lolapop411 Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 I can relate. Seek proffesional help. A man who is co-dependent is no good! I left my husband for being an alcoholic and not sharing "marriage" items. I was expected to do all the house things, including paying bills on time while he slept and got drunk. Best thing to do is refuse his calls and do a semi-funeral on him. Write down all your feelings, anything that remains you of him that makes you cry and set him free. Link to comment
thisisnotanexit Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 I can relate. Seek proffesional help. A man who is co-dependent is no good! I left my husband for being an alcoholic and not sharing "marriage" items. I was expected to do all the house things, including paying bills on time while he slept and got drunk. Best thing to do is refuse his calls and do a semi-funeral on him. Write down all your feelings, anything that remains you of him that makes you cry and set him free. i am so sorry, that is awful. i hope your husband finds the help he needs Link to comment
buba Posted July 21, 2005 Author Share Posted July 21, 2005 A little update... I actually feel much stronger now. I am starting to realize how sick our relationship was. I am enjoying my "alone time", and I know, that if he ever regrets, I will not want to go back... Wow, it's amazing, I thought I will never make it. Actually, learning about the fact, that I was replaced helped me.... Before, I was in limbo, now I am free. Thank you guys for helping me through. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted July 21, 2005 Share Posted July 21, 2005 Hey Buba, Great news! I am so happy for you that you are feeling so strong. I'm sure you are learning alot at school and with such a busy and fulfilling life you now realize that you are fabulous...just as you are! Who has time for jerks in their lives? Not you! Keep it up! Great job! Link to comment
buba Posted July 21, 2005 Author Share Posted July 21, 2005 Hope, School helps a lot. Learning about addiction, narcissism, bypolar disorder. Plus, it keeps me busy. Such awakening. I am amazed to see how blind I was. No more sick addicts! Moving on. Link to comment
lolapop411 Posted July 21, 2005 Share Posted July 21, 2005 He was the one that did not pass the TEST not you. Don't beat your self down. Some how when one is in a relationship we expect things to be a certain way, then it may not happened, one feels crushesd and blames themselves but it takes two to Tango! Remember that. Like I set earlier "set him free" he has obvious moved on and he wants the same for you. That is why he told you. Not beacause he does not wants to hurt you. It is best you know so no hope of returning back together remains in your bones and heart. Don't call him, Don't see me. Everyday circle your calendar (for everyday you do not see him or talk to him) and one day you will forget to circle the day. When you look at your calendar by chance you will realize he has faded as being a priority in your life. Link to comment
Ownerofalonelyheart Posted July 23, 2005 Share Posted July 23, 2005 Dear Buba, I am going through a similar experience- although I wasn't with my ex as long as you were. I also live in Los Angeles. Perhaps we should drink together rather than alone? Misery loves company. Link to comment
thisisnotanexit Posted July 23, 2005 Share Posted July 23, 2005 Dear Buba, I am going through a similar experience- although I wasn't with my ex as long as you were. I also live in Los Angeles. Perhaps we should drink together rather than alone? Misery loves company. be careful with that, please don't drink and drive or anything like that Link to comment
Hope75 Posted July 23, 2005 Share Posted July 23, 2005 I also live in Los Angeles. Perhaps we should drink together rather than alone? Misery loves company. I think what we are trying to do here is to help buba from drinking to wash away her problems.... it's become an issue for her. I assume you are kidding? Link to comment
Ownerofalonelyheart Posted July 23, 2005 Share Posted July 23, 2005 Yes, I was kidding. I am new to the forum and didn't realize that this was an issue with Buba. I apologize. It's just that I can relate, because I have been hitting the bottle myself. It eases and numbs the pain that just doesn't want to go away. Link to comment
thisisnotanexit Posted July 23, 2005 Share Posted July 23, 2005 Yes, I was kidding. I am new to the forum and didn't realize that this was an issue with Buba. I apologize. It's just that I can relate, because I have been hitting the bottle myself. It eases and numbs the pain that just doesn't want to go away. no harm done. if you will look back at earlier pages in this thread, i posted some links to help stop the drinking, if that's something you want to do. i just think it's better to get something like that under control before it becomes a real problem/ addiction. just be safe Link to comment
buba Posted July 24, 2005 Author Share Posted July 24, 2005 No worries, guys. I am drinking herbal teas all day long now to detox the damage that I've done to my body in the last 4 months... I sort of got really tired of it. Got really waisted a few weeks ago,(after seing him), it made me really sick and I woke up and decided to stop obsessing. Here is something I've learned in my psychology class yesterday: Your thoughts become your words, Your words become your actions, Your actions become your habits, Your habits become your values, Your values become your Destiny. It's so true! It's all starts with a thought. By changing, managing your thoughts you can change your destiny. First, make yourself do it and it will not feel natural or comfortable, but after a while it will become your nature. I am at a much better place now. Acceptance stage. Last one. No more hopes, no more suffering. In fact, I think that his new lover will have to live through this too. Let her be his mother, his caretaker, the dumping ground for his constant emotional abuse( unless she is also a junkie, than she is a perfect match!) I don't have to do it any more. I am taking care of myself, keeping busy and starting to enjoy my freedom. He is slowly fading away... Soon he will be nothing but a memory that will leave a bad taste in my mouth, for I disrespect him and deserve much better than this. All of you helped me tremendously and I thank you once again for being such great, caring people. Buba Link to comment
Hope75 Posted July 24, 2005 Share Posted July 24, 2005 Your thoughts become your words, Your words become your actions, Your actions become your habits, Your habits become your values, Your values become your Destiny. I love it. You are so right that it is true. We have more power with our minds to start a change that will change our lives then we realize. I am so proud of you buba, you are an inspiration to us all! You are a strong, beautiful, intelligent woman, and no one will mess with you, you've got their number with your psych. education background! You go, girl! Link to comment
michelemybell Posted July 24, 2005 Share Posted July 24, 2005 I'm proud of you too Buba! I wonder how many people say they are proud of your ex?! His mom probably doesn't even think that!! Link to comment
buba Posted August 5, 2005 Author Share Posted August 5, 2005 It's been a while since I posted. i am in complete N/C and I have bad days and better days... Today is my Birthday and it's a bit sad... I met him on my birthday a few years ago. It was love at first sight. Two years later it's a disaster. I am not going to celebrate. I am better than a month ago, but still miss him sometimes. friends have been really supportive and I am grateful for that. My days are still filled with sadness and he won't leave me alone in my dreams at night. But it's now bearable... I miss being in love. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted August 6, 2005 Share Posted August 6, 2005 Hi buba, I know you said you didn't want to celebrate, so I'll just make a reeeeeaaaalll quiet.... I am glad to hear things continue to improve for you and I hope school is keeping you busy and that you continue to lean on your friends, including us! Have a wonderful day and hope you enjoy it, just a little. ((hugs)) Hope Link to comment
rangerider Posted August 6, 2005 Share Posted August 6, 2005 Hey Buba, Happy birthday! It's a LONG process getting over someone that touched your heart and soul in such a profound way. The love fades very slowly. You deserve more than your ex had to give. But hear this. Only time will mend a broken heart. No amount of advice can heal your heart. It may comfort you, that's why we come here, but it takes time. My prayers go out to you. (I'm in the same situation, I know it's over and for the best but the love takes time to fade...Yeah, it's a hard thing). Stay strong. Link to comment
michelemybell Posted August 6, 2005 Share Posted August 6, 2005 I know you dont feel like celebrating, but I wanted to send out birthday wishes to you as well. Looks like you have a lot of people who care about you here. Link to comment
buba Posted August 13, 2005 Author Share Posted August 13, 2005 he called twice yesterday. Yelled and hang up the phone. Our divorce is not final yet and he just realised that I wrote a declaration for our hearing and submitted it to court along with my responce. I wrote how badly he treated me, borrowed a lot of cash, used my credit cards and i also included a police report for domestic violence... I guess, i am just trying to stand up for myself. He was furious and threatened to sue me! Sue me? for what? I am sure, his mother will find something to sue me for. he is angry and greedy, doesn't sound that happy after all... what an idiot. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted August 13, 2005 Share Posted August 13, 2005 buba, try not to worry about it. You are providing the court with evidence as to why the divorce is in your best interests. He only can be angry at himself, he is the one who borrowed all the money, used your credit cards and assaulted you. Don't let him get to you, you are doing wonderfully! How is school? Link to comment
michelemybell Posted August 13, 2005 Share Posted August 13, 2005 Now you know what you were married to---A jerk who doesn't accept responsibility for what he does and has no guilt and remorse about it. (I believe that is the definition of a psychopath!) Good for you for speaking up! It's about time! This is something you should've done during the relationship. He just doesn't like hearing the truth, and his mommy probably wont like her little boy being exposed and degraded. Trust me, his mom knows what kind of son he is but will always choose her blood over what is right. Stick to your guns. Don't be afraid to stand up against evil people. They can't sue you for speaking the truth. The only thing I wouldn't trust your ex on is the fact that California is a no-fault community property state and everything you acquired or made during the marriage is split 50/50 with him regardless of who was at fault in the marriage. I'm thinking he's not that bright to understand that so I wouldn't worry too much about it, but it might be something you would want to discuss with an attorney, if you havent done so. Oh dear, I know this has gotta be tough on you emotionally. Please take care of yourself and be strong. Link to comment
buba Posted August 22, 2005 Author Share Posted August 22, 2005 i don't come to this site as often as I did a month ago, but today I really needed to... can't move on. I meet people all the time and get invited to dates, but every time I am out, I miss my ex... He was a freak, had no respect for me and dumped me in such brutal manner.... Why do I still miss him? Feels like I will never be loved again. Don't even want to try. he moved on and forgot all about me, why can't I move on? One of those days. I am exousted, this is the worst year of my life. may be I am just lonely. Why do i miss him still? He treated me so badly... Mad at myself. I really try to move on, but at the end of the day I find myself crying in my pillow, missing the good times we had... So brutal. When will I be free from this emotional jail? Link to comment
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