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bittersweetly healed

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  1. bittersweetly healed
    i completely 100% understand what you mean when you say you feel like you are waiting for answers that will never come. even if you havent fully accepted all of this yet, i believe that you are most definitely conscious of the fact that acceptance plays a huge role in the healing of yourself. and this is what this time is about- it may feel ike a time of waiting but in fact it is all about YOU now. The hurt comes and goes in spurts but for the most part, it fades away slowly. i too blocked my Ex on instant messenger and one day the second i unblocked him, he IMs me with a sarcastic comment about how im probably only unblocking him for like 2 minutes n then he'd be blocked again. i had asked him when he wants his stuff back and he replied with "well if you unblock me one of these days i could tell you" which i think was him trying to get himself unblocked. so whatd i do? blocked him again. I truly dont know if it still bothers him that hes on block but one of these days i'll make it available for him to contact me if he wants. it'll be hard not to IM him tho. but i dont want him bacck. and remember this hun- someone who can throw you away like that wont be worth it in the long run even though u may want them for right now. i know because this is the second time he's done this to me and last time he came back sayin how sorry he was and bla bla after seeing that other girls were not wat he wanted. you sound like a sweet person and you are a human being who doesnt deserve this. none of us do b/c we gave our everything and received not so much. and as hard as it is, youre right- he will contact you when he wants to, and he probably will. it's hard to forget people in your life who have meant something so much at some point no matter how young you may be. so please, dont worry about the future. live for today and choose your own happiness. (true its sometimes easier said than done but you'll reach that point because, well, people always do.) happiness is a choice, so choose it and live for today. that way, the future doesnt seem so far away.
  2. bittersweetly healed
    i found this poem and it reminded me of all of you on this site: Angels on the internet All the angels on the internet, The toughest times you've seen me through, The best of friends, yet we've never met. The tears we've shared I will not regret, My greatest sorrows you helped subdue, All the angels on the internet. You've stood by my side, I will not forget, No other friends have been as true, The best of friends, yet we've never met. The healing's begun, but not done yet, As through our pain, our hope we renew, All the angels on the internet. We've grown in strength, we'll not be upset, Glorious new dreams we now pursue, The best of friends, yet we've never met. Your reward in heaven a coronet, The glory of love is surely your due, All the angels on the internet, The best of friends, yet we've never met.
  3. bittersweetly healed
    lolol thanks newt. ur right. ugh its just so hard wen i hear about him from people. i do a good job tuning it out tho, but its times like at night wen im alone in my room that it gets to me.
  4. bittersweetly healed
    lol i know what you mean...i actually have blocked AND deleted lol thats why its so hard. even tho he snot even there anymore...ugh i suck.
  5. bittersweetly healed
    my ex of 3 years and i broke up about a month ago..ive posted before, but to make a long story short, i was supporting the two of us cuz he had no job, and he had huge jealousy and insecurity issues. i tried to end it but didnt have the heart to when he pulled the "upset" routine....but then he ended up doin it after that instead. basically he was a coward and then tried to say i cheated on him out of the blue. this wasnt the case, of course. well, right after the breakup we talked casually but then he just shot the rude and immature comments at me, for example when i asked when he wanted his stuff back, he tells me "well im all booked for today.." bla bla. so i told him "you'll never grow up." and then i blocked him online. I just couldnt deal anymore. then one day wen i unblocked everyone for a second to figure out somethin wit my computer, he IMs me and basically is sarcastic n tries to get himself unblocked again by sayin "well if u jus unblock me one of these days i could tell u wen i want my stuff." so whatever i didnt give in to that, he knows how to use a phone but "doesnt like the phone." its just so immature, so thats why i distanced myself from the situation. its been 3 weeks since ive been blocking him. my friends say he has all these angry lyrics on his profile n stuff like that. Now my question is, i know he's the one who ended it and i know i'm the one whos ignoring him now, but i dont know why he wanted to be unblocked. its kinda been bothering me about whats goin thru his mind. i know no one knows that but him, but if anyones been in this situation, can you tell me what you think? and trust me i know i shouldnt be concerned with this..its kinda the only thing left that concerns me about him tho. im doing well cuz he was no good for me.
  6. bittersweetly healed
    lelou....im sorry to hear about what youre going through but im so happy you are starting to see the positives. i can tell you that NC does help ease yourself and no matter what it does to them (mostly it drives them nuts, trust me ive had to cut off contact with the same immature boy twice lol) but it gives you time to heal YOU! these words were so hard to hear from people at first i didnt think i could ever concentrate on me...but one day, something just clicked. and its only been a month since the breakup. he was no good and brought me down anyway. just take your time for YOU! for you: stay strong hun -ashli
  7. bittersweetly healed
    i say delete him too. cleansing him from your life could be just what you need right now. i had a similar "dilemma" wen deciding whether to block my ex or not. so i just went for it. and one day, a second screen name he used to have (and that i had forgotten about) pops online for about a minute or two. maybe checking to see if he was blocked, maybe not...but then i blocked that one too and both of his bro's sn's. it had to be done. out of sight, out of mind (sorta) lol...its just more comforting. he was such an idiot.
  8. bittersweetly healed
    thanks so much for your replies! i hope others can benefit from this, that's mainly why i felt the urge to post it. I want to be all about helping others because my "problems" are just so insignificant and there are people in this world who could use the help whose problems are more involved than mine ever were. i'm also only 19 so i've yet to match the experience that life still has to throw at me. what i do know is im done with the drug scene and everything and everyone that accompanies it. if anyone needs to talk, IM me at profoundkissez. (i have aim). thank you again
  9. bittersweetly healed
    i have realized that it truly truly doesnt matter what he does in his life...(my post that summarized my situation is called "getting over him..still some nagging feelings...please help"). One of my friends said that she and one of her other friends saw my ex the other day and their reaction was that he was lame. She said hes such a pot head and he jus looks pathetic. she proceeded to tell me i was the better part of him and the one who gave him a balanced life. after hearing that (but in my heart it was just confirming wat i already knew) i felt a very big sigh of relief. for the rest of the day i was on top of the world and i woke up this morning with the will to clean and the strength to listen to music again. when my friends told me that one day id feel better and that i am in fact a good person, of course i couldnt see it at first. but you know what..when somebody is bringing you down in a relationship, you need to get out regardless of comfort or "security." i put that word in quotes because i realize i was the one giving security, not getting it. the only kind i was getting was from myself. i can truly say ive reached a new chapter in my life and i am living my best life now. i have continued to keep him cut off from my life and i refuse to let him back in. my life is full and i look at everything now and see it for what it is....beautiful. and the best part of it all...ive found myself and im more happy not having to answer to anyone! my love really can be saved for someone who will return it. i know that in time some waves of nostalgia might kick in, and probably with him too...but hey, thats normal and i decided not to let it back in. i need someone to call a "man", not a boy. there was n future in it anyway and i got places to go in life! i also realized that my prayers were answered b/c everyday id be unhappy and wish to just be home again instead of out doing things that involved drugs and annoying people, with him. i have everyone on here to thank. i couldnt be stronger.
  10. bittersweetly healed
    for everyone who wants to heal from the inside out.. a mom and her lil boy were sitting in church. this lil boy had so much energy he just couldnt keep still. he kept standing up on the chair dancin and wiggling. His mom said "sit down son." so he sat down for, oh .2seconds, and then he was up again. so the mom said again "son, i said sit down." again he didnt listen. so finally she put her hand on his head and pushed him down. with a big smile on his face he said to her "well, i may be sitting down on the outside but im standing up on the inside!"
  11. bittersweetly healed
    for everyone who wants to heal from the inside out... __so, a mom and her lil boy were sitting in church. this lil boy had so much energy he just couldnt keep still. he kept standing up on the chair dancin and wiggling. His mom said "sit down son." so he sat down for, oh .2seconds, and then he was up again. so the mom said again "son, i said sit down." again he didnt listen. so finally she put her hand on his head and pushed him down. with a big smile on his face he said to her "well, i may be sitting down on the outside but im standing up on the inside!"
  12. bittersweetly healed
    today i got such good advice from everyone and im in the middle of reading a really great book...i feel a lil more detached each day as i still continue the NC...it feels good. does anyone else have any input on my topic maybe?
  13. bittersweetly healed
    it amazes me how strong we all are. breaking NC or not, crying or not- we're still being tested and we will come out on top. and yes the hardest thing in the world to do is to give up someone who you know with all your heart is not right for you and is just bringing you down..when u still have some love for them. this is why i detached myself by blocking him. who knows if it bothers him or not, but it gives me the power to give myself some healing time. tell your friends, like i did, that you just dont wana hear anything about your ex. the only thing im worried about is if they slip n say something, so i guess u could say this has turned into a small problem for me even wanting to be around them. but most of them arent really my friends...just ones from the group id occasionally talk to. so anyway my point is that when youre fed up, so whatever you must do to relieve tension. and dont regret it or kick urself for it!
  14. bittersweetly healed
    thanks hubman...i completely agree. theres also this other nagging thing...a girl who used to be my best friend (even her mom said i was her only real friend..) spread rumors about me one day just because she was jealous of me n my bf. (who is now my ex, obviously.) then wen my ex broke up with me, ppl set them up together n nothing ever hurt more in my entire life. i feel that this summer might be a repeat performance. how do i get this feeling to go away? i shouldnt care. i have some boys of my own lol.
  15. bittersweetly healed
    hey playbrat, i agree with eveything you had to say. i do not want to deal with someone like him ever again. it was just the comfor thing and companionship thing i missed. i do wonder however if he misses it just as much. this kid was so dependent on me its not even funny. i have no idea why i care wat hes even thinking, i guess i jus wana know if it effects him at all. maybe he says things to spite me because he regrets his decision? i duno.
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