Fiance left, her mom involved

[Wiseman2]

How did other women treat you?

never abandon me or treat me like other women.

[2005TAHOE]

How did other women treat you?

 

My exwife just walked out one sunday, said she was going to church with her mom, kissed me and told me that she loved me........til this day I have not heard a peep out of her except during the courtroom divorce.

[abitbroken]

I just don't get how someone can flip switch and just not care anymore. This was someone who said they would love me forever, never abandon me or treat me like other women. We had even discussed that we would workout our problems, un heated and without emotions.

 

So thats why you chose a woman who made a lot less than you, had car issue, couldn't freely move where she wanted to because of limited income and had to be 'taken care of" by you - and was separated from her family because of that -- living 10 hours from mom and 150 miles from where she is used to being because you think that she couldn't leave you. well, that's how someone feels trapped very quickly. And you tried to get married to her quickly as well.

 

She did not just "flip the switch" - the relationship was very new and it was rushed. She didn't have time to really be in love with you - it all happened too fast. And she didn't just flip the switch and not care. You said yourself that wasn't the first inkling of a breakup. it was not out of the blue.

 

Sure, you can tell someone "we will always work out our problems without emotion." but not all problems can be worked out. Sometimes there is an impasse.

[JCSK]

I understand that, but when you make a commitment to someone about getting married or any relationships, do problems and issues need not to be spread through out the family. I don't talk to my mother about our issues, plus its a losing battle, parents will go to bat for their children and always defend them.

 

I rarely speak with my mother about difficulties in my relationship and if I do I omit details and keep it brief. However, she has a very close relationship with my partner as she has had the opportunity to get to know him over a number of years and will always respond by putting forth how he may be be feeling based on what she knows about him ie. she does not immediately 'bat for me'. If a parent hasn't had chance to get to know their child's partner then how can she offer any unbiased advice? If I was her mother I would be concerned too. Why did this all happen so quickly? Why do you need her to put a photo of you two together on Instagram? That screams massive insecurity issues to me and not very grown up. I'm sure the pain is very real to you right now and I'm sorry for your for this but you both made so many mistakes and I think you need to chalk it down to experience and not throw yourself into 'playing house' with your next relationship.

[2005TAHOE]

I probably already know the answer to this, but. I was thinking about sending her flowers, its been one month no contact and just wanted to let her know that I was thinking about her.

[Wiseman2]

What you don't want is a restraining order or for her to take them to the local precinct and claim you are stalking her. Read up on the stalking laws in your area.

 

"Stalking is a pattern of behavior that makes you feel afraid, nervous, harassed, or in danger. It is when someone repeatedly contacts you, follows you, sends you things, talks to you when you don’t want them to, or threatens you. Stalking behaviors can include:

 

Knowing your schedule.

Showing up at places you go.

Sending mail, e-mail, and pictures.

Calling or texting repeatedly.

Contacting you or posting about you on social networking sites (Facebook, Twitter, etc).

Writing letters.

Damaging your property.

Creating a Web site about you.

Sending gifts.

Stealing things that belong to you.

Any other actions to contact, harass, track, or frighten you"

[abitbroken]

I probably already know the answer to this, but. I was thinking about sending her flowers, its been one month no contact and just wanted to let her know that I was thinking about her.

 

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!

[MissCanuck]

I probably already know the answer to this, but. I was thinking about sending her flowers, its been one month no contact and just wanted to let her know that I was thinking about her.

 

This is going to sound harsh, but she won't care that you are thinking about her.

 

Your flowers are very unlikely to get the results you want at this point.

[OhGreat]

What you don't want is a restraining order or for her to take them to the local precinct and claim you are stalking her. Read up on the stalking laws in your area.

 

"Stalking is a pattern of behavior that makes you feel afraid, nervous, harassed, or in danger. It is when someone repeatedly contacts you, follows you, sends you things, talks to you when you don’t want them to, or threatens you. Stalking behaviors can include:

 

Knowing your schedule.

Showing up at places you go.

Sending mail, e-mail, and pictures.

Calling or texting repeatedly.

Contacting you or posting about you on social networking sites (Facebook, Twitter, etc).

Writing letters.

Damaging your property.

Creating a Web site about you.

Sending gifts.

Stealing things that belong to you.

Any other actions to contact, harass, track, or frighten you"

 

Come on, seriously? He’s not a stalker and she won’t press charges.

 

Op - That said, it’s a super bad idea to send flowers. Women want to get flowers when they are your girlfriend, not as a bribe for sex or a relationship. Have some class, don’t do it.

 

People have really vilified you here. Like no one has ever fallen in love quickly and made impulsive decisions. They throw the same hatred of you wait too long to get married as well.

 

There are couples who get married in a matter of months and are happy the rest of their lives. It’s not all the time, but it happens.

 

That said, it’s wise to spend at least a year or two before you consider marriage. You want to see how they react through all sorts of situations including when things go sideways.

 

To answer your earlier question about how she can say she loves you and walk is that women tend to express emotions as a result of what they are feeling in that moment. That is subject to change and what was said 30 seconds ago had no bearing on now. It was hard for me to learn that but it makes so much sense when you look at their actions.

 

 

Do some work on your jealousy and don’t ever reach out to this chick again. Better to find someone new and take your time.

[abitbroken]

To answer your earlier question about how she can say she loves you and walk is that women tend to express emotions as a result of what they are feeling in that moment. That is subject to change and what was said 30 seconds ago had no bearing on now. It was hard for me to learn that but it makes so much sense when you look at their actions.

 

 

Do some work on your jealousy and don’t ever reach out to this chick again. Better to find someone new and take your time.

 

"women" are not all the same and we don't all flit from one emotion to the other.

 

Not always.

1)Some people say it to before they break up to try to convince themselves that they still love the person, but once it comes out they realize that its false.

2) They say i love you, but its really infatuation and they don't have the experience to know the difference.

3)OR which is more likely, they DO love that person but its not working. You can deeply love someone who is an alcoholic, for example, but must walk away for your own well being.

 

I used to tell my abusive ex i loved him in a way to bargain for my safety.

[2005TAHOE]

Well, its been a month NC without a peep from her. Her mother had sent a message to my mom on FB messenger. My mom didn't see it until today bc shes not on FB that much. It reads:

 

"This is R's mom. I am trying to get ahold of her. C has turned her phone off again. I don't know whether to call the police, I am afraid for her safety" Keep in mind, I was at work when she left, how was I going to do anything 45 minutes away???

 

Then later sent my mom another message, it reads:

 

"Your son is a ***hole , R gave him his phone, then she found out that she couldn't get on her icloud to get her pictures of her baby that passed away. He sent me laughing faces. He is one sick bastard. I am going to plaster his face all over (the town I live in) as what a controlling person he is."

 

I also noticed on her instagram that she had been searching for my name, she keeps looking at my cousins instagrams page bc we have the same name, why?

 

She also posted a pic of her captioning "Had a great day with a very special person"

[Wiseman2]

Did you disable her phone? Wow they hate you. Stay no contact, block and delete her and all her people and advise your people to do the same.

"This is R's mom. I am trying to get ahold of her. C has turned her phone off again. I don't know whether to call the police, I am afraid for her safety"

Then later sent my mom another message, it reads:

"Your son is a ***hole , R gave him his phone, then she found out that she couldn't get on her icloud to get her pictures of her baby that passed away. He sent me laughing faces. He is one sick bastard. I am going to plaster his face all over (the town I live in) as what a controlling person he is."

[2005TAHOE]

Yes, its disabled and I sent her all the pictures the following week after she left. I wasn't going to do it the day she left bc I was still at work.

[Wiseman2]

Stop dragging this war out. It's over. She and her mother think you are dangerous. Stay away. Far far away and stop all contact. Work on yourself and your life.

[2005TAHOE]

Also, we owe the apartment complex we used to live at $3200 for early termination and 60 days rent. She was all concerned about that going on her credit and has agreed to give me half of it before she left to pay for it. I haven't seen any money from her and its due next month. I don't want to pay it all bc her name is on the lease too and she is responsible for half. She hasn't contacted me either about it.

 

What would you do? I already have a new car and a new apartment, so im set for now.

 

Would you let it go to collections and not pay it and both of our credits take a hit?

 

or

 

Pay it all and take her to small claims court in the state she is in now?

 

I have already talked to the complex and they refuse to take partial payment

[Wiseman2]

You send her a notarized certified letter to that effect. Why did you move out? She ran away from you.

[2005TAHOE]

I am having a hard time with closure. I don't know how to accept it. I have a message left at a counselor to talk to them and see if it helps. I would think after a month that I wouldn't still be feeling like this

[boltnrun]

I hope all this has made you see that sending her flowers would be a bad idea.

[2005TAHOE]

It has boltnrun, I have my down times and semi good times. I have lost a lot of energy going through this

[abitbroken]

Stop dragging this war out. It's over. She and her mother think you are dangerous. Stay away. Far far away and stop all contact. Work on yourself and your life.

 

WOW. If she gave you the phone back and she is not using the phone, to disable her iCloud is pretty rude. I mean, its HER Apple id and she could have just changed her password and used it for her new device. You sent laughing emojis about her not being able to see photos of her baby that passed away?

 

Also, we owe the apartment complex we used to live at $3200 for early termination and 60 days rent. She was all concerned about that going on her credit and has agreed to give me half of it before she left to pay for it. I haven't seen any money from her and its due next month. I don't want to pay it all bc her name is on the lease too and she is responsible for half. She hasn't contacted me either about it.

 

What would you do? I already have a new car and a new apartment, so im set for now.

 

Would you let it go to collections and not pay it and both of our credits take a hit?

 

or

 

Pay it all and take her to small claims court in the state she is in now?

 

I have already talked to the complex and they refuse to take partial payment

 

Why did you not stay in the apartment yourself? You could have stayed for the last 60 days or looked for a roommate or a sublet if you were allowed to do so. If it was only 2 months until the end of the lease -- why would her leaving cause you to quickly leave the apartment, too?

What about the security deposit - can you apply it?

 

I would pay it if she does not chalk it up to tuition in the school of life. If she pays you back, great. Work out a payment plan with the landlord -- pay a good percent before its due to gain some leverage. you can send a letter instructing her where to send what she could - just a simple - this is the amount - and she send it to the landlord directly or to you when she can.

[2005TAHOE]

No, I sent laughing emojis after her mom had the nerve to call me to give the phone back to her, plus I was at work, I didn't have time to argue about it. I sent her all of the pictures the following weekend by email. I didn't disable the icloud account, she signed out of it before backing it up and handing me the phone back. I was at work, my job is important and I wasn't going to stand there and argue about it.

 

The lease for the apartment wasn't up until December, and we had already discussed paying the penalty to move closer to work. I had already paid a deposit at the other place and we put in our 60 day notice for them to line up another tenant, so its not like it was a surprise to her. She bailed on me and I wasn't going to lose a $500 deposit at the new place bc she wanted to leave.

 

Im not paying all of it, her name is on the lease too. She is the one whos not contacting me about it. My mother has text messages on her phone where she promised to pay her half. We worked out a payment plan with the landlord, its $500 a month until the balance is paid in full and they will not take partial payments, ie: $250 for my half. I have no info for her but her mothers phone number and I be damned if I contact her and get an harassment charge, its just the way she is

[abitbroken]

No, I sent laughing emojis after her mom had the nerve to call me to give the phone back to her, plus I was at work, I didn't have time to argue about it. I sent her all of the pictures the following weekend by email. I didn't disable the icloud account, she signed out of it before backing it up and handing me the phone back. I was at work, my job is important and I wasn't going to stand there and argue about it.

 

The lease for the apartment wasn't up until December, and we had already discussed paying the penalty to move closer to work. I had already paid a deposit at the other place and we put in our 60 day notice for them to line up another tenant, so its not like it was a surprise to her. She bailed on me and I wasn't going to lose a $500 deposit at the new place bc she wanted to leave.

 

Im not paying all of it, her name is on the lease too. She is the one whos not contacting me about it. My mother has text messages on her phone where she promised to pay her half. We worked out a payment plan with the landlord, its $500 a month until the balance is paid in full and they will not take partial payments, ie: $250 for my half. I have no info for her but her mothers phone number and I be damned if I contact her and get an harassment charge, its just the way she is

 

Still "laughing emojis???" If you didn't want to deal with it at work - the method is to simply not respond until you can at lunch or after work --- not to leave snarky emojis to her MOTHER.

 

For now, make the first payment to the landord. If she ends up paying you, then it doesn't matter if you pay the first $500 yourself and then she sends you money and you make the next payment with money she sends you as long as the balance is paid.

[2005TAHOE]

I am not making the first payment unless they reach out to me, shes not talking to me, I have no info for her, I sent her 1 email 4 weeks ago and she never responded.

[boltnrun]

I am not making the first payment unless they reach out to me, shes not talking to me, I have no info for her, I sent her 1 email 4 weeks ago and she never responded.

 

You must have her home address since you were planning to send her flowers. Send her a certified letter with a copy of the correspondence from the apartment management company.

[abitbroken]

I am not making the first payment unless they reach out to me, shes not talking to me, I have no info for her, I sent her 1 email 4 weeks ago and she never responded.

 

Well -- so because you already have your car and apartment, your credit is not important to you? Just make the first payment and take the next 30 days to give her a chance to pay you. If the payment is due next week, you are really just going to let it blow in the wind? Ok --- then whatever ....good luck on getting the next place you rent after the one you are in. Defaulting on a landlord they take seriously