I'm 49 and I just got dumped

[LazyDaisy]

Well, now knowing that he too is bipolar, the instant declaration of love makes more sense. I presume he may be in a manic phase where he makes impulsive decisions and can change his mind and feelings on a dime. Just like you.

 

Can you handle dealing with a man who is changeable from one minute to the next like you are? How is this going to work when you both have these extreme mood swings?

 

Good point. But we should also be understanding of one another.

There are good parts to it that I really can’t discuss.

Anyway we are going to keep seeing one another and we will both keep having our emotional ups and downs.

Im not going to post on here anymore though.

You all have made it clear how you feel.

[Hollyj]

Too bad you won't listen.

 

Please consider your parents in the raising of your child.

[Seraphim]

How we feel is based off this: If it was just you dating and you didn't have a child, have at 'er , we don't care. However you seem to be completely utterly blind to what you're mentally and emotionally doing to your son . It is like you're being totally wilfully blind about it or could care less. It's all about you, you, oh yeah, and YOU. THAT is the issue. You will reap the rewards of that when your son is a teenager or adult when he tells you ALLLLLL the mistakes you've made and how much you emotionally hurt him. Make no mistake everything you do in life will come back to bite you in the azz.

[Hollyj]

How we feel is based off this: If it was just you dating and you didn't have a child, have at 'er , we don't care. However you seem to be completely utterly blind to what you're mentally and emotionally doing to your son . It is like you're being totally wilfully blind about it or could care less. It's all about you, you, oh yeah, and YOU. THAT is the issue. You will reap the rewards of that when your son is a teenager or adult when he tells you ALLLLLL the mistakes you've made and how much you emotionally hurt him. Make no mistake everything you do in life will come back to bite you in the azz.

 

I agree!!!!!!!!!

 

You, you, you!

[LazyDaisy]

You know. You are only getting bits and pieces of my life. I do so many things for others. Including my son. I would give my life for him.

I truly believe that is why I am so successful. Because I’m very giving and karma has rewarded me.

You all say I need in patient help and Im unstable and selfish. But then how is it I have made a success of my life and have pretty much been able to retire at 49?

You are all extremely judgmental, and not very kind people.

I’ll be looking for a new board to post on.

[Seraphim]

Making money has ZERO to do with being nice. ZIP. There are millions of super nice people poor as church mice , and a lot of super rotten people make a lot of money . So having money is not an indicator of whether someone is nice or not .

 

I'm not saying you're a horrible person . I'm not saying you're a bad person . I am saying you're little a misguided .

 

And if you think I'm not kind that's only your judgement knowing next to nothing about me as well . So I don't hold that in any consideration .

[boltnrun]

What does making money have to do with caring for the emotional well-being of your child? Do you think your bank account makes up for everything else?

 

And if your bank account is so healthy, why were you so super concerned with getting paid back for the boat? You said you needed the money! BTW, it's interesting how you no longer care about the boat or your ex now that Mr. Replacement Man is in the picture. Suddenly your finances are in excellent shape, but when you first posted you were struggling to pay your bills. You posted this on 12/27/17: "I would like to just forget about it, but I am unemployed starting next week - and no unemployment. So the money would mean a lot to me. Why should he get to enjoy a boat that I paid half for, while I'm struggling to pay my bills?" And now you're suddenly independently wealthy and able to retire??

 

By the way you avoid the topic of your child's emotional well being (other than to repeat that your son is "fine"),it's obvious that you are dodging the issue because you have no defense of how you are behaving.

 

I think you will be back. You swore you were gone a few days ago and, lo and behold, there you were back again. I'm not sure why that is, if you like the attention you are getting here or what, but judging by how back and forth you are all the time I believe you'll change your mind yet again. Which is fine, of course. Except it's concerning how little regard you have for your child's emotional well being and stability and that's what I think is upsetting to the people on here who you think are being so mean to you.

 

I hope you continue with therapy and that you continue to be honest with your therapist.

[Hollyj]

If you are so giving, than where are your friends? Why did your best friend eliminate you from her life?

 

I too, do not understand how one goes from not having money to pay bills, to having $850,000.00? You are all over the place.

 

Please place your child with your parents!

[SweetGirl28]

What does making money have to do with caring for the emotional well-being of your child? Do you think your bank account makes up for everything else?

 

And if your bank account is so healthy, why were you so super concerned with getting paid back for the boat? You said you needed the money! BTW, it's interesting how you no longer care about the boat or your ex now that Mr. Replacement Man is in the picture. Suddenly your finances are in excellent shape, but when you first posted you were struggling to pay your bills. You posted this on 12/27/17: "I would like to just forget about it, but I am unemployed starting next week - and no unemployment. So the money would mean a lot to me. Why should he get to enjoy a boat that I paid half for, while I'm struggling to pay my bills?" And now you're suddenly independently wealthy and able to retire??

 

By the way you avoid the topic of your child's emotional well being (other than to repeat that your son is "fine"),it's obvious that you are dodging the issue because you have no defense of how you are behaving.

 

I think you will be back. You swore you were gone a few days ago and, lo and behold, there you were back again. I'm not sure why that is, if you like the attention you are getting here or what, but judging by how back and forth you are all the time I believe you'll change your mind yet again. Which is fine, of course. Except it's concerning how little regard you have for your child's emotional well being and stability and that's what I think is upsetting to the people on here who you think are being so mean to you.

 

I hope you continue with therapy and that you continue to be honest with your therapist.

 

Symptoms of bipolar. Manipulate, fabricate, change their story, love drama, to the point of exploding,

wrecking everything in their path, and then return. There's another forum I was on that had a bipolar

female who deleted her account at least nine times within two months, but not before trash talking

everyone and everything everywhere she could. Claimed to have fallen in love with every man she

got attention from, then when they ditched her, she would smear them. Just like Daisy, in love

with new guy because they cannot differentiate between what love is vs what sexual attraction is.

The manic stage fosters reckless sex, and the need for excitement. The depressed stage kicks in,

and they want to hurt themselves, which she's repeatedly stated here.

 

They can only view their wants and needs, and everyone else becomes irrelevant.

She is definitely not being proactive in managing her illness.

It's not her fault she has it, but it is her fault that she chooses to treat it as if it's minor.

Self awareness is crucial, learning how to deal with the illness is crucial, and she's all over the place :(

[boltnrun]

Symptoms of bipolar. Manipulate, fabricate, change their story, love drama, to the point of exploding,

wrecking everything in their path, and then return. There's another forum I was on that had a bipolar

female who deleted her account at least nine times within two months, but not before trash talking

everyone and everything everywhere she could. Claimed to have fallen in love with every man she

got attention from, then when they ditched her, she would smear them. Just like Daisy, in love

with new guy because they cannot differentiate between what love is vs what sexual attraction is.

The manic stage fosters reckless sex, and the need for excitement. The depressed stage kicks in,

and they want to hurt themselves, which she's repeatedly stated here.

 

They can only view their wants and needs, and everyone else becomes irrelevant.

She is definitely not being proactive in managing her illness.

It's not her fault she has it, but it is her fault that she chooses to treat it as if it's minor.

Self awareness is crucial, learning how to deal with the illness is crucial, and she's all over the place :(

 

So, (since I only have very basic, superficial knowledge of this condition), when they're manic everything is wonderful and perfect and when they're depressed everything is horrible and awful and the world is ending?

 

My cousin is bipolar and I get whiplash from reading her Facebook wall. She's been "engaged" about 7 times to 7 different men in the space of about 2 years and she loves, loves, LOVES the guy until he does something to make her mad, then she calls him a derogatory term for a gay man and slams him (all on her Facebook wall), then the next day she's posting that she loves him and would he please come get her? But she's on drugs and I thought it was the drugs that was causing this.

 

OP, for the sake of your child (despite your insistence that he's "fine"), please continue with therapy and see your medical doctor to find out if your meds need adjusting. No shame in that; I recently had to see my doctor because I wasn't feeling well and turned out my meds were only about 50% as effective as they should have been. Mine is a physical condition but the concept is the same. Meds often need adjusting.

[SweetGirl28]

So, (since I only have very basic, superficial knowledge of this condition), when they're manic everything is wonderful and perfect and when they're depressed everything is horrible and awful and the world is ending?

 

My cousin is bipolar and I get whiplash from reading her Facebook wall. She's been "engaged" about 7 times to 7 different men in the space of about 2 years and she loves, loves, LOVES the guy until he does something to make her mad, then she calls him a derogatory term for a gay man and slams him (all on her Facebook wall), then the next day she's posting that she loves him and would he please come get her? But she's on drugs and I thought it was the drugs that was causing this.

 

OP, for the sake of your child (despite your insistence that he's "fine"), please continue with therapy and see your medical doctor to find out if your meds need adjusting. No shame in that; I recently had to see my doctor because I wasn't feeling well and turned out my meds were only about 50% as effective as they should have been. Mine is a physical condition but the concept is the same. Meds often need adjusting.

 

Yes, they go from one extreme to the next. The highs are really high, the lows are really low.

When manic, they can go days with no sleep, excessively talk, they feel like they are literally flying high.

 

Your cousin fits that description to a T. Of course, drugs might exacerbate it, depending on what she's doing :(

 

And yes, no shame in getting proper help. The only shame is in avoiding it.

[Seraphim]

My dad typically when he was younger cycled about every couple hours . I remember one Christmas we were all sitting there laughing about one of his girlfriends who was from long long time ago who was horrible . In fact she was worse than horrible . This woman chased her daughter around with a butcher knife outside for the public to see . I saw it happen . She kidnapped my brother and held him hostage in her house . Until I called my mother and my mother flew from across the other side of the country and bangged down her door and called the cops . She threatened me saying she was going to put me in the nuthouse . And these are the kind of people that my father went out with .

 

So one Christmas years later we were all sitting there laughing about how stupid this woman was . ( As a family we had a lot of hurt to rehash over the years ) my father was laughing with us about yes she was stupid . Literally four minutes later he goes up the stairs all of a sudden the Christmas tree comes flying down the basement stairs and he was screaming that we were making fun of his girlfriend . Then he went to bed and didn’t get up for two weeks didn’t talk to anybody didn’t go to work didn’t do anything .

[Seraphim]

Now, I am sure Daisy is not an abusive parent like my father as not all bipolar are abusive. My father is. But he is also highly delusional, paranoid, and prone to horrifying depths of depression and off the scale mania . Sometimes within a few hours . Although as he gets older he's just depressed and highly highly paranoid and often makes no sense . Like he has lost touch with reality . Just this past Christmas he told me he loved torturing all me all my life watching me cry and being upset that it was thrilling for him . Eh, whatever. But that I'm sure is the abuse he himself endured as a child .

 

All I know is how his ups and downs and ups and downs and ups and downs affected my life . Not saying he's responsible for all of it because he's not responsible for how he was born . He is responsible for not taking care of his mental health and for his actions while doing so . And I don't thank him in anyway possible for being the father he wasn't .

[abitbroken]

We are not saying you are not a NICE person - someone can be kind, generous with their friends, etc, for sure --- but you are unstable at the moment. you say we don't know you - but we have read your posts over the years - your decisions, things that you feel its important enough to post, and its a pattern.

 

think of two drug addicts getting together - it would all end up badly. Think of a former drug addict who is in recovery and wants to be done for good and they get together with someone who is stable, never takes drugs, etc - which relationship has the better chance? SInce you didn't take time to heal after your last relationship - you are just jumping in with a guy who is just like you and has the same issues rather than someone who is a good balance.

 

And your ex was not right because he was not good for you at all. you just didn't want to be alone

 

He takes meds. But no therapy.

I’m being honest with my therapist. They always want to try to somehow blame things on your childhood. That might be fine for some people but in my case I just think I have a chemical imbalance. Thats why meds work. At least for the most part. I swear I was stable when I was with the ex. Its the excitement and all the unknowns in a new relationship that are messing me up.

Anyway my parents are still married- nothing unusual about my childhood however mental illness runs in my mothers side of the family.

 

They most likely are not "blaming" it on your childhood but looking for a pattern. Some people go along in life and then have a major shock as an adult - let's say they have a closed head injury or say lose their whole family in a train accident - the therapist sees that an event threw them over the edge - whereas if they displayed behavior in childhood - the therapist understands maybe its something they were born with and they deal with it in different manners - chemical imbalances can cause people to act in certain ways and it takes more than just simply taking medication to change your behavior in the world.

[Capricorn3]

Yes, they go from one extreme to the next. The highs are really high, the lows are really low.

When manic, they can go days with no sleep, excessively talk, they feel like they are literally flying high.

My understanding of this has always been that they tend to be on a high for weeks, or even months at a time, and then crash into depression which also can last for weeks or months, and then suddenly go back to a high. I never realised that the highs and lows all happen within hours of each other, over and over again, ....Super happy, all is right with the world, then 2 hours later, everything is bad and I want to kill myself, and then 3 hours later I am totally in love and travelling overseas with my boyfriend, and then again things are all wrong and life is not worth living just a few hours later, like is the case we see here with Daisy. Literally all in one day. This is the first time I have ever seen it this way. Is this a different form of bipolar?

[boltnrun]

That's why I think she should see her medical doctor as well as continue therapy. This extreme rapid cycling has to be exhausting and damaging, not to mention frightening and confusing for her child.

[Capricorn3]

That's why I think she should see her medical doctor as well as continue therapy.

Oh absolutely. I think every single person in this entire thread agrees with that. Either she needs different medication and different doctors/therapists, because whatever medical/professional help she is getting, clearly is not working.

[Seraphim]

My understanding of this has always been that they tend to be on a high for weeks, or even months at a time, and then crash into depression which also can last for weeks or months, and then suddenly go back to a high. I never realised that the highs and lows all happen within hours of each other, over and over again, ....Super happy, all is right with the world, then 2 hours later, everything is bad and I want to kill myself, and then 3 hours later I am totally in love and travelling overseas with my boyfriend, and then again things are all wrong and life is not worth living just a few hours later, like is the case we see here with Daisy. Literally all in one day. This is the first time I have ever seen it this way. Is this a different form of bipolar?

There are about 5 to 7 different forms of bipolar. Some severe, some mild. And the condition changes over time in the same person. My dad can rapid cycle or cycle slowly. There were times in his life he would literally stay in bed not talking to anyone for months at a time and for months he would be superman. He was also sexually very improper and had sex with anything that walked. Now understand not everyone is like that. But extreme lack of self-control is very typical of the condition . My dad has the most severe form.

[SweetGirl28]

My understanding of this has always been that they tend to be on a high for weeks, or even months at a time, and then crash into depression which also can last for weeks or months, and then suddenly go back to a high. I never realised that the highs and lows all happen within hours of each other, over and over again, ....Super happy, all is right with the world, then 2 hours later, everything is bad and I want to kill myself, and then 3 hours later I am totally in love and travelling overseas with my boyfriend, and then again things are all wrong and life is not worth living just a few hours later, like is the case we see here with Daisy. Literally all in one day. This is the first time I have ever seen it this way. Is this a different form of bipolar?

 

I've seen it happen when prescribed medication is skipped or not taken properly over time.

I also believe here that Daisy is BS'ing us.

[SweetGirl28]

There are about 5 to 7 different forms of bipolar. Some severe, some mild. And the condition changes over time in the same person. My dad can rapid cycle or cycle slowly. There were times in his life he would literally stay in bed not talking to anyone for months at a time and for months he would be superman. He was also sexually very improper and had sex with anything that walked. Now understand not everyone is like that. But extreme lack of self-control is very typical of the condition . My dad has the most severe form.

 

Sorry for all you've gone through :(

[Seraphim]

Sorry for all you've gone through :(

 

It took me until 51 to get to a point where I can control my reactions to my dad and actively no longer care about his treatment of me. On some levels I care a bit, but not a lot. I have been mostly estranged from my dad for about 25 years. I see him about once a year and some years not at all. But I remember being 4 years old and realizing something was wrong with him. My mom had fallen down the basement steps with my infant brother and she had asked me to get my dad as she couldn't move. He was busy screwing the neighbour and told me to bleep off because I annoyed him.

 

I remember trying to help my mom and baby brother as much as I could and sobbing because I was too small and ineffectual to help and thinking he was nuts.

[SweetGirl28]

It took me until 51 to get to a point where I can control my reactions to my dad and actively no longer care about his treatment of me. On some levels I care a bit, but not a lot. I have been mostly estranged from my dad for about 25 years. I see him about once a year and some years not at all. But I remember being 4 years old and realizing something was wrong with him. My mom had fallen down the basement steps with my infant brother and she had asked me to get my dad as she couldn't move. He was busy screwing the neighbour and told me to bleep off because I annoyed him.

 

I remember trying to help my mom and baby brother as much as I could and sobbing because I was too small and ineffectual to help and thinking he was nuts.

 

Those emotional scars are hard to heal. Having been both physically and emotionally abused myself, I

always say the physical healed so much quicker then the emotional. I still carry some scars that trigger me,

like loud noises because ex H pointed his gun at me but then turned it and fired it in the air. The stalking

makes me fear the dark. I walk with my key between my pointer and middle fingers so as to jab someone

in the throat should I be attacked.

 

Basically, "it ain't funny!" The scars that can be caused by others behavior , be it bipolar, sociopath, narcissist, alcoholic, drug abuser, or just plain jack hole :(

 

I am so thankful for having had a great childhood with happy memories, because I hear of so many, like yourself,

who had witnessed traumatizing events from a very young age. My heart goes out to everyone that has had to

needlessly suffer at the hands and mind of what are supposed to be adult role models. It's unfair to have not

had a safe zone at home. (((Hugs))))

[Seraphim]

Those emotional scars are hard to heal. Having been both physically and emotionally abused myself, I

always say the physical healed so much quicker then the emotional. I still carry some scars that trigger me,

like loud noises because ex H pointed his gun at me but then turned it and fired it in the air. The stalking

makes me fear the dark. I walk with my key between my pointer and middle fingers so as to jab someone

in the throat should I be attacked.

 

Basically, "it ain't funny!" The scars that can be caused by others behavior , be it bipolar, sociopath, narcissist, alcoholic, drug abuser, or just plain jack hole :(

 

I am so thankful for having had a great childhood with happy memories, because I hear of so many, like yourself,

who had witnessed traumatizing events from a very young age. My heart goes out to everyone that has had to

needlessly suffer at the hands and mind of what are supposed to be adult role models. It's unfair to have not

had a safe zone at home. (((Hugs))))

Thank you.

 

I am sorry for what you have been through too.

 

I know Daisy is not my dad or abusive like him. I just think for whatever reason she doesn't want to realize or can't realize the emotional toll a parent's mental illness has on a child. Not everything is money and what you provide monetary. Emotional stability and emotional intelligence is IMMENSELY important.

 

I know I have impacted my own child on some levels due to my PTSD. I will never deny that. Although I did not cause it I AM responsible for treating it which I have because I know the impact parents have on kids.

[Hollyj]

Now, I am sure Daisy is not an abusive parent like my father as not all bipolar are abusive. My father is. But he is also highly delusional, paranoid, and prone to horrifying depths of depression and off the scale mania . Sometimes within a few hours . Although as he gets older he's just depressed and highly highly paranoid and often makes no sense . Like he has lost touch with reality . Just this past Christmas he told me he loved torturing all me all my life watching me cry and being upset that it was thrilling for him . Eh, whatever. But that I'm sure is the abuse he himself endured as a child .

 

All I know is how his ups and downs and ups and downs and ups and downs affected my life . Not saying he's responsible for all of it because he's not responsible for how he was born . He is responsible for not taking care of his mental health and for his actions while doing so . And I don't thank him in anyway possible for being the father he wasn't .

 

Can I ask why you were not raised by your mother, or another family member? This sounds horrific!

[boltnrun]

I had a father who serial married and didn't spend much time with his kids because he was too focused on finding a woman. So yeah, I know what it's like. He too insisted we kids were "fine". What he didn't know is we were all doing drugs and drinking and driving unsafely because we were damaged from his complete disregard for how his actions affected us.

 

And all of us had failed marriages. No surprise there.