sputnik123 Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Fingers crossed for you buddy! Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Good luck! A change in jobs will be good, and opens the doors to new opportunities for you :peaceful: Link to comment
Piaresssss Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 The day has worn me down. Memories of my ex seem to be everywhere today. Finding it hard to accept that she just is not in love with me anymore. It is a very hard pill to swollow. As I have never been through this before im fibding it hard to think of not loving her myself. But i am thinking if she did this to me once she would probably do it again if she ever returned to my life so what am i doing. Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Piaresssss buddy.. the primary thing that will help more than any other is what noone can actually give you.. TIME. However, know that during this time you will never actually be alone. There is also much solace to find in the fact that she DID love you once. She CHOSE you once. That alone says something. This does not mean that it has to be forever though.. lets face it, hardly anything lasts forever. You are young and have so many experiences to come. Take it one hour, one day, one week at a time for now. I promise it will get so much better. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 sput is right and I wrote this on someone elses thread ...time ...I know it is cheesy to say time is the healer , but it is . There are things we encourage each other to do that help in the long run , but the here and now ..is ....your heart is broken and in time ...it wont be and you have to believe us and let it be a little bit of a comfort my darling . I slept on my daughters bedroom floor for 6 weeks after my split , I used one excuse after another , bedroom covered in the christmas stuff blah blah blah , I was unable to go out for about 3 months as well , I coudn't listen to music and I am a huge music person , I was destroyed completely over how he did it , and the reason for the split ..... but it passed my love ...it really did . Lots of love to you , my heart goes out to you all right now . Link to comment
Piaresssss Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 Thanks Sputnik and Pipp. I remember where i was at the start. Sitting on my sofa with my mum with tears just streaming out of my eyes. I have come far. I am getting better. You are both right. I just need more time. On a positive note. I was on the bus ride home and i just sort of accepted in my head the reasons we broke up. I knew them but was working on them to get her back. Well now i have just accepted them. I need to change them for me. I was jealous amd clingy. Most likely tied to my low self esteem. I never viewed myself in a positive way or thought i was atractive but there has definitely been a spike in my coincidence since the split. Funny how that happens.Im tall, tattoos, cracking beard. Line up ladies and clearly really funny, nice to joke around again. One of my tattos is themed around jealousy. I love it. Reminds me all the time not to be that person. Going to get one soon about loving yourself. We had both become comfortable and took each other for granted. Im not sure how to fix that in the future so any suggetions to help for the future would be appreciated. Im sure there are more that will come into my mind in the future. When they do I will take appropriate action to address them. All towards making a better me. Link to comment
Piaresssss Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 [ATTACH=CONFIG]11468[/ATTACH] My jealousy tattoo if you wanna look. Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Hey Piaresssss, That is true. Keep remembering how far you have come already. Willing to make a bet with you that in 6 months your mind is fully occupied by/with someone else Link to comment
dave4443 Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Hey buddy sorry to hear this man. I know how you feel went through the same few months of changing only for things to lead to one another and eventually hear the I'm not in love with you anymore seemingly out of nowhere. It's honestly the worst feeling in the world but you recover from that a lot faster now because the what ifs begin to fade. before we were being misled as they were probably confused too I'm not saying they're bad for it but it was us that suffered more. Now you know this it's easier! Since then I've had a failed attempt at a relationship but it showed me there is other people out there, still have hard times don't get me wrong but these hard times are much easier than the ones when we were in touch. As for the taking for granted, I've begun to look at it as maybe we all weren't right for eachother? the best couples I know who have been together for years don't take eachother for granted because the love is always strong, maybe we did that because it wasn't as strong as we think during this haze, you'll find someone more suited! good luck xx Link to comment
Piaresssss Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 Haha that would be great Sputnik but I want to go into a new relationship feeling nothing for my ex. I dont feel I could 100% commit to anyone else before then. Hey dave, thanks for sharing your story with me. Its funny, i do not have any bad feelings towards my ex. She didnt string me along intentionally. She told me from the beginning to move on but i just struggled. A break up is a hard and confusing time for both involved and I think sometimes the dumpees forget that the dumpers are still people with feelings. Yes, certain exceptions for considering their feelings but in my case my ex just didnt know how she felt. Took time to get the answer and put it to bed. Thanks for the advice on taking someone for granted. I will think about it and take what i learn with me into future relationships. Self growth has been quite big for me the past few months. I am glad im becoming a more well rounded person for the future. Some people do not learn these lessons till much later. Im bit down tonight but better everyday. Just gotta keep slugging through. Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Morning Piaresssss, "Haha that would be great Sputnik but I want to go into a new relationship feeling nothing for my ex. I dont feel I could 100% commit to anyone else before then." - That is fair enough buddy. It's so good that you feel yourself growing through this. That is what is most important. You will feel down sometimes, but as long as you keep moving and looking forward, you come out of the other side :) Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Every day is a day closer to freedom . Good to see you recovering Dave Hope all you lads are ok , P did I miss the interview phone call bit ...what happened ? Link to comment
Piaresssss Posted January 3, 2018 Author Share Posted January 3, 2018 Every day is a day closer to freedom . Good to see you recovering Dave Hope all you lads are ok , P did I miss the interview phone call bit ...what happened ? Im just waiting for them to call back. Off work sick today. My cold took a bad turn. Just been in bed all day. Slept till about half 12. Feeling okay today just lazing in my bed. I do want this cold to shift soon though. Im am making progress in getting better. I would be lying if I said there was not a smidgen of hope of getting back together but I think that will fade in time. My brother just woke up one day and realised he didnt want her back and his relationship was 7 years. I do think it is important that im feeling my feelings instead of ignoring them or lying to myself about them. I think they would come out in ugly ways if i did that. Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Rest up buddy..soo many people in the U.K are sick at moment! lol Everyone has that smidgen for the first few months..it naturally dies Always confront your feelings, as you say. Link to comment
Piaresssss Posted January 3, 2018 Author Share Posted January 3, 2018 Saw a pros and cons list on another post so have decided to make a pros and cons list of my own to gain some perspective. Pros Made me laugh Enjoyed her company Found her extremely attractive Had a lot in common Loved her family Sex was good Was very intelligent Is a very carring person Cons Bad depression that she did not want to try and address Would self harm Unreliable such as always being late Hated the way she looked Sometimes would prioritise other things Extremely horrible when drunk Sex was good but very rare Was bad at communicating Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Thanks for the advice guys. In regards to meeting her when im ready. I agree but plan on seeing her one last time on Friday so we can part on good terms. I will be seeing her at the end of march as i am still going on holiday as i cannot really afford to lose the money. Life does indeed kick you when you are down. You can afford to lose the money. You can't afford to lose any progress you have made by that time. Also, I suspect the Friday has already passed. If not, don't meet with her. Good terms, bad terms, it really doesn't matter as much as you think. You need to be more selfish with yourself at this time. She'll get along fine without you. You need to do the same. Move on. Don't talk about it, live it. Have no contact with her. None. I'm sorry you're in the position you're in. But you are making it more difficult than it has to be. Good luck. Link to comment
Carus Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 I do think it is important that im feeling my feelings instead of ignoring them or lying to myself about them. I think they would come out in ugly ways if i did that. You are dead right....! You need to 'feel it to heal it'.... If you just suppress your emotions or try and distract yourself from feeling them, they will not heal properly in the long term. There is a term we counselors use which is 'Unresolved Grief'....The name says it all and pertains to exactly what you are talking about here... Unresolved grief can manifest into depression, but also physical ailments such as weight gain, weight loss, sore back, headaches etc....And can also lead to external ailments such as drinking, drugs, over working, over spending etc... So I know it's painful (you've read my thread) but just know that you can do the heavy lifting now and soon that will ease up and you will start to feel so much stronger... Remember, to forge steel, one must apply fire.... The greatest warriors are seared with scars* Carus* Link to comment
Piaresssss Posted January 3, 2018 Author Share Posted January 3, 2018 You can afford to lose the money. You can't afford to lose any progress you have made by that time. Also, I suspect the Friday has already passed. If not, don't meet with her. Good terms, bad terms, it really doesn't matter as much as you think. You need to be more selfish with yourself at this time. She'll get along fine without you. You need to do the same. Move on. Don't talk about it, live it. Have no contact with her. None. I'm sorry you're in the position you're in. But you are making it more difficult than it has to be. Good luck. The friday i question has indeed come and gone. She offered friendzone i said no. Change your mind get in touch if not leave me to heal. She respected that. Link to comment
Piaresssss Posted January 3, 2018 Author Share Posted January 3, 2018 Remember, to forge steel, one must apply fire.... The greatest warriors are seared with scars* Carus* This last part really connected with me. Feels like a saying you carry woth you forever. Link to comment
Piaresssss Posted January 3, 2018 Author Share Posted January 3, 2018 So am sitting here on my brothers sofa looking after his dog and just thinking about things. Im letting my mind wander and just thinking about anything that comes up. One thing is moving on. What is moving on? That may seem a silly question but I have never done it before. Is it having no feelings for them at all. Feeling something but realising you do not need them to be happy. Blocking them from your life forever. Wanting them to be happy no matter how it is. I am curious what people think moving on is to them. Im sure i will know what it means to me in time. Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Hello buddy, Not an expert on these terms either, but probably closest to; "Feeling something but realising you do not need them to be happy". Being able to see someone else and it not feel wrong? Link to comment
Piaresssss Posted January 3, 2018 Author Share Posted January 3, 2018 "Feeling something but realising you do not need them to be happy" Being able to see someone else and it not feel wrong? Thats a good one. For me i think it is going to be when i see her with someone else and just feel happy for her. I think that will be a really good place for me to end this chapter of my life. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 I had something very interesting to say , and by the time I pressed * reply* I had forgot , but clearly feel the need to give you a narrative about it Link to comment
Piaresssss Posted January 3, 2018 Author Share Posted January 3, 2018 I had something very interesting to say , and by the time I pressed * reply* I had forgot , but clearly feel the need to give you a narrative about it Well if it pops back in do share. Im watching Jurassic Park 3 and i must say what a rubbish film. Just truly awful. I dont know why i watching it but as we learned last week, im a sucker for pain. Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted January 3, 2018 Share Posted January 3, 2018 Haha.. I'm watching the Bourne Ultimatum.. much better Sleep is way off since NYE! Link to comment
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