I need to get out of something abusive but im scared to leave/not strong enough

[rchubn]

I've posted about this relationship a few times before but different situations

 

I'm m in this emotionally abusive relationship that I can't seem to get out of no matter how much I try. I want out so bad and I'm so unhappy but I can't seem to gather enough strength to walk out on my own. This man can make me the happiest girl on earth or absolutely miserable, there's no inbetween.

 

I don't have a lot of friends because I was that idiotic girl that alienated her friends for a guy and now I feel so trapped in this and I have no one to turn to. I know this isn't the kind of love that I wanted. I'm in my early 20s. Logically, I know I can find someone else one day but I'm scared to make that leap. I feel like half the woman I was walking into this relationship. I feel drained and crushed in spirit. I've bragged about this guy like he's something amazing but I'm so unhappy and I feel like no one in my life knows what I go through with this man.

 

I feel like I'm in this state where I'm in pain if I go but I'm in pain if I stay as well. There's a lot of gaslighting, there's a lot of projection, there's a lot of punishment. Because hes my boyfriend, he knows personal stuff about me and when he's angry, he uses it against me. It's like I'll open up and show him a tender spot and he'll take note and eventually kick me there when he's angry. He knows what to say and how to say it.

 

I just want it to stop and I don't know how

[Capricorn3]

I just want it to stop and I don't know how

Sounds like it's time for counselling/therapy to help you figure out why it is that you stay in abusive situations when you recognise you're in a toxic situation. Ask yourself WHY stay. What do you get out of this abusive relationship?

[DanZee]

You can call your local abuse hotline just to have someone to talk to. They can tell you your options.

[Wiseman2]

Stop the charade and tell them. That's the first step.

I've bragged about this guy like he's something amazing but I'm so unhappy and I feel like no one in my life knows what I go through with this man.

[Andrina]

Bullies choose weak victims. He could see you lack low self-esteem. Subconsciously, you choose a partner you think you deserve. Your self talk of not being strong enough is very debilitating. Do everything you can, whether it be seeking counseling or reading self help books or both to boost your self worth. Otherwise, you will stay in abusive relationships, or if you actually gain the wherewithal to end things, you will repeat the cycle of choosing yet another abusive man if you don't work on yourself. Learn from your past and keep a fulfilling life of hobbies and keep up with friendships. Making a man the sole center of your universe is unhealthy. Take care.

[Hollyj]

You stop by leaving. Have you sought out counseling? Do you have family you can turn to? Do you work? Does he support you, is this why you stay?

 

What are you getting out of this relationship?

[ThatwasThen]

Where is your family, Rchubn? Can they help you to disengage yourself from your drug of choice called "bad boyfriend?"

 

Here is a link for you to use. The people that you can contact (the phone numbers are near the bottom of the page) will guide you in how to get yourself away from him, how to rehab from your addiction to him and hopefully, get you the therapy you need to help you get back the self-worth he has whittled away in you.

 

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/getting-out-of-an-abusive-relationship.htm

 

You are not getting anything of real value from continuously posting to strangers on the internet about your situation. DO SOMETHING constructive that will actually get you results. Stop with the excuses that you keep reinforcing in yourself as to why you can't leave. You can but first you have to DO SOMETHING besides vent and repeat.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately, your fear of being alone and desperation to find a husband has allowed you to stay with someone you are not happy with, you don't respect and who doesn't treat you well. When you fix those two problems, you'll let go of the wrong people much sooner .

He had old photos of him and his ex nude, the time stamp of when the photo was taken was about 3 years ago but it says he viewed it 2 months ago. Meaning he's looked at this photos during our relationship.

 

I thought I'd marry him and now I can't even think about a future because I think about a marriage where I have that image burned into my head.

 

Im also too scared to walk away because I'm worried that I won't find someone else.

[Hollyj]

Where is your family, Rchubn? Can they help you to disengage yourself from your drug of choice called "bad boyfriend?"

 

Here is a link for you to use. The people that you can contact (the phone numbers are near the bottom of the page) will guide you in how to get yourself away from him, how to rehab from your addiction to him and hopefully, get you the therapy you need to help you get back the self-worth he has whittled away in you.

 

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/getting-out-of-an-abusive-relationship.htm

 

You are not getting anything of real value from continuously posting to strangers on the internet about your situation. DO SOMETHING constructive that will actually get you results. Stop with the excuses that you keep reinforcing in yourself as to why you can't leave. You can but first you have to DO SOMETHING besides vent and repeat.

 

I agree. Take some action and stop with all of the excuses!

[catfeeder]

Consider contacting one of the domestic violence hotlines on the Internet for a referral to someone local who can help you form and carry out the best plan for you.

 

Everything starts with a decision.