Piaresssss Posted December 27, 2017 Author Share Posted December 27, 2017 I never understand why people insist they "have" to hurt themselves... Because i am young and naive. When my heart is smashed apart again on Friday, yes it will hurt but i have myself to blame. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted December 27, 2017 Share Posted December 27, 2017 Because i am young and naive. When my heart is smashed apart again on Friday, yes it will hurt but i have myself to blame. You're not naive. You're just pretending to be so you can go ahead and meet up with her, hoping against hope that she'll say those magic words you've been waiting for all this time..."Let's get back together". I'm sorry because I know that when things don't go the way you hope at the meet up, it's going to hurt worse than anything you've experienced up to now. But it seems you're determined to punish yourself (Why? What did you do that was so awful?), so be it. Link to comment
Piaresssss Posted December 27, 2017 Author Share Posted December 27, 2017 You're not naive. You're just pretending to be so you can go ahead and meet up with her, hoping against hope that she'll say those magic words you've been waiting for all this time..."Let's get back together". I'm sorry because I know that when things don't go the way you hope at the meet up, it's going to hurt worse than anything you've experienced up to now. But it seems you're determined to punish yourself (Why? What did you do that was so awful?), so be it. I have no illusions that she is going to tell me she wants to get back together. What will have changed in the past few days to bring this around. Absolutely nothing. This hangout was to start up a friendship. You are probaly right, so im meeting her to tell her we cannot be friends. Will it make me feel bad, ofcourse it will. But in my heart i know if I do not tell her to her face i will regret it. I have done plenty wrong in my life, maybe its my turn to hurt. So after friday i am going nc. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted December 27, 2017 Share Posted December 27, 2017 It's good that you've chosen to not try to pretend to be friends. Remember, friends are happy for one another when they meet someone and start dating them. If seeing her dating someone else would make you feel awful or jealous, no, you cannot be friends. I'm just not sure why it's necessary for you to tell her in person, unless you're hoping she begs you to be friends. Link to comment
Piaresssss Posted December 27, 2017 Author Share Posted December 27, 2017 It's good that you've chosen to not try to pretend to be friends. Remember, friends are happy for one another when they meet someone and start dating them. If seeing her dating someone else would make you feel awful or jealous, no, you cannot be friends. I'm just not sure why it's necessary for you to tell her in person, unless you're hoping she begs you to be friends. I just feel like its the right thing to do. Like i said earlier when i said we could not be friends she cried. She said that she didnt want that but in time she would accept that. Im not hoping she begs, if that was my goal then what kind of person would i be. A vile one and i have no desire to be that. Seeing her cry is what made me say we could try but as i said it would be a false friendship. I do really appreciate the advice you have given and wish i could get it through my head and follow what you have said. Link to comment
Carus Posted December 28, 2017 Share Posted December 28, 2017 I have decided against my better judgment and all of yours that im going ahead with the meeting. Ok...Sputnik and SweetGirl, you get the towels and bandages...I will get the hot water.... To be honest and open minded, there is a 1% chance she will change her mind... You are young and unrequited love is definitely like withdrawing off a drug so I understand why you 'feel' you need to go...Just.One.More.Hit..... This is not about 'doing the right thing'.....This is the withdrawal.... What you said about her thinking about the bad stuff, that is exactly what we are referring to. And as me and SweetGirl have said, this won't change whilst you guys are caught in the breakup maelstrom...Only time apart can fix that. How much time is the unknown.... You've followed my story. What would you say stops my ex coming back to me...? Everyone says I'm a great guy (I am btw lol) and she doesn't 'hate' me...so what is it...? Anyway bud...I look forward to getting this out the way then we can wrap you up in loving arms and help you through the harsh withdrawals that will come. You also still have 48 hours to get strong and pull out of this nosedive. Carus* Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted December 28, 2017 Share Posted December 28, 2017 Hey Piaresssss, I hope you slept well buddy. "I just feel like its the right thing to do". You have a good heart and should be proud of that. I think that 10 years ago I would probably have tried to do what you are planning. My circumstances are that I have to swallow this mega bitter pill and move on with my life, without ever turning back or making contact. When the time comes that it is thrust at me I will have to deal with it, but I cannot ever allow myself to walk into it knowingly. I respect you for what you want to do. I definitely couldn't do it. Am fully immersed in self-preservation mode. I also have people who need me. Just a thought on your financial implication on your forthcoming holiday.. I can vouch for having to "write off" considerable sums from 2 relationships now. Sometimes it just needs to be done. You will feel better in the long run and life always throws up new opportunities your way. It just does. One thing I have learned through all this, painfully, is that people will always do what they want to do. If this is an itch that you just have to scratch, then so be it. We will be here for you come what may. I will ask you one last time though, to not put yourself through it. Thinking of you. Best of luck, whichever path you take. Link to comment
Piaresssss Posted December 28, 2017 Author Share Posted December 28, 2017 Thanks Carus and Sputnik. I had a very good sleep actually was very tired. I honestly have no hidden agenda with this meet up. I am simply going to say that being friends is not an option at the moment. I will say if you change your mind get in touch. If not please do not contact me ever again. One day i might be ready to be friends but it is selfish of you to ask that of me at this point in time. You want all the positive of a relationship with none of the inevitable negatives. I will wish her well and that will be it. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted December 28, 2017 Share Posted December 28, 2017 I still don't get why you need to say that in person. I think you're not being 100% honest with yourself. You're hoping for more from this meeting, but you don't want to say it because you're afraid of "jinxing" it. Or afraid if you admit it, it won't happen. I don't understand, but I guess if you are determined to do this just be prepared for the fallout. Link to comment
Piaresssss Posted December 28, 2017 Author Share Posted December 28, 2017 I still don't get why you need to say that in person. I think you're not being 100% honest with yourself. You're hoping for more from this meeting, but you don't want to say it because you're afraid of "jinxing" it. Or afraid if you admit it, it won't happen. I don't understand, but I guess if you are determined to do this just be prepared for the fallout. What am i affraid of. She does not want to be with me. Me seeing her and saying i cannot be your friend will not change that. Im doing it for myself. To shut the door 100% myself. Maybe you are right and underneath it all i am hoping for something but i don't know what it is. Sometimes there is no rhyme or reasons to the things we put ourselves through. When it does blow up in my face and i am wallowing in sadness and self pitty i will have no one to blame but myself. Well after it happens tomorrow I will be on here to tell you all how it went and will be kicking myself i did not listen to you all most likely. Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted December 28, 2017 Share Posted December 28, 2017 Best of luck Piaresssss. We are here for you. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted December 29, 2017 Share Posted December 29, 2017 I am so glad you have come to this decision mate . I don't know why you are putting yourself through the anguish of telling her in person , especially as you think she will just sit and cry , then that pulls on your heart strings and you have to sit there through that and still walk away with the decision ...but ..........this is your journey and you have to do what is right for you and I totally respect that . I hope it goes as well as it can under the circumstances , I will be watching out for the next bit , take care and stay strong. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted December 29, 2017 Share Posted December 29, 2017 I forgot a bit .... Just remind yourself if her tears start , that she wants you in her life as a friend to slowly wean herself off you , so it is not so brutal for her , so she doesn't have to miss you in any way , and while she then gets your company and your kindness she also gets to live a single life at the same time . Ask yourself what a friend is : for me , a friend is someone I spend time with , tell them about my life , my love interests , share stuff , go out , call each other , can you imagine living like that , knowing she is free to do what she wants to do with who she wants to do it with . I added all that just to remind you of how bad an idea being friends with an ex is . Link to comment
Carus Posted December 29, 2017 Share Posted December 29, 2017 I forgot a bit .... Just remind yourself if her tears start , that she wants you in her life as a friend to slowly wean herself off you , so it is not so brutal for her , so she doesn't have to miss you in any way , and while she then gets your company and your kindness she also gets to live a single life at the same time . Yup...Just read my thread :-/ Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted December 29, 2017 Share Posted December 29, 2017 True story.. Thinking of you today Piaresssss! Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted December 29, 2017 Share Posted December 29, 2017 Yup...Just read my thread :-/ oh no what did I miss now eeek , hope you ok carus my darling Link to comment
Piaresssss Posted December 29, 2017 Author Share Posted December 29, 2017 So guys she has been and gone. There where tears on both sides but Im glad I met her. It was worth it. I will try and give you the full run down. So we have agreed that we cannot be friends at this point in time as it would be selfish of both of us. She admited that she fell out of love with me. She then said she is still attracted to me but can you blame her . We spoke about the future but we have to think about the present. We cannot think about what ifs. No person knows the future. I pushed her away after the break because she thought my improvements where to get her back but i told her they where for me, which is true. Ive lost about 80lbs. Im lookimg good. I told her i do not know how long it will take to be friends and she told me to take all the time i need. She admitted to me that she tried to take her life around 2 months ago. Turns out she is taking the break far worse than i thought. I told her that is i do not go on the holiday to not blame herself but she said she wpuld not be able to. In the end we parted as nothing. I said if you changee your mind get in touch. If not do not message me. We agreed when Im ready to be friends I will reach out to her but will not before then. Thanks for all the advice everyone. I feel so much better for seeing her. I do not regret it one bit. Link to comment
sputnik123 Posted December 29, 2017 Share Posted December 29, 2017 Hey Piaresssss, Many thanks for keeping us updated. I'm glad you feel better for seeing her and that there are no regrets. We will be with you every stop of the journey from here. Stay strong and keep it moving Proud of you Link to comment
Carus Posted December 29, 2017 Share Posted December 29, 2017 I think you did great...All the right things were said...Wish I had of known all this when I was 24...! This may turn around but you're going to have to try your hardest to stick to NC now.... You're probably feeling ok now coz you've had a small hit, but let's see how you go over the next 24-48-72 hours.... Carus* Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted December 29, 2017 Share Posted December 29, 2017 As long as you have no regrets, it's good. We can all be given advice, but ultimately need to do what feels right to us. And you did just that :) Link to comment
Piaresssss Posted December 29, 2017 Author Share Posted December 29, 2017 Hey Piaresssss, Many thanks for keeping us updated. I'm glad you feel better for seeing her and that there are no regrets. We will be with you every stop of the journey from here. Stay strong and keep it moving Proud of you Thanks Sputnik Im feeling good now but i know it wont be like this everyday. Im gonna have my down moments but thats okay. Im trying to live in the now at this point in time. I cannot think about what the future is holding for me. Link to comment
Piaresssss Posted December 29, 2017 Author Share Posted December 29, 2017 I think you did great...All the right things were said...Wish I had of known all this when I was 24...! This may turn around but you're going to have to try your hardest to stick to NC now.... You're probably feeling ok now coz you've had a small hit, but let's see how you go over the next 24-48-72 hours.... Carus* Haha you are right. I expect the next few days will be hard but I will pull through i have all you guys to help me through I feel like this experience has helped me grow so much as a person and puts me in such a positive position for my next relationship. Link to comment
Piaresssss Posted December 29, 2017 Author Share Posted December 29, 2017 As long as you have no regrets, it's good. We can all be given advice, but ultimately need to do what feels right to us. And you did just that :) Nope not one regret. I can actually say that and mean it. Not a single regret. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted December 29, 2017 Share Posted December 29, 2017 I am really glad you came away feeling like that , fab ...now , onwards and upwards Link to comment
Piaresssss Posted December 29, 2017 Author Share Posted December 29, 2017 I am really glad you came away feeling like that , fab ...now , onwards and upwards Only way to go 😊 Link to comment
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