My Strange, Odd AF Date From H**l - have you ever pulled a Houdini and managed to escaped a date?

[Kfizzle]

Has anyone ever pulled a Houdini and skedaddled/escaped from a date out the back entrance with a dumb excuse? Ok everyone, I hope you enjoy this, because im slightly triggered by talking about it, but I know talking about it will help me get over it. And to see if any of you all have been through something similar! So I had to endure this last night - Worst, most horrifying date i have had thus far lol! This is going to be a long one , and I am A first time poster here, so please, bear with me. I just did this Houdini act last night on this guy, and I'm considering this a (possible,non-theoretical)bullet dodged. I had dated this guy before briefly (we went on 3 AWESOME dates, no sex), but i had to break it off because of family and college, work etc - so he reached out to me again a couple weeks ago. This would have been the 1st retry date last night, so it had been a couple months since we last saw one another. *He and i did verify that this was indeed an actual DATE*.

 

Last night, we were supposed to go to a concert together with his 4 other friends (2 couples). Let me tell you, this guy gave me NO warning, not even a text like a: "hey I'm feeling kinda sick so I'm not the most talkative today. Dont wanna put you off" but still, a text like that would have been nice. Just so I wouldnt have been put off guard. fyi, most people I know that are sick, are just moody and mellow, it doesnt really have much to do with their ability to converse with others, nor does it mine. and this guy was moody, mellow, almost sketchy, acted a bit nervous at times, gave me these nervous smiles, no talking, could give 0 effs about me being there, ya know.

 

So, this is what i'm met with when i first arrive where he is staying: I go into his room, and its the first time I've seen him in a couple MONTHS, and he opens the door and just gives me an awkward 'hey.' No hug, Avoids eye contact with me, is flippant AF. He didnt even look preoccupied. He just looked...on edge? I'm in his room while we're waiting on his friends to arrive, trying to make convo with him, joking, and only getting 1-word answers out of him for about AN HOUR, with minimal eye contact. Pretty much flippant the entire time, as well as ignoring me. I asked if he was ok, he said "yeah, tired." I'm like, 'well man, Its Saturday, and you've been looking forward to this concert for so long! I remember you talking about it!' I'm pretty chill myself, but this guy was DEFINITELY elsewhere in his mind. I'm trying to get him pumped up, get him excited about the concert, but he just gives me these fake, almost nervous (?) half a**ed grins and laughs. Yep, 0 effs given.

So I just left it at that, and I just chilled and started playing on my phone. Sat away from him, didnt talk to him, nor did I know WHAT the heck his problem was. He was just being sulky and honestly acting a bit shady (thats probably my paranoia senses kicking in, but, he was indeed acting like an entirely different person, behavior wise, from what i remembered - not erratic, just....odd and quiet, and shifty eyed - and he kept asking me (thrice, to be exact, 'Did you say something?' - HOMEBOY I DID NOT SAY A THING! You hearing things? The tv's on, perhaps you should turn it up louder so you don't have to talk to me! Lol).

 

After us staring at the tv (me staring at my phone) for a while, He eventually said he hadn't been feeling well all day (he did have a cough and complained of a stomachache). He says 'I really just dont feel good, and it kinda started a while ago. I want to go home, but im looking forward to this concert." Ah, bingo. That's all he had to say. So alas, afterwards, the entire time he either had music or the tv on, no silence where we could talk and try to catch up. He did try to hug me and wrap his arms around me once, but I only engaged for a sec and pulled away. So, his friends showed up. They were a couple, so it was the 4 of us, waiting,on his two other friends, who were also a couple. Let me tell you when i say these people including him, are HARMLESS, they ARE HARMLESS lol. He was just acting shifty all of a sudden when i walked in, and he was still mellow when they walked in, but his face brightened considerably, and He had more to say, then. It was the first time i'd seen him like this. Thinking it was just me, I told them all i'll be right back, said I had to make a quick phone call, exited left and did NOT look back. After that, i figured 'nope, its not me.' Lol I was getting weird vibes all along. Hope he found another date in less than 20 minutes before the concert started!😂

 

He and I had also booked a hotel room, and the day of this concert, he texted me saying he would be bringing his buddy (whom I don't know) along to our room, didnt even tell me first, and he even went ahead and told him that i footed half the bill with him for the room (which i did) butbhe told his friend that he didnt have to worry about chipping in for it! Yeah man, Just bring drinks! Fyi this guy KNOWS I dont drink. And my date told his,pal all this, assuming i woukd be ok with sleeping in the same room with a total stranger, me being the ONLY woman) and just threw away all thought of consulting me first and my comfort levels with sleeping in a room with people I had never met, my privacy, etc to h**l and back lol. So he told his friend he didnt have to pay! And i told him, Aww thats cute! (Thinking: Haha no f***ing thank you!) And i continued to say: 'I dont know him, so He can chip in if he wants to stay!' And i thought of asking him, also: Who tf do you think you are? And more worrying, who do you think I AM? LOL at that point, i officially said to myself 'Is he really that unattracted to me all of a sudden? Or is he just THAT stupid? Was he purposely trying NOT to be alone with me? Odd, as he's the one who had suggested we get the room! I mean, i put my friends above dates any day, but I at least have the decency to ask my date if its ok if my friend could sleep over at the same place he and i will be sleeping at, just out of respect.

 

Needless to say, i asked him for my money back that i chipped in for the room, so he and his buddy could just crash in their man cave. And he gave it back. I'm chill, but I'm not THAT chill. No hotel for me.

 

Immediately after I left the date, he texted me with 'are you leaving?"

Me: "Yup! Peace.'

Him: "Why?"

Me: 'youre not feeling it, and honedtly im not feeling it either. Just...no attraction on either side. i'm off to spend my time with someone who respects me and enjoys talking to me. I tried making you smile - it didnt work, and I wouldve stuck around, but I'm honestly not feeling it, as i'm getting pretty weird vibes from you. Hope you get well soon! Have fun! Don't contact me,again!"

Him: 'no! Of course not! I'm just feeling sick. I told you this. Im sorry! How are you getting home? Please dont think i was brushing you off. Look, i really like you and love spending time with you! Please, if nothing else, Can we be friends, at least? I don't want this to be the reason we stop talking" I say no, he asks the same question 3 more times. Yeeeeah Still no. Plus, why the hell does he want to be friends with A girl who did that to him? And its not like i gave him much time to bring over a second place date consolation prize either lol. I literally left as soon as they were about to leave for the concert. Whether he got another date, is unknown to me, as he and all his friends live out in the suburbs, and we were downtown, and he had sent (actually transferred) the ticket for the main show to me in my email, and its a pretty lricey ticket (that i paid him back for, of course) so he no longer had it in his account. So he no longer could've used the ticket I paid for to give to someone else anyway. Oh I'm deceased 😂

Who knows, I might take this f'boi up on his offer of friendship, just for science. This is why i stay tf AWAY from hotels during dates. I just had this gut intuition that something was amiss.

 

Have any of you experienced something similar? Where you felt weirded out enough to go low-class and slide out the back door during a date? I didnt necessarily feel threatened or unsafe, I just saw a couple red flags and just realized i could be doing something better with my time lol (which i did!)

[katrina1980]

Yes! Had a dinner date (very nice restaurant), first date, with a man who proceeded to tell me how he abused, stalked and harassed his ex! Said she deserved the abuse.

 

At one point, while eating, I actually became frightened, excused myself saying I had to use rest room, skipped out and walked home! Wasn't that far, restaurant was close to my apartment.

 

The guy actually called me, ironically he was worried about me! Abused his ex, but worried about me, a first date.

 

I didn't consider what I did "low class," more like self-preservation!

[katrina1980]

OP, I am wondering if he thought acting cold and aloof would somehow intrigue you. I've been with men like this.

 

And some women "are" intrigued, it throws them off, and they have this compelling urge to capture the guy's attention. It becomes this great challenge for them.

 

So they "dance" around trying to capture his attention and the guy sits back enjoying the dance! lol

 

You didn't! You flipped the script, got turned off and left! Thus throwing HIM off!

 

In my case, not sure what that was.

 

One would assume he wanted to run me off, but then why would he call worried and wanting to see me again?

 

Guys are so weird.

[figureitout23]

I will never get the 3 minutes of my life back from reading this...

 

OPer you completely overreacted, brushed him off, shut any chance you had down and are now on this board asking ... well sh*t I don't know what you're asking

 

He asked you 3 times to fix things, you said no, so it's over and done with.

 

The only reason I could think for your post is because deep down you know you flipped out and kinda threw a fit,

 

You leave unannounced and then when he asks, you respond like a smart-ass with 'yup, peace'.

 

I originally thought you were 14 or 15 but if you're able to pay for a hotel room, I'm assuming older? You gotta get better at communicating and better at walking away gracefully. Again you had every right to want to end the date, you kinda set a small fire beforehand though, it was unnessesary and quite frankly, if you are over 16 you're too old to be behaving in this manner, use your voice next time, things go a lot smoother if you just tell people what you're feeling.

[katrina1980]

How did she flip out and over-react? She didn't cause a scene, she quietly left.

 

The guy was cold and aloof. Ignoring her.

 

She got turned off (rightfully so), maybe feels a bit guilty for walking out the way she did.

 

I think the guy knew he behaved badly, otherwise he wouldn't be practically begging to fix it.

[Kfizzle]

Hey Katrina! Wow! Im so sorry you had to be subjected to listening to that guy. Sheesh. *Great* conversation starter on that creep's end! (Rolls eyes) yep, thats crazy of him. An aha you are right! Self preservation, it is! :) with me, i probably could have stayed around a little bit longer, but I think the fact that i ended up being subjected to watching Adult Swim comedy cartoons kinda triggered my immediate fight or flight plan of escape lol -

that just kind of sealed the deal for me, as i can only take watching that stuff for so long lol, and we had been watching it for almost an hour. Oooh, Adult Swim! Sure way to stimulate my brain - to a negative capacity! 😂😂😂We're busy women, and time is precious to us!

[Kfizzle]

"Well sh*t I dont know what youre asking."

Haha I chuckled at this. Some members of my family tell me the same thing all the time. 😉 yeah, I'm actively trying to make my posts on different forums shorter as i'm a blogger and can tend to go on tangents. Sorry 'bout that. :) I am 26, in fact! and yes, sometimes I in fact don't even know what i am asking. 😂😂 with this, I was just asking if what I did can be perceived as just and sound, and while i think i overreacted, i think I took special care to not,make things awkward or embarrass myself or him, so while it wasnt the most graceful move, it was the most respectful move that I had. I posted this mainly because We might be hanging out again as strictly platonic friends (in the not-so-near future - i just told him i have to think about it and i'll need some space), and I wouldnt even be posting this if i was not wanting to try to reconcile with him ... Yet again lol. He really is nice, its just that I kept thinking i really couldve just caught him on a bad night blah blah as I'm by no means all smiles myself all the time, but still, he could've given me a heads up.

 

He was perfectly at will to tell his friends whatever he wanted to tell them about why i departed (as i said nothing about it lol) and I wasnt that emotionally invested as to go over and make more of a scene than i actually did, by going over and asking him, 'Hey could i talk to you outside for just a minute?', interrupting his Adult Swim marathon with his friends lol. Nah, i could tell he was just wanting to hang out with his friends (his friends, hes known a h**l of a lot longer than hes known me) and i didnt want,to say something to him that i couldnt say in front of his friends that would cause a question or make things seem uncomfortable for the both of us (or everyone). I just wanted them to have a good time. We werent bickering or anything. We were just all talking casually and i just wasn't feeling it, so politely excused myself for a moment and just walked out. Haha I suppose you answered it, and yeah I didn't want to rob the guy of a good time (and i sincerely hope i didn't) but I was just seeing if there's a better way I could handle future dates if s**t like that happens, so to speak. I missed a good concert too! But I would just rather not be with a stick in the mud, especially if said stick in the mud is my date. 😊 How would you have done it differently, if I may ask? I know theres really no right way, as fleeing from dates in itself is generally socially unacceptable lol. But if theres a better way i couldve done this that i can pose to him if/when we hang out, then I'd like to know because I can always use improvement in all aspects of,life. :)

[Kfizzle]

Haha Katrina, yes men are very strange! I honestly hadnt thought of that scenario. I just thought he wasnt feeling it, and I honestly wasnt feeling it from the moment i walked in purely because of his attitude and his staggering change in countenance (though i tried to stay chipper and upbeat, as, hey, I paid good money for this darn concert ticket and we will both enjoy ourselves (me and Surly McSurlster over here! if i have to put on a clown suit and have us play pin-the-bogey-on-the-clown's-nose to get him to smile, i will! But Heck I dont know, I just got so turned off, it just ended up falling flat). But yeah, its always possible -

the things men do lol, but IF (and its a BIIIIG 'IF') he *was* trying to test the waters (what are they called, s**t-tests?), Then he could have done it during a more, idk, economical time? Haha perhaps when we hadn't both just paid a bunch of money to go see an awesome show? Lol. But i do see your point, and yes, it happened to a couple of,my,good friends! I wouldnt put it past anybody to think that doing things like that will keep the person of interest on their toes, but really 8 times out of 10, it just turns the person off, sends them fleeing like a banshee in the opposite direction into the horizon (haha as it did me) and just makes them think the person just isn't interested and they can take that train out of Nopeville and move onto someone else quicker than if the person had just lied and pretended to be interested in them all that time. Ah, We'll never know, I guess. :) I'm just thinking he did me a favor by doing what he did.

[Sportster2005]

Haha Katrina, yes men are very strange!

 

There's your problem right there. I would bolt too, I'm sure he picked up on your attitude. We're not all strange, and surprise, surprise, sometimes intuitive.

[Kfizzle]

"We're not all strange, and surprise, surprise, sometimes intuitive."

 

Could you give me a bit more context as to what you mean?

 

Look, I'm not saying that women don't have their quirks as well (I mean, I admit, I'm a bit strange too in some aspects, and am always working on bettering myself), but although I was nervous to see him (with small aspects of our date constantly being changed by him to fit the circumstance of me just being 'one of the buddies'), I walked in with a smile and ready to hug him. He opened the door with a ruddy, surly countenance with a half-assed 'hey'. See? Two polar opposite attitudes - RIGHT FROM THE START. Then I picked up on it immediately, and got uncomfortable and started changing MY attitude to match his after about 15 minutes (subconsciously - it's just my nerves when I'm overstimulated by negativity when I'm not FEELING negative within, but I'm getting that negative vibe from an outside source, and it just affects me - I can't think of another way to describe this lol). I could never read minds (and I don't expect any man to be able to read MY mind lol, I've had my moments though, where I wasn't clear enough about my expectations, though I always TRY to communicate them to people I'm dating and listen to others when they tell me theirs.

 

So, although I can't read minds, I can, most of the time, have a knack for picking up on people's body language EXTREMELY WELL, as I've studied it in length, and let me tell you, this brotha may have been sick (he was), but his body language was a DOUBLE NEGATIVE and his attitude was piss-poor and dead as a doornail from when I first walked in the door. Oh, and yes, I'm an overthinker sometimes haha. I wouldn't be a woman if I wasn't. But I'm highly adaptable to social situations, and I just couldn't even do this. I was just feeling a lot of negativity/animosity in the room, for some reason. I don't try to make things about 'Me' when they're not, it's just a gut feeling I had at the time.

[Pleasedonot5]

I think the way you handled it was kind of cruel and dramatic. If you wanted to end the date, and you didn't feel unsafe, you actually should have pulled him aside and said "hey just so you know I think I'm going to take off - I'm not feeling it tonight."

[mustlovedogs]

Agreed ^

 

Your writing style feels a bit dramatic and over the top. I only say that because it may point to your approach to life and communication style. I didn’t think your date sounded that terrible. Just a bit sick.

[abitbroken]

I would have gone on at least a coffee date with him before going to a concert and an over night if you were just starting to date again.

 

I think it was completely unreasonable - and possibly unsafe for you - for him to say he's bringing a buddy to the hotel room. Firstly, you don't know this guy - are they trying to involve you in a threesome or something? I would not in the first place accepted to get a hotel room with this young man period - this is supposed to be a date and you had not talked about boundaries sex/no sex. You could have decided not to drink and arranged a way to get home. I would have definitely bailed on that. But i would have done it differently. I would have said "i am sorry, i am not comfortable sharing a hotel room with a man i don't know. how about we do this instead....we'll go get my car and i'll drive home after the show..." If you decided to bail on him, i would have talked to him before his friends came.

 

I do agree that if you ever feel unsafe - you should leave or arrange a rescue call with a friend - but you WERE really flippant about things.

[Kfizzle]

Ok, this is the last post I'm going to type for my thread, as I just am really exhausted from it, and have other more healthy things to do rather than stew in confusion and anxiety over it lol.

 

So yes, I kind of tried to initiate another date with him ahead of time, but he and I were both extremely busy during this past week, so since we had been to one of these concerts before as a date, I figured it wouldn't be a problem.

 

As far as the hotel, this is confusing as ***, but here is why I initially agreed to it (turns out, I made some incorrect assumptions here, as everything was communicated through text): INITIALLY, he stated in texts 2 days before the concert that we were going to be staying in the same hotel his two friends were staying at, and that his 2 friends had booked us a room (his wording was not 'booked us all a single room,' and he was not asking me my comfort levels, just by simply asking 'Is that cool with you?' He didn't ask. He just said 'We were,' like it was just concrete lol, so I assumed it was already booked), and I also assumed internally (bad idea to not clarify it with him, so neither of us were confused, but it turns out I was partially right in this assumption) that his two friends were a M/FM couple who were promoters for this other club that I had met before and not just two random male friends. And yes, it turned out to be a couple that had booked a room for us, but it wasn't the same couple I had met. And he said we would be crashing with them, but honest to Goodness, I thought he meant that we were crashing at the same hotel with them, just in a different room, like, right next to theirs. Since he has a good job, I didn't realize he was THAT cheap (haha give me a pass, I've just never been in this situation before), that he couldn't even think to himself and tell them 'Well, this girl I'm bringing doesn't know you guys all that well, and you don't know her, so I'll ask her if it's cool with her,' and have the wherewithal to try to book us a separate room from the BEGINNING. He didn't really ask me first, and he KNOWS that I don't know his friends (since all his friends know each other, and I know NONE of them, so yeah, I thought he could've had more courtesy than that, but I let it go, because I felt safe).

So yeah, I wrongly assumed that it was a separate room they had booked (since he and I were texting this, not talking on the phone, and try as I might, I'm still sometimes quite terrible at reading accurately into people's wording in text - s**t really DOES have to be spelled out for me sometimes), and nope, it was actually a single room we would all be staying in. Again, I didn't think we would be in the same room as them. But yes, I assumed that his friends were a couple who were going as dates to this concert, ONLY because I had met people on a couple of occasions before who were in his only social circle and who were friends with him, and they went to these events together as couples/dates anyway. No people with ulterior motives, no problematic people or drifters - he has pretty good judgment about who his friends are and the type of people he surrounds himself with, and that's what initially attracted me to him.

So yeah, I got that inclination from the getgo (and made the false assumption that it would be a separate room, and that my date was going to pay them back for it or something after it was booked). And I joked with him about the hilarity of the afterparty location of our date, as I'd never continued a date in a hotel room before, but since I had met a lot of his main friends before during a dinner I went with him to, I internalized that I would be cool with it.

 

So I told him: 'Yeah, it is about a 45 minute train ride back to my house, so if I lived any closer than that, I would politely decline the hotel situation. But I'm not going to want to walk the 15 min walk to the station in the freezing cold morning, after dancing, and I'm waiting for my bank acct to be set up, and don't have an Uber account yet, so yeah, I suppose a hotel would be fine."

Then he says, "Awesome! So nobody will have to drive, and you can drink as much as you want!" And I jokingly said (and let him know I was joking about the last remark, since he was sooo keen on sex before when we were dating, but I wanted to let him know that I was sexually comfortable with some clumsy awkwardness thrown in, as I did think we had a good connection) "ah good sir, but you're forgetting that I don't sip the bottle that much! (I'm a non-drinker) So I guess that 'drink as much as you want' can translate into 'talk, make out with you and have as much awkward tantric sex as I want! Haha, I kid, I kid! We'll be tired when we get back so there may not be much time for it anyway ."

 

He said 'You dork! Yea we are overdue for sex. So would you like to chip in if we were to book our own room? For more privacy? Otherwise we'll just be staying in my friends' room haha.'

I thought, well, this is awkward lol. The script was, unknown to him, flipped for me, and I didn't quite know how to respond. So as to not sound like a cheapskate, or that I misunderstood him (I also didn't want to lowkey insult his friends and be rude, since they had apparently already purchased this hotel room specifically for queen beds for 4 people (I didn't know at the time that they had gotten a heavy discount on it anyway), I said: 'Yes, let me check and see if I can pay you for both the ticket and for half a hotel room.' And then I checked, got back to him, and stupidly said that I could, he booked it, and I said that I would pay him back for it the day of the concert (I really am moderately uncomfortable sleeping in the same room with strangers, but BIG MISTAKE: I didn't tell him this at the time, and I know I should've).

 

THEN THE CONFUSION ENSUES, and this ties in with my initial post. SO, he texts me, THE DAY OF THE CONCERT, and he didn't pose it as a question, he said it JUST LIKE THIS: 'Hey so bad news: my buddy will be crashing on a couch in our room. I let him know we had our own, and asked him if he wanted to crash in our room, so no sexy time unless he's not there lol.' So, he already talked to his friend. And that's when I texted him back 'As long as he chips in! I'll just be one o' the boys, now I guess lol!'

 

And I'm thinking 'ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION!' At this point, I'm a biiiiiiit creeped out, and I'm thinking (CAPS isn't my version of yelling, I don't yell, this is just my '' emphasis - no, I didn't tell him this, this is just my internal thought process): "Dude, you told me your last 4 dates with other girls you met after me, have gone to s**t! AND THIS IS WHY! NO GIRL YOU'RE DATING IN THESE EARLY STAGES WILL THINK YOU'RE REALLY INTERESTED, NOR WILL SHE REALLY BE ABLE TO BRING HERSELF TO FULLY BE INTO THE DATE HERSELF, IF SHE'S CONSTANTLY IN THIS HIGH-PRESSURE ENVIRONMENT DURING THE DATE (surrounded by all your friends) FOR NOT JUST *MOST* OF THE DATE, BUT THROUGHOUT THE *ENTIRE* DATE! ****AND IN INTIMATE SETTINGS, AT THAT!*** She's going to want some downtime with just the two of you! SHE'S GOING TO THINK YOU'RE NOT INTO HER, BRUH!"

 

The sad thing is, I told him when I dated him BEFORE, that dating in itself was pretty high-pressure for me, and I told him that on our LAST date we had. And I REMINDED him of it when we reconnected and were about to set up concrete plans for another date (this one). So, he had a week to just completely disregard what I had told him lol. And so a couple hours after we clarified that his buddy would be chipping in (I had to politely put my foot down, as he originally wasn't going to - he was just going to pay for drinks), since I no longer thought of this as a 'date,' and didn't think that he did, either, we texted about something silly and funny, and then a couple hours later I texted him and said, 'Hey listen so I just realized my term paper contributed to my last final is due earlier than I thought, and I hate to tell you this, and I'm so incredibly sorry, but I'll just have to split after the main concert ends, just before the second mini-show, so I can get it done. I'll be there for the long concert. I'll pay you back the $$ for the second mini show's ticket. I am SOOO SORRY.' It was a way more brief show than the 1st one (and a MUCH cheaper ticket), so figured he would be cool with it, as long as I paid him back. I DID have a term paper, but I didn't forget about it. I hate lying too, and try to avoid it at ALL costs, but I just felt suuuuper awkward and uncomfortable before even getting there, and felt like I was being put on the spot, and I also think he abused and tested me stating my comfort with being alone with him, and it should NOT HAVE BEEN ABUSED OR TESTED. I KNOW AND NOW REALIZE I SHOULD'VE TOLD HIM THIS. LOL I DON'T CARE HOW HARMLESS HIS FRIENDS ARE, THOUGH. I don't know if this was the reason for his surliness later on, but I just couldn't. Too many red flags. So I pretty much went with the intent of just paying him back, and if he got moody and things went to s**t, I would just politely scoot out of there.

So PLEASE, CAN ANYONE TELL ME IF WHAT I DID WAS TRULY Unreasonable, b***hy, OUT OF LINE, and WHY you think I was cruel for ending this the way I did? LOL. HE TOLD ME THIS AFTER I HAD ALREADY AGREED TO PAY HIM BACK FOR THE CONCERT TICKETS AND MY SHARE OF THE HOTEL.

[Pleasedonot5]

It sounds like you two just weren't all that into each other, or that you were playing some type of power game with each other. And, you both displayed major red flags to each other.

 

It seems that him not wanting to have a hotel room alone with you really hurt your ego/pride. And potentially, that may have been caused by your behavior beforehand. If you couldn't get over it, you should have just cancelled the date itself. In the future, as another poster suggested, you shouldn't go to a concert with friends as a first romantic date.

 

Additionally, regardless of how you felt prior to the date, you shouldn't scoot on a date like that without warning, unless you feel unsafe. It's rude, petty, and I bet it was embarrassing for that to happen in front of his friends. "Where is she?" "I don't know..."

[Kfizzle]

"It seems that him not wanting to have a hotel room alone with you really hurt your ego/pride."

 

Haha. Me, wanting a date to, i dont know, be an actual 'date' without the heightened pressure that comes with being around his friends ALL NIGHT, but oh, ok, so since im a confident woman, instead of the shy timid creature i normally am, I, by default, I have a big ego/overly prideful. Gotcha. 👌😂😂 ok, but did you *completely* skip over the tiny fact that HE brought up that we get a hotel room, NOT me? I proposed a joke, and he took it and went along with it. I EMPHASIZE: IT WAS *NOT* ABOUT THE SEX, NOR ABOUT EGO (goodness gracious lol). MY goodness, people, i know i wrote a s***-ton, but reading is fundamental. I had a feeling someone would go there, so let me reiterate: It was the fact that I had ALREADY agreed to pay half of a hotel room for us, and he was just going to invite his buddy along into the room AND HE INITIALLY HE EXPECTED ME TO COVER THE COST FOR HIS BUDDY AS WELL.

 

If he had changed his mind about a hotel room with me, THEN NO WORRIES. ALL he had to say was THIS:

Him: 'Hey so I know i already booked that room and we set it up so you could pay me back for half of it, but my buddy is in a bender right now, and he and i talked on the phone and he decided today he's going to the concert with us. and he needs a place to crash tonight, because he doesn't have his license. Since you don't know him, is it cool if he crashes with me instead? You said you dont drink anyway, and you have your own place you can stay at, and you had doubts about the hotel from the get-go. He can cover his own costs and he can just swap out with you, if its ok. And we can plan a romantic evening for another night. Its just you live in the city and have access to the train, and it will be harder for him to get home via public transit since he lives out in the suburbs. I just dont know how comfortable you would be if he were there. If you want to stay with the hotel plan though, and its ok that he tags along, he can pay his third of it. Just let me know!'

 

If i had gotten THIS response from him (or some shortened version of it with still getting the point across), I would have responded positively, and the night would have gone as planned. I wasnt down with some aspects of the hotel from the beginning, and that was BECAUSE of our miscommunication. No matter how you swing it, and no matter WHAT his response was, this indicates somewhat of a lack of interest on his part, BUT I WOULD NOT HAVE DONE WHAT I DID *IF* HE HAD MADE THIS AFOREMENTIONED RESPONSE. I just would have gone with him as friends. No harm, no foul. I get over s*** pretty quickly.

 

And no, I couldn't cancel because i paid good money for this concert. I ALSO find it important to note, that He paid for my tickets ahead of time, days prior, so I HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO AT LEAST GO so i could pay him back the promised amount. It would have been the 4th or 5th date, so at the time, I wanted to show my interest in him and the possibility of 'going there' that night. I didnt portray myself to him at all in a cocky manner. We are 2 mature adults, and HE approached ME for this reconnection date. Seriously, what is WRONG with a confident woman initiating the possibility with someone she feels she connects with (and its reciprocated in the other party) without being considered a hurt, egotistical 'easy' sleazebag? Dont EVEN go there lol. He KNEW how long it had been since I dared tread those waters with someone, and I was just asserting my womanly desires to a man i felt a GENUINE connection with (which he reciprocated), rather than repressing them (the latter of which is something I do ALL too often to begin with). I EVEN DISPLAYED to him in a text that sex may not even be possible under certain circumstances of the night, meaning I WASNT 'EXPECTING' IT TO HAPPEN, AND THAT IT WOULD BE 100% FINE IF IT DIDNT! I would be glad that at least i would be able to spend time with him! But him switching stuff around didn't HURT ME or my 'ego' (ahem, theres a difference between 'confident' and 'overconfident' and if this is the action you assimilate to a merely 'confident' woman like myself, then i feel bad for you, and although i don't know if youre Male or female, you took my words wayyy out of context, and I can only imagine your repressed stance on sex, honestly. Hint: I dont want to know lol) but no, it didn't hurt me, it CONFUSED THE ever living f*** OUT OF ME lol. Sheesh, can i get a break? Thank you for your response, though! :)

[Kfizzle]

And power games may have been involved, but they certainly were NOT played on my part. I *was* actually interested in spending an enjoyable night with him. Might I say, He had flaked on 2 dates IN A ROW we had scheduled and planned prior to this one. One of the previous ones, he actually COMPLETELY stood me up on (but called me that very night and apologized, 6 hours after he was supposed to meet me, claiming to have overslept, on a Saturday night, intending on taking a quick 30-min nap before coming to pick me up, that ultimately turned into a 5 hour snooze session, according to him). But, thinking HE was playing games, I said it was cool, but i said I needed my space and wasnt sure how I felt about trying again, after he had said he would make it up to me. I said I was just confused, and that i needed to think about it. Flaking twice is a no go, but silly me thought I was overreacting for saying 'sayonara' at being flaked on twice, and being the empath and forgiving person that I am and realizing that 'not everything is about me or because of me,' thought he really was just stressed and not the best at managing his time at that point in his life (he had just gotten a new high-profile job).

 

So, I APOLOGIZED to him a week later, laid out my flaws in my thinking, and asked him if he still wanted to try it again. So here we are at this date, and YES, I decided to agree on a 3RD ATTEMPT at a date (which was this date in question).

 

So much for that other post being my last one lol

[Capricorn3]

OP, are you usually this verbal in real life too? (Sorry, couldn't resist,lol).

[Kfizzle]

Haha no, surprisingly! I write a lot for freelance, but dont have much when it comes to gift of gab. It just comes out in all of my writing. I'm actually pretty quiet IRL, and really chill, and people think its crazy when they meet me in person, if we had been having an email or text convo prior to meeting lol. They have actually said that while they felt like they were meeting the same person, they were just shocked to learn how quiet I was in person. Im more talkative around family, but even around my,really good friends im considered the 'quiet' one of the group, and am pretty reserved around them as well. :)

 

Also, i dont think many people would like a person who talks as much as they type. Thankfully that's not the case with me, or I would have no friends lol :)

[j.man]

I have never cringed so hard in my life. What did I just read?

[abitbroken]

I know you were busy, but i would have made the first date back a coffee date still -- that may have meant that you didn't agree to the concert. I do think that you should have just went home. He should have walked you to the train or the bus and you should have even arranged to walk back early (no after show stuff) or had arranged for your OWn room or found out if you have a female friend nearby. its all about not trusting another person for your own safety - and why on earth would you have gotten a hotel with a guy period if this was date one.

 

I think this is a combo of not being a match and you putting a lot of responsibility on him for steering your itinerary. Its not a date if now a buddy is involved. You were imagining a one on one date with enough "time to spend with eachother" and he was focused on the concert and having everyone he knows there.

[Pleasedonot5]

Sorry if I hurt your ego/pride with my advice. I assure you my mention of your ego/pride was not because you are a confident woman, it's because of your dramatic, theatrical responses to the smallest slights.

 

That in and of itself actually highlights more insecurity than it does confidence, which you would do well to work on.

[boltnrun]

Yeah, I found reading this completely exhausting and it was only words! All the caps, the exclamation points, etc.

 

OP, if this is not how you speak to others I wonder if this is how you text or email. Because it's an awful lot.

 

And no, I wouldn't have just run off. I would have said something like "Sorry, this isn't working out the way I thought it would. I will pay you back what I owe you, but I'm going to head home now".

 

(Of course, I wouldn't have gone on a hotel date with a guy no matter how long I "knew" him in a friendly capacity, but that's a different matter altogether).

[Kfizzle]

Ok thanks everyone. Im moving on from this and wont be responding anymore to this thread. *no, I don't type like this in texts/emails lol, as a response to another poster. Not nearly.

 

Also in response to the previous poster, we werent previously dating in a friendly capacity on the 3rd date. This wasnt the first date, as we had gone on a few before. Up until the third date, we were dating in a friendly capacity, then things became a bit heated on the 3rd (initiated by him). He was 'bugging' from the first date, and I denied his advances, as I wasnt comfortable. Yes I realize that I should have waited a couple more dates to consider that with him, perhaps enough additional dates to find out more about why he wanted to take me out again. Oh well, live and you learn. :)

 

I know I use a lot of superlatives. Was just a bad experience, and this was my first (and will be my only) time posting about it online in any capacity. Sorry for the cringe factor. It is to me, as well. This is the only place I can remain anonymous and remain completely uncensored. I trust my friends' advice, as well, when they tell me that I just get confused so easily when it comes to dating.

 

To another poster, Sure I'm insecure sometimes, I'm not denying that, i have a lot of stuff to work on. No? You didn't hurt my pride/ego? Thanks, yet again for another intentionally smart a** off-the-cuff remark though. Greatly appreciated darling. Have a blessed day. :)

 

Thank you all for your advice. :)

[katrina1980]

Yeah, I found reading this completely exhausting and it was only words! All the caps, the exclamation points, etc.

 

OP, if this is not how you speak to others I wonder if this is how you text or email. Because it's an awful lot.

 

And no, I wouldn't have just run off. I would have said something like "Sorry, this isn't working out the way I thought it would. I will pay you back what I owe you, but I'm going to head home now".

 

(Of course, I wouldn't have gone on a hotel date with a guy no matter how long I "knew" him in a friendly capacity, but that's a different matter altogether).

 

In OP's defense, in retrospect sure, we often tell ourselves - I should have done "this" instead.

 

But when in the moment?

 

Can't speak for others but for me it's often difficult to know quite what to do, let alone the "right" thing to do, when emotions are running so high at the time.

 

In my situation, where the guy was talking about abusing his ex (and apparently proud of that fact), my first thought was to high-tail it outta there which is exactly what I did. Although in retrospect sure I really could probably have handled that a bit better, less dramatic.

 

OP's situation wasn't quite as severe, but nevertheless her emotions were still running high, she did what she felt was best at the time.

 

We all make mistakes and don't always do the "right" thing.

 

I understand this which is why I'm able to cut her some slack and not judge.