student13 Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 Hi, This is A. and I will be turning 24 years old soon. I am facing a real challenge these days, maybe the toughest one that I've ever been going through in my life, and I would be grateful if anyone could share another perspective. I have been talking to several people but I guess I didn't hear something that I would like to or maybe I am not wise enough to understand it. I will begin by saying: I am an international student in Denmark, I have been studying here for the last 4 years. I came to Denmark in 2013, when I was 19. At first, I was studying 2 years of a bachelor degree which I wasn't convinced that I like it and thanks to the free educational system here, I decided to change it. Therefore, now I am in my second year of the second bachelor I began in September 2016. The bachelor that I am enrolled in lasts 3 years and a half (7 semesters) and right now I am going within the 4th semester. I was truly satisfied with the marketing programme that I am studying right now and I was aware of the potential opportunities that I could have in the future, as I have always wanted my own business. I believe I expected my life to come in the perfect order for myself: school, career, boyfriend, relationship and family. But right somewhere I guess I messed it up, when last summer I found someone I really like and I decided to give into more effort, other than I would put in a casual fling as I used to do. The guy is 27 years old and living in my home country (Romania). He's got a job and career plans for the future as well. And so, I got into a relationship with this guy one month ago (when I went for the last Christmas in my home country) after we have been talking and getting to know each other for maybe a little less than a half of a year. Yes, that's right. This is a long-distance relationship between us...Personally, I have never believed in this kind of relationship but I really like him as a whole. Everything was going great until I found out yesterday that I am pregnant in 6 weeks. I know I tend to act dramatic more than I should but when I got it confirmed at the doctor, my entire world crushed suddenly. I love children, I always wanted my own later in life when I was going to be done studying and financially stable. As I can't keep things to myself, I have told my mother, boyfriend and 2 other guy friends. My mom is devastated and disappointed at the same time as she always saw me as being responsible. Still she knows that it must be hard for me to go with an abortion, as she herself had one. I saw her regretting it and I have promised myself I would never get one. Still she said I can do whatever I will decide for myself, either keep the baby or get an abortion. But beside her, everyone else went with the abortion suggestion. Sure, that would be great not taking the responsibility and just get the abortion, finish the school, get a full time job and then have other children. Yes, my boyfriend said that he could make the effort and be supportive but he says that he thinks about me and my priorities. Also, he believes in this idea that the parents should be together for the sake of a baby and not apart. I don't know what it will happen in the future, I can't tell him for sure... *I will keep the baby, stay in Denmark for 3 years more, manage to finish the school and raise the baby by my own, then come back to Romania and live forever with him*. And he knows that as I told him. Maybe I am being stubborn and trying to mess my future only because I have been irresponsible. It would be hard, me giving birth here alone, raise it without any financial and emotional support. I am only having a part time job right now, I need to find an internship soon as the school requires for the 4th semester. If I would manage to finish 2 years out of the programme, I would wait a year to go back to school. Then during the next summer, I would be 6-8 months pregnant and trying to work full time to save up money for the baby. But this is just a fantasy...If I could want to keep the baby. My boyfriend told me it is fine to get an abortion as long is it is tiny and won't feel pain and that later on when the time is right, he wants a child with me. Still I feel like no matter what I would do there will be a price for everything. If I will keep it, maybe there will be nasty days without having things to provide for my baby, agony mostly for her/him. I never had a good relationship with my father as he used to be violent (verbally and physical until I left for studies abroad), I know he won't react well at all as he will be embarrassed because of me, I will be -shamed and mostly he won't forgive me at all, my mother and younger sister will have to suffer because of what I have done And if I will go for the abortion, nothing will be the same knowing what I have done. I know how my consciousness works, I will regret it all my life and I will probably be wondering about all the things I didn't let them happen. My self-esteem won't be the same, sex won't work as before and probably the relationship will be over as well. Seeing the partner and remembering what I have done won't be easy at all. In 2 days, I am having an appointment at the doctor, I am scared. I don't have much time to gather all the information to support my decision, neither to build all the self-confidence that I will need. What would you do if you were me? I know it has been a long small written story so I must say thank you for your time, A. Link to comment
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