So I met this guy...

[maew]

Hey guys!

 

I met a guy on OLD the other day. This is not someone I would normally make the effort to meet... his profile write up was him trying to sell himself (I am normally put off by those because in person they usually end up doing the same thing and not asking me any questions), and I couldn't tell what he looked like at ALL from his pictures (there were only two and one was him with his back turned, the other was super blurry )

 

And yet... there was a very clear voice inside my head that said "you need to go and meet this guy." Typically speaking, when I hear those messages, I don't ignore them... I feel strongly that it is the universe telling me this person is supposed to be in my life for whatever reason.

 

I had suggested we might meet on Weds of this week... so Weds morning I messaged him and asked if he was free to meet that day. He was, so we arranged to meet for coffee at a cafe half way between our two offices.

 

When he showed up, let's just say I was relieved lol... he is attractive with a nice smile, tall, fit, with a full head of silver hair. As we talked, I got the sense that he was a kind and open person, and he seemed very excited to meet me.

 

Throughout the meet up (lasted about half an hour) we chatted about travel and other things. He told me he really liked me and was wishing he had more time to spend but of course we both had to go back to our offices. At the end of the date, he actually made a point of not just saying he would like to hang out again, but picking a date and time that worked! I was pleasantly surprised by this and agreed right away.

 

After, he sent me a text thanking me and saying he had a great time.

 

Later that evening he sent me some texts asking how the rest of my day was, and saying he felt very excited about our chemistry, that he couldn't stop smiling. Then he asked to call me and we talked on the phone for a couple of hours, about all sorts of crazy stuff. I felt like he was very easy to talk to, and definitely has not only a romantic streak but a bad a$$ one as well which is very intriguing to me. :)

 

This is the kind of situation I have been wanting, ever since I started dating! A guy that takes the lead, isn't shy about sharing how he feels, is clear about being interested and wanting to get to know me better.

 

Thing is, I feel afraid. I am afraid of being hurt, of opening myself up, of him rejecting me when he gets to know me. I am afraid of being needy, of being an anxious mess, of being too reserved. I am afraid that I will push him away because of my fears. At the same time, I feel excited to have met him, attracted to him, and intrigued.

 

It's not like I haven't met anyone that was interested in me or wanted to pursue me before... this is just the first one I have met that I feel the same way about.

 

Has anyone else been in this situation and if so, how did you proceed? My intent is to go on another date with him and see where things go... and to keep my eyes open... curious about other thoughts and perspectives on this though.

[Starlight925]

I’m happy that you met someone you want a 2nd date with.

 

But, and I know you know this: it was one, 30 minute meeting. All it was was, a chance for you to talk, and decide on a phone call and an actual date.

 

I won’t get into the argument that’s plagued these boards before as to whether this was even considered a “date” or a “meet”. I’ll just say, keep it in perspective, and enjoy your next time together! And keep us posted!

[RedDress]

Oh yay! A happy post! How refreshing!

 

That’s very exciting, OP!

 

Yes, I can get that way too. It’s ok. I think it’s normal to feel a bit scared. Putting yourself out there IS a risk - but without risk, there can be no reward.

 

Just try not to get too carried away. Remember that he too will have his faults. You can discover them together! Lol!

 

Try to take things slow and keep everything in perspective... and most importantly, enjoy!

[reinventmyself]

What you described has pretty much been my experience.

Low expectations.

Can't get a real sense of who they are because their profile is somewhat understated.

I pushed myself to go for some unknown reason, only to be pleasantly surprised.

[Long Gone]

Really pleased for you maew!

Hope I'll find myself in a similar situation at some point. I think it's only natural to be worried about being hurt again, and I know it's going to play a big part in my mind when the time comes.

 

As LHgirl says, keep it in perspective. But I'm really pleased for you

[lostandhurt]

This is human nature. The more important someone or something is to us the more our insecurities, worry, second guessing and everything else come into play. If you could care less if you saw him again you wouldn't feel this way so take it as a good sign but don't let all these what ifs ruin what might be something great.

 

Sometimes we come across something or someone that is too good to be true so we put our guard up but once in a while it turns out to be that wonderful fate shining down on us.

 

I am glad you gave the guy a shot and you are so excited about the possibility of something real with him.

 

Best wishes

Lost

[SoulTaker]

Has anyone else been in this situation and if so, how did you proceed? My intent is to go on another date with him and see where things go... and to keep my eyes open... curious about other thoughts and perspectives on this though.

 

Sounds good so far. But as you've indicated, don't let the instant chemistry throw you off. You're still at the information gathering stage, and most people are on their best behavior on the first few dates. Make sure that he's dating for the same reasons that you're looking for.

 

It might be good that he's taking the lead, but you still need to be comfortable with where he's leading you, and at the pace you want to go.

[maew]

Thanks everyone [emoji847] at this point I am sitting on my hands, living my life and working on just trusting the process without getting carried away and obsessed. As LH says it’s only been one 30 minute meeting and a follow up phone call lol but it’s nice to look forward to something at the same time.

[maew]

It might be good that he's taking the lead, but you still need to be comfortable with where he's leading you, and at the pace you want to go.

 

I was also thinking exactly this... I need to continue to be brave and communicate and set boundaries for my own sake as I go. Good practice no matter what happens.

[Honeycomb8]

Don't be worried that you'll get hurt or push them away, or that they wouldn't want you. That mindset is really unhealthy and often creates our reality. YOU don't even know if you want this guy. Just be happy that you met someone that seems nice-cos right now, a half an hour meeting is equivalent to having an extended chat with some stranger you happen to bump into in public. No expectations, take your time :).

[Honeycomb8]

I just read one of your other threads-where you went over to someone's house the second time you met him?

 

Try not to do this again:

 

1.It's dangerous bc you don't even know them. I'd refrain from going over to someone's house in the first 7 or 8 dates at least.

2.Unless you're wanting to get physical, it sends off certain signals that you're cool with that sort of thing.

3.At the start, keeping it in public keeps you more objective about situations. When you're on their turf, it might give you a false sense of intimacy...But you gotta remember, you don't know them. Knowing them takes time and at least 3 months of frequent interactions (in real life).

[Batya33]

It's great to look forward to seeing him again -and that's all I would look forward to. Nothing beyond -do not let yourself go there- lots of self restraint. It's cool that you had initial chemistry! I also would not do the hours of phone calls before meeting again.

[Fishbite]

Good for you Maew. Keep your head and boundaries intact and take it slow. Hope it works out for you.

[maew]

Update: So we went out on a second date, thought it went well, he texted me after saying he wanted to kiss me and I said well I was interested but glad you didn’t in that moment cause I wanna take things a little slow and get to know you a bit more first (it was a quick lunch we only spent about a half hour together)

 

I had this sinking feeling that he wanted to move things along more quickly because he is looking for mostly physical...

 

I didn’t hear from him at all since then so I texted yesterday and today and... nothing.

 

Who knows why but I have a feeling I was right about him... even though he went on and on about how much of a connection he thought we had... maybe it was a smoke screen...

 

At the end of the day this stuff just makes me feel sad and discouraged. :(

[maew]

Update: So we went out on a second date, thought it went well, he texted me after saying he wanted to kiss me and I said well I was interested but glad you didn’t in that moment cause I wanna take things a little slow and get to know you a bit more first (it was a quick lunch we only spent about a half hour together)

 

I had this sinking feeling that he wanted to move things along more quickly because he is looking for mostly physical...

 

I didn’t hear from him at all since then so I texted yesterday and today and... nothing.

 

Who knows why but I have a feeling I was right about him... even though he went on and on about how much of a connection he thought we had... maybe it was a smoke screen...

 

At the end of the day this stuff just makes me feel sad and discouraged. :(

 

Aaaand he just texted letting me know he found someone closer to what he is looking for [emoji20]

 

Nice that he was a gentleman about it at least and didn’t just ignore me.

[katrina1980]

Aaaand he just texted letting me know he found someone closer to what he is looking for [emoji20]

 

 

And what, pray tell, could that be? A woman who is ready to jump into bed on the first or second date!

 

maew, don't be sad, you dodged a bullet imo, and good for you for speaking up and maintaining your boundaries!

[Batya33]

And what, pray tell, could that be? A woman who is ready to jump into bed on the first or second date!

 

maew, don't be sad, you dodged a bullet imo, and good for you for speaking up and maintaining your boundaries!

 

I agree. And please don't let it discourage you, I agree!

[maew]

I agree. And please don't let it discourage you, I agree!

 

Thanks ladies... I have a friend that always tells me if I don’t stand for something I will fall for anything... it isn’t always easy to stick to my boundaries around things when I am feeling lonely... but deep down inside I am glad I was honest with him and with myself.

[Starlight925]

He gave you two gifts: The first being that he showed you exactly who he was before going further, and the second being that he was honest enough to give you closure.

 

Think about it: If you hadn't heard back from him, you'd be spending this weekend doing what.....checking your phone every 2 minutes (ask me how I know, lol). This way, you can remove him from your contacts, and move on.

[maew]

He gave you two gifts: The first being that he showed you exactly who he was before going further, and the second being that he was honest enough to give you closure.

 

Think about it: If you hadn't heard back from him, you'd be spending this weekend doing what.....checking your phone every 2 minutes (ask me how I know, lol). This way, you can remove him from your contacts, and move on.

 

Great perspective. [emoji1316]

[Long Gone]

Well at least you know now rather than later.

 

I'm sorry it didn't work out for you, but as LHgirl says, you can now but him behind you and move on to Mr Right.

[Batya33]

Thanks ladies... I have a friend that always tells me if I don’t stand for something I will fall for anything... it isn’t always easy to stick to my boundaries around things when I am feeling lonely... but deep down inside I am glad I was honest with him and with myself.

 

Yes and you barely knew him so not much invested - dodged a bullet. I also agree with LHGirl's wise insights.