Best way to ask her out

[jackie103]

Typical text people send when they get home safely and are TIRED.

 

I'd give the negativity a rest, it doesn't serve you in any way.

 

Lol you’re right. I am too negative... my way of trying to save myself from getting hurt but it really doesn’t do anything for me.

 

Its still early on, I’ll just see what happens and roll with it

[reinventmyself]

Just know that your thoughts have a direct influence on your behavior. If you have this ongoing negative dialog going on, it's bound to spill out in other ways.

 

So given the choice, wouldn't you rather put your focus squarely on the positive aspects of your date and interactions with her?

 

It's misguided to think that you are preparing yourself for a let down if you can anticipate a disappointment.

You ultimately end up sabotaging yourself and dating is no longer fun.

 

The fact of life is people will disappoint us. Your efforts are better spent learning to be resilient and trusting that no matter what, you'll be ok.

 

I read an analogy once and I am sure I can't due it justice, but it helped me. It's much like having a fear of flying. Every little bump or creak, you think the plane will fall out of the sky. You focus on it too much you can freak yourself out for the entire trip.

 

But acknowledging that planes often bump and creak and rarely ever drop out of the sky gives you some comfort. If it didn't, you'd probably never fly again. Practice ignoring it long enough, you don't notice it anymore. Along with it comes trusting that flying is actually very safe.

 

Stop looking for the cracks. Enjoy the process, live in the moment and just be the best you can be. And in the end learn trust yourself that you have what it takes to handle a disappointment if it happens and you have the ability to shake it off.

[jackie103]

Just know that your thoughts have a direct influence on your behavior. If you have this ongoing negative dialog going on, it's bound to spill out in other ways.

 

So given the choice, wouldn't you rather put your focus squarely on the positive aspects of your date and interactions with her?

 

It's misguided to think that you are preparing yourself for a let down if you can anticipate a disappointment.

You ultimately end up sabotaging yourself and dating is no longer fun.

 

The fact of life is people will disappoint us. Your efforts are better spent learning to be resilient and trusting that no matter what, you'll be ok.

 

I read an analogy once and I am sure I can't due it justice, but it helped me. It's much like having a fear of flying. Every little bump or creak, you think the plane will fall out of the sky. You focus on it too much you can freak yourself out for the entire trip.

 

But acknowledging that planes often bump and creak and rarely ever drop out of the sky gives you some comfort. If it didn't, you'd probably never fly again. Practice ignoring it long enough, you don't notice it anymore. Along with it comes trusting that flying is actually very safe.

 

Stop looking for the cracks. Enjoy the process, live in the moment and just be the best you can be. And in the end learn trust yourself that you have what it takes to handle a disappointment if it happens and you have the ability to shake it off.

 

Well said. Thank you for this

[catfeeder]

Lol you’re right. I am too negative... my way of trying to save myself from getting hurt but it really doesn’t do anything for me.

 

Its still early on, I’ll just see what happens and roll with it

 

Sure, it not only doesn't prevent injury, it causes you to suffer potential injuries multiple times before they can even happen--or not.

 

Watch your default position on everything, and catch yourself whenever you drill yourself into self torture. Practice switching your critical voice to one of an inspiring coach, instead. You'll lose nothing of value by talking yourself UP instead of down, and you'll develop resilience as a a life skill that grows confidence in your ability to handle any bad stuff by crossing that bridge if you get there. Meanwhile, everything becomes more enjoyable instead of miserable. A whole new perspective grows when you stop attracting the 'proof' of negativity that will self fulfill those prophesies.

 

Head high, and break out of self sabotage. You'll thank yourself later.

[lostandhurt]

Really?

 

The date went well and you left on a positive note so just relax and contact her when you get back just like you said you would. One of three things will happen when you ask her out again. She will accept, she will decline because she is busy but suggest another day/time or she will ghost you.

 

For the future leave out words and phrases like: Maybe, hope to, if you have time, would you mind, I hope and many more. These words and phrases do not project strength and confidence which is what you want to show her.

 

You really need to relax and stop trying to not get hurt or disappointed. Be brave, be confident and go into each date or interaction with a positive attitude. It will show and is way more attractive than what you have been thinking.

 

Lost

[jackie103]

Really?

 

The date went well and you left on a positive note so just relax and contact her when you get back just like you said you would. One of three things will happen when you ask her out again. She will accept, she will decline because she is busy but suggest another day/time or she will ghost you.

 

For the future leave out words and phrases like: Maybe, hope to, if you have time, would you mind, I hope and many more. These words and phrases do not project strength and confidence which is what you want to show her.

 

You really need to relax and stop trying to not get hurt or disappointed. Be brave, be confident and go into each date or interaction with a positive attitude. It will show and is way more attractive than what you have been thinking.

 

Lost

 

Yeah i realized I should not have used "maybe" afterwards. i'm wondering if the fact that i told her that maybe we could get together again when I come back insinuates that I would be reaching out to her. I havent heard anything from her since that night but i'm assuming its because she knows im traveling and going to a funeral. Before we parted ways on our date, she said safe travels and I think I remember her saying something about speaking to me in the meantime or something like that but I don't expect to have constant communication with her.

 

I get back in town late Monday night and was thinking about asking her to get dinner either tuesday night or wednesday night... I'll make sure to be confident in my asking.

[purplepaisley]

You need to stop your stinking thinking. Seriously, any time a negative thought pops in your head, replace it with a good thought. So far I've read, "I asked her out, and she said yes...but it's a pity date." "The date went well and we talked and laughed...her texts were hinting at dumping me." STOP! The only thing you have to do now is talk to her and ask her out when you get back. You don't want to lose the momentum, so text her and keep the spark going over this weekend. Spending time with family will give you a lot to talk about, and also talk to her and respond to what she has to say. Maybe there will be some time where you can call her. Don't sit back and wait for her to contact you. If you like her, reach out. Send a funny picture, text something about your crazy Aunt Velma, or text something about how great it is to see the family; you wish the circumstances were better, but you haven't seen some of these people since you were little, yada, yada. Sitting back as if the ball is in her court is silly. If you like her, talk to her. Don't blow up her phone, but reach out a little. Strike while the iron is hot. If you completely blow her off for the next few days, she could find you aloof and low interest and won't prioritize you in any way, if not walk away completely. Good luck! It sounds like things are starting off pretty well.

[Wiseman2]

Yes, contact her when you get back but do not lock down a work-night date. Why can't you suggest something on a weekend?

i'm wondering if the fact that i told her that maybe we could get together again when I come back insinuates that I would be reaching out to her. I get back in town late Monday night and was thinking about asking her to get dinner either tuesday night or wednesday night.

[Batya33]

Yeah i realized I should not have used "maybe" afterwards. i'm wondering if the fact that i told her that maybe we could get together again when I come back insinuates that I would be reaching out to her. I havent heard anything from her since that night but i'm assuming its because she knows im traveling and going to a funeral. Before we parted ways on our date, she said safe travels and I think I remember her saying something about speaking to me in the meantime or something like that but I don't expect to have constant communication with her.

 

I get back in town late Monday night and was thinking about asking her to get dinner either tuesday night or wednesday night... I'll make sure to be confident in my asking.

 

Sounds like a good idea but if it's late Monday then that's like asking her for same day. I would say Wednesday and tell her you also can make Tuesday work if that's more convenient.

[jackie103]

Yes, contact her when you get back but do not lock down a work-night date. Why can't you suggest something on a weekend?

 

I feel like it’s too much time in between dates since we don’t communicate much in between. Our first date was on Tuesday and waiting til the weekend, I’m afraid momentum will be lost... also I’m itchin to see her again

[jackie103]

Sounds like a good idea but if it's late Monday then that's like asking her for same day. I would say Wednesday and tell her you also can make Tuesday work if that's more convenient.

 

Yeah I agree. I was thinking about sending a message possibly on Sunday while I’m at the airport if I wanted to do Tuesday

[Batya33]

Yeah I agree. I was thinking about sending a message possibly on Sunday while I’m at the airport if I wanted to do Tuesday

 

I think that's too much. Wait until you get back and are settled. I think your idea sounds overeager. She is not overeager. Match her.

[jackie103]

I think that's too much. Wait until you get back and are settled. I think your idea sounds overeager. She is not overeager. Match her.

 

Hmm ok... so rather Wednesday? Or even Thursday? At that point (Thursday) I feel like there’s too much time between the first date

[Batya33]

Hmm ok... so rather Wednesday? Or even Thursday? At that point (Thursday) I feel like there’s too much time between the first date

 

I disagree. I think given her response err on the side of caution and message her once you get back. Let her see that you have a fun fulfilling busy life. Thursday sounds good -it's a weekend-like night but not a classic date night.

[jackie103]

I disagree. I think given her response err on the side of caution and message her once you get back. Let her see that you have a fun fulfilling busy life. Thursday sounds good -it's a weekend-like night but not a classic date night.

 

Ok, I’ll send a text Tuesday then. Do I even try communicating with her before then?

[boltnrun]

Ok, I’ll send a text Tuesday then. Do I even try communicating with her before then?

 

Why text? Don't you want to talk to her?

 

If a man texted me asking for a date I'd think he was lazy, honestly. I'd want a phone call.

[jackie103]

Why text? Don't you want to talk to her?

 

If a man texted me asking for a date I'd think he was lazy, honestly. I'd want a phone call.

 

We are both women. And I had mentioned earlier that we are still communicating through Instagram DM.... I forgot to ask for her number when I met up with her. I had gave her my number in the very first message I sent her but I don’t expect her to scroll all the way up and to message it

[boltnrun]

We are both women. And I had mentioned earlier that we are still communicating through Instagram DM.... I forgot to ask for her number when I met up with her. I had gave her my number in the very first message I sent her but I don’t expect her to scroll all the way up and to message it

 

Can you message her with your number again and ask for hers?

 

Regardless of gender, I just think the personal touch of asking for a date over the phone is nicer.

[jackie103]

I was planning on asking for her number second date in person, that way I know she is actually interested to see me again and more inclined to give me her number.

 

I feel like calling for a date over the phone is a preference... I have a gut feeling she wouldn’t like that for some reason. It would be weird in my mind, after only knowing each other for such a short amount of time. I can see how it would make me stand out but I’m not sure

[Batya33]

Can you message her with your number again and ask for hers?

 

Regardless of gender, I just think the personal touch of asking for a date over the phone is nicer.

 

Same. Gender is irrelevant - the person doing the asking should call.

[jackie103]

Same. Gender is irrelevant - the person doing the asking should call.

 

I can see how this makes sense but I’ll have to admit, being a millennial kind of makes me have a different opinion on this. I have never had anyone call me to ask me out on a date and I would honestly prefer a text or in person.

[Batya33]

I can see how this makes sense but I’ll have to admit, being a millennial kind of makes me have a different opinion on this. I have never had anyone call me to ask me out on a date and I would honestly prefer a text or in person.

 

I understand that you feel more comfortable texting and that is what is typically done. I wouldn't focus on "millenial" so much - own that this is how you personally choose to communicate. I would not communicate with her until you're ready to make a plan to get together.

[jackie103]

I understand that you feel more comfortable texting and that is what is typically done. I wouldn't focus on "millenial" so much - own that this is how you personally choose to communicate. I would not communicate with her until you're ready to make a plan to get together.

 

Yes I hadn’t planned on reaching out until I was ready to ask her out again... but reading some other threads on this topics, it’s suggested that if someone doesn’t hear from someone they are dating at all in between dates (especially this long), they just assume there’s no interest.

 

I know my insecurities are shining through again, but I don’t want to lose her interest and have her change her mind of agreeing to go out again if I wait too long. It’s also hard for me to gauge her interest when she isn’t reaching out either

[Batya33]

Yes I hadn’t planned on reaching out until I was ready to ask her out again... but reading some other threads on this topics, it’s suggested that if someone doesn’t hear from someone they are dating at all in between dates (especially this long), they just assume there’s no interest.

 

I know my insecurities are shining through again, but I don’t want to lose her interest and have her change her mind of agreeing to go out again if I wait too long. It’s also hard for me to gauge her interest when she isn’t reaching out either

 

You're not dating each other. You had one date. She knows you are very interested in her and she is not as interested yet. She did hear from you -you already asked her out again and you told her your schedule. She knows you are away. So scale it back a bit.

[jackie103]

You're not dating each other. You had one date. She knows you are very interested in her and she is not as interested yet. She did hear from you -you already asked her out again and you told her your schedule. She knows you are away. So scale it back a bit.

 

Ok, fair enough. I’ll wait until I get back