Is he rude and disrespectful, or am I being too sensitive?

[goddess]

You are correct but for all intents and purposes, the divorce papers were just issued two days ago by his lawyer. That said, we are still legally married. So, did he cheat??? Next, my lawyer will review and comment this week.

[figureitout23]

You are correct but for all intents and purposes, the divorce papers were just issued two days ago by his lawyer. That said, we are still legally married. So, did he cheat??? Next, my lawyer will review and comment this week.

 

May I ask why you believe you have claim over him even though in the same breath you're saying 'good riddance'?

 

P.S. I know the answer, Im simply asking that you ask yourself. your question was do I have a right to feel this way this answer is yes and no. You are allowed to feel whatever you want, our feelings and emotions aren't logical, BUT you are setting yourself up to get hurt by continuing to go over there.

[goddess]

May I ask why you believe you have claim over him even though in the same breath you're saying 'good riddance'?

 

P.S. I know the answer, Im simply asking that you ask yourself. your question was do I have a right to feel this way this answer is yes and no. You are allowed to feel whatever you want, our feelings and emotions aren't logical, BUT you are setting yourself up to get hurt by continuing to go over there.

 

I don't really see it as having claim over him. It's a simple case of showing a bit of respect. We were together for 29 years. We are not yet legally divorced. I moved out two weeks ago. I respected all his wishes, if you will. All I'm saying is that, yes, if he wanted to screw around - fine, that's his choice. Be a little discreet. Just clean up the "evidence" because he knew I was planning to go there. I am the dumpee. I am in enough pain without having more salt rubbed in my wound.

 

I, in good faith, tried to do my part by helping getting our house ready for the realtor. The sooner we get it ready, the sooner we can put it on the market. Granted, I found an apartment by sheer luck but he gave me 11 days to pack all my things. Are you aware of what a huge task that is considering the size of the house? Really?? I packed for hours each day but remember that I'm not in my 20's anymore. I was being a good sport in the face of rejection. I have to live with myself and I'm not a vindictive person. You say that I'm saying "good riddance". What am I suppose to do? This is the 3rd time he's asked for a divorce. I suggested counselling; he refused. I'm not going to beg. I tried to talk to him but he was immovable. It's clear that he wants a divorce so I'm trying to accept it as best as I can. We were both at fault but I never ever spoke of divorce and, trust me, he's not the easiest person to get along with. It was just such a shock to me because I trusted and wholeheartedly believed him when he said that he'd remain faithful until AFTER the divorce. I can assure you that that was the last time - I will not go there again. Too much pain to process. To me, it was like a double dose of pain: first, the divorce, then the cheating.

[SherrySher]

He had been biding his time with you and no doubt had her on the back burner the whole time. If he's been wanting a divorce for six years I would guess she was part of the reason.

 

Was it insensitive of him? Yes, he could have waited a tiny bit longer so that it wasn't shoved right in your face. I am sorry that you had to endure that.

[Pleasedonot5]

I don't really see it as having claim over him. It's a simple case of showing a bit of respect. We were together for 29 years. We are not yet legally divorced. I moved out two weeks ago. I respected all his wishes, if you will. All I'm saying is that, yes, if he wanted to screw around - fine, that's his choice. Be a little discreet. Just clean up the "evidence" because he knew I was planning to go there. I am the dumpee. I am in enough pain without having more salt rubbed in my wound.

 

I, in good faith, tried to do my part by helping getting our house ready for the realtor. The sooner we get it ready, the sooner we can put it on the market. Granted, I found an apartment by sheer luck but he gave me 11 days to pack all my things. Are you aware of what a huge task that is considering the size of the house? Really?? I packed for hours each day but remember that I'm not in my 20's anymore. I was being a good sport in the face of rejection. I have to live with myself and I'm not a vindictive person. You say that I'm saying "good riddance". What am I suppose to do? This is the 3rd time he's asked for a divorce. I suggested counselling; he refused. I'm not going to beg. I tried to talk to him but he was immovable. It's clear that he wants a divorce so I'm trying to accept it as best as I can. We were both at fault but I never ever spoke of divorce and, trust me, he's not the easiest person to get along with. It was just such a shock to me because I trusted and wholeheartedly believed him when he said that he'd remain faithful until AFTER the divorce. I can assure you that that was the last time - I will not go there again. Too much pain to process. To me, it was like a double dose of pain: first, the divorce, then the cheating.

I am sorry for the pain you are going through, but you are separated and he has no obligation to show discreetness to save your feelings. He did not cheat; you two are not together.

 

I agree with another poster who said it was silly of him to promise not to get with anyone else when you two aren't together.

[catfeeder]

You're making this messy by revisiting the home. Pack ALL of your stuff, move it out, and stay away from where ex lives. Problem solved.

[goddess]

He had been biding his time with you and no doubt had her on the back burner the whole time. If he's been wanting a divorce for six years I would guess she was part of the reason.

 

Was it insensitive of him? Yes, he could have waited a tiny bit longer so that it wasn't shoved right in your face. I am sorry that you had to endure that.

 

Thank you. I think so too. The initial shock of seeing it hit me like a ton of bricks. Why? Don't know. Guess I still have feelings for him. Too bad for me. I couldn't even fathom screwing around right now and, stupidly, I assumed he'd feel the same. After all, it is a loss for both of us.

[goddess]

I am sorry for the pain you are going through, but you are separated and he has no obligation to show discreetness to save your feelings. He did not cheat; you two are not together.

 

I agree with another poster who said it was silly of him to promise not to get with anyone else when you two aren't together.

 

You are correct. We are separated. Apparently, I feel the loss more than he does, if he does at all. Wish I could shut my feelings off...

[goddess]

You're making this messy by revisiting the home. Pack ALL of your stuff, move it out, and stay away from where ex lives. Problem solved.

 

Yes, I finally got it. I won't be going back.

[abitbroken]

I already had a moving day with a U-Haul truck (June 16). I have all the furniture that I need/want. He suggested that I move the middle of June since I found an apartment - that gave me 11 days to move all my things. Not enough time to pack everything. I go back because I wanted to take the china, crystal, craft dies, etc on my own and not with a truck. All I'm saying is that I wish he were more discreet. I was his wife for 29 years; doesn't that count for something? You know the old saying "What you don't know can't hurt you." Well, now I know and it does hurt - a lot. Yes, I am meeting with my lawyer this week.

 

Its called "self pack" - you pack up your china and put it in your car while the movers are there. 11 days is not enough time to pack everything? have you ever moved? Last time i moved, i moved in three days. I packed and packed one day, i donated a few things that evening, the moving truck came the second day - i continued to pack until i had to leave to go let them into the new place. I put my valuables - jewelry, piggy bank, grandma's soup tureen in my car and moved it that way. They took all of the boxes i packed and the furniture and the third day i did a walk through to make sure i didn't miss anything. And i was done. Your clothing should have been taken with you the second you got your place.

[abitbroken]

You are correct. We are separated. Apparently, I feel the loss more than he does, if he does at all. Wish I could shut my feelings off...

 

He wanted this over for a long time. When someone already checks out, it doesn't feel as big as a loss

[reinventmyself]

I am the one who wanted the divorce. After 3 years of fighting to save it and after exhausted all attempts of resuscitating it, I filed with no regrets. He met someone before he moved out and when he left he moved in with her.

 

So, I totally get the mind F* you are going through. I swung wildly back and forth with desperately wanting him gone and feeling like I was kicked in the gut that I was replaced so easily.

 

In the end he did me a favor. No guilt, no looking back, ever.

 

I had a shark for an attorney and combined with his irresponsible shenanigans to hide assets the judge overcompensated and awarded me very favorably. Thanks to the way he exited, I might not have had the guts to stick it to him.

 

It was my mom that told me not to feel any sense of vengeance about her because the new girlfriend was doing me a favor, because without her my ex would have been on my doorstep. She was right.

 

18 years later when ever he is single he still tends to show up on my doorstep. (like right about now)

 

My heart hurts for you G and I totally understand.

 

Emotions are high and unreasonable right now. They aren't going to make sense for a little while.

 

Please take care of yourself.

PM me if you like

[goddess]

Its called "self pack" - you pack up your china and put it in your car while the movers are there. 11 days is not enough time to pack everything? have you ever moved? Last time i moved, i moved in three days. I packed and packed one day, i donated a few things that evening, the moving truck came the second day - i continued to pack until i had to leave to go let them into the new place. I put my valuables - jewelry, piggy bank, grandma's soup tureen in my car and moved it that way. They took all of the boxes i packed and the furniture and the third day i did a walk through to make sure i didn't miss anything. And i was done. Your clothing should have been taken with you the second you got your place.

 

Actually, in 30 years we've moved 9 times so moving is not new to me. Without sounding disrespectful, my house is over 3,100 sq feet. I had a 12' X 15" craft room with a enormous amount of scrapbook papers (housed in 41 three-drawer units, each 12x12), an extensive amount of paper punches and steel dies, 26 boxes of ribbon, 16 boxes of beads, 72 scrapbook albums, 74 photo albums (each holding 400 photos/album, 8 boxes of paper flowers, 3 sets of alcohol markers, 2 sets of coloured pencils (150 count each), two printers, one scanner -- need I go on because there's a lot more. Additionally, I had a complete sewing room filled with all sorts of goodies, fabrics, etc. THAT is just my craft things. Have you any idea how long it takes to pack all that??? Think about it.

 

Additionally, I had two huge walk-in closets nearly all filled with my clothes, countless number of shoes. Then there are two large coat closets on the main floor with mostly my coats, jackets, boots, etc. I'll stop here because I hope you can now visualize the enormity of what I had to pack. So, in answer to your question: no, eleven days were not enough to pack all my things. And, yes, the movers took all the furniture and my clothes, etc.

 

Again, I am not trying to brag or be disrespectful but I worked for many hours/day and I had to go back after I moved to "self pack" as you call it. I got the keys to the new apartment on June 15 and the U-Haul came the next day. All in all, I think I did pretty well, don't you think?

 

Oh, almost forgot: that doesn't even include the things that I had in the basement.

[goddess]

He wanted this over for a long time. When someone already checks out, it doesn't feel as big as a loss

 

Yes, I'm beginning to understand that.

[reinventmyself]

Only you can judge whether the 'stuff' is more valuable than your emotional state.

 

For me, I'd rather set everything on fire then to put myself through what you are having to endure.

 

When all is said and done, it's just stuff.

[goddess]

I am the one who wanted the divorce. After 3 years of fighting to save it and after exhausted all attempts of resuscitating it, I filed with no regrets. He met someone before he moved out and when he left he moved in with her.

 

So, I totally get the mind F* you are going through. I swung wildly back and forth with desperately wanting him gone and feeling like I was kicked in the gut that I was replaced so easily.

 

In the end he did me a favor. No guilt, no looking back, ever.

 

I had a shark for an attorney and combined with his irresponsible shenanigans to hide assets the judge overcompensated and awarded me very favorably. Thanks to the way he exited, I might not have had the guts to stick it to him.

 

It was my mom that told me not to feel any sense of vengeance about her because the new girlfriend was doing me a favor, because without her my ex would have been on my doorstep. She was right.

 

18 years later when ever he is single he still tends to show up on my doorstep. (like right about now)

 

My heart hurts for you G and I totally understand.

 

Emotions are high and unreasonable right now. They aren't going to make sense for a little while.

 

Please take care of yourself.

PM me if you like

 

At last, someone who has some empathy. Thank you, my dear. I really appreciate it. xx

[reinventmyself]

At last, someone who has some empathy. Thank you, my dear. I really appreciate it. xx

 

If you go back reread what I wrote you a month ago, I warned you about all the sweet talk and how much you trusted him. Mine promised me the world and then some, even after he moved in with the new girlfriend. He may have meant some of it, but mostly he was protecting his a** by trying to bamboozle me.

 

You are very vulnerable right now. Do not underestimate what he will do.

[goddess]

If you go back reread what I wrote you a month ago, I warned you about all the sweet talk and how much you trusted him. Mine promised me the world and then some, even after he moved in with the new girlfriend. He may have meant some of it, but mostly he was protecting his a** by trying to bamboozle me.

 

You are very vulnerable right now. Do not underestimate what he will do.

 

I am sorry to hear this about what happened to you. I got a copy of the Matrimonial Opting Out Agreement a couple of days ago and it looks fine to me but I have an appointment with my lawyer on the 17th to go over the document. It states what we agreed to, but we'll see.

[goddess]

Only you can judge whether the 'stuff' is more valuable than your emotional state.

 

For me, I'd rather set everything on fire then to put myself through what you are having to endure.

 

When all is said and done, it's just stuff.

 

My craft stuff is of utmost importance to me because it is my hobby and I derive such pleasure from crafting. Don't forget that I'm 66, and I don't work. I am currently on the Design Team for two artists and I design and create cards for them. It's not for financial gain, but I am compensated with their images to colour and then create the cards. It's become my passion to creating these handmade cards. It occupies my time and I often feel that I wish there were more hours in a day. Sheer bliss!

 

Hence, it would be really silly for me to not take all my beloved craft materials with me. Perhaps one day, I may start an etsy shop. We'll see.

[abitbroken]

My craft stuff is of utmost importance to me because it is my hobby and I derive such pleasure from crafting. Don't forget that I'm 66, and I don't work. I am currently on the Design Team for two artists and I design and create cards for them. It's not for financial gain, but I am compensated with their images to colour and then create the cards. It's become my passion to creating these handmade cards. It occupies my time and I often feel that I wish there were more hours in a day. Sheer bliss!

 

Hence, it would be really silly for me to not take all my beloved craft materials with me. Perhaps one day, I may start an etsy shop. We'll see.

 

Then why didn't you take your craft stuff when you got your place if it is "utmost importance".

But i will agree, that its just "stuff" - you can replace it if you had to.

Either way - no more dribs and drabs. Be done - and don't go back lest he accuse you of taking things that you are not entitled to.

[goddess]

Then why didn't you take your craft stuff when you got your place if it is "utmost importance".

But i will agree, that its just "stuff" - you can replace it if you had to.

Either way - no more dribs and drabs. Be done - and don't go back lest he accuse you of taking things that you are not entitled to.

 

OK, I will explain it again. He said he wanted a divorce the day before Mother's Day. He gave me a choice to either stay at the house or look for an apartment; I chose the latter. So, on June 1, I went to look at an apartment in a complex which is highly desirable. I actually fell in love with the first one I saw - sheer luck. I was informed that they would hold the apartment for me for two months. I was planning to move around the middle of July/end of July. Told him that I found the apartment. On June 5, he said that I should move out mid June. We were sleeping and eating in different rooms and it was awkward and so I agreed. OK, I got my key on June 15 and U-Haul moved me on June 16. I started packing my craft room, along with my other belongings, on June 5 which is 11 days before I moved.

 

Yes, it is just "stuff" and it can be replaced but some things like certain paper punches are no longer available for purchase. My steel dies are almost $900. I have alcohol markers and the finest artists quality pencils which are both very expensive. Why would I want to leave these items behind? Besides, I have commitments with two artists and I need my craft things to fulfill these commitments. I made my craft room materials my priority. My passion and hobby is creating and designing cards. I need those things to keep my sanity. A good part of my craft stuff, my clothes, shoes, furniture, etc were handled by U-Haul. I did move the more expensive craft things myself after the move but had to make multiple trips because my car is small. I kept going back to pick up some odds and ends, pack things for Salvation Army and to help get the house ready for the realtor. I promise you: now I'm done going back. I learned my lesson. End of story.

[figureitout23]

OK, I will explain it again. He said he wanted a divorce the day before Mother's Day. He gave me a choice to either stay at the house or look for an apartment; I chose the latter. So, on June 1, I went to look at an apartment in a complex which is highly desirable. I actually fell in love with the first one I saw - sheer luck. I was informed that they would hold the apartment for me for two months. I was planning to move around the middle of July/end of July. Told him that I found the apartment. On June 5, he said that I should move out mid June. We were sleeping and eating in different rooms and it was awkward and so I agreed. OK, I got my key on June 15 and U-Haul moved me on June 16. I started packing my craft room, along with my other belongings, on June 5 which is 11 days before I moved.

 

Yes, it is just "stuff" and it can be replaced but some things like certain paper punches are no longer available for purchase. My steel dies are almost $900. I have alcohol markers and the finest artists quality pencils which are both very expensive. Why would I want to leave these items behind? Besides, I have commitments with two artists and I need my craft things to fulfill these commitments. I made my craft room materials my priority. My passion and hobby is creating and designing cards. I need those things to keep my sanity. A good part of my craft stuff, my clothes, shoes, furniture, etc were handled by U-Haul. I did move the more expensive craft things myself after the move but had to make multiple trips because my car is small. I kept going back to pick up some odds and ends, pack things for Salvation Army and to help get the house ready for the realtor. I promise you: now I'm done going back. I learned my lesson. End of story.

 

How can you learn your lesson when you cant even own what you're doing? Very easy to fall back into old habits if you don't see what you're doing to yourself.

 

Its not about a lack of compassion goddess, its about pointing out that you are in control here, you can avoid these emotional pitfalls. But its by doing something you dont seem to truly want to do and that's cut all contact. No excuses, first you got everything and it was only goodwill clothes and you couldn't bear the idea of throwing away perfectly good clothes now its your irreplaceable crafting items, whats next? magic toilet paper?

 

You have to begin the mourning process. Thats the most compassionate thing I can tell you. Its harder to heal if you're constantly in each others presence. Don't do that to yourself. You are weeks out of a decades long marriage, you dont need to make this any harder than it already is.

[Pleasedonot5]

Your main story with your ex-husband is now over. It's up to you how painfully long you want your epilogue to be.

[goddess]

Sorry, I put this in the wrong place.

[goddess]

How can you learn your lesson when you cant even own what you're doing? Very easy to fall back into old habits if you don't see what you're doing to yourself.

 

Its not about a lack of compassion goddess, its about pointing out that you are in control here, you can avoid these emotional pitfalls. But its by doing something you dont seem to truly want to do and that's cut all contact. No excuses, first you got everything and it was only goodwill clothes and you couldn't bear the idea of throwing away perfectly good clothes now its your irreplaceable crafting items, whats next? magic toilet paper?

 

You have to begin the mourning process. Thats the most compassionate thing I can tell you. Its harder to heal if you're constantly in each others presence. Don't do that to yourself. You are weeks out of a decades long marriage, you dont need to make this any harder than it already is.

 

Let me make it clear: I've had ZERO contact with him for almost 1.5 weeks now. I used to go to the house when he was at work. I have not seen him, talked to him or texted him. I used to text him to make sure he was not home. He has days when he's on-call and he's off the following day. I didn't want to see him. Understand? It served MY purpose to go over to make sure I got what I wanted, not to see him. Now that I have all that I want/need, I am at peace.