bittersweetly healed Posted May 28, 2005 Share Posted May 28, 2005 yea dakota im with you. and by saying we didnt deserve any of this that we went through is incredibly true...it's not making ourselves the victims- it says that we gave our all and got backk little or nothing. Link to comment
thisisnotanexit Posted May 28, 2005 Share Posted May 28, 2005 hang in there buba i'm so proud of the progress you've been making you're going to have bad days, but you will get over him. you don't need his manipulation. you're better than him, don't forget that. Link to comment
michelemybell Posted May 29, 2005 Share Posted May 29, 2005 A common theme with these guys seems to be that they all live with their mom??!!! What is up with that??? Jaded, I'm sorry for what you are going through too. That just plain stinks. I'm 34 and I got to the point where I cant be waiting for these type of guys to grow up and be normal, because I'm wasting time if I want to have a family. I wouldnt say I settled; I just realized I cant be a caretaker to these "MAMA'S BOYS" anymore. Luckily I found a really nice good and decent guy who doesn't play games and is actually fun to be with. He doesn't make me feel like I'm going crazy either. Best of all---He doesnt live with his mom and is self-sufficient too!!! Like Bittersweet said, you gotta start following your head over your heart--no matter how hard it is. Buba, once again your ex comes back with his sweet words...and once you give in again, he will turn against you. He's definitely Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde. This game can go on forever with him. I dont know what to say other than you got a really screwed up guy there! Stay strong. I think you are doing great otherwise. Please dont drink--It wont solve anything. Link to comment
buba Posted May 29, 2005 Author Share Posted May 29, 2005 Michelle, you're right. Last night I got another call at 5am. He was drinking and said: "I don't know why I called you, I was drinking and now I am sitting here all alone and I guess I was thinking about you and how I have noone to cuddle up to... Sorry, I called..." Oh, Michelle, I remembered your earlier words when you said next time he will get lonely, don't give in... I said to him that he should move on and not call me any more. I said that I was fed up and not going through this again. I said that I don't care any more and I had enough. It was hard. Still love him. Wish he woke up from this slumber and realized that he needs help. Wander if there are miracles and some of them do wake up and realize what they lost. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 buba, What about changing your phone number so he will stop calling? He is so unpredictable, one minute he's Oh So Sorry and wanting to make it work and the next he's angry and behaving like a jerk and calling you names and disrespecting you. It's like a yoyo and every time he leaves you a message or called and talks to you, it just sets you back that much farther in healing and being able to move ahead with your life. It's so unhealthy to let him string you along, and all the times you've asked him to stop calling you, he never stops. Why not set yourself free with a litte call to the phone company for a nice, unlisted number?? Link to comment
Dakota6560 Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 =D> Kudos to you Buba, I must tell you what you did was the start of a healing process that is going to transform you into one incredible person (well, even more so). As for him waking up and realizing he will need help. As a guy I will tell you he is realizing that he may have lost the one person who would have made his life a total bliss. This is propably why he is drinking so much. I know that feeling. Granted I have learned and want that special someone in my life. I hope that he realizes he needs to change or he is going to roam this world alone for a very, very, long time. And I think that is send a panic streak down his back and through his heart. Stay strong buba you are doing great!!!! Link to comment
buba Posted May 30, 2005 Author Share Posted May 30, 2005 Hope, I don't have the guts to change the number. I just don't. I am in a funk again. Refused a few poolparties and am sitting here, caving in. It sucks, I know. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 buba, It takes time. Consider it though, if he can't call you and continue to jerk you back and forth, then you will be moving a little faster on the road to healing and being able to move forward. As a guy I will tell you he is realizing that he may have lost the one person who would have made his life a total bliss. This is propably why he is drinking so much. This I disagree with, having dated seriously a guy like this, he is drinking because he is immature and addicted and it is how he drowns out the truth, that he is a 34 year old man living at home with his mother, who is also a pothead like him, and that he can't even keep a job for very long. It's sad, but most of the time these guys never get it. Link to comment
Dakota6560 Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 I guess I am not helping to much with your problem or so it seems but I do want to say I hope you get through this. I hope one day your wounds do heal and you meet somebody wonderful. I am sorry I couldn't be more of assistance. Link to comment
jaded4x5 Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 Hi Guys it me well it was a long weekend i made it through though but I have to say what I did !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I messed up with nc I have access to his cell phone account . I had all the incoming calls forwarded to my cell... ughghgh... He found out my friend said I wasnt upset because I did it only because I was caugth ... she is soo right!!! anyway no one called ,,, only his frend Kenny... my ex called my phone and said try breaking in it now you F--g cu_t oh well back to square one.. he is playing this like a game.. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 Hi Guys it me well it was a long weekend i made it through though but I have to say what I did !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I messed up with nc I have access to his cell phone account . I had all the incoming calls forwarded to my cell... ughghgh... He found out my friend said I wasnt upset because I did it only because I was caugth ... she is soo right!!! anyway no one called ,,, only his frend Kenny... my ex called my phone and said try breaking in it now you F--g cu_t oh well back to square one.. he is playing this like a game.. Um, are you really 35? What the heck are you doing? Don't you think it's a bit juvinile? Why don't you make your best revenge by getting over him and getting on with your life? Link to comment
bittersweetly healed Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 buba how are you doing? Link to comment
jaded4x5 Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 i AGREE WITH YOU IT WAS IMMATURE BUT i HAVE TOOOOOOO MUCH EASY ACCESS.. CURIOSITY WAS KILLING ME!!! IKNOW I KNOW YOU ARE RIGHT .. BUT THIS IS CONSUMING ME 15 YEARS IS A LON GTIME TO JUST WALK A WAY FROM I AGREE WITH YOU THOUGH Link to comment
michelemybell Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 Jaded, I agree with Hope75----Moving on and being successful in your own life is the best "revenge". I totally understand the pull of curiosity--I had access to my exe's email/messenger and couldn't resist looking at it. While it confirmed my suspicions that he was a cheater and a liar, it didn't solve anything except make me crazy in the head...and everyone thought I was psycho for looking at it. You need to control those urges. It wont bring you closer to your ex. And honestly, do you really want to be around someone anyways that is making you feel bad about yourself, and making you resort to doing stupid, crazy things? No one is worth that. Your life and your integrity are more important. Show yourself and everyone around you that you are better than that. Link to comment
jaded4x5 Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 like I said i do agree ,,,,,,,,,It just makes me crazy thinking of him with another................I miss him believe me we did get along very well I just wanted more which I shold be entitled too I know it just hurts very much to have to move on after all these years especially while I am still in love with him also try to remember his family was like my family so not only do I cut my self from him but also my world as I knew it friends etc Link to comment
bittersweetly healed Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 we should all realize that there is life after love..or watever u wana call it. KEEP YOUR HEADS UP, HAPPINESS IS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER! Link to comment
buba Posted June 2, 2005 Author Share Posted June 2, 2005 Just a tiny update on my progress... I am feeling a lot better this days. I stopped drinking completely, joined AA meetings and my depression has vanished. I was killing myself over an addict and tried to escape my sad reality by drinking. A few days ago I had enough! It feels good to be sober and not obsess over his abusive, everchanging behavior. I spoke to him last night, he called and was irritable as usual, blamed me for not being understanding enough, for calling the cops on him 6 months ago( still dwelling in it) I was calm and for the first time I realized that I don't want him the way he is. I said that he should consider quitting drugs for a while, just to see that life has a lot more to offer than just constantly self medicating... I said that I will always care for him but I want different things from life- Respect, someone who will love me and give back, for I have a lot to offer... He got mad, started screaming but you know what? It didn't bother me at all... I heard a sick person yelling at me for no reason and it was really annoying, I said good night and hang up the phone. God! He is soooo miserable. I kinda like that. He deserves to be miserable. Hopefully, my feelings will last. Link to comment
brando Posted June 2, 2005 Share Posted June 2, 2005 Good for you Buba... someone once told me to deal with the ex imagine the word SICK stamped accross her forehead....lol... Link to comment
Hope75 Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 I heard a sick person yelling at me for no reason and it was really annoying, I said good night and hang up the phone. Buba! Congratulations! This is where it begins. When you start to feel calmer and a little bit annoyed, you are really beginning to see him for what he is and this is tremendous progress. Well done! =D> =D> Also I want to congratulate you on quitting the drink and joining AA. When you are able to see things more clearly from a sober point of you I think you will be even more able to recognize how unhealthy this has been for you. You are truly on the way to recovery. Keep us updated! Link to comment
Dakota6560 Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 Buba, it sounds like you are finding your inner peace. It is glad to hear someone who is getting stronger and there vision is getting clearer on what matters most in a relationship. This broken relationship hopefully will be a springboard to one that will be an everlasting love. Link to comment
buba Posted June 3, 2005 Author Share Posted June 3, 2005 Thank you guys for support. Today is not so cheery, just got back from AA meeting where I shared with people and kind of relived all this mess again... I broke into tears and now I feel like crap. Feel sorry for myself, for not being loved, for being abandoned... Just one of those days, you know... I miss being in love and happy, miss that special feeling of closeness... Why did he take it all away from me? Will I be alone and miserable for the rest of my life, going to AA meetings and posting here just to get through the day? It's so sad. Why is it that when I don't hear from him for a day I still freak? I was content, I was getting stronger, I was doing better just yesterday... What's wrong with me? Am I mental? Am I codependent? I miss him terribly today. I guess when he calls and act like a selfish idiot it's easier for me to stay strong and I don't really miss him then... When he doesn't call, I start missing all the good things we shared and all the bad staff seems to vanish. What a great life I am having! I hope it's just one of those days... I hope he calls and yells at me so I stop missing him. N/C works for some people, doesn't seem to work for me. I pray that it's just one of those days and tomorrow will bring piece... Link to comment
Hope75 Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 Hi Buba, I miss being in love and happy, miss that special feeling of closeness... Why did he take it all away from me? He isn't worth your love and devotion. All he cares about is himself, and getting high. He can't even keep his feelings for you straight, one day he loves you and the next he's calling you terrible names and saying he hates you. Don't let him to this to you. You are worthy of someone who is healthy and who knows how to love, and he does not. Until he is sober and clean and knows how to love himself, he will never be able to truly love someone else. Will I be alone and miserable for the rest of my life, going to AA meetings and posting here just to get through the day? You may feel this way right now, but this is not the way it is. When you find you are finally able to let him go for good, and feel good about your decision, you will move on, and you will meet someone who deserves you. You may be going to AA for awhile, and that's OK, it's important to have support to help you stay clean, and it's important to talk about what you are going through. I hope that once you are over him and healed and still sober that you will come back to enotalone from time to time and post to update us on your progress, and to help others who are going through what you are going through now. Link to comment
Dakota6560 Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 I understand your sadness to Buba, I am missing my ex. I treated her very well and I too can't come to grips with the abandonment. I do feel that NC seems to be working for me eventhough it is very slow and I still miss her and wish she would at least call me just so I can feel like she thinks of me but Buba please don't feel like there is a mental issue with you. You have to remember that you spent a lot of time with this person and developed a love for them. That is something that CAN be healed but it will take a long time to do so. I know it is not what you want to hear but that is the facts. We are all going to have bad days and maybe you are right that when he does call you can obviously see he is not the man you want in your life but when he hasn't made any contact for a period of time you begin to think of the good times you have. Maybe you should write down all the negative things that he has ever done to you this way you can get them out of your system and if you ever thing that you want him back you can look at what you wrote and remember why he is not in your life Link to comment
buba Posted June 4, 2005 Author Share Posted June 4, 2005 Thank you Hope and Dakota. Going to AA meetings makes me feel like I am the one with a problem, while he is sitting there, waisting away in drugs. I see couples in there and think how great it would of been to have him next to me, really wanting to quit. See, no matter where I go, I take him with me in my head. I think I need a nice little vacation. Mexico sounds great. But then again... What if I sit on a beautiful beach, thinking about him 24/7? It's just a bad day. Here is a great link to the warning signs, you're dating a looser. link removed It's scary, how familiar it sounds. I need to stop obsessing over him. Link to comment
.thumb.jpeg.44db4c04df92b9d233296a0149430b4d.jpeg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.