ThatwasThen Posted August 4, 2018 Share Posted August 4, 2018 He doesn't want to "date" her. They want to be sex partners who respect one another while being safe and in that circumstance, she is being mature. Why are people trying to shame her for taking care of her sexual health and protection from unwanted pregnancy? Granted, I don't agree with having non committed sex when one is a virgin but she has her stuff together at this point. Time will tell how she handles the non-committedness of her sexual union. Hopefully she won't shred her own heart in the process and should it not work out well, learns from the experience and not repeat it. Link to comment
samtyle Posted August 4, 2018 Author Share Posted August 4, 2018 You are not mature enough to have sex if you lied to your parents about being at the movies. If you were mature, you would have gone to the movies on a proper date or you would have said you were going to play videogames. Not the kind of honesty you need to have sex. Honestly, condoms are not enough if he doesn't know how to use them properly. If he wants to date or have sex with you - instead of convincing you to sneak around your parents, he would do the opposite - act like a proper gentleman around them to gain their trust -- drop you back home when he says he will, or a bit early. Really go to movies. And then they will not watch like a hawk and if one day you go over and play video games, they won't even ask what you are doing. I eventually did tell her i just went to his house, and that we decided to not go to the movies- i never lie to them, i start to feel really guilty. But we don't want to date we don't have those feelings for eachother and lying to ourselves and pretending we have those feelings is worse. We do hang out without getting handsy with eachother, yesterday was the first time anything like that happened between us. He never convinced me to be sneak either (in fact my parents were asleep when he was picking me up so i was just going to text them, but he made me wake them up before we left), he asked if i wanted to come and hang out at his place; and i said yes, i didn't even tell him that i told my parents something else. He's been over here for dinner, met my parents and they think he is incredibly respectful (he is) and they love him. He did drop me home at 4 when my parents asked him to, and he bought me icecream on the way home. I've never had close guy friends, so no matter what they're going to watch me like a hawk. Link to comment
samtyle Posted August 4, 2018 Author Share Posted August 4, 2018 He doesn't want to "date" her. They want to be sex partners who respect one another while being safe and in that circumstance, she is being mature. Why are people trying to shame her for taking care of her sexual health and protection from unwanted pregnancy? Granted, I don't agree with having non committed sex when one is a virgin but she has her stuff together at this point. Time will tell how she handles the non-committedness of her sexual union. Hopefully she won't shred her own heart in the process and should it not work out well, learns from the experience and not repeat it. Thank you for this, a lot of people on here see a teenager and automatically think i'm gonna screw up my entire life which is the exact reason i'm afraid to approach my parents Link to comment
Jibralta Posted August 4, 2018 Share Posted August 4, 2018 My guy bestfriend and I have been hanging out a lot this summer, we've gone on so many adventures, and recently he has met my family. The minute my mom found out I've been constantly talking to this boy she got all weird and automatically thought i liked him and he liked me and we were a thing, but that's not the case. When he came over to my house, she watched us like a hawk regardless of the amount of times i told her he was just a friend. Well, yesterday i told her that i was going to see a movie with him when in reality i went to his place and we played video games. I knew she wouldn't be okay with me going over there for probably the exact things we did. We were playing games and out of nowhere he kissed me one thing lead to another and we made out a lot, amongst other things (no sex though). We talked and had decided we want to do it again, not all the time but an occasional fun time. My mom found out that i went over to his place yesterday because movies aren't 6 hours long, and she was a little thrown off by it but not mad. But, she's not going to let me go over there all the time because then she'll know. I am not a sneaky teen, and i am the WORST at lying especially to my parents. So, how do i continue this without telling my mom? We are being smart; the entire time we were making out anything he'd do he would ask permission because he didn't want to make me feel uncomfortable- also this isn't a norm for me this guy was my first kiss and stuff, so out of my element. Lastly, since we want to continue things we may take them a step further and have sex. He will of course wear condoms but i want to get on birth control because you can never be too safe. How do i go about that? I tried to get on a while ago for cramps but my mom got weird about it and danced over the topic. If I keep asking she's going to know it's because im fooling around with some dude, she already thinks it's weird how i've been spending so much time with him especially at his house. Like I said this whole thing is new to me and I have no adults who won't tell my mom about this, and if my mom finds out she'll put me on a short leash with this dude (it's happened to my brother). ^^^ my parents are pretty strict so going to a clinic and stuff is not an option idk how i would get there and keep it from my mom Why do you need to have sex? Why can't you wait a few years? Link to comment
boltnrun Posted August 4, 2018 Share Posted August 4, 2018 I responded to your other post (under the other user name). I agree that another form of birth control in addition to condoms is smart. Why would it be "weird" for him to drive you to the free clinic or Planned Parenthood? If he wants to enjoy sexual activity with you, this should be a no brainer. The two of you can save up $50 or so for a donation to the clinic. They will give you condoms plus the form of birth control you choose. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted August 4, 2018 Share Posted August 4, 2018 Why do you need to have sex? Why can't you wait a few years? Usual reasons, I presume. Hormones, curiosity, plus it feels good. I did it when I was a teen (18). Basic biology too. Link to comment
dias Posted August 4, 2018 Share Posted August 4, 2018 Why do you need to have sex? Why can't you wait a few years? Mehh, what's the point of saving fun for later... Link to comment
samtyle Posted August 4, 2018 Author Share Posted August 4, 2018 Why do you need to have sex? Why can't you wait a few years? My full intent was to wait but when we started making out and stuff I realized how much fun it’d be and my hormones are all over and so are his. I trust him, so why wait? Link to comment
samtyle Posted August 4, 2018 Author Share Posted August 4, 2018 I responded to your other post (under the other user name). I agree that another form of birth control in addition to condoms is smart. Why would it be "weird" for him to drive you to the free clinic or Planned Parenthood? If he wants to enjoy sexual activity with you, this should be a no brainer. The two of you can save up $50 or so for a donation to the clinic. They will give you condoms plus the form of birth control you choose. Because we never discussed actually having sex, yesterday when we made out and stuff it almost happened but didn’t. I don’t want him to think I expect sex if he isn’t comfortable with it but I do want to be prepared if we ever get in the moment again. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted August 4, 2018 Share Posted August 4, 2018 Because we never discussed actually having sex, yesterday when we made out and stuff it almost happened but didn’t. I don’t want him to think I expect sex if he isn’t comfortable with it but I do want to be prepared if we ever get in the moment again. So, engaging in sexual activity is only a good idea if you are mature enough to handle it. Part of that is discussing the use of condoms and other forms of birth control. If you're reluctant to discuss your shared sexual activity, how the heck are you going to handle actually doing these things with him? Or are you planning to "do it" but not talk about it? Because if so, you are nowhere near ready to engage in sex of any form. Link to comment
samtyle Posted August 4, 2018 Author Share Posted August 4, 2018 So, engaging in sexual activity is only a good idea if you are mature enough to handle it. Part of that is discussing the use of condoms and other forms of birth control. If you're reluctant to discuss your shared sexual activity, how the heck are you going to handle actually doing these things with him? Or are you planning to "do it" but not talk about it? Because if so, you are nowhere near ready to engage in sex of any form. Well I told him that I was comfortable with going further after our day together and he said “okay I just didn’t want to anything you’d regret” so he knows I’m down, I don’t know if he is but when we were making out he seemed down. He had condoms in his bathroom (he does have brothers too so I’m not completely sure they where his) but I can tell you if he refuses to wear a condom I will not have sex with him. But he’s not dumb. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted August 4, 2018 Share Posted August 4, 2018 Well I told him that I was comfortable with going further after our day together and he said “okay I just didn’t want to anything you’d regret” so he knows I’m down, I don’t know if he is but when we were making out he seemed down. He had condoms in his bathroom (he does have brothers too so I’m not completely sure they where his) but I can tell you if he refuses to wear a condom I will not have sex with him. But he’s not dumb. OK...but what does that have to do with not wanting to ask him to drive you to the clinic because you think it would be "weird"? Link to comment
samtyle Posted August 4, 2018 Author Share Posted August 4, 2018 OK...but what does that have to do with not wanting to ask him to drive you to the clinic because you think it would be "weird"? Okay yeah it’s probably not weird; I just don’t want him to feel like I’m using him. We don’t live close and he works a lot, Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted August 4, 2018 Share Posted August 4, 2018 OK...but what does that have to do with not wanting to ask him to drive you to the clinic because you think it would be "weird"? It would be weird for her because they haven't agreed to have sex yet and therefore would be presumptuous of her to assume that they will have sex. (I think that is what she is alluding to) If I'm correct in that, samtyle then simply ask him to give you a lift because you want to get on BC to regulate your periods and help you with your cramping... and that you want to be safe from pregnancy when you become intercourse active. You are being somewhat sexually active with him already, no (?) so that conversation should come easy to you. *On edit... just read your response so this post isn't relevant. ;) Link to comment
boltnrun Posted August 4, 2018 Share Posted August 4, 2018 Okay yeah it’s probably not weird; I just don’t want him to feel like I’m using him. We don’t live close and he works a lot, How would you be "using" him when you are asking for a ride to the clinic so you can help protect yourself AND him from an unwanted pregnancy? How is it "using" him when he is the one who both participates in and benefits from the sexual activity you two plan to share? This is what concerns me; I wonder if you are thinking maturely about this. I get that you are horny and like the sex because it feels good, but are you truly ready to do this? BTW, this is exactly how and why so many teens end up pregnant. They like the sex but aren't ready to maturely deal with their decision to have sex and all that it involves. Link to comment
samtyle Posted August 4, 2018 Author Share Posted August 4, 2018 How would you be "using" him when you are asking for a ride to the clinic so you can help protect yourself AND him from an unwanted pregnancy? How is it "using" him when he is the one who both participates in and benefits from the sexual activity you two plan to share? This is what concerns me; I wonder if you are thinking maturely about this. I get that you are horny and like the sex because it feels good, but are you truly ready to do this? BTW, this is exactly how and why so many teens end up pregnant. They like the sex but aren't ready to maturely deal with their decision to have sex and all that it involves. I am ready to have sex and won’t have sex unless I’m for sure I’m not gonna get pregnant. I don’t want him to spend his time to drive me to a clinic to get out on medication for sex I’m not even sure he wants. I’m so bad at asking for things- and it’s not his job to take care of me. I need to swallow my pride and ask my parents. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted August 4, 2018 Share Posted August 4, 2018 How would you be "using" him when you are asking for a ride to the clinic so you can help protect yourself AND him from an unwanted pregnancy? How is it "using" him when he is the one who both participates in and benefits from the sexual activity you two plan to share? This is what concerns me; I wonder if you are thinking maturely about this. I get that you are horny and like the sex because it feels good, but are you truly ready to do this? BTW, this is exactly how and why so many teens end up pregnant. They like the sex but aren't ready to maturely deal with their decision to have sex and all that it involves. How is not wanting to impose on the guy being not ready to have sex? She is wanting to be correct in how she is handling this by making sure he wears condoms and getting herself on birth control. Not wanting to impose on someone is not being too immature to have sex. Samtyle. Just ask your parents to give you a ride to the doctor or take a cab to the clinic. It is up to ALL of us to make sure we are in control of our own birth control methods and not leave that important thing up to anyone else. If you don't want to ask him then don't but do not have sex with him until you are on birth control (of some kind... IUD/BC pills/Patch) and have followed the instructions and are familiar with the reactions from being on your choice of BC. You may not tolerate the pill very well (lots of us don't). Good luck and don't be discouraged. I believe you are being mature about this but unsure about how to get er done without causing undo stress on you or your parents. I just wish you had a close enough relationship with them where you could discuss this openly with your mother who would help you to keep yourself safe. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted August 4, 2018 Share Posted August 4, 2018 I am ready to have sex and won’t have sex unless I’m for sure I’m not gonna get pregnant. I don’t want him to spend his time to drive me to a clinic to get out on medication for sex I’m not even sure he wants. I’m so bad at asking for things- and it’s not his job to take care of me. I need to swallow my pride and ask my parents. And people are saying you're not mature? Good on you. Link to comment
samtyle Posted August 4, 2018 Author Share Posted August 4, 2018 And people are saying you're not mature? Good on you. Thank you for sticking up for me, most adults are incapable of thinking a teenager can be mature. Yes, is it kind of stupid i am wanting to have sex with a friend? yes, i'm aware of that but right now i feel sex is inevitable, and i'm just trying to graduate i don't need a relationship holding me back. I think I have a good setup considering the circumstances. I don't want to pressure him into feeling like he has to have sex with me by making him take me to get birth control- i need it regardless anyways. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted August 4, 2018 Share Posted August 4, 2018 Thank you for sticking up for me, most adults are incapable of thinking a teenager can be mature. Yes, is it kind of stupid i am wanting to have sex with a friend? yes, i'm aware of that but right now i feel sex is inevitable, and i'm just trying to graduate i don't need a relationship holding me back. I think I have a good setup considering the circumstances. I don't want to pressure him into feeling like he has to have sex with me by making him take me to get birth control- i need it regardless anyways. Well, I was 17 once and thinking just like you. FWIW: I ending up marrying him, eventually. ;) Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted August 4, 2018 Share Posted August 4, 2018 I just thought of something. Check out Nurx. It’s an online birth control website. You answer some questions and they mail you the pill. You don’t have to use insurance - you can pay out of pocket. Check out the FAQ if you’re curious. I use Nurx. It’s credible and legit. Link to comment
journeynow Posted August 4, 2018 Share Posted August 4, 2018 Good for you to be taking steps to be prepared, prevent pregnancy, and of course STDs. Also, it's important to consider that unexpected pregnancies can happen even on birth control, so both of you consider how you would handle it. Link to comment
samtyle Posted August 4, 2018 Author Share Posted August 4, 2018 Good for you to be taking steps to be prepared, prevent pregnancy, and of course STDs. Also, it's important to consider that unexpected pregnancies can happen even on birth control, so both of you consider how you would handle it. Oh yeah, he'll use a condom too. But there is risk and i 1000% understand that- i think part of being ready to have sex is understanding the risks :) Link to comment
samtyle Posted August 5, 2018 Author Share Posted August 5, 2018 So another question; how do i know if he wants sex? (i may just make a separate thread) because after our day we texted a bit talking about everything. He kept saying how much fun he had, and i said "i probably could've gone further, i was comfortable" and he replied "i didn't wanna do anything you'd regret" he also said he wants to do this again. But how can i be sure whether or not he wants sex? Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted August 5, 2018 Share Posted August 5, 2018 So another question; how do i know if he wants sex? (i may just make a separate thread) because after our day we texted a bit talking about everything. He kept saying how much fun he had, and i said "i probably could've gone further, i was comfortable" and he replied "i didn't wanna do anything you'd regret" he also said he wants to do this again. But how can i be sure whether or not he wants sex? You'll know in the moment. And that is why it's critical to get on contraceptives now, and buy condoms to have ready. Link to comment
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