Should I be worried that I am not completely over it now ?

[Cottoncandy]

Hi :)

 

 

I met a guy during Summer 2017, we got along very well and started dating shortly after. This was my first relationship. We really had a lot in common, our relationship was intense, we enjoyed spending times together and we did a lot of things etc ... That was pretty great, he told me he was happy to have met me

 

We never fought, I thought things were goint well but he broke up with me on valentine's day because his feelings "fizzled out" and he wasn't sure he wanted a relationship with me anymore. He said I used to be "the perfect girl" for him, but now he wasn't sure

Although I was very hurt because I didn't see it coming, I agreed with the break up and went NC immediately without any begging or pleading. Also, I deleted all of his pictures and I blocked him everywhere.

He wanted us to be friends down the road but I didn't see the point (and I don't even now).

 

The thing is, the break up was 8,5 months ago and I am worried because I still think of him everyday ...

 

Of course, I have made tremendous progress : I don't miss him anymore, nor do I want to get back with him, but I thought by that point I would be completely indifferent and I am not :/ I wish he didn't cross my mind that often.

I feel stupid, because I am sure I am just a memory to him

 

I have been interested in other guys since the break up, but nothing serious happened, and everytime, once I forgot about the new guy, my thoughts go back to my ex.

 

I have moved on, but I don't think I am over him yet. Is this normal ?

In my defence, we started dating in this period of the year so the memories come flooding back.

And I am too busy in my studies to meet someone else

( I am 24 year old)

 

 

So, what do you think ? Should I be worried ?

 

Thank you ! :)

 

Thank you ! :)

[bluecastle]

There is no "normal" in romance and heartache, rest assured.

 

It sounds like you're doing everything right: not extending contact, focusing on studies, exploring new interests. Stay on that path and the memories will fade.

 

It also sounds like this is just one of those relationships that left a big mark. It was your first relationship, so that makes sense. And it ended, for you, abruptly, which generally carries an especially potent sting.

 

In short, no worries. No self-judgement. Acknowledge what you're feeling, when you're feeling it, and keep moving forward. It'll just keep getting better.

[catfeeder]

If this was your 1st relationship then it's the only reference you have until you build more experiences.

 

There's a difference between referring to what you've come to miss as something wonderful you'll want to pursue again someday versus pining in pain over it. You're the one who knows which it is, so if you're in pain, use the mental health counselling covered by your tuition to learn how to feel better. You've already paid for the services, so why not use them?

[SGH]

What you're experiencing is sadly quite normal. It's been a year since my last breakup, and while I've had a similar course of moving on, I think of him at some point every day too. The truth is, until someone else has filled up the space in your heart, you will likely have some wistful thoughts from time to time. Just remember that what you're craving isn't really a guy who left you; it's a guy who will love you and stay by your side. Try to be patient with dating and with yourself. There's no rush.

[ThatwasThen]

Once someone is in our lives, they will remain in our memories. Time will take care of the frequency of your thoughts of a person as will time take care of how you feel when they pop into your memory. You're closer to the stage of indifference to him and his memories so that's a good thing. Just don't dwell on him when he pops into your head and instead change the subject right away... soon enough you'll find those visits down memory lane will become fewer and further apart.

 

Good for you for declining his offer of friendship. By doing that (IMO) you're displaying how healthy your self-worth and self-respect is... no one should want to be demoted from romantic partner to just friend.

[DanZee]

These things happen. He was probably interested in another girl and broke it off so he could date her. As you go through life, you will have more relationships that don't work out. In a way, I still miss the people I dated 30-40 years ago. They were all great ladies. Eventually you'll look back nostalgically on your past boyfriends. Just keep moving on. What you're experiencing is completely normal.

[figureitout23]

I agree with everyone else.

 

I can be going about life and I can see something that will trigger a memory from someone I dated well over a decade ago. I think it’s normal.

 

I guess you just have to remain brutally honest with yourself. When you go on dates are you miserable because you can’t stop thinking about your ex? Do the memories cause you pain?

 

I think that’s the difference between normal memories, vs still healing.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. It's normal to remember someone you've been with. You only think of him when a dating situation doesn't work out. Why not focus on dating guys and establishing a happy relationship?

This was my first relationship.The thing is, the break up was 8,5 months ago and I am worried because I still think of him everyday. I have been interested in other guys since the break up, but nothing serious happened, and everytime, once I forgot about the new guy, my thoughts go back to my ex.

[jimmyh]

There are things you never ever get over. For me, that thing is my undergraduate school.

 

It seems that I'm over all my past relationships, yet, I still do remember them and analyze them. From time to time, I have this dream about a girl with dark and very curly hair I've forgotten almost everything about. The first time I had that dream, I woke up heart broken, though things ended long in the past. The last time, in that dream, I did something I don't quite remember with her and I woke up to my happiest morning in decades. I don't think I'll ever meet her or talk to her again in this life, so I'd prefer not to have such dreams or memories, but it's not something I know how to control.

 

All I'm saying, my mind is playing dirty tricks on me. I assume yours does that, too.

[RayRay63]

I am worried because I still think of him everyday ...

 

I don't miss him anymore, nor do I want to get back with him, but I thought by that point I would be completely indifferent and I am not

 

Concentrate on your studies/work, the gym, etc, and let time do its work. Indifference will come. It is not something you directly control, but it sounds like you are doing the right things to encourage it.

 

Chin up.

[Cottoncandy]

Thanks to all of you for your replies ! :)

 

BlueCastle, that's exactly what I needed to read, thanks :) I try as much as possible not to be hard on myself, but sometimes it's a little difficult ! Self-compassion is really something I need to cultivate !

Catfeeder, yes exactly. I have the feeling that I will always think of him that much until I meet someone else, that sucks. I am sure I am not pining over him, though. I genuinely have been interested in others guys and in hindsight, I can say we weren't really compatibles. He's just still on my mind everyday. You're right, therapy could be helpful

 

SGH, thank you ! I think it's true, I'll stop thinking about him when someone new comes along ! Sorry you're going this, I hope everything going well for you

 

ThatwasThen, thank you ! I really hope you are right !!

 

Danzy, you will have more relationships that don't work out, that makes me kind of sad but I guess it's true :( But thank you, I will keep moving on!

 

Figureitout23, thank you ! Fortunately, I am pretty sure he's just a memory. I no longer think of him that way ! I guess I just have to go with the flow.

 

Wiseman, You only think of him when a dating situation doesn't work out. Exactly !

Why not focus on dating guys and establishing a happy relationship? Well, I wish I could but that's a bit complicated right now ! I have to pass a very hard competitive exam next june and I don't have much free time left because I am studying most of the time.

I met some guys, but it was during the summer break !

 

Jimmih, oh I am sorry you are going through this too. That sucks ... I hope you are okay !

[Ruggycole]

I am in a very similar situation as you, although its only been 5 months since my breakup. But it sounds like you're doing the right thing, focusing on your life and not letting this breakup hold you back from living your life. It will take time, it usually does. Just keep doing what you're doing. So no, there is nothing wrong with the way you are feeling/thinking about him every day, its normal.