I did not act this way while at work as being profesional is something I pride myself on.

 

I know I will go forward and not get into cat fights.

 

I know I will go forward and meet other difficult situations. I will deal with it in the same way. Trying to talk to them about this issue. Then talking to my line manager. If it goes to HR. It goes to HR. That would obviously be the companies policy.

[Jellybean9]

Thank you to all of you that posted and took time reading my ranting.

 

Sorry I went crazy with the rambling and a little overboard.

 

Like I said it was an ongoing issue. I didn't really speak about it all. So was nice to get things off my chest. Which honestly has been a freeing feeling.

 

Probably why I exploded passionately about it all and may have come across playing victim.

 

I am by no means a victim and didn't open this thread for a pity party.

 

I was sharing what happened. It was really lovely to hear everyone's views on the matter.

 

Helped me formulate my own thoughts on things a little more objectively. Also was nice to get different perspectives from people who don't know me.

 

Thanks again and I will leave things as they are here.

 

I have arranged drinks with my colleagues as a final good bye so I will not attend the Christmas party or have the "last day" in office.

 

I will have my exit interview in the next two weeks. I will give them dates and accounts for their records. Then move on.

 

I have temp work lined up until my PhD so all very postive life steps. I will not focus on the past and only look forward.

 

Thanks again for all your input :)

[catfeeder]

Jelly, have you researched any government agencies or advocacy organizations to whom you can report your grievance rather than limiting your scope to the internal staff of that company? Have you sought any outside 'expert' advice?

 

It makes no sense to operate on emotions alone. That's how people wheelspin into a rut without any real value to gain. If you can strip away the stuff that was merely unfair but not illegal, you can present the racial stuff to an actual advocate with experience in escalating such matters beyond the reach of those who may bury them.

 

I'd skip defending myself to this forum in a way that just keeps rehashing what you've already vented. It may be more helpful to recognize that repetition is self-conditioning. Do you want to hypnotize yourself into embedding lousy feelings for zero purpose, or do you want to move your focus onto constructive ideas and actions that can actually help you to feel empowered and confident about your future?

 

Whether you opt to pursue any formal reporting or not, every reach you make toward a FORWARD focus will gain you some higher ground for a broader and less emotionally charged perspective. You don't need to view any nits of criticism in this thread as bait to tailspin into an exhaustive defense. That's the stuff that digs ruts.

 

Head high, and focus ahead. You'll thank yourself sooner rather than later.

[Batya33]

Never mind. Good luck!

[Jellybean9]

Never mind. Good luck!

 

Thank you for wishing me luck :)

[Jellybean9]

Jelly, have you researched any government agencies or advocacy organizations to whom you can report your grievance rather than limiting your scope to the internal staff of that company? Have you sought any outside 'expert' advice?

 

It makes no sense to operate on emotions alone. That's how people wheelspin into a rut without any real value to gain. If you can strip away the stuff that was merely unfair but not illegal, you can present the racial stuff to an actual advocate with experience in escalating such matters beyond the reach of those who may bury them.

 

I'd skip defending myself to this forum in a way that just keeps rehashing what you've already vented. It may be more helpful to recognize that repetition is self-conditioning. Do you want to hypnotize yourself into embedding lousy feelings for zero purpose, or do you want to move your focus onto constructive ideas and actions that can actually help you to feel empowered and confident about your future?

 

Whether you opt to pursue any formal reporting or not, every reach you make toward a FORWARD focus will gain you some higher ground for a broader and less emotionally charged perspective. You don't need to view any nits of criticism in this thread as bait to tailspin into an exhaustive defense. That's the stuff that digs ruts.

 

Head high, and focus ahead. You'll thank yourself sooner rather than later.

 

Thank you for your reply.

 

Yes I did look into dealing with this outside of the company.

 

Unfortunately before you can go ahead with a grievance it has to be dealt with internally. Once that is on record. You can then entlist the support of external government agencies.

 

I think this is to protect the company as they tend to deal with the matter internally. Which is what they prefer.

 

Yes I will not go forward in an emotional way. I genuinely have nothing to gain from pursuing it formally other than wasted engery.

 

Honestly feels great sharing it all with you guys. Even if it has created two different views.

 

That's the beauty of forums. You get tonnes of perspectives.

 

I'm not one to complain to friends. Shock as that's all I did here lol. So was great to get it all out there. So would like to thank all of you for putting up with me!

 

I think I wasted a lot of energy thinking this whole thing. What hasn't helped was being at home with all this extra time! I have been keeping busy with dercorating this hasn't been enough! It is the not actually being able to work with Christmas around the corner. We want what we can't have so I can't wait to get back out and work!

 

Give it a couple of weeks. I won't think back about it. I'll try and enjoy this time off and look at it as a positive. Can get Chrismas gifts all sorted lol

 

Also, got some great news about my future last week. So that's all postive stuff. Genuinely shows when one door closes another one opens.

 

You are right about how exhausting being defensive is. It's not worth the engery.

 

So all in all. Despite be battling yo explain myself on this thread it's been benificial.

 

The only way is up as they say :)

[Batya33]

I think one way to explain things better is to resist the temptation to make broad statements about how you think things are unless you truly mean it in that broad way - from a head and heart perspective, not just emotionally -and if so, go at it! Also if you force yourself to do that it's worth the effort IMO because then you can figure out what the core issues are, what specifically are the concerns.

[Jellybean9]

I think one way to explain things better is to resist the temptation to make broad statements about how you think things are unless you truly mean it in that broad way - from a head and heart perspective, not just emotionally -and if so, go at it! Also if you force yourself to do that it's worth the effort IMO because then you can figure out what the core issues are, what specifically are the concerns.

 

Thanks for the input and advice.

 

While typing away on my phone I don't really think things through. Guess it can be perceived as me being broad.

 

Kind of like the manuka honey incident me and you faced. I didn't meant to generalise to all people in that threat. I didn't mean to be so broad in this.

 

I was talking about my issue. I do need to be careful when typing away on my phone and think a little better when it comes to language used.

 

Your points has made me realise to be careful when typing as it is open to interpretation.

 

I have always said I do not find messaging like this and texting as the best platform for expressing my points. Unless it's like a formal email. I should probably use that approach while on this forum.

 

Thanks :)

[Batya33]

Thanks for the input and advice.

 

While typing away on my phone I don't really think things through. Guess it can be perceived as me being broad.

 

Kind of like the manuka honey incident me and you faced. I didn't meant to generalise to all people in that threat. I didn't mean to be so broad in this.

 

I was talking about my issue. I do need to be careful when typing away on my phone and think a little better when it comes to language used.

 

Your points has made me realise to be careful when typing as it is open to interpretation.

 

I have always said I do not find messaging like this and texting as the best platform for expressing my points. Unless it's like a formal email. I should probably use that approach while on this forum.

 

Thanks :)

 

For me it wasn't about perception but the exact words you used that were broad, far-reaching words. I find that when I write things out -especially for work and parenting responsibiltiies - and force myself to be specific it's a great way also to combat feeling overwhelmed about all that needs to get done - I think the same might help you if you seek to express or seek input on a concern.

 

It's not really about being careful when typing. It's about being careful when considering whether the general way you see something from an emotional perspective can, if you integrate your head into it, be distilled to more specific concerns which you then can manageably deal with and resolve. Much easier to do everything with a broad brush. I had to do that this morning with my son who all of a sudden decided to tell me he is being bullied on the school bus. We broke it down into the exact incidents and decided based on those specific incidents how or whether we should deal with it. For example. You wouldn't email an employee "this whole document is a complete mess!" even if you FELT like that and were on your phone typing fast. You might ask the employee to come meet with you or you might make a list of the things that need to be changed plus what does work in the document. For example.

[catfeeder]

I think I wasted a lot of energy thinking this whole thing. What hasn't helped was being at home with all this extra time! I have been keeping busy with dercorating this hasn't been enough! It is the not actually being able to work with Christmas around the corner. We want what we can't have so I can't wait to get back out and work!

 

You may be underestimating the time and energy it takes to gain access to the 'Active' rosters of temp agencies. I'd start scheduling appointments with one agency per morning, at least 3 per week, starting with the closest radius to you and working outward.

 

Put your first legal work day down as your desired start date.

 

Meanwhile, you'll need to test on any apps in which you claim proficiency, and you'll want to go back to re-test on any low scores. This, plus paper work and interviews is a far better way to invest your time than lamenting about the past. Give yourself a nice reward after each agency visit, and keep scheduling new agencies. They don't all work with the same companies, and if you'll want your pick of opportunities, you'd best get on as many Active rosters as possible.

 

Head high, and I hope you'll let us know how it goes.

[Jellybean9]

You may be underestimating the time and energy it takes to gain access to the 'Active' rosters of temp agencies. I'd start scheduling appointments with one agency per morning, at least 3 per week, starting with the closest radius to you and working outward.

 

Put your first legal work day down as your desired start date.

 

Meanwhile, you'll need to test on any apps in which you claim proficiency, and you'll want to go back to re-test on any low scores. This, plus paper work and interviews is a far better way to invest your time than lamenting about the past. Give yourself a nice reward after each agency visit, and keep scheduling new agencies. They don't all work with the same companies, and if you'll want your pick of opportunities, you'd best get on as many Active rosters as possible.

 

Head high, and I hope you'll let us know how it goes.

 

Thank you catfeeder. I have already joined a lot of agencies during my time off as I was orginally interviewing for perm roles.

 

Now it's a game changer it's now temp roles. So reached out to them.

 

All seems postive as I have connections with a lot of recruiters through my old role and they seem really helpful.

 

Also everyone was so helpful on here for interview tips. So things can only get better.

 

I will keep you all posted.

 

You guys have only just started with me. You'll all be fed up soon enough.

 

Really appreciate your advice :)

[Jellybean9]

For me it wasn't about perception but the exact words you used that were broad, far-reaching words. I find that when I write things out -especially for work and parenting responsibiltiies - and force myself to be specific it's a great way also to combat feeling overwhelmed about all that needs to get done - I think the same might help you if you seek to express or seek input on a concern.

 

It's not really about being careful when typing. It's about being careful when considering whether the general way you see something from an emotional perspective can, if you integrate your head into it, be distilled to more specific concerns which you then can manageably deal with and resolve. Much easier to do everything with a broad brush. I had to do that this morning with my son who all of a sudden decided to tell me he is being bullied on the school bus. We broke it down into the exact incidents and decided based on those specific incidents how or whether we should deal with it. For example. You wouldn't email an employee "this whole document is a complete mess!" even if you FELT like that and were on your phone typing fast. You might ask the employee to come meet with you or you might make a list of the things that need to be changed plus what does work in the document. For example.

 

Thank you for the examples. This will definitely make me look at things differently.

 

Also maybe approach things in a different way in the future.