PookieNumNums Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 I'm 40 years old guy. I have not been with anyone at all for 25 years. No date , no kiss no intimate contact at all. It makes me feel worthless. I am a guy with nobody to love and no kids. About 4 years ago I worked with a lady and I enjoyed being with her. We went a few places here and there. She wanted to be friends but I pushed her away because of mental demons I was fighting and didn't want to involve anyone. She moved away and is now back to this state and lives by me. She has a 1 year old son. I went to visit them and really enjoyed being around both of them ( this is all recent ) I talk with her every day on Facebook. I wouldn't mind something growing from being her friend. I feel so pathetic and desperate :( but I want someone to love. I also have always wanted to be in a kids life who's dad was a jerk ( his dad is a jerk from what I hear and lives in another state . I really enjoyed playing with him and he seemed to take a liking to me. This would be a dream come true to be in both of their lives. People to love and take care of. What do you guys think? ::Sigh:: Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 Stop chatting on social media and start asking her out on dates. Link to comment
Keyman Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 As the number 2 wiseguy says, why don't you ask her out? These mental demons are just you trying to sabotage things going forward. And if you have not seen anyone about those, it might be worth booking yourself into a therapy session to talk about your depression and what is holding you back. And... PookieNumNums? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 Ask her out. I also agree with the therapy bit. Link to comment
Betterwithout Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 Sorry about this stuggle. The film "40 Year virgin" is a true story to many. The hard thing to tackle is that it has been a cumulative number of years that this has built up, which makes it more difficult to take the leap and "make a move" on someone. Most children who have flown in an airplane at a young age never develop a fear of flying, but if an adult in their 40's flies for the first time, it is usually met with resistance, uncertainty and FEAR. I had a friend who lost his virginity at 13 to a woman who was 20. I know of many men that become virgins later than average and it makes the whole ordeal awkward. You are late to the party, but there is hope. So you need to practice, practice, practice and this girl seems to be the perfect set up for you. So don't waste another minute and muster the courage to get a little closer to her. (little bit at a time) Don't waste your time "hiding" behind the computer and social media. We humans need in-person connections. Also +1 on the therapy. They say you must love yourself before you can love another. So true. Good luck! Link to comment
Realitynut Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 I had an extremely good looking cousin....and smart. Member of Mensa. Was always different from his brothers, and lived waaaaay out in the country on a farm. Never, ever dated. I use to think he was gay. Never even kissed. I heard from my sister, that he had a friend, who had a wife, who 'taught' him to kiss. Awkward. Finally some people set him up at work. (he worked on computers at a fairly large hospital) This woman was 40 and lived a home taking care of her mom. They married. He was 40, she was 41. Had a beautiful and very smart girl. Been married about 16 years. This man had gone to Africa in the peace corps. Could play guitar and sing. We all loved him....but he was shy? What are your demons. Are you really 'mentally ill?' So do you need mental help/therapy. Or are you just shy. If this woman seems interested, ask her out for something like a movie. Take it at your own pace. After a while, just say you are very interested in her. You have come to care for her and her child, would she be open to pursuing something more than friendship. Also, what do you have to bring to the table? Do you have a job? Able to date? Good conversationalist? You need to be able to offer her something other than just a 'shell' of a man.....don't mean to be harsh. Maybe as others said, therapy would help you gain confidence. But therapy is expensive. I own a BOX FULL of self help books. Look online, and read up on relationship advice that would be beneficial to you! Good Luck! Link to comment
nicolewill Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 There's nothing desperate or pathetic about wanting someone to love. I think this is an amazing chance for you. It doesn't matter whether it seems desperate or not, if you don't pursue it, it'll never happen. So do your thing, ask her out, see where it goes, but you're going in the right direction. I hope you find what you're looking for! Link to comment
Mikey383 Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 I am 43... And hey, I was married to someone for 14 years who was a non-participant in my life... So, might as well be all alone... I been divorced for over 4 years now... After my divorce, I took a bit time off to let the dust settle, and went out to see the wonderful world... Oh, and BTW my ex wife said so many terrible things to me out of anger and spite that I had really a ton of insecurities... Guess what? I discovered that women found me attractive... And I have had more fun in the last 4 years, than I ever did in 14 years of my ty marriage.... Although my last 2 post divorce long term relationships didn't quite pan out, still I had fun, I am desirable, my confidence jumped etc.... Now I am seeing a beautiful woman that is 34... She is 9 years younger than me...:)... So... you never know.. just keep plugging and go for it... ASK HER OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment
indea08 Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 The alternative to trying would be continuing on being miserable. At least if you try, you've got a chance at being happy. If you don't try, you have 0% chance. And when this life ends, you don't get a do over. Take risks. Don't live the same year 75 times and call it a life. Link to comment
DanZee Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 Take both the girl and her child out to places. The zoo. Parks. Etc. Let her see how good a father you are as well. You could be married within a year or two. Link to comment
PookieNumNums Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 Thank you everyone for replying and being so kind. You've given me much to think of. Maybe this is being set up for me by the universe. I believe in conciousness and not a higher being like a GOD . Maybe conciousness is helping me out. Two weeks before I knew she was back I finally got full time at my job I've been at for five years. I'm strarting to look positive at things and thinking maybe there is actually some hope for me. I just have to get the courage. Oh and BTW why not have a screen name called PookieNumNums? How fun is that! Link to comment
PookieNumNums Posted February 24, 2018 Author Share Posted February 24, 2018 Take both the girl and her child out to places. The zoo. Parks. Etc. Let her see how good a father you are as well. You could be married within a year or two. OMG literally 10 minutes after I read this she tells me she wants to take her son to the ZOO O.O Link to comment
LootieTootie Posted February 24, 2018 Share Posted February 24, 2018 OMG literally 10 minutes after I read this she tells me she wants to take her son to the ZOO O.O Offer to take both of them :) Link to comment
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