What is sex for you all?

[Michellemichel]

I recently talked about this subject with my boyfriend. We were talking about how many people we have slept with and who they were. My boyfriend has only slept with his girlfriends. However, I have slept with boyfriends and also men that I have dated too.

 

After he learned this he questioned what sex is to me, if I could sleep with people I have dated too. I grew up with understanding that sex is an intimate connection but it can also be fun too. For example in university it's fairly common for people to have one night stands and etc etc. It is also fairly common for people to hook up on Tinder too.

 

Now he feels like sex between me and him is not special anymore because I told him I have also had sex with men I have dated. He feels like I don't value sex.

 

I feel like people can have sex with anyone but cannot have a relationship with just anyone.

 

What are your opinions and feelings?

[indea08]

My opinion is that you should never talk descriptively or specifically about your sexual past with potential partners. Ever.

 

My feelings are that he's being an insecure, judgemental baby about it and shouldn't have asked the questions if he couldn't handle the answers.

 

Don't let him make you feel bad for your past. It's part of what made you who you are. Shame on him for thinking it's his right to hold it over your head. Honestly, I'd never continue seeing someone who tried to pull that crap with me.

[Seraphim]

For me it is about a union with the person I love.

[j.man]

Buy him some flowers and a "Get Well Soon" card, wishing his ego a speedy recovery.

 

Fact is he's shaming you by directly accusing you of not "valuing" sex or not seeing sex with him as special. It's not even subtle. Find a guy who's not an ***hole.

[HeartGoesOn]

Prior to this relationship I had only had one other boyfriend and intimately dated 2 men in the space of 8 years. However, he says that he feels that I'm dirty and he called me a b**** for the way I treated him during the break up.

^

The (above)was quoted from your previous thread.

 

Please don't stoop to the level of tolerating his crap. Hold on to your self-respect by tossing this clown to the curb.

[Cope]

Sex, for me, is a very nice thing and can be a "union with the person you love" to quote Seraphim, and it can be just hot sex. Sex is just a tool, what you do with it depends on your feelings at that time and the person you are with. I fear that people who only value sex as something sacred are just not being realistic, but of course that could be just my experience.

[milly007]

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=547903

 

^ I take it that it's the same guy in the above thread?

 

Omg, run away. This guy's an insecure, abusive, manipulative dbag.

[charity]

For me sex is something that I will only do with a boyfriend. I just find it all very personal, intimate, at times icky with body smells noises et etc. And There just has to be strong feelings there for me to get into all that with someone. Even kissing is something I don't do with someone until I really know them.

 

Your boyfriend's ego is hurt and he's trying to make you feel bad to make himself feel superior. Don't let him.

Honestly with the way he carries on, I'd dump him. But besides that, I would at the very least , tell him to keep his opinions to himself.

[Wiseman2]

Your sexual past is no one's business but yours and that's where it belongs...always. Debating about sex and his beating you up about your past is nonsense. He sounds very very immature, how old is he? Mature adults generally don't get into "truth or dare" games about detailed, who's who, how many, etc. sexual pasts. It's just silly and creates drama. Never...ever have this ridiculous conversation again:

We were talking about how many people we have slept with and who they were.

[Liraele]

Fun. (That's my opinion on what it is. )

 

/shrug

 

I don't talk about past encounters with current partners, and I don't want to hear about theirs either.

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

Sex for me is complicated. After past trauma, it was something to be feared and given to met because it was what they wanted.

 

As i’ve gotten older, i’ve started over coming some of that. Although i’d be lying if i said that sometimes those feelings don’t pop into my head sometimes and no matter how scared i get i always try to hide it and let him enjoy it - mainly because i trust him and know that if i asked him to stop, no matter how hard it would be for him he would.

 

But mostly, now sex to me is trust, it’s giving someone the power to hurt me in a million and one ways and trusting that they won’t. It’s love, it’s bonding, it’s feeling so incredibly close to someone. It’s about feeling loved, and wanted and good enough. And recently, it’s started to be about fun, and actually enjoying myself too.

 

I envy the people who can just let go and have sex and be confident and enjoy it. I hope one day i’ll be the same. I’m getting there. Because of this though, it is very difficult being with someone who has quite a large sexual past. I struggle to feel good enough, pretty enough, confident enough.. All that being said, i never call him names over it. I never would psychologically abuse him over it. No matter how insecure and scared i am, we all have a past. And at the end of the day so long as i am his future what should it matter what happened before me?

[applaudele]

It is fun,love,pleasure and bonding with your loved partner.

[Batya33]

Fun. (That's my opinion on what it is. )

 

/shrug

 

I don't talk about past encounters with current partners, and I don't want to hear about theirs either.

 

Same. Like that old Carly Simon song "we have no secrets". I do think a convo related to STD risk is sometimes needed but that can be done without many details.

 

I don't think it really matters what other people think -there's such variation. For me sex is and always has been part of a committed, loving relationship but I did not end up waiting for marriage although I'd planned to. I am glad I didn't have a lot of partners. I think sex should be fun, loving, passionate or some combination. I was tempted to have sex just for fun when I was in my teens and 20s but never acted on it. I'm glad I didn't. I think having sex for fun within a committed relationship is great. In my humble opinion I think more women than men lie to themselves about how important the emotional bond and connection is and I think that too often women blame men for 'using" them for sex when the truth is they simply regret having had a one night stand or casual sex.

[Brownstone322]

You shoudn't even be asking "What is sex to you?" I don't think you ever would have asked that of your own accord; the question was put into your head by that douche. Don't fall for this kinda crap.

 

"He questioned what sex is to me, if I could sleep with people I have dated too ... Now he feels like sex between me and him is not special anymore because I told him I have also had sex with men I have dated. He feels like I don't value sex."

Are you kidding me? These are standard lines of a control freak who thinks that what you did before he even knew you are somehow his business. This guy is a douchebag. It's not complicated.

[Sofos]

You shoudn't even be asking "What is sex to you?" I don't think you ever would have asked that of your own accord; the question was put into your head by that douche. Don't fall for this kinda crap.

 

"He questioned what sex is to me, if I could sleep with people I have dated too ... Now he feels like sex between me and him is not special anymore because I told him I have also had sex with men I have dated. He feels like I don't value sex."

Are you kidding me? These are standard lines of a control freak who thinks that what you did before he even knew you are somehow his business. This guy is a douchebag. It's not complicated.

 

Good reply, I agree! By the way, I hope you're doing well Brownstone322, I just happened to read something from the past. All good?