Chris12189 Posted July 30, 2018 Author Share Posted July 30, 2018 I imagine she's fine. Whatever you do, do not reach out and ask her how this trial is going. If she wanted you to know, she'd be telling you. The sadness is normal. You just have to push through it. Keep remembering that one day it won't feel so hard anymore. It will take a while, but it will happen. No I am not. I set a goal with my therapist that there would be no contact initiated by me until September 24 (which is around 60 days from the start of NC) which is her bday. We are then going to evaluate where I am at and whether I should continue NC or send a happy birthday message. Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted July 31, 2018 Author Share Posted July 31, 2018 14 days complete starting to see a bit of light I suppose. I still miss and want her back but as each day passes I begin to remember what I didnt like about her as well. Link to comment
RayRay63 Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 No I am not. I set a goal with my therapist that there would be no contact initiated by me until September 24 (which is around 60 days from the start of NC) which is her bday. We are then going to evaluate where I am at and whether I should continue NC or send a happy birthday message. 60 days... too short a time. I hope your therapist is just thinking that by then maybe s/he won't have to talk you out of it. Unless you expect nothing, have lost interest in her romantically, have no interest in reconciling, and don't care if she ignores it. My X's birthday is in a few weeks, after 6 months of no contact. I will not be messaging her. Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted July 31, 2018 Author Share Posted July 31, 2018 60 days... too short a time. I hope your therapist is just thinking that by then maybe s/he won't have to talk you out of it. Unless you expect nothing, have lost interest in her romantically, have no interest in reconciling, and don't care if she ignores it. My X's birthday is in a few weeks, after 6 months of no contact. I will not be messaging her. Shes into me having concrete measurable goals it might be that Link to comment
RayRay63 Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 I'm not a professional psychologist. So I am not going to criticize your therapist. I simply think we are on a journey, and not focusing on the destination is for the best. Do not ask yourself "where will I be in (60-14=) 46 days?" Ask yourself "What did I do to improve myself today?" Stay strong. Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted July 31, 2018 Author Share Posted July 31, 2018 also day 15 things are getting better slightly in regards with my thoughts with my ex...funny how they say with time you only remember the good things but with me as time progresses I am remembering alot of the things I did not appreciate of her....in terms of alcohol I am rarely thinking of that (and usually its for a fleeting moment on weekends when watching a sports event) and I am definitely seeing some significant progress in the mental/physical/spiritual aspect of my life. Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted August 1, 2018 Author Share Posted August 1, 2018 Day 16, trudging along, the mood swings have moved from hour to hour to day to day. I usually have 3 days of i guess normalcy, then 1 great day that gives me hope, only to be shattered by an awful day after. Rollin with the punches like Mayweather though. Today is also 30 days sober/30 days BU Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted August 1, 2018 Share Posted August 1, 2018 Day 16, trudging along, the mood swings have moved from hour to hour to day to day. I usually have 3 days of i guess normalcy, then 1 great day that gives me hope, only to be shattered by an awful day after. Rollin with the punches like Mayweather though. Today is also 30 days sober/30 days BU That is truly wonderful, OP. You're doing an amazing job; keep going! Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted August 2, 2018 Author Share Posted August 2, 2018 Thank you. Day 17 NC....the self-defeating/self-pity thoughts have given way to mostly just sad thoughts about the situation which I suppose is an improvement Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 Thank you. Day 17 NC....the self-defeating/self-pity thoughts have given way to mostly just sad thoughts about the situation which I suppose is an improvement It is. You will cycle through these phases a little, but you're already doing better than you were. You're going to have a much brighter future ahead if you keep on this path. Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted August 3, 2018 Author Share Posted August 3, 2018 Thanks for the kind words MissCanuck. Day 18 is here, I am slowly getting better. I have gone from 1 step forward 3 steps back to 3 steps forward 1 step back. I am back to my normal self at work, joking, getting everything done. The one thing I can work on is getting out more on weekends, which I plan on doing Sunday for the Community Shield. Started talking to a few girls on dating apps, one of them has potential but its nice knowing that people find the new me attractive. Also down 20 lbs or so with some visible defintion/tone showing in my body Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted August 5, 2018 Author Share Posted August 5, 2018 Day 19....went to a friends for the fights, was a bit sad at the beginning since it was always something I did with her, but once I got past that 30 minute period I enjoyed myself. The light at the end of the tunnel gets bigger as the days pass on by. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted August 5, 2018 Share Posted August 5, 2018 Day 19....went to a friends for the fights, was a bit sad at the beginning since it was always something I did with her, but once I got past that 30 minute period I enjoyed myself. The light at the end of the tunnel gets bigger as the days pass on by. Yes, that tends to happen. Once you get used to not having the person around and not involved in the activities you once did together, it does get easier. The first few times take some adjustment, but it gradually feels normal doing these things without them. I'm happy you enjoyed yourself. That is progress. Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted August 5, 2018 Author Share Posted August 5, 2018 Thanks. I'm slowly learning patience in this whole ordeal which is huge for me I had little of it previously. Day 20, beautiful here and got the Community shield on in a bit Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted August 6, 2018 Author Share Posted August 6, 2018 Day 21. Excited to see how I feel in another 21 days, slowly but surely getting back to my old self. Link to comment
RayRay63 Posted August 6, 2018 Share Posted August 6, 2018 Stop counting the days and just go to the gym. ;-) Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted August 6, 2018 Author Share Posted August 6, 2018 Stop counting the days and just go to the gym. ;-) How did you know where I was lol Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted August 9, 2018 Author Share Posted August 9, 2018 Got a casual date on Sunday in Central Park, looking forward to it. Family and friends have been very complimentary about my physical changes, slowly but surely getting better (need to get better with the diet though!) Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted August 12, 2018 Author Share Posted August 12, 2018 Have my date today and of course I get a 4 am message from my ex, didnt answer. 3 weeks ago I would be dying for this text and here I am today easily able to move past it Link to comment
ninjabib Posted August 12, 2018 Share Posted August 12, 2018 Have my date today and of course I get a 4 am message from my ex, didnt answer. 3 weeks ago I would be dying for this text and here I am today easily able to move past it Awesome! They will get the message.. I used to feel the same, now its just annoying when she texts me. I just keep ignoring. She texts less and less. Win win. Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted August 12, 2018 Author Share Posted August 12, 2018 Awesome! They will get the message.. I used to feel the same, now its just annoying when she texts me. I just keep ignoring. She texts less and less. Win win. I do want her back but a "hey" 345 in the morning when shes most likely drunk isn't going to cut it Date went okay, dont want to rush into anything and didnt really get that initial spark. Definitely interested in hanging out again to see whether I was just thrown off or not Link to comment
ninjabib Posted August 12, 2018 Share Posted August 12, 2018 I do want her back but a "hey" 345 in the morning when shes most likely drunk isn't going to cut it Date went okay, dont want to rush into anything and didnt really get that initial spark. Definitely interested in hanging out again to see whether I was just thrown off or not Yeah shes definitely gonna cut you off cold after a 4am text. You will reply, she will say "im drunk, i didnt mean it" Glad date went ok, doesnt have to be the greatest date as long as it was worth attending. PLenty of other potentials out there too. Baby steps :) Link to comment
boltnrun Posted August 13, 2018 Share Posted August 13, 2018 I do want her back but a "hey" 345 in the morning when shes most likely drunk isn't going to cut it Date went okay, dont want to rush into anything and didnt really get that initial spark. Definitely interested in hanging out again to see whether I was just thrown off or not "Hey"? Really? Why do the people who dump us think we'll jump for joy because they drunkenly text us three letters at a godawful hour? That's just so stupid. Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted August 13, 2018 Author Share Posted August 13, 2018 "Hey"? Really? Why do the people who dump us think we'll jump for joy because they drunkenly text us three letters at a godawful hour? That's just so stupid. Cause then they can cop behind the "I was drunk excuse". I am making progress as I feel more annoyed/anger towards it. Link to comment
RayRay63 Posted August 13, 2018 Share Posted August 13, 2018 Anger/annoyance is not the opposite of affection. Indifference is. Having said that, this is a journey, and the anger is part of it so keep moving forward, one step at a time. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.