Chris12189 Posted July 25, 2018 Author Share Posted July 25, 2018 Did she make any mistakes? Quite a bit. But I chose to forgave her for them and, for me, is water undernearth the bridge. Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted July 25, 2018 Author Share Posted July 25, 2018 You never had a "real" relationship with her, so you don't even know whether what you are missing is good or not. It's hard to not know what we have lost, I know. At the same time, watch out that you aren't sad just because she walked away and it bruised your ego. Who knows what other reasons besides your drinking problem caused you to detach? Focus on what you are doing to become the kind of person you want to be, and you will be in a good place when the right woman comes along. i get what you are saying but its her I miss. And she was very clear it was my drinking. She was happy with me except for that. Link to comment
saluk Posted July 25, 2018 Share Posted July 25, 2018 You are missing my point. I wasn't commenting on why SHE detached, but why YOU did. When you started drinking you stopped caring about her. How do you know for sure that you hadn't already stopped, or that you wouldn't have stopped caring anyway, because she wasn't actually what you wanted. (Despite the strong feelings at the beginning, and then of course strong feelings at the end trying to win her back, leading you to believe so). You were completely absent during the time in a relationship where you actually find out whether or not you work well together. I think you are pining for what you didn't get to find out rather than what you actually had. Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted July 25, 2018 Author Share Posted July 25, 2018 You are missing my point. I wasn't commenting on why SHE detached, but why YOU did. When you started drinking you stopped caring about her. How do you know for sure that you hadn't already stopped, or that you wouldn't have stopped caring anyway, because she wasn't actually what you wanted. (Despite the strong feelings at the beginning, and then of course strong feelings at the end trying to win her back, leading you to believe so). You were completely absent during the time in a relationship where you actually find out whether or not you work well together. I think you are pining for what you didn't get to find out rather than what you actually had. because things were going swimmingly until I started drinking again. I turn into a different person when I am using Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted July 25, 2018 Share Posted July 25, 2018 because things were going swimmingly until I started drinking again. I turn into a different person when I am using But that was all of what, a few weeks? Less than 2 months? Everything goes swimmingly in the beginning of a relationship, usually. It's the honeymoon phase, which you two dove into without getting to know each other. Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted July 25, 2018 Author Share Posted July 25, 2018 But that was all of what, a few weeks? Less than 2 months? Everything goes swimmingly in the beginning of a relationship, usually. It's the honeymoon phase, which you two dove into without getting to know each other. You all may be very well correct, but the point still stands that it failed because of my drinking. Not because of any systematic incompatabilities Link to comment
boltnrun Posted July 25, 2018 Share Posted July 25, 2018 And of course the big question is, if everything was going "swimmingly", why did you decide it was a great idea to start drinking again? Of course I get it, you're an addict. Addicts have a tendency to destroy their lives. You are receiving treatment, correct? Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted July 25, 2018 Author Share Posted July 25, 2018 And of course the big question is, if everything was going "swimmingly", why did you decide it was a great idea to start drinking again? Of course I get it, you're an addict. Addicts have a tendency to destroy their lives. You are receiving treatment, correct? Ya I am and its going welll... Link to comment
boltnrun Posted July 25, 2018 Share Posted July 25, 2018 I'm glad. That is a great positive step. Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted July 26, 2018 Author Share Posted July 26, 2018 Day 9 nearly in the books, just feeling blah today. Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted July 26, 2018 Author Share Posted July 26, 2018 Day 10, seeing the therapist later (pretty sad I actually enjoy the sessions) Link to comment
Pleasedonot5 Posted July 26, 2018 Share Posted July 26, 2018 Quite a bit. But I chose to forgave her for them and, for me, is water undernearth the bridge.I think you should think about her mistakes more. List them out. She isn't perfect. Sometimes she isn't even good. You may forgive; don't be so quick to forget. Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted July 26, 2018 Author Share Posted July 26, 2018 I think you should think about her mistakes more. List them out. She isn't perfect. Sometimes she isn't even good. You may forgive; don't be so quick to forget. I forgave them pretty early on. I do think she has plenty to work on and that she made contribution to the breakup but thats up to her to figure out; I am only concerned with bettering myself, healing, and moving on/reconciling (if in the cards). If we get to a point of reconciliation then I will make sure she has repaired her flaws. Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted July 27, 2018 Author Share Posted July 27, 2018 had a nice session with the Therapist. Shes giving me plenty of work and is surprised how eager I am to do it, but it does keep me busy and I love learning how to fix my mentality regarding life. She says its okay to have hope of a reconciliation but at the same time I should put myself out there in the mean time and casually date....that I may be surprised I find someone that better matches me. I honestly wish I did this years ago, I feel like I have more clarity and vision, as well as a better understanding how my mind works and how to prevent self-sabotage. Unlike previous breakups Ive had (coincendentally they all came back) I am actually allowing myself to feel the wide spectrum of emotions rather than just drown it in alcohol or a rebound. While I feel terrible right now, I truly believe that this break-up, when looked back upon years from now, will be a turning point in my life in that either I will be 5x the guy for my next relationship. Whether that is with someone else or my ex remains to be seen Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted July 27, 2018 Share Posted July 27, 2018 I am glad you're finding your therapy so beneficial. Keep up the good work, OP. Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted July 27, 2018 Author Share Posted July 27, 2018 Day 11... mornings and waking up in the middle of the night still remain the hardest Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted July 28, 2018 Author Share Posted July 28, 2018 another difficult day. Not sure if this is normal but around 11-12 days I get these urges to call or text my Ex thinking I can rational her in getting back with me......makes no sense as I want someone who wants to be with me not someone I have to convince. Missing her terribly and hope shes doing well with life/trial....but I love the results Ive been getting in the gym and with the therapist....hoping i get the chance to show her a changed me. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted July 28, 2018 Share Posted July 28, 2018 Yes, those urges are normal, OP. The break-up is still fresh and you are going to need more time to accept it. Keep focusing on yourself and your own personal progress. Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted July 28, 2018 Author Share Posted July 28, 2018 Yes, those urges are normal, OP. The break-up is still fresh and you are going to need more time to accept it. Keep focusing on yourself and your own personal progress. Perfect, sometimes I feel like I am going crazy. Link to comment
Pleasedonot5 Posted July 28, 2018 Share Posted July 28, 2018 Perfect, sometimes I feel like I am going crazy.We all go a little crazy after a breakup. It's important that you keep those urges under control. Keep up your progress! Link to comment
RayRay63 Posted July 29, 2018 Share Posted July 29, 2018 I love the results Ive been getting in the gym and with the therapist....hoping i get the chance to show her a changed me. Don't try and initiate that. If she is, at least, curious, it will come to her attention. Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted July 29, 2018 Author Share Posted July 29, 2018 Don't try and initiate that. If she is, at least, curious, it will come to her attention. Yup I know Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted July 29, 2018 Author Share Posted July 29, 2018 Day 13 here and it feels like its been a century. I hope the days start to move a bit faster now that I have eclipsed my previous NC record with her. Link to comment
Chris12189 Posted July 30, 2018 Author Share Posted July 30, 2018 Tomorrow Day 14, just feeling sad....hope her trial is doing well as well as her. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted July 30, 2018 Share Posted July 30, 2018 Tomorrow Day 14, just feeling sad....hope her trial is doing well as well as her. I imagine she's fine. Whatever you do, do not reach out and ask her how this trial is going. If she wanted you to know, she'd be telling you. The sadness is normal. You just have to push through it. Keep remembering that one day it won't feel so hard anymore. It will take a while, but it will happen. Link to comment
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