My Ex broke up with me because I was caught sexting someone.

[ahmedk]

Hi,

 

I am writing this with a a great feeling of desire to get my ex girlfriend back. We were dating for 9 months and it was an amazing relationship. We were very happy but for the initial 3 months we were in long distance and then i returned back to the country. In the first month when I was back, I started just playfully texted someone in an illicit manner but the sexting bit did not happen ever again though i was in touch with the woman. This was my Ex girlfriend's first ever relationship and when she caught those messages she broke up with me and told me we will never get back together again since i broke the sanctity of the relationship and of course the trust. I took the natural course of action immediately and I begged, pleaded and cried for her to take me back but she did not agree to it at all. Then, there were days when we did not speak to each other and then met got intimate but nothing changed. There were days when she used to miss me and call me but ended up fighting with me. This went over a period of 2 months post break up and yesterday only we both decided to not talk to each other for a month and see if it helps us to heal. Now, i fear that she'll move on and not miss me anymore since she told me that she has also joined Tinder for fun. I don't know what to do. I know a part of her still wants me but she's really angry at me and just is not agreeing to give this one more chance. She feels i'm also suffering because of this confusion and wants me to stop trying to fix it. I need your help please because I may have made a mistake but i have realized how it did not even matter to me and could have easily been avoidable and how i should not have taken things for granted.

[No1]

You made a mistake, you learn from it and you move on. She wants nothing to do with you anymore. Your actions caused this loss. Dont make this same mistake in the next relationship.

[ahmedk]

You made a mistake, you learn from it and you move on. She wants nothing to do with you anymore. Your actions caused this loss. Dont make this same mistake in the next relationship.

 

Is there any possible way I can have her back?. I know I made a mistake and I do deserve this break up but I do want her in my life. Will this No Contact for a month help her to see things with a slight different perspective and how do I build some attraction in her mind to want this again. Trust can be regained and I know she is hurt at the moment but I do feel she wants me to be around as well in some capacity. Can i revisit this as us being friends in the future, she even said that we'll reconnect after a month and we'll see how things go from there.

[ahmedk]

The sexting bit was just a one time thing

[Knight2001]

i think you've blown it and you should move on.

[No1]

In all honesty, no one knows if she will come back or not. But if she is coming back is not the question that even she can answer. There is nothing you can do right now. She knows you want to be with her and thats all you can do. You can beg, plead, cry, guilt, bargain for her to come back but she has to come back (if she comes back) on her own time. If she comes back a minute sooner then the relationship is going to be doomed. I know in your mind you said it was a one time thing and I know in some cases this could of been worked thru. But in this case she could not. You made a mistake, you are human and thats what you do, you make mistakes in relationships. What you do is learn from them and hope to not make them again.

 

And about trust you must learn that there are only two options. 1. you forgive and forget. that means you forgive your partner for the action they did and you dont hold it over their head or use it as a bargaining tool. You forgive them and you let it go and you give them your full trust. And option #2. The action is not forgiveable and there is no way for them to get your trust back and you must leave the relationship

 

Remember this because at some point you might be faced with those two options.

 

But as of now. Its up to her to decide.

[Pleasedonot5]

She wants space, so give her space. You apologize - you don't beg, and then you keep your head held high. You didn't need to hear that she's on tinder -- she's playing power games -- and so you should be mad and wanting space so that she doesn't tell you things like this that.

 

Essentially, there things:

 

1) you'll never do it again, because you realized it was wrong... And it was at the beginning of the relationship so you hadn't fallen for her yet. Now that you have, you are dedicated to her.

2) you're sorry

3) and you're not willing to be pushed around. You want her back, but you're no longer going to beg for it. Head held high.

 

Until then, give her the space you both need for the month agreed upon. DON'T initiate contact.

[fabact]

Ask her what you can do to gain her trust back.

[lostandhurt]

You need to accept that she is gone and may never come back.

 

What you need to do is figure out why you sexted this other girl if your gf was so great and things were going so well? Why did you do it??? You need to know and if you ever get the chance you need to be able to tell her so she understands.

 

Saying it was a one time thing, it didn't mean anything, we are just friends, it was just texting we never actually met and on and on are all just excuses cheaters use to try and lesson what they have done.

 

You betrayed her trust in you. She thought you were a good guy that would never cheat and now that is gone. Pretty hard to undo that wouldn't you say? If you can honestly say why you did what you did it will benefit you the next time you find yourself in a relationship and perhaps help her understand why she hurts so much.

 

The best thing you can do is leave her be and work on yourself. You chose to do what you did. It wasn't an accident, it wasn't harmless and it wasn't a mistake. It was a concerted effort by you to talk dirty to the other girl. Once you stand up and take the full hit for all this you can move on and take the lesson with you. Stay single for a while and make some changes and hopefully she will hear about them and let her guard down a little.

 

Lost

[Starlight925]

Here's the thing about a broken trust: It not only upsets the person you are with, but often, it causes them to lose the feelings they had for you prior to the broken trust.

 

Part of the reason we fall in love is because we feel like we can be ourselves. We can fully let go. We can trust. Once that trust is broken, a main part of the whole reason for the love we had in the first place is just gone.

 

Let her go, and learn from it.

[AtitAgain]

Here's an idea. Go be with the girl you were sexting with! She can't be ugly... and there must be at least a little chemistry there... until you can find someone long term, you can at least get some fun...

 

Now about your girl/ex - Sorry man... damage is done. Even if she did come back to you, the relationship will never be the same again... you lost the "innocent until caught" game....

[abitbroken]

It doesn't matter if it was "just one time." The fact that you were not faithful to her only takes one time. From now on, if you decide to be in a relationship, only be in one if you will be faithful. Sexting is the same as having a sexy conversation in public, propositioning someone for sex or for a date even though you have a girlfriend.

[IAmFCA]

Sexting is totally cool. Until you are my bf. Then, its a chump move. I have a sexting partner, and I made him stand down to protect our relationship. Did that not occur to you? The options I put in 2nd place so you could hold first place? I didn't ask you to share first place with some random in your imagination. Take your carpal tunnel wrist splint and your charging cord and go away.

 

---

 

Its time to own up for your actions. You made your bed, may as well lie in it. I wouldn't let you back in mine either.

[annie24]

Here's an idea. Go be with the girl you were sexting with! She can't be ugly... and there must be at least a little chemistry there... until you can find someone long term, you can at least get some fun...

 

Now about your girl/ex - Sorry man... damage is done. Even if she did come back to you, the relationship will never be the same again... you lost the "innocent until caught" game....

 

I'm inclined to agree with this. Maybe after a month of no contact, your ex gf might reconsider but I wouldn't bet on it. I would be pretty hurt if I thought I were in a good and stable relationship and then found out my bf was sexting other women.

[MissCanuck]

The sexting bit was just a one time thing

 

So what? That's all it takes. This statement right here tells me you haven't really learned a thing from this.

[valavoo]

I don't want to be mean, but the thing is that relationships have boundaries. If there had been a pre-agreed upon boundary that sexting with other people was okay, then this would be a different story. Unfortunately, there was not. Step 1 is to understand that what you did was wrong and trust was violated here

[IAmFCA]

Sexting... why though? What are you missing? Do you need more than I offer? Do you need another woman to make you feel attractive? Was it just a thing because, FOMO, YOLO so Why not? And if so, then the next time a woman makes herself available to you, do you just follow?

 

None of the implications make it any better and most make it worse. A relationship is a choice. It is something that reflects your sustained intention. Not all have the same boundaries, but if you are exclusive to each other than sexting is verboten.