sputnik123 Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 Hey Piaresssss, Glad to see you hanging on in there and making exciting plans! The trip to Oz sounds especially appealing As the wonderful Pippy and Carus say, it's the start of a journey now, which does get easier, bit by bit. Make sure to keep your thoughts coming on here, it's a great way of processing how you feel about it all. As far tonight.. remember it is just another night and try not to put too much onus on it. You are fresh out of something very emotional and it may be best to keep it low-key and fresh.. A good time to stay away from any triggers, especially if you plan on a drink or two. Proud of you for where you have come so far.. Keep it up! Link to comment
Piaresssss Posted December 31, 2017 Author Share Posted December 31, 2017 Just harnless flirting, she has a bf anyway. So not something im going to pursue. Would be incredibly wrong. I believe flirting is okay as it can strengthen friendship which in this case it has. I spoted a link posted by Carus in another thread. Breakup recovery guide. It is amazing. Reading it just soothes me. Cannot thank Carus enough for posting it. I have applied for a few graduate jobs today and most you dont need experience so thats good. Im feeling okay at the moment. Im actually excited to go start rock climbing next week. Hoping to do that maybe twice a week, swimming once and gym at least 3 times. Im starting to develop some lose skin but that is to be expected seeing as i was 312lbs and now im 230lbs. Not too bad though im a big guy any way standing bout 6ft 4 Link to comment
boltnrun Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 See, this is the problem when people think they MUST see their ex "one more time" to get "closure" or to say a final goodbye. Immediately after, they say "that went well, I'm glad I did that". Then the next day it sinks in...no more "hope", no more fantasies about getting back together in the future, no more feeling like there's still some kind of connection. And a new grieving starts, when if they'd just not insisted on meeting their ex they could be further along in the process. I suppose this is just a big long "I told you so!" which isn't cool, but maybe it will be useful in the future if you try to convince yourself to go ahead on that holiday with the ex. Try to remember how you feel right now, because if you do go it will feel like this times 1,000. And I recommend you go to the party, even if it's just for a little while. What's the alternative, staying home wallowing in thoughts of your ex? Link to comment
Piaresssss Posted December 31, 2017 Author Share Posted December 31, 2017 See, this is the problem when people think they MUST see their ex "one more time" to get "closure" or to say a final goodbye. Immediately after, they say "that went well, I'm glad I did that". Then the next day it sinks in...no more "hope", no more fantasies about getting back together in the future, no more feeling like there's still some kind of connection. And a new grieving starts, when if they'd just not insisted on meeting their ex they could be further along in the process. I suppose this is just a big long "I told you so!" which isn't cool, but maybe it will be useful in the future if you try to convince yourself to go ahead on that holiday with the ex. Try to remember how you feel right now, because if you do go it will feel like this times 1,000. And I recommend you go to the party, even if it's just for a little while. What's the alternative, staying home wallowing in thoughts of your ex? I dont regret it. My personality would have me clinging on to that hope for the foreseeable future. It is hard for me to let go of anything. I have looked into cancelling my ticket but as it was booked as a group i cannot cancel a single seat it would have to be the whole trip so i cannot do that. Im going to see how i feel closer to the time but most likely im not going to go. I havent gone to the party. My throat is killing me and im not much of a drinker any way. Just gonna have a bubble bath and go to bed. Lovely night for me. Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 Take it nice and easy Piaresssss. Tomorrow is a brand new day (and year!) Remember that we are all here for you. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 I dont regret it. My personality would have me clinging on to that hope for the foreseeable future. It is hard for me to let go of anything. I have looked into cancelling my ticket but as it was booked as a group i cannot cancel a single seat it would have to be the whole trip so i cannot do that. Im going to see how i feel closer to the time but most likely im not going to go. I havent gone to the party. My throat is killing me and im not much of a drinker any way. Just gonna have a bubble bath and go to bed. Lovely night for me. But according to you, you ARE still clinging to that hope. From earlier: "I cannot stop scenarios playing out in my mind like whats it going to be like when my ex gets another partner or what will happen when we eventually meet again, will we end up together again." That's why I think you deciding to not go on the trip is a good decision. You'll see her again and all that hope will come rushing back. It's fine to stay in tonight and take care of yourself. One thing I dislike about NYE is the feeling that you MUST go out and "do something" otherwise you're some kind of loser. I mean, why on this one night is it required to go out and have some kind of fantastic time? It's really just another night, not to mention all the annoying drunks who will be out and about and on the road. I might just stay in too! Link to comment
Piaresssss Posted December 31, 2017 Author Share Posted December 31, 2017 But according to you, you ARE still clinging to that hope. From earlier: "I cannot stop scenarios playing out in my mind like whats it going to be like when my ex gets another partner or what will happen when we eventually meet again, will we end up together again." That's why I think you deciding to not go on the trip is a good decision. You'll see her again and all that hope will come rushing back. Well i cannot argue with my own words can I. I will let it go but i need time to sort myself out. I envy the ability to move on that my brother had. He sank into work, went out alot, met new girls and he says he loves his life at the moment. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 Hope you ok p ...just doing the rounds to make sure you're all hanging in there. Link to comment
Piaresssss Posted December 31, 2017 Author Share Posted December 31, 2017 Hope you ok p ...just doing the rounds to make sure you're all hanging in there. Yh im good. Better today than yesterday. Spoke about her less and thought about her less. Still spoke to my mum though, she cant ger sick of it. It tickcles me that you call me P. My two best mates call me that. They cant spell my name and ive known them for 10 years. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 Yh im good. Better today than yesterday. Spoke about her less and thought about her less. Still spoke to my mum though, she cant ger sick of it. It tickcles me that you call me P. My two best mates call me that. They cant spell my name and ive known them for 10 years. That's what mums are for haha oh really ..they can't say it and I am typo queen of THE ENTIRE WORLD ...so P suits me just fine Link to comment
Piaresssss Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 Happy New Year! Day 3. Off to thr cinema today. I didnt go the other day so am making myself go today. It does not feel like nearly 4 months since my split. I suppose because I had not really accepted it till the other day. Was my own fault. Should of listened to the people on here. Id be in a much better place if i had been like message me if you want to get back together, if not do not contact me. I have done that now but I dont feel like there was much point in all honesty. Should of just said goodbye and been done with it. Im surprised at myself for not having the urge to message her a new years meassagr like i did at christmas. Delted her number anyway so couldn't even if i wanted to. I made a step the other day that i didn't take before. I got her to stop using my netflix, spotify and amazon prime. Not a massive thing but still a step in the right direction. Link to comment
Carus Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 I know this stage is tough mate. You've followed my painful story... And then today I had that interaction....after 6 weeks of radio silence...! Time and space is needed. Carus* Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Hey Piaressssss, Happy New Year buddy! I hope 2018 is amazing for you. "It does not feel like nearly 4 months since my split" - right with you there, even though I have not made contact in 6 weeks, it still feels very fresh sometimes. One thing I think we have all learned here (sometimes the hard way), is that we cannot go back. all we can do is the best we can, but moving forwards. Try to keep a positive outset and look in front of you. You have so much going for you. Keep this in mind. :) Link to comment
Piaresssss Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 Hey Piaressssss, Happy New Year buddy! I hope 2018 is amazing for you. "It does not feel like nearly 4 months since my split" - right with you there, even though I have not made contact in 6 weeks, it still feels very fresh sometimes. One thing I think we have all learned here (sometimes the hard way), is that we cannot go back. all we can do is the best we can, but moving forwards. Try to keep a positive outset and look in front of you. You have so much going for you. Keep this in mind. :) Im trying buddy but finding it hard. I know I have a lot going for me but hard to see it through my foggy head. Anyway, went to the cinena with my mum and just let the valve open i said alot of the stuff I have been holding in. I feel like a fool. A fool for wasting four months of my life waiting for her. To what? Wake up and realise she still loves me. Now that isn't gonna happen. I was hoping while she moved on with her life. Put the final nail in the coffin with the im not in love with you anymore statement. I still have some hope in me. I have finally admitted it to myself. Lying to myself was doing no good. How can i kill this hope. I know time will rid me off it but im not gonna lie. I am struggling through. I didnt cry yesterday and one solitary tear ran down my face today. I think we all know that I should not go on this Holliday i have planned. I originally thought boltnrun was being harsh but they where right. Calling me out on all my bull**** and rightly so. Im sad and angry. I feel like i wasted three years of my life loving someone who just threw me away. Then wanted me as a friend to ease their own hurt or guilt whatever it was. Then i still feel hurt when i think of her moving to a new partner. Then think of possibilities in the future. This post has been an odd rant but i just want to be happy again. Link to comment
Carus Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 It wasn't a waste buddy.... Patience. The answers will come.... Look up "How to heal a broken heart" by Teal Swan on YouTube.... Carus* Link to comment
Piaresssss Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 It wasn't a waste buddy.... Patience. The answers will come.... Look up "How to heal a broken heart" by Teal Swan on YouTube.... Carus* Thanks brother, ill give it a look. Just finished reading your post. BEAUTIFUL. Get a good sleep. You deserve it. Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 Hello Piaresssss, Firstly, "I feel like a fool. A fool for wasting four months of my life waiting for her. To what? Wake up and realise she still loves me. Now that isn't gonna happen. I was hoping while she moved on with her life. Put the final nail in the coffin with the im not in love with you anymore statement." - Please remember, nothing in your life is a waste.. it's all part of the journey. What you also now have is a full stop on the relationship, that is all. You can now truly move on and be happy, with yourself, then with someone else, someone better. Keep that valve open mate, you have to let it all out and keep the people who have your back, real close. Don't be afraid of your own company though too :) Yes, forget about that holiday. I promise, there will be other holidays. Sad and angry is about right.. you are human and it's perfectly understandable. Yes, she will be with someone else, now or later...but so will you! Carus raised excellent points in his post today and the ex being with other people (it's just a fact of life).. Rant away pal.. that's what we are here for :) Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 I get that a lot. I'm often accused of being "harsh" or "bitter" or "unsympathetic". But I'm older and I've learned that one of the worst things in the world is giving someone false hope. Or coddling them with a "there, there, I'm sure she'll realize her mistake and come running back any day now!!!" I think that's meaner than telling someone something they might not want to hear. For all these months, your life and mind have been closed off to everything but her. But there's a whole big world out there. You might not want to explore it right now, but you're young and I promise you won't be lying on your death bed wishing you spent MORE time pining away over an ex. You can't get this time back, so try your best to make the most of it. As for the holiday, please don't go. Yeah, you'll lose some money, but how much is your peace of mind worth? Priceless? Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted January 1, 2018 Share Posted January 1, 2018 I feel like a fool. A fool for wasting four months of my life waiting for her. You're not a fool P , none of you are , infact you get wiser by the day with your raw awakenings as you go through each emotion and get through every day . Link to comment
Piaresssss Posted January 1, 2018 Author Share Posted January 1, 2018 Thank you all. It means alot to me that you are all here when i need you. I had about a 30mim chat on the phone with my manager at work, also a very good friend. We talkee about my troubles. His troubles. Both about relationships. I have told him to try and come on here but he is reluctant. Im not sure why. I also looked into flights to Oz. Gonna cost me around £1000 i think. Link to comment
Carus Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 I also looked into flights to Oz. Gonna cost me around £1000 i think. :D Well you get free accom while your at my place* Link to comment
Piaresssss Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 At work today. Really tired, not a great sleep. To the good news. Got a call about a job i applied for. I could not talk so they are gonna call me back at 4. Hope it goes well, gotta get out of my current job, alot of bad memories. Gonna take you up on that Carus 😁 Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Good morning Piaresssss. Excellent news on the call back! Proud of you. I hope you get it buddy :) My sleep pattern is all messed up since New Year.. We will be back on track soon. You guys in Oz are gonna make me super jealous!!! Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Oh nice one P , fabulous news .. Link to comment
Piaresssss Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 Thanks guys. I hope so too. Had a look at the benefits looks really good. Pay is nearly double for working less hours. It would be such a good thing for me right now. Works okay, im feeling okay. Is dragging a bit. Link to comment
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