Best way to ask her out

[Wiseman2]

That is fine. For now use whatever communication is mutually accepted. Stop wringing your hands and ruminating over every eventuality. Just contact her when you get back and ask her to dinner and ask when a good date/time/place is for her. Trying to fix a specific day to assuage your false fear that you will "loose momentum" could possibly result in a no or busy answer because it may not work for her and then you'll have more hand wringing and ruminating to do. Use common sense and common etiquette.

I was planning on asking for her number second date in person

[Batya33]

I think you ask for a specific day and add that you are flexible if that doesn't work for her. I much prefer people who have a specific day in mind or at least "are you free one night this week?"- otherwise I don't take it as seriously as an invitation.

[jackie103]

Ok - i think I will send a message Monday, saying that I hope she had a good rest of the week/weekend and that I’d love to see her again and take her out to dinner Wednesday night if she is available. If she’s busy and interested, she’ll have the option to reschedule to Thursday or whatever day.

 

I plan on kissing her on this date and I feel like that may change the mood for this relationship a bit. This way, we can plan for seeing each other again possibly over the weekend if everything goes well (yes jumping the gun a bit).

[Sportster2005]

I [24F] started talking to a girl [26F] back in May and asked her out but she was about to leave for 5 months for her field research (she’s a PhD student). We only talked one other time during this period she was gone (in September). She said she’d be back permanently in November after I hinted at the fact that I’d like to see her when she got back home. I know she’s home now, since she has been posting instagrams with her location and I was gonna reach out to see if she wanted to get drinks. I’ve decided that I have nothing to lose by trying to ask her out again. If she rejects me then at least I tried.

 

I know she’s probably busy with a lot since she is a PhD student, and someone had suggested that I message her saying something along the lines of “hey I know you’re most likely pretty busy lately, I’ve been a bit swamped with work and stuff also but would you like to grab some drinks this week?”

 

Would this be the best way to approach asking her? Showing her that I’m busy also but I’d like to make time for her? I don’t want to seem too pushy Incase she’s not interested because theres a very big possibility that’s the case and I don’t want to hold her to what she said about being permanently back in November either.

 

 

You're not being pushy by asking her out. You're also overthinking this. She knows she's busy, and she knows you know she's busy. Just ask her out. Be to the point, confident. The most important thing, is to be gracious and thank her for her time if she says no. Keep it simple.

[jackie103]

You're not being pushy by asking her out. You're also overthinking this. She knows she's busy, and she knows you know she's busy. Just ask her out. Be to the point, confident. The most important thing, is to be gracious and thank her for her time if she says no. Keep it simple.

 

Yep, I tend to overthink everything and the little things will affect how I feel about the situation. I feel like the first date went well and I feel like she felt the same so I should just ask her out for a second time and if she says no, move on

[jackie103]

So I asked her out to dinner and she said she couldn’t my proposed night but said she was free the next night (good sign, offering alternative date). I told her of the place I was thinking of going because she mentioned the type of food they serve during our first date. She responded by saying that she would like that place.

 

The restuarant is in my town and so I said that if she wanted to, she could come to my place first and then I would drive us both there so we wouldn’t have to bring 2 cars and how I promise to be on my best driving behavior (relating back to a story I told her on our first date about my drivers test). I sent a follow up message saying that we can also meet there if she prefers that.

 

She read the message but never responded... did I scare her with asking if she wanted to take one car? I don’t think I overstepped any boundaries, I perfectly understand if she just wants to meet there which is why I wanted to make sure I wasn’t pushing it by sending the second message

[Wiseman2]

Enjoy the date! Try not to overthink things. She said yes. Also, leave well enough alone. It's very confusing to get a bunch of messages after plans are made that keep meandering all over and second guessing.

 

It's not a turn off to suggest this or that in particular, but getting a bunch of maybe this, maybe that, you could this, we could that...type messages could be off putting..Try to curb anxiety and just make a plan and stick to it. Allow people to think for themselves and if someone does or doesn't want to do something, they'll let you know.

She responded by saying that she would like that place.

 

-I said that if she wanted to, she could come to my place first

-I sent a follow up message saying that we can also meet there if she prefers that.

[Batya33]

It all sounds fine. Enjoy!

[jackie103]

Thanks for the reassuring responses. I usually leave messsging alone after setting up the date. These messages were included with setting up time so I don’t have a time confirmed currently, but I’m sure she will reach out with a confirmation before Thursday rolls around

[Batya33]

Thanks for the reassuring responses. I usually leave messsging alone after setting up the date. These messages were included with setting up time so I don’t have a time confirmed currently, but I’m sure she will reach out with a confirmation before Thursday rolls around

 

Since you are prone to this kind of anxiety next time I'd set it all up and get in touch to reconfirm only.

[jackie103]

Since you are prone to this kind of anxiety next time I'd set it all up and get in touch to reconfirm only.

 

I meant that all these messages were included with asking her out, telling her the location etc etc. there was no break in the conversation. I do like to set everything up at once

[jackie103]

So the time was never confirmed... I suggested 6:30 in the same message where I asked if she wanted to come to my place first and then drive together. Do I assume the date is still on? I don’t want to be one of those people who can’t take a hint, but I’m almost inclined to message her Thursday morning asking if she’s still good to go that night, if I don’t hear back before then

[Wiseman2]

It's normal to confirm the day of such as "Look forward to seeing you at xyz place tonight at 6:30". But do not text insecure stuff like "I didn't hear from you, are we still on?" and stop making chronic alternative suggestions about going to your place blah blah. If she wants to do that, she'll let you know. Try not to overcompensate for your insecurities with too much aggression or impoliteness.

Do I assume the date is still on? I’m almost inclined to message her Thursday morning asking if she’s still good to go that night, if I don’t hear back before then

[jackie103]

It's normal to confirm the day of such as "Look forward to seeing you at xyz place tonight at 6:30". But do not text insecure stuff like "I didn't hear from you, are we still on?" and stop making chronic alternative suggestions about going to your place blah blah. If she wants to do that, she'll let you know. Try not to overcompensate for your insecurities with too much aggression or impoliteness.

 

Ok I wil do this. Thank you

[Batya33]

So the time was never confirmed... I suggested 6:30 in the same message where I asked if she wanted to come to my place first and then drive together. Do I assume the date is still on? I don’t want to be one of those people who can’t take a hint, but I’m almost inclined to message her Thursday morning asking if she’s still good to go that night, if I don’t hear back before then

 

No, just matter of factly confirm.

[jackie103]

So I ended up asking if we were still on for tonight. The weather here is kinda of bad today and responded by saying that she’s not going to work because of the weather and asked if we could reschedule. I’m gonna let her take the lead on this one and just tell her to let me know when she’s free...

 

Still so confused on why she never responded to my previous messages if she’s still willing to reschedule

[Wiseman2]

It's not confusing. Just stick with your plan of letting her reach out and reschedule this. Don't ruin it with too much text chat. In your case less is more.

responded by saying that she’s not going to work because of the weather and asked if we could reschedule. I’m gonna let her take the lead on this one and just tell her to let me know when she’s free...

[jackie103]

It's not confusing. Just stick with your plan of letting her reach out and reschedule this. Don't ruin it with too much text chat. In your case less is more.

 

Yep she just offered Saturday or Sunday night for dinner. With her, im all for only communicating for logistics purposes.