Is he rude and disrespectful, or am I being too sensitive?

[goddess]

Your main story with your ex-husband is now over. It's up to you how painfully long you want your epilogue to be.

 

I realise that. I've had ZERO contact with him for almost 1.5 weeks now. All things considered, I think that's a pretty good start.

[abitbroken]

Now that I have all that I want/need, I am at peace.

 

No you are not. If you were, you would not have started this thread about how upset you were about the damp towel. you are far from being at peace.

[goddess]

No you are not. If you were, you would not have started this thread about how upset you were about the damp towel. you are far from being at peace.

 

 

I meant that I am peace at what I have in my apartment. I am surrounded by things that make me happy. The towel incident happened almost 1.5 weeks ago. I will say that, at that time, I was so insulted and upset that I was replaced so quickly. However, I now realise that we are separated and that means that he can do what he wants. I get it. It was totally my fault for going back there. It hardly bothers me at all now.

[LootieTootie]

Wow your craft room sounds amazing ! Hope you can find a house that can store all your crafts - I am with you about crafting, very therapeutic.

 

I know you feel like at your age it sucks to be alone, but being away from this guy will open your eyes how lucky you are.

[goddess]

Wow your craft room sounds amazing ! Hope you can find a house that can store all your crafts - I am with you about crafting, very therapeutic.

 

I know you feel like at your age it sucks to be alone, but being away from this guy will open your eyes how lucky you are.

 

It is! Wish I could show my craft room to you. It's my little piece of paradise. You're right, it is a bit scary being alone, especially after being with him for 30 years. Basically, all the people that I know are spouses of people that he works with, so that's a bit weird. I will say that, on one hand, I feel sad because we did have such good times but, on the other hand, I feel relieved. He wasn't easy to get along with but I was honouring my "for better or for worse". We both had issues, granted, but I never insulted or belittled him. Looking back, he did that frequently though he did get much better through the years. Well, it is what it is. I just need to heal.

[figureitout23]

Let me make it clear: I've had ZERO contact with him for almost 1.5 weeks now. I used to go to the house when he was at work. I have not seen him, talked to him or texted him. I used to text him to make sure he was not home. He has days when he's on-call and he's off the following day. I didn't want to see him. Understand? It served MY purpose to go over to make sure I got what I wanted, not to see him. Now that I have all that I want/need, I am at peace.

 

And let me make this clear: Don't come at me like I'm your child, because I'm not, understand? You came here asking for advice. You wanna believe you're at peace weeks out of a decades long marriage your prerogative, don't ask for advice then. I was not disrespectful to you so don't act disrespectful to me.

[goddess]

And let me make this clear: Don't come at me like I'm your child, because I'm not, understand? You came here asking for advice. You wanna believe you're at peace weeks out of a decades long marriage your prerogative, don't ask for advice then. I was not disrespectful to you so don't act disrespectful to me.

 

Sorry, I was not my intention to be disrespectful. Please realise that my emotions/emotions are raw right now, so please give me a break. I was looking for opinions/advice and I have benefited from them. I just wanted you (and others) to understand that I have not seen him since that incident. I totally stopped going to the house. I am doing my best to cope.

[figureitout23]

Sorry, I was not my intention to be disrespectful. Please realise that my emotions/emotions are raw right now, so please give me a break. I was looking for opinions/advice and I have benefited from them. I just wanted you (and others) to understand that I have not seen him since that incident. I totally stopped going to the house. I am doing my best to cope.

 

Understood.

 

One day at a time, be kind to yourself, allow yourself to feel the confusing emotions and try to work through them. I wasn't in a 20 year marriage but I did go through a divorce, so to an extent I do understand those first few months.

 

I'm sorry you are having to go through this, look out for yourself and you will get through. One day at a time.

[goddess]

Understood.

 

One day at a time, be kind to yourself, allow yourself to feel the confusing emotions and try to work through them. I wasn't in a 20 year marriage but I did go through a divorce, so to an extent I do understand those first few months.

 

I'm sorry you are having to go through this, look out for yourself and you will get through. One day at a time.

 

Thank you for your understanding. Enjoy your weekend.

[nutbrownhare]

I'm coming to this thread very late, but your experience sounds really excruciating - as if you had come to terms with the divorce and were coping, only to have another layer of rubbing salt into the wound. Nobody likes the feeling of being replaced, but I can't imagine what you must be going through after all that time!

 

As others have said, he doesn't owe you anything fidelity-wise, but that's the hard truth of the matter and what you're talking about here are raw, vulnerable emotions. I think most people would have had problems rationalising away the realisation that he'd moved someone else in so soon.

 

Just be very, very kind to yourself and surround yourself with people who love and care about you.

 

(((HUGS)))

[goddess]

I'm coming to this thread very late, but your experience sounds really excruciating - as if you had come to terms with the divorce and were coping, only to have another layer of rubbing salt into the wound. Nobody likes the feeling of being replaced, but I can't imagine what you must be going through after all that time!

 

As others have said, he doesn't owe you anything fidelity-wise, but that's the hard truth of the matter and what you're talking about here are raw, vulnerable emotions. I think most people would have had problems rationalising away the realisation that he'd moved someone else in so soon.

 

Just be very, very kind to yourself and surround yourself with people who love and care about you.

 

(((HUGS)))

 

I didn't understand that at first, but now I do. No, he doesn't owe me anything fidelity-wise because we are separated but still, I will confess that I was shocked, and so hurt. I thought he'd mourn the loss of our marriage to some degree. And, it doesn't end there; it gets better. If you get a moment, read my latest thread (he is despicable).

[Seraphim]

I didn't understand that at first, but now I do. No, he doesn't owe me anything fidelity-wise because we are separated but still, I will confess that I was shocked, and so hurt. I thought he'd mourn the loss of our marriage to some degree. And, it doesn't end there; it gets better. If you get a moment, read my latest thread (he is despicable).

The thing is he has mourned it already you are just starting. He started mourning it when he was being petulant and asking for divorces long time ago . And believe me he just didn’t pick this girl up she’s been in the wings for a while .

[goddess]

The thing is he has mourned it already you are just starting. He started mourning it when he was being petulant and asking for divorces long time ago . And believe me he just didn’t pick this girl up she’s been in the wings for a while .

 

Oh yes, you are so right. I have to say that some part of me, way deep inside, knew that. He checked out years ago but was waiting for our sons to finish college and live on their own. Now, they are both living on their own (one has been on his own for a number of years now). With all due respect, he is supporting them so that they finish collage/graduate school without debts. That, IMO, is very admirable. The ex's parents didn't do that for him (not that they had to) and he took out student loans, making the beginning of our marriage filled with all his student loan debts. I admire him for that. My kids are fortunate.

 

As far as the bimbo is concerned, I inadvertently found out that he found her on-line and they're been together for about two weeks.

[figureitout23]

To be fair goddess, you said in your other post you wanted to 'rise above' and not live in anger. This other woman isn't a bimbo, villainizing her, at its core, is coming from a place of anger and kinda risks you placing all your anger on her, which is going to stunt your healing. This is all my opinion, Im no Dr. so take what Im saying with a grain of salt, but she isnt the reason your marriage ended. Ths is all new, so hey, do what you need to get through these early weeks, but again, I wouldnt make it a habit. Do I think shes a piece of work for inserting herself into your divorce? Absolutely! And if she came here seeking advice, I would tell het to remove herself from this situation.Unfortunately people do selfish and idiotic things.

 

I wish you well, keep posting and one day at a time.

[goddess]

To be fair goddess, you said in your other post you wanted to 'rise above' and not live in anger. This other woman isn't a bimbo, villainizing her, at its core, is coming from a place of anger and kinda risks you placing all your anger on her, which is going to stunt your healing. This is all my opinion, Im no Dr. so take what Im saying with a grain of salt, but she isnt the reason your marriage ended. Ths is all new, so hey, do what you need to get through these early weeks, but again, I wouldnt make it a habit. Do I think shes a piece of work for inserting herself into your divorce? Absolutely! And if she came here seeking advice, I would tell het to remove herself from this situation.Unfortunately people do selfish and idiotic things.

 

I wish you well, keep posting and one day at a time.

 

Yes, you're right. I don't know her or anything about her other than that they met on-line. Plus, she may not even know that that he's right in the middle of a divorce. Not that that matters to some women. But, I'm not being nice calling her that that. So, I will stop. Good point! One step up the ladder of healing.

 

What's done is done. If he wants to be with her, it's his right and his prerogative. I am out of the picture and I'm OK with it (for the most part) although it hurts that I was replaced so soon. But, I've come to terms with it, truly. Thank you for your continued support and feedback; it's what I need right now because I have no friends of my own. All the people I know are the people that he works with (mostly male) and their spouses.