Why Did My Ex Show Up at My Game?

[newnewness]

My boyfriend of 10 mths dumped me 6 mths ago. We saw each other a few times after that, slept together (I KNOW, BAD IDEA), the last time being 3 mths ago, but still talk/text occasionally. We both have a passion for a sport (he actually is obsessed with it). He texted me this morning to wish me luck because he saw my team was playing in a championship and wasn't sure if I was there. I told him yes. Then after my match, a mutual friend said she was going to tell him how I did, but then we saw him there. We spoke briefly, he complimented me on my performance, and he left shortly thereafter (even though some of my teammates were still playing their match). It seemed like he had a hard time looking me in the eye.

 

Prior to the breakup, the relationship was going extremely well, but he felt pressure at work, family, etc. He said he had nothing left to offer me. He also said he felt pressured by me to get married, but he was the one who brought up certain things, took me to meet his parents, looked at a place with me, etc. He's also said he doesn't feel worthy of me, that he's a bad provider. Just prior to breaking up he said his greatest worry was being able to do things for me. Of course I tried to reassure him that we could be that much stronger together, financially and otherwise. I know he has a "lovely companion" that he just recently posted pics with on FB few days after an outing with her, but still lists his FB status as single (I unfriended him but can still see some of his posts), but yet he still came to see me. I asked him for some tips (again taking our friend's advice) via text after he left, to which he promptly replied. This was about a week ago. I have a birthday coming up, so I suspect he might text (even though I ignored him on his birthday and father's day last month...he wished me a happy mother's day both the night before and the day of).

 

Did he just come out of the love of the sport, or was there something else going on there?

[shessofly]

You’ll have to ask him to find out.

[newnewness]

Anyone else?

[HeartGoesOn]

I don't get any vibes that would indicate a hidden message, if this is what you're looking for.

[newnewness]

Why did he come to see me is what I'm asking. It's obvious he only came to see me play. Why, if he's moved on?

[boltnrun]

Do you want to reconcile with him?

[newnewness]

I have a feeling my answer will determine your answer. I'm just asking for impressions of the situation.

[boltnrun]

If you don't want to reconcile I'd have to wonder why you're questioning his motives (or more accurately, you're sure he came just to see you which of course is totally possible). I mean, my ex tried to come to my birthday party a few years ago and I just told him "no" and didn't even think to wonder why on earth he'd want to. But I don't want to reconcile with him.

 

If you're still in contact, maybe he thinks the two of you are friends. Friends often come to see their friends participate in an activity, particularly if it's something they're interested in.

 

But there's really no way to know for sure without asking him.

[newnewness]

There's no doubt in my mind he came to see me. He could have gone to any other game. There were games going on at two different locations for the championship. Heck, my coach didn't even come. He made sure I was there before he came. He had told me before this championship that he would come to my games/support me regardless of our status, which he did not. However, I know that he's been following my games online because through one text he was able to recount some of my recent games (he actually had played against one of my opponents before).

 

He knows that I cannot just be friends with him even though we've been cordial for the most part. I just find it interesting that now that he has this "companion" he decides to see me.

[Starlight925]

Here are possible reasons he showed up:

 

1) He loves the game and wanted to see it, being as it was a championship game.

 

2) He wants to keep you on the back burner. You already showed him that you'll sleep with him after breaking up, so he wants to make sure you're still available to him.

 

3) He has this new girl, but he wants to use you to make her jealous.

 

Any, or all, of the above.

[newnewness]

Here are possible reasons he showed up:

 

1) He loves the game and wanted to see it, being as it was a championship game.

 

2) He wants to keep you on the back burner. You already showed him that you'll sleep with him after breaking up, so he wants to make sure you're still available to him.

 

3) He has this new girl, but he wants to use you to make her jealous.

 

 

 

Any, or all, of the above.

1. Could have seen any championship game, didn't have to see mine. Didn't even stay to see how the other two matches went for my team.

2. He knows that shipped has sailed and he will not be allowed to sleep with me without commitment (we had that conversation a long time ago).

3. I doubt the new girl has any idea that he went to my game, as he came alone, on a weekday morning.

 

What else you got?

[SGH]

You said it's been 3 months since you slept together. My guess is, he wouldn't mind another round despite other women in his life. Your description of the breakup sounds like the classic emotionally unavailable man. Don't be too flattered. Even if he is out for another rendezvous doesn't mean he misses you or wants to get back together. It likely means be pegged you as an easy target. If you're interested in having a committed relationship with someone, forget about this guy.

 

Edit: I saw your response post and sorry, with some guys the whole conversation doesn't get through. There's no loss when he tries and fails, because he's not looking for anything but a one night stand. Lack of shame about an attempt is an indication he's a user.

[newnewness]

You said it's been 3 months since you slept together. My guess is, he wouldn't mind another round despite other women in his life. Your description of the breakup sounds like the classic emotionally unavailable man. Don't be too flattered. Even if he is out for another rendezvous doesn't mean he misses you or wants to get back together. It likely means be pegged you as an easy target. If you're interested in having a committed relationship with someone, forget about this guy.

 

Edit: I saw your response post and sorry, with some guys the whole conversation doesn't get through. There's no loss when he tries and fails, because he's not looking for anything but a one night stand. Lack of shame about an attempt is an indication he's a user.

 

He's not looking for a one night stand. If he was, he wouldn't have driven all the way out there, he would have asked me out as friends and then tried to get me to his place, or he would have just straight asked me to his place. He hasn't even brought up sex, and believe me, he knows me well enough to know that ship has sailed. Lack of shame about attempt???? There was no attempt. LOL. There's nothing easy about me, we both mutually agreed to sleep together and I actually don't regret it. There's no setting up to have sex, etc. He came to a public place, where lots of our mutual friends would be, and he didn't (and hasn't since) brought up sex. One of our mutual friends (a woman) who has known him longer than me kept encouraging me to reach out to him (although is was related to the sport), but I found that interesting.

 

Anyone else?

[newnewness]

So, he just texted me happy birthday as if it is today when it’s actually tomorrow. He is obsessed with dates as he said himself and my birthday is the day before a very, very close relative of his, plus he has records of everything/dates, so I just found it odd that he wished me a happy birthday today.

[abitbroken]

So, he just texted me happy birthday as if it is today when it’s actually tomorrow. He is obsessed with dates as he said himself and my birthday is the day before a very, very close relative of his, plus he has records of everything/dates, so I just found it odd that he wished me a happy birthday today.

 

Honestly, if you don't want to get back together with him, I would not respond to him. I would also not follow up on his appearance. If he keeps contacting you, I would tell him "please let me move on. Please top contacting me". And leave it at that.

[newnewness]

But I do want to reconcile with him.

[abitbroken]

But I do want to reconcile with him.

 

He is dating someone.

Honestly, though, I would let more time pass from the past "encounter". Only respond to meaningful contact. If he says "i made a big mistake and i want your back" then answer, but if he just says "hi" or "happy birthday" or "nice weather" do not respond. He gave you up fairly easily when he broke up with you. I also caution you that if he was already talking marriage and babies and thinking about your future home ten months in -- not in general to be on the same page, but to marry you, this guy rushes things and then backs off.

 

Anyway, i would not be so keen to show him you want to reconcile. He could have told you he wanted you back when he slept with your 3 months ago but he didn't. I wouldn't jump so quickly at this.

[newnewness]

He is dating someone.

Honestly, though, I would let more time pass from the past "encounter". Only respond to meaningful contact. If he says "i made a big mistake and i want your back" then answer, but if he just says "hi" or "happy birthday" or "nice weather" do not respond. He gave you up fairly easily when he broke up with you. I also caution you that if he was already talking marriage and babies and thinking about your future home ten months in -- not in general to be on the same page, but to marry you, this guy rushes things and then backs off.

 

Anyway, i would not be so keen to show him you want to reconcile. He could have told you he wanted you back when he slept with your 3 months ago but he didn't. I wouldn't jump so quickly at this.

 

He told me shortly before posting that pic that he was not dating anyone. He's also said he's just wanted someone to go to dinner or the movies from time to time. He explicitly called her a companion, and she's definitely not a girlfriend. He's very precise about that. Regardless, he has to be a lot more aggressive for me to do anything.

 

Us both talking marriage, etc. (NO KIDS) is not unusual given our older age.

[Wiseman2]

It may be time to block and delete him from all social media and messaging. If he happens to show up be polite, but not more. He has a gf. It's hard for you to move forward and find love again if you stay in this limbo. Do not get demoted to fwb or fan. Also never discuss marriage after 10 months of dating. Dating is to get to know someone to see if you line up, not be fooled by "as if" future talk and behaviors you described.

My boyfriend of 10 mths dumped me 6 mths ago. We saw each other a few times after that, slept together. I know he has a "lovely companion" that he just recently posted pics with on FB few days after an outing with her.

[newnewness]

It may be time to block and delete him from all social media and messaging. If he happens to show up be polite, but not more. He has a gf. It's hard for you to move forward and find love again if you stay in this limbo. Do not get demoted to fwb or fan. Also never discuss marriage after 10 months of dating. Dating is to get to know someone to see if you line up, not be fooled by "as if" future talk and behaviors you described.

 

Some of you all can't read. She is NOT his girlfriend. He always labeled me and his past girlfriends on Facebook as his "girlfriend". His status is still single and she was referred to once as a "companion". As soon as someone says they want to reconcile, all the naysayers come out. I'm not a FWB and I'm a fan of us, not him. LOL. Not only did we discuss marriage but so did everyone around us -- many assumed we were married, and someone in his hometown that knew us well asked when we were getting married. You can't make a blanket statement like that, you don't know us or our situation or our ages, for that matter. Many people have discussed marriage in less time than that, and our discussions were general enough, like we'd like to get married one day (not necessarily to each other).

 

Anyone else?

[abitbroken]

He told me shortly before posting that pic that he was not dating anyone. He's also said he's just wanted someone to go to dinner or the movies from time to time. He explicitly called her a companion, and she's definitely not a girlfriend. He's very precise about that. Regardless, he has to be a lot more aggressive for me to do anything.

 

Us both talking marriage, etc. (NO KIDS) is not unusual given our older age.

 

Its one thing to tell eachother that you both ultimately are looking for marriage, that you don't want/want kids, etc, etc, but its another to talk about marrying eachother and looking for a love nest.

 

He called her a "companion" to YOU right, not on social media? He is trying to make himself look available to you. I don't care what he labels her -- he is going on at least casual dates with her whether he is just passing time with her to fill a void or what.

 

I agree that you should block him on social media and stop "asking him questions" like a mutual friend suggests you to. He is the one who dumped you. If he really wants you back then he has to try harder/do something more concrete. To me, maybe he misses you and that's why he showed up -- not enough time has passed from the time you post-relationship slept with him. If you had been absolutely no contact the past 6 months, him showing up would have more gravity than all these little exchanges you keep having.

 

I would do your best to move on for real -- in four month, you will have been apart as long as you were together. if he sincerely has figured out himself and decided that he made the mistake of his life -- he will actually say so.

[newnewness]

Its one thing to tell eachother that you both ultimately are looking for marriage, that you don't want/want kids, etc, etc, but its another to talk about marrying eachother and looking for a love nest.

 

He called her a "companion" to YOU right, not on social media? He is trying to make himself look available to you. I don't care what he labels her -- he is going on at least casual dates with her whether he is just passing time with her to fill a void or what.

 

I agree that you should block him on social media and stop "asking him questions" like a mutual friend suggests you to. He is the one who dumped you. If he really wants you back then he has to try harder/do something more concrete. To me, maybe he misses you and that's why he showed up -- not enough time has passed from the time you post-relationship slept with him. If you had been absolutely no contact the past 6 months, him showing up would have more gravity than all these little exchanges you keep having.

 

I would do your best to move on for real -- in four month, you will have been apart as long as you were together. if he sincerely has figured out himself and decided that he made the mistake of his life -- he will actually say so.

 

He never said anything to me about her at all. He called her a companion on social media. We actually talked about living together more as a financial move, but he knew in the back of his mind that I'm not one for shacking up so maybe he saw that as me wanted more/marriage. Ten months or not, I was the longest relationship he's had in the 8 years since he moved to our town and the only one he took home to meet his parents. I'm not going to dispute the feelings of people who have known him for much longer than me. I'm not giving up, but I'm definitely not chasing him either.

 

Anyone else?

[SGH]

I'm not sure why you made this thread. You clearly believe that him showing up to the game means he wants to have a relationship with you again. No one on the forum agrees with you, but it's your life and it doesn't really matter what a bunch of strangers online think.

 

Regardless of our differing views, we agree on what action you should take. Chasing after him for reconciliation would not be a smart move, especially when he is seeing another girl (seriously or not). Most of the forum posters are nay-sayers regarding reconciliation because it often doesn't work out in the long-term. Relationships don't end because both parties are blissfully happy and compatible. However, I wish you luck and hope it works out the way you want it to.

 

As a final bit or advice, try dating other people. Waiting around belittles you and your value as a partner. If a fire doesn't light up under his butt when he sees you moving towards other men, he doesn't share your feelings or concern.

[RetroMama77]

Given your responses "anyone else?", "what else you got?", it sounds like you aren't looking for impressions, but for someone to tell you what you want to hear.

 

You said you'd like to reconcile. Because of this you are going to analyze every moment of this recent meeting. Why not just ask him?? Hey, why did you come to my game the other day?

 

If a guy is really into you and wants to spend his life with you, he'll know. And he'll let you know! He won't be playing games likes some teenager. And if he is playing games, is that the type of guy you want? One that comes up with 10 reasons why he can't date you? Pressures at work, doesn't think he can provide, etc?

 

If you really love this guy then by all means go ahead and drive yourself crazy trying to figure him out. I think you deserve much better.

[newnewness]

I'm not sure why you made this thread. You clearly believe that him showing up to the game means he wants to have a relationship with you again. No one on the forum agrees with you, but it's your life and it doesn't really matter what a bunch of strangers online think.

 

Regardless of our differing views, we agree on what action you should take. Chasing after him for reconciliation would not be a smart move, especially when he is seeing another girl (seriously or not). Most of the forum posters are nay-sayers regarding reconciliation because it often doesn't work out in the long-term. Relationships don't end because both parties are blissfully happy and compatible. However, I wish you luck and hope it works out the way you want it to.

 

As a final bit or advice, try dating other people. Waiting around belittles you and your value as a partner. If a fire doesn't light up under his butt when he sees you moving towards other men, he doesn't share your feelings or concern.

 

First of all, I never said I believe he wants to have a relationship, that is just my hope.

 

Secondly, there are plenty of posts on this website of people who reconcile when naysayers voiced their know-it-all opinions. We were blissfully happy with each other; his problems, if you must know, stem from feeling inadequate/self-esteem/competitive issues and I'll leave it at that.

 

Thirdly, I have tried dating other people. He has no idea I'm "waiting around" and he will not see me with another man unless we happen to run into each other.

 

Anyone else?