Man I've been in love with for two years admitted he has feelings for me

[NervousRoach]

This sounds like it should be easy, but our situation is very complicated. I met him online some two years ago through mutual friends and we got along swimmingly. We weren't as ridiculously close as we are now at the start, but now we talk daily. We agree on just about everything and anything - and we talk about just about everything and anything. We match up perfectly despite our age difference (11 year gap - I am 23 and he is 34) - and our world views, interests, favourite foods align well - christ, even our political views match up!

 

My issue is that this is a very serious leap for me. He lives in the same country as me, and not very far away, so it's not a distance thing. The issue is that I have never been in a relationship, and I am absolutely horrible at dealing with my emotions. It's disgusting how terrible I am with them, actually. I am that dreaded person that responds to serious texts with "lol" or "yikes" because, despite meaning well and caring for the people telling me these serious things, I don't know how to manage. So, him telling me he loved me... Well, you can probably guess how well that went. I'm still reeling, and I'm certain he is, too. I responded with my typical "lol thank you heartemoji" even though this was a very sincere message. I want to respond properly, but I have no idea how.

 

Among that emotion problem on my end, there are also a few other things that are bound to get in the way (should we become serious) even though I am not personally bothered by them. On top of being 11 years my senior, he is also a practicing Muslim. This doesn't bother me, and he isn't extreme in any fashion, but I could easily see this becoming a point of contention between our families - particularly with my staunch Catholic grandmother, who has some terrible opinions about Muslims.

 

However, the biggest issue is that I feel sick beyond belief. Even though I've been in love with him for quite some time, my immediate reaction to his confession was to get sick. I'm sitting here and my guts are still churning just thinking about this. I feel absolutely horrible, so what the hell is this? I love this person and I got my confession and now I feel... weird. Is this a bad sign?

 

I suppose this all leads me to my ultimate question - what the hell do I do here?

[Keyman]

You need to deal with your emotional problems. Go talk to a counsellor about them and try to find the root cause of it.

 

Note that by not dealing with it, it is just going to build up and when you are 34 and another guy tries to get close to you, it is going to be even harder. I would suggest being open with the guy from the start. If you can talk about anything and everything, then why not talk about this. Sometimes dealing with things like this means facing them head on and smashing down the walls.

 

The age gap is not an issue unless you make it an issue. Who cares, right?

 

How do you feel about converting to Islam? I'm not saying you have to, but should this relationship take off, and he eventually proposes to you, he will expect you to convert. This is the basis of their faith and they can be fairly strict about it. Note, there is nothing wrong with it, it is his faith and if he is practising the it is a big part of his life.

 

I would suggest dealing with your emotional feelings first, but keep in mind the other items.

[Wiseman2]

Have you met in person? How often do you see each other?

I met him online some two years ago He lives in the same country as me and not very far away, so it's not a distance thing. On top of being 11 years my senior, he is also a practicing Muslim.

[DanZee]

Have you met in person? How often do you see each other?

 

I want to know this too. You didn't say anything about any dates you've been on, how far along in the relationship you are, who visits who, etc.

 

If this is an online-only relationship, then break it off. You don't really know him and he could just be telling you things you agree with to lead you on. An older guy can easily manipulate a young girl like yourself on, and you don't know what he's really like, what his family will think, if he's already married or has made stuff up.

[itsallgrand]

Yes, it's unclear if you've been dating in person or if this is mainly online chatting?

It sounds like it was a text that he sent saying he loves you?

Have you met his family and friends? Has he met yours?

 

A lot of our advice is going to depend on the answers to these questions. Including what that feeling in your gut may be about.

[maew]

Religious differences only have to be a problem if you let them. This is likely just a smoke screen for what's really going on... your fear of intimacy and getting close to someone. That's what you need to focus on if you want to be happy in ANY relationship.

[abitbroken]

I think that if someone declares love over text for the first time, don't believe it. They would tell you in person if they were sincere.

 

Religious differences only have to be a problem if you let them. This is likely just a smoke screen for what's really going on... your fear of intimacy and getting close to someone. That's what you need to focus on if you want to be happy in ANY relationship.

 

actually -- it is a compatibility issue. If its two different denominations of something similar, you would be correct. But if he is devout Muslim, then there is a whole other ball of wax.

[SherrySher]

christ,

 

Is that really necessary?

[ThatwasThen]

Is he and his family practicing muslim? If they are then you probably answered his 'confession' of love in a perfect manner.

 

If he's a practicing Muslim then it's not a just a matter of you not being bothered about it. His parents will never approve of him being with a woman that is not Muslim and if you "love" him then you're going to end up hurt if he won't go against their cultural norms.

 

... and yes, If you've never even dated him then of course his confession of "I love you" is going to freak you out. You don't know him enough to be confident in saying it back to him. Who says they love someone they've never even gone out with? So: Have you dated him or do you just chat over the internet ad nauseum.

[abitbroken]

Is he and his family practicing muslim? If they are then you probably answered his 'confession' of love in a perfect manner.

 

If he's a practicing Muslim then it's not a just a matter of you not being bothered about it. His parents will never approve of him being with a woman that is not Muslim and if you "love" him then you're going to end up hurt if he won't go against their cultural norms.

 

... and yes, If you've never even dated him then of course his confession of "I love you" is going to freak you out. You don't know him enough to be confident in saying it back to him. Who says they love someone they've never even gone out with? So: Have you dated him or do you just chat over the internet ad nauseum.

 

Are you sure he's not married?