FWB and BF

[Hollyj]

He's friends with her on FB, but he does not reply to her comments. I trust him because he does not reply to her comments, but the distrust comes in when I wonder why she is even commenting in the first place? Why does she feel comfortable to flirt with him? She wasn't a major ex, she was the girl he dated for 3 months while we were broken up.

 

Why wasn't she blocked??? He loves the attention, more than respecting you.

[MissCanuck]

You're probably more anxious now because you're the one who was actually cheating and you are worried he could be doing exactly what you were doing. It's the unstable relationship history combined with projection of your own bad behaviour.

 

Don't be so afraid to be alone that you settle for a guy who repeatedly dumps you, and has your sense of trust so shattered that you stoop to his level as a misguided way to protect yourself. A relationship that includes multiple break-ups and infidelity and no trust (because despite what you say, it is clear you don't trust him and you're no longer trustworthy either) is a relationship that is not going to last. If not's matter of if but when the next break-up will happen.

[thealchemist]

It sounds like you aren't in a place to even date your bf in a healthy manner.

 

Nor is he in one to date you.

 

You both sound very toxic.

[figureitout23]

No, it's not possible for it to be both, and you're not being honest. The whole reason you kept the FWB was because you didn't trust your boyfriend. It's right there in plain english and now you're trying to deny it because you don't like the solution that is offered.

 

 

 

There are huge issues with honesty here. Your boyfriend isn't trustworthy and neither are you. If you want to have a healthy mindset, you must get honest with yourself and face reality.

 

Excellent catch. It's true OPer, you don't trust him, I do believe you want to, but when people give you every reason not to youre kinda stuck

[lovelyworld]

Hi guys,

 

I need help. My heart is hurting as I am typing this. I am tired. As I have mentioned here, I don't trust my bf all of the time. He is still friends with his ex, she always comments and compliments him on facebook...he tells me it's nothing and he can't control what she says. Anyway, things have actually been perfect lately with us, but I just checked his FB. He wrote something sexual as a status, as a joke, and she reacted the "anger" face. It's as if she's his gf. She's the only person reacting that way.

 

I asked him, he said he doesn't know why. I don't know how to talk to him anymore. This might seem petty and little, but it's not. What is going on behind closed doors?

 

I am thinking of leaving, but I don't know if I am capable. I love this guy so much. I am too attached. Last time we broke up, I had to withdraw from all of my classes because I was so heartbroken. It took me a long time to start healing. I am afraid of how I will be without him, the sadness I will feel, the emptiness. How will I focus on school? This is such an important year for me, I am applying to graduate school, and I need to be in the right mental state. I know I will miss him so much. And I really love him a lot, we see each other a lot, we have a weekly routine and schedule. I am so used to him. How can be strong?

 

How do I fix it with him and allow him to be honest with me and talk everything out? I want us to work, but I can't keep having this problem where I am constantly bringing up his ex? He needs to kick her out of his social media.

[MissCanuck]

Your relationship is far from perfect, OP. A few good days amidst a history of toxic dysfunction does not make everything "perfect."

 

You need to take off the blinders and see this for what it really is: a relationship that died a long time ago.

[Jibralta]

How do I fix it with him and allow him to be honest with me and talk everything out? I want us to work, but I can't keep having this problem where I am constantly bringing up his ex? He needs to kick her out of his social media.

 

You can't fix other people. Look into codependence. This is his problem, not yours.

 

I am thinking of leaving, but I don't know if I am capable.

 

You are capable.

[lovelyworld]

You can't fix other people. Look into codependence. This is his problem, not yours.

 

 

 

You are capable.

 

I am reading about codependence right now, reading it actually feels familiar.

And I want to tell myself I am capable, but I don't want to break up with him, and go back to him the next day. I am scared of the effect it will have on me. I don't feel ready to be sad and cry all day and night and not be able to focus on my classes this year. I get disappointed in myself for feeling scared to feel this way, though. I know it needs to be done, it's just a matter of when now, I suppose.

[lovelyworld]

Your relationship is far from perfect, OP. A few good days amidst a history of toxic dysfunction does not make everything "perfect."

 

You need to take off the blinders and see this for what it really is: a relationship that died a long time ago.

 

I know it is far from perfect. When things go really well, they go realllllly well between us. When we are together in person, nothing else is important. It's almost as if I don't want to admit things have died a while ago. I still love him as much as I did when we first started talking, but I am tired of communicating my feelings and him not doing anything to solve our problems. I feel like it will take me a while to finally decide on leaving once and for all.

[katrina1980]

OP, allow me to present a question to you.

 

What if your BF beat the crap out of you, let's say he threw acid in your face, would you be too weak and incapable of leaving then?

 

Sorry, I know he's not physically abusing you but it's the same premise with the same result.

 

You "are" capable of leaving.

 

You just don't want to, own that.

 

Explore why you don't want to, and its NOT because you're not capable or too weak.

 

That is disingenuous and a cop out.

 

Start being honest with yourself, would be a great positive start in figuring this out.

[MissCanuck]

I know it is far from perfect. When things go really well, they go realllllly well between us. When we are together in person, nothing else is important. It's almost as if I don't want to admit things have died a while ago. I still love him as much as I did when we first started talking, but I am tired of communicating my feelings and him not doing anything to solve our problems. I feel like it will take me a while to finally decide on leaving once and for all.

 

Well, that is true for many relationships, OP.

 

The problem is that your relationship doesn't exist in a vacuum. It exists within the context of your daily lives, warts and monotony and all. Having some good moments sprinkled into what sounds like a largely unsatisfying existence with him seems miserable. You are stuck on the high of the good times, but you two don't do well as a couple outside of those moments. That is why this won't likely survive.

 

Yes, breaking up is hard even when it's clear it's over. But staying with someone who just isn't into you anymore takes a much greater toll in the end.

[boltnrun]

Do you think staying with him and stressing over his social media isn't going to have an affect on your studies?