Chris12189 Posted August 13, 2018 Author Share Posted August 13, 2018 Anger/annoyance is not the opposite of affection. Indifference is. Having said that, this is a journey, and the anger is part of it so keep moving forward, one step at a time. Agreed, but I feel anger and annoyance are an improvement over microanalyzying and immediately responding as I would of done a few weeks back. Been waking up 430 am to workout, wow what a difference I love how accomplished I feel while everyone is still sleeping. The physical changes are absolutely beginning to show as well. I plan on doing a juice cleanse end of september and begin a new regime with a strict diet beginning of october after taking a rest week. Link to comment
RayRay63 Posted August 13, 2018 Share Posted August 13, 2018 Well they are indeed an improvement Chris. Life is funny sometimes. Here I am just about getting past the recent X (been 6 or 7 months abouts) and my ex from years ago noticed the self improvements from proper no contact ... bit of a conundrum there, trying to work out if she has improved herself as well. Keep on kicking against the p****s. (That's a Shakespeare quote, mods OK ) Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted August 17, 2018 Author Share Posted August 17, 2018 met with the therapist today and she thinks I may have been co-dependent on my ex as I tolerated alot of bull in the beginning of the relationship most people wouldn't (not that this excuses my behavior at the end). I have a date with a different girl on Tuesday who I have a good feeling about; hopefully goes well. Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted August 19, 2018 Author Share Posted August 19, 2018 rough weekend for me, thinking about her alot....been spending time with my friends out and about, but definitely looking for the day where this is not a rollercoaster. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 That roller coaster will subside over time. Keep doing what you are doing (therapy, friends, gym) and you will get there sooner rather than later. Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted August 20, 2018 Author Share Posted August 20, 2018 Yeah you are right missCanuck, I have came along way. My thinking is beginning to go to a more positive route, I have forgiven myself for my mistakes and am actively correcting them. I am beginning to see I tolerated so much BS in the start that no guy should ever have tolerated and that I may have been emotionally abused (which could be a trigger for me dirnking again, my therapist seem to think so). If she were to come back and stop these childish drunken texts at 4am, I wouldnt just immediately take her back like in the beginning but would have to have a serious sit down conversation to see if things would be better or if she improved on the things that she sucked at (which she probably hasnt since she was seeing someone after me). Link to comment
RayRay63 Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 Yeah you are right missCanuck, I have came along way. My thinking is beginning to go to a more positive route... I am beginning to see... Good stuff - you have started the negotiating phase. It may only be your rational brain negotiating with your emotional one, but it's a step forward, and better than any attempt at negotiating with the X. How long this will last is not really predictable with precision, but its part of the journey. I'm abut 7 months along and I still sometimes think about what I might do if the X appeared on my doorstep, but those unresolved feelings grow fainter each week. Now when my right brain starts hypothesizing, my left brain shouts it down. You can't be worrying about what you don't control. Just keep on with the work on yourself, and over time you will get there. Link to comment
unlawfulmoos Posted August 21, 2018 Share Posted August 21, 2018 In the same boat as you friend. I've just hit the official one week mark of NC after being dumped by my ex for her co-worker at camp. It's already getting better, even if the improvement is marginal. I'm beginning to feel excited for my days despite the occasional downs from time to time. Sort of a similar situation with my ex where she made the first moves for us to start dating, how she had fallen for me 3 months after we met etc.. And yet it didn't take more then 1.5 months of long distance for her to start thinking about the other guy and let our relationship fall apart. Anyways, try to not think about the talk that you'd have with her before taking her back, or how things can pick up again if she ever asked you about it. As everyone else says, keep focusing on yourself, your friends and your life going onward. The more i'm able to rationalize to myself that i was with someone who was more caught up in the moment with me than actually in love with me, the more i'm able to accept that things were going to end sooner or later. As mentioned above girls like that will stay around for as long as they still feel that spark between you two and likely will take the opportunity to look towards someone else if they feel an attraction towards them. No use waiting for someone who's only there for the passion. What i've been telling myself lately is to be my best self for me, and no one else. You get caught up with that, and someone worthwhile will come to you. Keep your eyes and your thoughts on the path you set out for yourself OP, the day is coming where this person will only be a memory. Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted August 21, 2018 Author Share Posted August 21, 2018 Thanks for the kind words. I have a date tomorrow with a girl who has kind of gotten me excited and a bit nervous; hopefully goes well. And hopefully no drunken texts the morning of from the ex for this one! Lol Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted August 22, 2018 Author Share Posted August 22, 2018 had to reschedule my date for today since she was requested to work late to cover the Trump rally last night, so will post an update later tonight. Today marks 50 days clean from alcohol, its amazing I have barely thought about it this whole time compared to other times where the first 60 days I obsessed over it. In a way I guess this breakup is good for letting me power through the early days of sobriety. Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted August 27, 2018 Author Share Posted August 27, 2018 lost track of the days in NC, havent heard from her except that drunken text. She has been stalking my IG story so I believe blocking may be the next move for that. My aformentioned date went well and we are still talking/hanging out, taking things very slow as i Do not want a past repeat. For anyone reading, it does get better if you remain NC. I am miles where I was at the start and I was a lost soul then. I still have days of pining and missing my love, but its less intense, I have the skills to cope with it now, and I can see the relationship for what it was and how I lowered my values becuase I was in love Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted August 30, 2018 Author Share Posted August 30, 2018 first really bad day in awhile, she left for Greece for her work hiking trip today, for some reason I had an intense almost compulsion to reach out to her. Good thing I did not. Still considering blocking her on Insta as she has been lurking on my story. In better news the girl and I who i went on a date with are meeting up again next week after Labor Day, so I have that to look forward too. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 first really bad day in awhile, she left for Greece for her work hiking trip today, for some reason I had an intense almost compulsion to reach out to her. Good thing I did not. Still considering blocking her on Insta as she has been lurking on my story. In better news the girl and I who i went on a date with are meeting up again next week after Labor Day, so I have that to look forward too. I think that would be a good idea. You don't need to be an audience member to her life right now. As you can see, it's not helping you feel better. Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted August 30, 2018 Author Share Posted August 30, 2018 I think that would be a good idea. You don't need to be an audience member to her life right now. As you can see, it's not helping you feel better. She is an audience member to my life. She is viewing mine not me viewing hers. I only know about the Greece trip as I was supposed to go with her on it Link to comment
jeremiahsain Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 And she was also telling you she loved you after dating for 7 days, correct? My point is that this girl sounds emotionally-driven and impulsive. These types tend to lose interest quickly too, when the next shiny object roles into view. You expedited that with your drinking and negligence, but relationships that are built on such flimsy foundations tend not to go the distance anyway. I don't mean that she's a bad person, but it appears it's easy for her to get caught up in a fantasy. Given that she's dating someone else now, it would be better for you to accept that this is over, and that it had red flags waving even independently of your drinking. She sounds like my girlfriend, tbh. For the first 6 months or so she was obsessive/clingy, constant 'I love yous' and basically making me feel like the most special guy in the world. I think 'I love you' came up pretty quickly in our relationship from her too, she was an incredibly emotional person and it was very difficult to not get caught up in that. I actually felt really comfortable/secure that she would never leave me because for the longest time I think she was infatuated with me, total honeymoon period stuff. It was a fantasy though, she built me up in her head very quickly as this ideal person and when the relationship started to cool a bit (naturally) and she started seeing me as a person rather than an ideal, the cracks started to show. Suddenly she was thinking we were too different, expressing worries to friends about the relationships future etc. It makes it so much harder when she turns around and ends it, because you think you're losing someone who you genuinely had something with, but like you say these people lose interest and that's that. She never loved 'me' (she didn't even know me when she was saying that) she was loving the ideal she had in her head. Once she actually got to know me it wasn't good enough for her. It might not be the case with you OP, but sadly your girlfriend does sound quite emotionally similar to mine. You get swept up with it, it's intense, you're convinced by it but really it isn't anything but a fantasy for her. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 She is an audience member to my life. She is viewing mine not me viewing hers. I only know about the Greece trip as I was supposed to go with her on it Eh, not really any better. You know she's looking. It's keeping you stuck and reading into things that are probably not there. Block her if you truly want to move on. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 She sounds like my girlfriend, tbh. For the first 6 months or so she was obsessive/clingy, constant 'I love yous' and basically making me feel like the most special guy in the world. I think 'I love you' came up pretty quickly in our relationship from her too, she was an incredibly emotional person and it was very difficult to not get caught up in that. I actually felt really comfortable/secure that she would never leave me because for the longest time I think she was infatuated with me, total honeymoon period stuff. It was a fantasy though, she built me up in her head very quickly as this ideal person and when the relationship started to cool a bit (naturally) and she started seeing me as a person rather than an ideal, the cracks started to show. Suddenly she was thinking we were too different, expressing worries to friends about the relationships future etc. Yes, these types are best avoided. They tend to have an immature idea of "love" and run in head-first based on lust and hormones, not on genuine care and desire. Link to comment
jeremiahsain Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 Yes, these types are best avoided. They tend to have an immature idea of "love" and run in head-first based on lust and hormones, not on genuine care and desire. Yeah, exactly. I think once those feelings wore off she just became 'dependent' on me because of her issues with depression etc, but began wanting a way out when those intense feelings wore off. I get where the OP is coming from because you think it MUST have been real, she was so convincing, so intense about it, she must still love you, but really once the illusion is shattered that's that. Might come back as a backup option out of comfort, but she'll never be the same person for a long period of time. Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted August 30, 2018 Author Share Posted August 30, 2018 Eh, not really any better. You know she's looking. It's keeping you stuck and reading into things that are probably not there. Block her if you truly want to move on. That will be my next move if things dont improve more in the next few weeks. Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted September 6, 2018 Author Share Posted September 6, 2018 Met with the therapist today and we went through my work, comparing it from when i started in July to today and there has been some great strides. I kind of view this breakup now as one of the best things to happen to me as I have started a path that is making me overall a better human being. I am down 30 Lbs to 175Lbs and I feel amazing. The neutral or even good times have vastly outweighed the bad times lately, this weekend being the exception. I am looking forward to what life has in store for me and my next steps is to step up my productivity at work as I have made it take a back seat to myself the past couple months. Thank you all for your words of encouragement, wisdom, and at times swift kick in the ass, I couldnt of made it far wtihout everyones help. Here is hoping my journey to happiness and full healing continues on the path its on Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted September 7, 2018 Author Share Posted September 7, 2018 And of course after that post my ex asks if I want to go to the Mets vs Phillies game tomorrow. So tentatively I will be going Link to comment
boltnrun Posted September 8, 2018 Share Posted September 8, 2018 And of course after that post my ex asks if I want to go to the Mets vs Phillies game tomorrow. So tentatively I will be going As a date? Or as "friends"? And I thought you had gone no contact...what happened? Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted September 8, 2018 Author Share Posted September 8, 2018 As a date? Or as "friends"? And I thought you had gone no contact...what happened? As a date....and she broke NC by asking if I would go with her. Link to comment
.thumb.jpeg.44db4c04df92b9d233296a0149430b4d.jpeg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.