GF Father threats

[SethSLC]

So I'm going to preface this with the fact that my GF and I have been together for basically 2 years. We are perfectly happy, with a couple of rough exceptions due to her having clinical General Anxiety Disorder and causing her to panic at times. She has grown so much from when I met her. She is stronger, more worldly, and a better version of who she was when I met her.

 

About a 5 weeks ago we broke up for a week because she panic'd from her anxiety. After 6 days we met and talked and we got back together. The relationship for the past month was better than ever. Until about a week and a half ago when she got a text message from her father saying they needed to work some things out. That relationship goes so much further beyond the stereotype of daddy's little princess, spoiled, smothered, etc that I've never seen anything close to it. She hates it and has from the moment we started dating but doesn't have the strength to do anything about it (I know i know i know... ). Anyways... The day he talked to her within 1 hour we broke up again with her saying she couldn't do this anymore. Come to find out that he had found a cocaine straw in her car and had it tested. Yes.. She did for the first time in her life experience club drugs / raves with me but I would never let any harm come to her, and I only do that around people I love and in a safe environment. It's not often, but I will not touch a physically addicting drug. She loved the way it changed the way she saw the world.

 

Anyways.. I gave it a week and then reached out to see if she was ok after the breakup because I love the girl. We talked for hours, and ended up getting back together. The next night (tonight) we hung out for a few hours before I was going out with some friends for Halloween. She went to leave, and I thought she was gone. I went out back of my house and see she's standing in the street still on the phone and angry. It turns our her dad put a tracker on her phone and told her she had 5 minutes to get her and leave my house. That he was going to make my life a living hell.

 

I let her collect her things and accepted that for her safety (and mine...I've never seen this level of crazy before...I'm the GOOD kid...) it needed to end. She was not strong enough yet to stand up and be independent of her parents (they paid her school, mortgage, car, phone)... and it didn't matter anyways her safety mattered above all else to me so I told her I was "done".

 

Later that night she messaged me saying her dad didn't believe her that it was over, and that he put "his full resources... into ruining my life"...

 

Thoughts?? Advice?? I've never been in any kind of situation like this before...

[thealchemist]

So I'm going to preface this with the fact that my GF and I have been together for basically 2 years. We are perfectly happy, with a couple of rough exceptions due to her having clinical General Anxiety Disorder and causing her to panic at times. She has grown so much from when I met her. She is stronger, more worldly, and a better version of who she was when I met her.

 

About a 5 weeks ago we broke up for a week because she panic'd from her anxiety. After 6 days we met and talked and we got back together. The relationship for the past month was better than ever. Until about a week and a half ago when she got a text message from her father saying they needed to work some things out. That relationship goes so much further beyond the stereotype of daddy's little princess, spoiled, smothered, etc that I've never seen anything close to it. She hates it and has from the moment we started dating but doesn't have the strength to do anything about it (I know i know i know... ). Anyways... The day he talked to her within 1 hour we broke up again with her saying she couldn't do this anymore. Come to find out that he had found a cocaine straw in her car and had it tested. Yes.. She did for the first time in her life experience club drugs / raves with me but I would never let any harm come to her, and I only do that around people I love and in a safe environment. It's not often, but I will not touch a physically addicting drug. She loved the way it changed the way she saw the world.

 

Anyways.. I gave it a week and then reached out to see if she was ok after the breakup because I love the girl. We talked for hours, and ended up getting back together. The next night (tonight) we hung out for a few hours before I was going out with some friends for Halloween. She went to leave, and I thought she was gone. I went out back of my house and see she's standing in the street still on the phone and angry. It turns our her dad put a tracker on her phone and told her she had 5 minutes to get her and leave my house. That he was going to make my life a living hell.

 

I let her collect her things and accepted that for her safety (and mine...I've never seen this level of crazy before...I'm the GOOD kid...) it needed to end. She was not strong enough yet to stand up and be independent of her parents (they paid her school, mortgage, car, phone)... and it didn't matter anyways her safety mattered above all else to me so I told her I was "done".

 

Later that night she messaged me saying her dad didn't believe her that it was over, and that he put "his full resources... into ruining my life"...

 

Thoughts?? Advice?? I've never been in any kind of situation like this before...

Your age makes a big difference on my advice.

 

It must be hard but you can't be with her if she won't stand up to her dad for you. It sounds like she relies on him a lot. She chose him over you. God that sucks, but it is best to move on.

 

If you move on I really doubt he is going to do much because he will be getting what he wants.

 

But as a father I would recommend caution in regards to him and his daughter. If he says something threatening don't brush it off. If he makes a threat to you go to the police.

[rosephase]

You know cocaine is a chemically addictive drug right?

 

I'm not judging. I did coke here and there when I was younger. But its the opposite of an anti anxiety drug.

 

Do you actually feel like you are in danger? At the end of the day the choice is her's. She is choosing her home, her car, her phone, her college and her family over you... which is probably the smartest thing she can do. Not that it doesn't hurt any less. Her parents are still taking care of her. A lot more care then you can offer.

[abitbroken]

I think you should break up for good. All of this on again off again is just not healthy. if she is living at home -- perhaps what you perceive as being smothered is dad knowing his daughter is doing drugs, makes impulsive decisions, etc, and frankly wants her to finish school and not die. yeah, parents get really protective of their kids when that is the case. It could be that she didn't say she was going to visit you, but just disappeared, just like you thought she left your place but was still really there. It sounds like her anxiety could border on a disability.

 

and if you were the one that led his daughter into a rave where she did cocaine, you'd be public enemy #1 if you were dating my niece.

[ThatwasThen]

She did for the first time in her life experience club drugs / raves with me but I would never let any harm come to her, and I only do that around people I love and in a safe environment. It's not often, but I will not touch a physically addicting drug. She loved the way it changed the way she saw the world.

Well, I'd not want you in my daughter's life either. Did you know that with her anxiety and panic disorder she is much more prone to have an addictive personality? You two are so incompatible that any thought of a long lasting life mate situation with her should be stricken from your thoughts.

 

You are your own independent person who likes to party on the edge.

She is totally dependent on her parent(s) and is so without an edge that she's round.

 

 

Make is so this girl cannot contact you again after you tell her father that you realize that you and his daughter are incompatible and you'll not be contacting her ever again. Then change your contact information so she can't white knight you back into her life.

[abitbroken]

Yes, saying you only do drugs around people that you love is messed up, dude. You influenced this young woman to take drugs - that's not right. you led her right to it.

[MissCanuck]

I'm sorry OP, but her dad is doing what a lot of concerned parents would do. No, he shouldn't be threatening you, but I feel that's more of a scare tactic to get you out of the picture because he sees the negative influence you're having on her.

 

If I found out my (hypothetical) daughter - who suffered from anxiety and panic - was doing coke with her boyfriend, you can bet your behind I'd want you out of her life. I realize lots of young ones experiment, but this is not a risk I'd be willing to overlook if it were my own child who struggles with mental health issues.

 

The safest and most loving thing you could have done was not to offer cocaine to her at all. Period. Given that you are fully aware of her issues, I cannot fathom how you thought that was an okay idea. Poor judgment on your part, man.

 

Unfortunately, you need to stay away now. I don't think her family is ever going to be okay with you after the cocaine episode, even if she were to stand up to them or move out on her own. Your relationship was already faltering and this was very likely the final nail in the proverbial coffin.

[boltnrun]

Encouraging someone with GAD to do illegal drugs is such a bad, bad idea.

 

I, too, would do everything to keep my precious daughter away from someone who claims to love her but then gives her illegal drugs.

 

I'm guessing her dad may alert the authorities that you had and gave his daughter illegal drugs. He may also contact your employer.

 

Best thing you can do is continue as you plan...do not contact her and do not attempt to restart the relationship. And this can end up being a good learning experience for you.

[Capttrae]

If her folks pay for everything your pretty basically at their mercy. If she's of age and don't like it, she needs to growacet get a job and get out on her own that way her folks can't say anything. If she's not of age your just up that famous creek

[Capttrae]

As for what her dad said, hahaha that's funny, that's what Daddy's do. First girl I took out, went to pick her up, walked in the house, her dad is sittin in the easy chair, double barrel shotgun laid across his lap, beer in his right hand and German Shepard on his left side staring me down. It didn't take a genius to figure out the unspoken message

[catfeeder]

Yes.. She did for the first time in her life experience club drugs / raves with me but I would never let any harm come to her, and I only do that around people I love and in a safe environment.

 

You're deluding yourself about this. There's no such thing as a 'safe environment' for snorting anything straight into your brain. You have no clue what's in that powder. You can fool yourself about never letting anything bad happen, but that doesn't make it so.

 

This isn't some judgy fingerwag from someone who's never been stupid enough to do street drugs, it's just food for consideration of what the girl's father understands about what you haven't learned yet. For instance, where did you get the idea that cocaine is not addictive, or that you'd have any control whatsoever over how the girl's body might respond to whatever she ingests, or that you'd necessarily be able to survive a bad reaction to any given batch of powder roulette yourself?

 

I'd credit the girl with the ability to learn, grow and behave her way beyond her father's control in her own time. She's not ready yet, and this doesn't make her weak, and it doesn't make her father a villain. It's what you don't like. Maybe she doesn't like it either, at the moment, but that's on her to work out for herself.

 

Head high, and I hope you'll consider healthier ways to date going forward.

[abitbroken]

****

 

I'd credit the girl with the ability to learn, grow and behave her way beyond her father's control in her own time. She's not ready yet, and this doesn't make her weak, and it doesn't make her father a villain. It's what you don't like. Maybe she doesn't like it either, at the moment, but that's on her to work out for herself.

 

Head high, and I hope you'll consider healthier ways to date going forward.

 

As she gets older and also as she proves that she can manage her own behavior, the control will change.

 

In the meantime, move on and just by the way, the quality of your dating prospects will go up if you kick the illegal drugs.