Chris12189 Posted July 9, 2018 Author Share Posted July 9, 2018 Good for you, OP. Every day without contact and without alcohol is another day closer to recovery. The nightmares suck, but they are normal. They will gradually disappear, and slowly, you will be able to remind your brain that the worst has already passed and you don't need to be afraid to move forward. I feel worse than I did when I started. Quitting alcohol is a breeze Link to comment
RayRay63 Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 |I went to a funeral today C12189. I drove one of the ex's friends. and I answered her every question - that I knew will be reported back ;-) Assume they hear everything. Plan accordingly = WORK ON YOURSELF AND FORGET ABOUT HER. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 I feel worse than I did when I started. Quitting alcohol is a breeze It's normal, as healing isn't linear. Some days you'll feel okay, others not. You need to trust the process and believe that with time, you will start to get past this. Just out of curiosity, what led you to pick up the bottle again back in March? What is your history with alcohol? Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted July 9, 2018 Author Share Posted July 9, 2018 It's normal, as healing isn't linear. Some days you'll feel okay, others not. You need to trust the process and believe that with time, you will start to get past this. Just out of curiosity, what led you to pick up the bottle again back in March? What is your history with alcohol? I am not too sure. I have made an appointment with a new therapist this week to discuss that. I have no problem quitting drinking for months at a time and then when I am using, its usually only on weekends. But there is a marked difference in how I am when I use and do not use. Drug/Alcohol abuse does run in my family so its best for me to stay away. I have never been arrrested or in trouble before except with Alcohol. I dont know why I started using again, maybe I was cocky....I also tend to be my own worst enemy, like the relationship was going good and I felt I didnt deserve to be happy. All i know is I cannot control what has happened but only improve from here on forward.....its just really tough because I know how I am when not drinking and that Id still be with her if I ddint decide to start using again. Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted July 10, 2018 Author Share Posted July 10, 2018 had a really really bad morning at work thinking about her, having PC issues at work because I had to get a new phone and that reset my VIP access Pin....but something happpened at lunch and I just felt better. I didn't get much work done which I was disappointed in but I scheduled a visit with a therapist (pending the insurance check) and got an absolutely great workout in. I still wish it was her every time my phone buzzes but I am getting slightly better and not just staring at my phone for hours on end. Day 11 BU, Day 8 NC/Alcohol free Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted July 11, 2018 Author Share Posted July 11, 2018 really struggling today I feel close to a breakdown....I desperately want to call her and just apologize for my actions Link to comment
boltnrun Posted July 11, 2018 Share Posted July 11, 2018 really struggling today I feel close to a breakdown....I desperately want to call her and just apologize for my actions No need to do that when you already did this: "I simply said Okay, well the door is always open and I love you, you know how to reach out to me." Don't do something that will hurt even more. And please don't endanger your quest for sobriety by making your situation even worse by trying to contact your ex. Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted July 11, 2018 Author Share Posted July 11, 2018 No need to do that when you already did this: "I simply said Okay, well the door is always open and I love you, you know how to reach out to me." Don't do something that will hurt even more. And please don't endanger your quest for sobriety by making your situation even worse by trying to contact your ex. Sobriety is easy, I just cant handle not being able to sleep, not having an appetite, and just replaying scenarios over and over in my head Link to comment
RayRay63 Posted July 11, 2018 Share Posted July 11, 2018 Sobriety is easy, I just cant handle not being able to sleep, not having an appetite, and just replaying scenarios over and over in my head I was talking to my physician a few months ago - he said "look on the bright side [Rayray] - you are about to lose 15kg without trying". And he was right. Instead of thinking about contacting her, go for a run, or a fast walk. Put the headphones on, listen to some music, and in 15-20 minutes you'll get endorphin release, and start feeling better. You don't need to apologize. She made the decision she thought as best for her. She made a difficult decision, and she probably feels relieved right now. She doesn't want to hear from you - you are still the guy she dumped. Words are meaningless at this point. "Friendly" breadcrumbs from her are just a means to assuage her residual guilt, and get a little attention from you. They are inconsistent with her decision to end it. Doing no contact, which also means working on improving yourself, takes time - not days or weeks, months. You are doing this for yourself. She chose not to have you in her life. Paradoxically, by improving yourself, you may just re-attract her somewhere down the line. Maybe when she hears that you're thinner, fitter, sober, richer etc she'll get, at least, curious -but not now, its too soon, and it won't happen by talking to her. To paraphrase Superdave "If you do nothing, you won't make a mistake." Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted July 11, 2018 Author Share Posted July 11, 2018 I was talking to my physician a few months ago - he said "look on the bright side [Rayray] - you are about to lose 15kg without trying". And he was right. Instead of thinking about contacting her, go for a run, or a fast walk. Put the headphones on, listen to some music, and in 15-20 minutes you'll get endorphin release, and start feeling better. You don't need to apologize. She made the decision she thought as best for her. She made a difficult decision, and she probably feels relieved right now. She doesn't want to hear from you - you are still the guy she dumped. Words are meaningless at this point. "Friendly" breadcrumbs from her are just a means to assuage her residual guilt, and get a little attention from you. They are inconsistent with her decision to end it. Doing no contact, which also means working on improving yourself, takes time - not days or weeks, months. You are doing this for yourself. She chose not to have you in her life. Paradoxically, by improving yourself, you may just re-attract her somewhere down the line. Maybe when she hears that you're thinner, fitter, sober, richer etc she'll get, at least, curious -but not now, its too soon, and it won't happen by talking to her. To paraphrase Superdave "If you do nothing, you won't make a mistake." I do workout I just get overwhelming sadness. Its affecting my every aspect of life. I doubt she will hear any of that, we dont have any mutual friends (except for her one girlfriend on facebook) but I am not one to post and brag about good stuff in my life,especially to get reactions out of people Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted July 11, 2018 Author Share Posted July 11, 2018 she just facebook messaged me a link about free slurpees Link to comment
Pleasedonot5 Posted July 11, 2018 Share Posted July 11, 2018 she just facebook messaged me a link about free slurpeesJust breadcrumbs, don't respond. Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted July 11, 2018 Author Share Posted July 11, 2018 Just breadcrumbs, don't respond. Yeah I know...still very hard. Link to comment
Pleasedonot5 Posted July 11, 2018 Share Posted July 11, 2018 Of course man, just go with the flow, and stay NC. Post here anytime. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted July 11, 2018 Share Posted July 11, 2018 Block her. Who needs spam?she just facebook messaged me a link about free slurpees Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted July 11, 2018 Author Share Posted July 11, 2018 Block her. Who needs spam? still want her back. Don't want to go down that route unless I have to. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted July 11, 2018 Share Posted July 11, 2018 still want her back. Don't want to go down that route unless I have to. If you won't block her, but these messages hurt, then respond and tell her directly that her contact is confusing and hurtful to you. Tell her to please not get in touch unless it's to discuss reconciliation. She is more than likely dropping these little breadcrumbs to make herself feel better about hurting you. While I don't think she's got a malicious intention, she seems to be doing what other guilt-stricken dumpers do to assuage their conscience for causing their dumpees pain when they broke up. Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted July 11, 2018 Author Share Posted July 11, 2018 If you won't block her, but these messages hurt, then respond and tell her directly that her contact is confusing and hurtful to you. Tell her to please not get in touch unless it's to discuss reconciliation. She is more than likely dropping these little breadcrumbs to make herself feel better about hurting you. While I don't think she's got a malicious intention, she seems to be doing what other guilt-stricken dumpers do to assuage their conscience for causing their dumpees pain when they broke up. They dont really hurt. Its just tough to re-wire my brain not to answer. I think things will work provided I stay on the path I am on, but at the end of the day I need to see from her she is serious about getting back together. I understand my actions and behavior contributed to this breakup, but she chose to left instead of work things out, not me. Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted July 12, 2018 Author Share Posted July 12, 2018 Made it through day 9....I just want to call her and hash it out it's so difficult Link to comment
boltnrun Posted July 12, 2018 Share Posted July 12, 2018 Hash what out? Didn't she break up with you? What is there to "hash out"? I'm telling you, don't do it. You will end up feeling worse when she doesn't say she wants to get back together. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted July 12, 2018 Share Posted July 12, 2018 Made it through day 9....I just want to call her and hash it out it's so difficult What is it you want to say that has not already been said? Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted July 12, 2018 Author Share Posted July 12, 2018 What is it you want to say that has not already been said? Apologize for my contributions in the downfall Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted July 12, 2018 Share Posted July 12, 2018 Apologize for my contributions in the downfall This is something you haven't already communicated to her? Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted July 12, 2018 Author Share Posted July 12, 2018 This is something you haven't already communicated to her? No. All I told her was I would change and that the door was always open Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted July 12, 2018 Author Share Posted July 12, 2018 This morning as I left for work I saw a bunny in my yard and it just froze and stared at me....usually they just run away. My ex had a pet bunny that died while we were together and the bunny looked just Goppy....not sure if I'm reading into it too much but seems a sign Link to comment
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