Where will my road lead.

[Piaresssss]

The day is almost at an end. Off to bed i go.

 

I find myself not happy or sad but in a state of limbo. Id rather that than sadness though.

 

Think ill turn this thread into my journal. It being in the healing subforum seems more appropriate.

 

Going cinema tomorrow with my mum because im super cool like that.

 

I have also looked at going on a trip on my own. Something i have never thought about before. I really want to go to Hawaii.

[sputnik123]

Hey Piaresssss,

It was bound to feel strange afterwards. As long as you are content that you did the right action, then thats the main thing.

Journal away my friend, as it really does help.

I hope you enjoy the cinema and have a good day :)

Going somewhere like Hawaii on your own would be fantastic!

Head up.

[pippy longstocking]

Can you please tell my daughter it is cool to take your mam to the pictures Every time I want to go she just looks at me like I have stamped all over her iphone or something

 

I am glad you just kinda feel middle of the road , as I think someone has already said , a person can come away from these things and feel quite euphoric ,then crash horribly a day or so later , so good that you neither up nor down .

 

Hawaii sounds fab , you have the world at your fingertips and soon you will respect that so much .

[Piaresssss]

Woke up and i have caught a cold which sucks.

 

Anyway. Journal Day 1.

 

Yes I am sad today but i expected that. It is because i am finally letting go and am starting to move on with my life.

 

I hope my ex is in it at some point down the road. How long that takes i do not know but I know im not ready for it in the foreseeable future. I think at least a year apart probally more.

 

I find myself feeling like i never have before. It is such a strange feeling. I dont want to sit in bed all day but have no desire to go outside either.

 

Im uncomfortable with this feeling and just want it to end. I cannot force myself to heal I have to let it happen at its own pace.

[sputnik123]

Hey Piaressssss,

 

Welcome to Day 1 buddy.

 

The healing will happen in its own sweet time.

 

I am nearly 3 months post b/u. It still hurts like hell sometimes, but infinitely better than if I made contact etc..

 

We are with you every step of the way.

[Piaresssss]

Hey Sputnik

 

I know it will. I just feel like a fool for pinning for her for the past 4 months while she moved on.

 

Well you live and learn I suppose.

[pippy longstocking]

Hey Sputnik

 

I know it will. I just feel like a fool for pinning for her for the past 4 months while she moved on.

 

Well you live and learn I suppose.

 

oh I have done worse my darling , it took me years and I mean years to get over the ex that brought me here !! Shocking

 

and ....he caught me on here ! all the posts I had written and the tears and upset ... all here for him to read arghhh

[Piaresssss]

oh I have done worse my darling , it took me years and I mean years to get over the ex that brought me here !! Shocking

 

and ....he caught me on here ! all the posts I had written and the tears and upset ... all here for him to read arghhh

 

I told my ex that i journal but didnt direct her this way specifically. If she goes diging thats her choice I have nothing to hide. I was speaking to my step father today. He thinks it will take me years to recover, i hope he is not right 😁.

 

I really want to move on but its so hard to see the end when you are only at the beginning.

[pippy longstocking]

I think for most of us there will always be that one , the deep cut if you will ... even though I am 51 and had many relationships , this one , was indeed my deepest cut and there is a fair chance she is yours ..just as I believe this is carus's and sput as well ...many just come and go on here , hurt and bewildered , but manage to move on pretty quickly with not too much drama .

 

I don't want you to feel like it will take you years and add to that by saying it took me years ...I had many factors as well that held me back . We had brief contact by letter and card ....then he saw me on here and that started us emailing ...I meant to say this to Carus as well ...so in essence you could say mine did come back , but it is the capacity in which they return which is the problem . This was now two years down the line that he saw me on here and I took it upon myself to think this was the slow rebuild of our lives together . At that time my mum was dying and looking back , I think he was dipping his toe in the water and didn't want it ...but as my mum was so ill and myself and daughter going through a bad time I think he stayed emailing me as an act of politeness !! I would rather have gone without because on the day of my mothers funeral , we wrote , he sent us love and hugs etc and I have never heard a word from him since ..nothing ....I felt like I had lost everything all over again , grieving for my mother , checking the obituaries thinking something had happened to him ..I went on like that for weeks because I daren't face the fact that he had waited till she was dead to cut contact without a word of warning ! ......It is not always a fairy tale when exes come back , you can end up re living it all with some added on .

 

I think re the finding us on here , I just felt for a while that I had lost my place ..my go to place , most people on here know me , know what I am about ( lots of stoned bollox will cover that bit) and for a while every time I wrote I would wonder if he was watching and reading ...now I don't give a sh1t .

 

Day at a time is all you need to think about , but no matter what ..you will not feel like this forever .

[Piaresssss]

Wow, I cannot even imagine going through anything like that. It breaks me apart that you have had to feel this way. Its difficult to understand that people could be so vile to another person in such a way.

 

Im glad I found this place at such a young age. I think it is going to help shape me in a man i would be proud to be.

 

At the moment she is my deepest cut as she is my only cut. My first relationship and i thought my only one.

 

I do not plan on having another one for a very long time. I do not want to lose myself again and until im happy that will not happen I want to be on my own.

 

I know ill be happy again but its going through the heart break that sucks.

 

I looked more into going to Hawaii and its gonna be really expensive. I would ask for any suggestions that could be an alternative or any where people would suggest.

[Carus]

Yeh Pip* Sorry you went through that, but it has been a big part of shaping the wonderful, strong woman you are now x

 

I remember some years ago hearing about two people that had both ended up on this forum, worked out it was each other and got back together...I wonder if that was you? What are the odds huh??

Im glad I found this place at such a young age. I think it is going to help shape me in a man i would be proud to be.

You got that straight my man...It wasn't til the age of 41 that I came across any of this stuff, and even though I still got it wrong (again) in my marriage and breakup, I handled it much,much better than I had in earlier years....

I looked more into going to Hawaii and its gonna be really expensive. I would ask for any suggestions that could be an alternative or any where people would suggest.

Well there's a two bedroom apartment overlooking the ocean in Australia waiting for you bro* ;-)

 

Carus*

[Piaresssss]

Funny you should say Australia Carus my step dad has told me to go back packing out there. I have family over there too so Im going to give it some serious thought.

[Carus]

Well I'm in the West but if you do end up coming out here we gotta hang out!

 

I met two great guys from the U.S. from another forum back in 2010 when they both came out here to visit. It was great and we had a great time...I am still in contact with both of them*

 

Have a good day mate and I'll dust off the BBQ....just in case :)

 

C*

[Piaresssss]

Well I'm in the West but if you do end up coming out here we gotta hang out!

 

I met two great guys from the U.S. from another forum back in 2010 when they both came out here to visit. It was great and we had a great time...I am still in contact with both of them*

 

Have a good day mate and I'll dust off the BBQ....just in case :)

 

C*

 

Haha well i cant turn that down can I.

[Carus]

Haha well i cant turn that down can I.

Nope :cool:

[macdonner]

Wow, I cannot even imagine going through anything like that. It breaks me apart that you have had to feel this way. Its difficult to understand that people could be so vile to another person in such a way.

 

Im glad I found this place at such a young age. I think it is going to help shape me in a man i would be proud to be.

 

At the moment she is my deepest cut as she is my only cut. My first relationship and i thought my only one.

 

I do not plan on having another one for a very long time. I do not want to lose myself again and until im happy that will not happen I want to be on my own.

 

I know ill be happy again but its going through the heart break that sucks.

 

I looked more into going to Hawaii and its gonna be really expensive. I would ask for any suggestions that could be an alternative or any where people would suggest.

 

I went to Rome for 5 days. i did one day at pompeii and 4 days pounding the pavements to as many historic sights as possible in Rome as i could. I met 5 couples, all from America on the private tour to Pompeii. Interesting people with lots of stories to help the journey to and from pompeii go faster. The freedom of being in Rome on my own meant i could do what i liked, when I liked, where i liked etc. I loved it !

 

And as the saying goes in Europe, all roads lead to .....Rome.... so perhaps that is where yours goes?

[Piaresssss]

I went to Rome for 5 days. i did one day at pompeii and 4 days pounding the pavements to as many historic sights as possible in Rome as i could. I met 5 couples, all from America on the private tour to Pompeii. Interesting people with lots of stories to help the journey to and from pompeii go faster. The freedom of being in Rome on my own meant i could do what i liked, when I liked, where i liked etc. I loved it !

 

And as the saying goes in Europe, all roads lead to .....Rome.... so perhaps that is where yours goes?

 

Well i went to venice a few years ago so it might indeed be time to go back. Whe i Rome i guess.

[Piaresssss]

I cannot stop thoughts of my ex popping into my head. I keep thinkng about what ifs in the future and i know i shouldn't. Its not living in the present which is what i should be doing.

 

Dont worry about what else is happening to other people just think about me.

 

On a more positive note. I have decided to take up rock climbing and there just happens to be Londons biggest indoor centre about a 20min bus ride from my house. I have been on the website and am very intrested in attending. Will be looking more into it when i get payed.

[pippy longstocking]

Thankyou Piares and Carus x

 

I know that story as well Carus , it wasn't me though , I kept all this really quiet , it was late on a night and no one saw our exchange on here and I didn't make any announcements , like I say though I have also heard that it happened .

 

I cannot stop thoughts of my ex popping into my head. I keep thinkng about what ifs in the future and i know i shouldn't. Its not living in the present which is what i should be doing.

 

There is nothing wrong in this ^^^ it is what we all do and it will slide away on its own . Everyone comes out of these different phases , sometimes without even realising it . You are doing a good job with everything so don't persecute yourself with these little hiccups .

 

I can't wait for the day when you are posting telling me you are sat at Carus's gaff , looking at the sea and having a beer together .

 

Rock climbing is great ( well not for me I don't like it , I love abseiling down though ) and another distraction for you .

[Piaresssss]

Thankyou Piares and Carus x

 

I know that story as well Carus , it wasn't me though , I kept all this really quiet , it was late on a night and no one saw our exchange on here and I didn't make any announcements , like I say though I have also heard that it happened .

 

 

 

There is nothing wrong in this ^^^ it is what we all do and it will slide away on its own . Everyone comes out of these different phases , sometimes without even realising it . You are doing a good job with everything so don't persecute yourself with these little hiccups .

 

I can't wait for the day when you are posting telling me you are sat at Carus's gaff , looking at the sea and having a beer together .

 

Rock climbing is great ( well not for me I don't like it , I love abseiling down though ) and another distraction for you .

 

You got so close to my actual name its spooky.

 

Its actually Piaras but i doubt you would ever pronunce it right, no one ever does except my mum.

 

I know there is nothing wrong with it but i cannot stop it from getting me down.

 

I cannot wait for that either. If it is going to happen i need a new job. I just finished my masters and am looking to start my career.

 

Im going to start bouldering, climbing with no support ropes. I was going to the gym before i split with my ex for about a year but the fitness has really kicked up a gear in the last few months.

 

I havent been in such good shape in about 7 years.

[pippy longstocking]

You got so close to my actual name its spooky.

 

Its actually Piaras but i doubt you would ever pronunce it right, no one ever does except my mum.

 

I know there is nothing wrong with it but i cannot stop it from getting me down.

 

I cannot wait for that either. If it is going to happen i need a new job. I just finished my masters and am looking to start my career.

 

Im going to start bouldering, climbing with no support ropes. I was going to the gym before i split with my ex for about a year but the fitness has really kicked up a gear in the last few months.

 

I havent been in such good shape in about 7 years.

 

No I bet a pronounced it in my head worse then you can imagine haha , sometimes it is prairess and I think of little house on the prairie and sometimes it is pi ass lolol sorry .... I have decided to call you * p* much simpler ... interesting name though !

 

Congrats on your masters , is this why you are thinking of travelling ? need a bit of space before starting a new career ?

 

I havent been in such good shape in about 7 years

 

I did chuckle at that , my mates and I always say , the best diet ever is heartbreak !

[Piaresssss]

No just to get away from everything that reminds me of my ex. We spent alot of time together so our lives became quite entwined.

 

One of her best mates lives at my brothers so to an extent they still are connected.

 

Aint that the truth of heart break. Id say im about 2 stone out of getting my abs back. Had them when i was like 10 so that would be an experience.

[Piaresssss]

Day 2. Bit of a bad sleep so feeling quite tired. I have work then a new years party later but i really don't want to go. Its the same place I celebrated new years with my ex last year.

 

I really just wanna go back to sleep. I cannot stop scenarios playing out in my mind like whats it going to be like when my ex gets another partner or what will happen when we eventually meet again, will we end up together again.

 

I do not want these thoughts, I know over time they will fade but it is hard for me to deal with them. I cannot think about what is to come. I do not know what is going to happen.

[Carus]

I can tell you what's gonna happen.

 

Read my thread. Read Sputniks thread. Read Neos thread....

 

It ain't easy but you're not alone*

 

Carus*

[pippy longstocking]

No just to get away from everything that reminds me of my ex. We spent alot of time together so our lives became quite entwined.

 

fair enough , if you have the means to go somewhere then hell yeah , you get away . This was something that irked me about my split way back when ... he doesn't live in my city but spent most of his time here , so everyone knew him , work , friends , he came back to Hull with me to meet my family , all his stuff was here and he never collected anything , from his bike to his pants , so while he was locked away in his flat , I was surrounded by him and questions about him , and why and blah blah blah ..So you go for it .

 

I have work then a new years party later but i really don't want to go. Its the same place I celebrated new years with my ex last year.

 

I am not going to encourage you to go , quite frankly it sounds like hell ...with it being NYE ...so your call , if you feel up to it later then you know at least you have a place to go .

 

What is to come .... well I know this is your first heartbreak , so I will tell you what is to come , suddenly it all starts to ebb away , you still might get a stab here and there but you will get to a place that you can look back at these times and they just give you a shudder at how dark these days and thoughts are and you will feel so glad you are not in this place anymore and your life starts to fall back into place . Eventually ....oh to have a magic pill to push everyone forward 4 months and miss out this bit eh ! But as we have all said to each other , it is what makes us ....not breaks us . In the end.