Help me, I am drowning...

[bittersweetly healed]

he left wen u showed him the door? wat else happened?

[michelemybell]

Buba, your ex has some serious problems (I know you already know that). He keeps on switching back and forth with his feelings and actions. There's no way to have a relationship with someone like that. You will end up going crazy going back and forth constantly. And he doesnt realize that he has serious problems either. He doesn't sound like he wants to change or get help.

I'm glad you stuck to your guns as much as it hurts.

[eva1218]

Buba,

 

I think, u know he still loves you for sure, and he misses you for sure.

And I know how much you love this person that u married him.

 

But, what do you want from him? What do u want from life?

How you want your life to be?

None of us here can help you out....

No one in this world can...but you.

 

You know him(ur ex) the best....a way better than we do...

do you still want to go on with him? I meant really with HIM...

Do you really want HIM? Do you think he can give you what you WANT?

Do you think you can be happy with HIM?

Is he really THE ONE for YOU?

 

Buba, i don't know when will be ur time to be free from him...

i don't know what's ahaed waiting for you.....

I don't know what u can do......can make urself stop loving him.....

and get out of the pain....

 

I wish I can take u out from all of that.......and stop ur pain.

But I can't.

Only you can...............when u feel that's enough, couldn't take anymore, just call it off, ok?

 

I wish u can feel how i feel......now. I'm finally happy and over my ex.

Buba, look forward, do not lookback to the past.

If you don't move on, nothing good can be happened.

Pls give yourself a chance, don't stuck yourself with him.

You can never save him, trust me. But you can save yourself from him.

 

Eva

[thisisnotanexit]

wow he needs help

 

but i'm proud of you!

[buba]

Even though it saddens me deeply, I now know that nothing is really wrong with me...

I loved, I gave, I tried, I suffered.

I do feel sorry for him, for his illness.

He is like a psychological gangrene.

I even feel sorry for his next victim. According to him I am the only one that makes him so mad. I now know,-I am not.

From now on I will stay away from junkies with a distorted mind.

I am very sad, but I am stronger in my thoughts.

I am fed up being his doormat, his narcissistic supply...

I miss being loved back, being respected and cared for.

Two years of insanity.

Time to move on.

He needs help. I am really tired of all this.

I will always remember the good times we shared( before he went back to his addiction)

But I can't let him suck me dry any longer.

I will try to stay away and look forward to a better day.

[Hope75]

Really sorry. I saw a sick person and realised, no matter how much I love him, he has no place for me in his heart...

His addiction consumed him.

 

It's the truth isn't it buba?

 

I really feel that when it gets like this that they are uncapable of love, that thier addiction robs them of the ability to feel anything other then the desire for the next high.

 

My ex was so like this, pulling back and forth, going between remorseful and angry, all the while roasting his brain with weed many times a day.

 

It's sad, but what eva said rings true, you will never be able to save him or change him. He has to want to do that for himself, and the reason he says you are making him angry is because you are not willing to sit back and let him get baked every hour and accept that.

 

I am proud of you. One thing you are always able to do with him is speak the truth and say what's on your mind and I think for that you are so strong, I really think you can pull through this.

 

It really does take time, and again as eva said, maybe it's that you haven't reached your bottom yet, but when you do.....SNAP....look out! buba's comin'up!

[bittersweetly healed]

buba i am so proud of you! you now know that the ball is in your court and you knew you desrved that. i think its easier for you now because you said you realized theres nothing wrong with you. and there isnt!! his mind is distorted and his perceptions ran him into the ground..im so proud you are not going down with it!

[nebbish]

buba-- is this the same buba who started this thread? have aliens kidnapped her and substituted something else?

 

YOU GO GIRL!

[buba]

Nebbish, I have changed.

You're right.

The only thing I don't like about the new me,-I've gotten angry.

I feel this distractive anger towards myself, may be it's part of the healing process, may be not.

Questions like:

"What was I thinking?"

How cold I be so blind?"

Never again I will get involved with someone like this.

Never again will I let someone treat me like dirt.

I got to move on, no matter how hard...

[Hope75]

The only thing I don't like about the new me,-I've gotten angry.

I feel this distractive anger towards myself, may be it's part of the healing process, may be not.

 

buba,

 

Anger is a big step in the healing process, there are definite stages, and I think it goes something like this if I remember my psych correctly:

 

Grief

Denial

Anger

Acceptance

Healing

 

Looky here! You are on step 3! Part of realizing that you deserve better is getting angry at the other person for treating you so badly, and getting angry with yourself for letting him. You are well on your way!

[buba]

Got a call from him at 3am last night.

He said that he worries about me.

Wished me a good night and said that he will talk to me real soon.

I need some advice here.

I am sooooo fed up with his abuse and mood swings.

Should I pick up the phone and tell him to get lost or should I ignore his calls?

What works better?

[melrich]

Ignore his calls.

[Hope75]

Should I pick up the phone and tell him to get lost or should I ignore his calls?

What works better?

 

Ignore his calls.

 

It's better for you.

 

He filed for divorce, remember?

[buba]

Hope, you're right.

I will ignore his calls.

It's not easy, but I have no other choice.

Thank you for your help.

[bittersweetly healed]

buba keep ignoring his calls! you wil have the upper hand (which you already have) and you will know he still wants to talk with you. it's completely and utterly your turn to be on this side of things.

[buba]

I will love again.

I will be loved.

No more abuse.

No more lies.

I quit drinking myself to sleep and joined AA meetings yesterday.

I will not be like him, self medicated and confused.

I will get through this and learn from it.

I will pray for piece of mind.

I will forgive him but never forget the abuse I suffered.

Noone will ever have the luxury to treat me like dirt.

Noone. Ever.

Even if he comes crawling at my door, I will be gone.

No more waisting my life over a junkie.

[eva1218]

Buba,

 

Goog for u.

 

Eva

[bittersweetly healed]

that makes me really happy...i can live by those words too. im proud of you.

[nebbish]

buba you're doing really well.

 

ignore his calls: do you have a phone that allows you to block calls from a certain number?

 

the AA thing is very responsible and shows you are moving ahead with your life-- another great thing.

 

the anger? you'll get over it.

 

and who calls at 3am anyway? no gentleman.

 

just keep on keeping on. you're the one moving along.

[jaded4x5]

Hi guys I have been reading your post you are all wonderful people....

 

My ex left me said he doesnt love me anymore we have been together for 15 years I am sick to my stomach I cant sleep Cant eat i am a phsical wreck sorry about the way this is being typed I need to vent.

 

 

I miss him sooooooo much I wanted to grow old with him I have dated others in the past during our on again off again relationship but always to think of him always not being able to move forward ..i recently found out he has bee contacting a woman I am 35 she is 41 he is 42 i have no children she is going through a divorce has 3 children not attractive lol Im better looking lol .. anyway I called him and said I tried to work out our relationship 100% to no avail I know your speaking to that woman I can not yell or scream or be vicious because that is being selfish but I can tell you I love you and hope the best for you.. I have not contacted him in 10 days Im going CRAZY please I need advice to stay STRONG!!!!!!!!HELP IM DYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ps he is also a mammas boy lives at home What am I doing!!!!!!!!!!!11111

[buba]

Jaded,

He is 42 and lives at mama's?

Common, you got to start loving yourself.

I hate the fact that I was soooo blind and married him.

Please, take a deep breath and realize that he is not good for you.

Don't call him, don't be desperate.

You've been together for 15 years and he still lives with mom!

It's sick.

Cry if you need to, pray and you will see the light.

I am seing it now.

I wanted to die just over a month ago.

Now I don't.

Please, stay strong and let him wander what you're up to.

You will be fine.

[bittersweetly healed]

hey jaded, i read your post and i can completely relate to the fact that hes no good for us so why do we even miss them or think about them? i understand how incredibly hard this all is and youve been with him for so long that it must be devastating. the part i can relate to is the harsh breakup and that feeling of emptiness like "uh oh, wat to do now?"...its only been a few weeks since my breakup but in these few weeks i learned that if your head is telling you something different than your heart, you really should go with your head. i know there's a saying "follow your heart" but in situations like ours, when we've done that, it seems to only end up in further pain for us. we dont necessarily know how it effects the other person but ive learned that all that matters right now is how we feel. my birthday is coming up soon and it;ll be a lil hard to get through, seeing as he did this to me last year before my bday too....but i will get through it. we are just being tested in life to see how strong we are, and as soon as we get through it, we are rewarded. it always happens this way please trust me. since this wasnt meant to last, it only means better things are in store for the future because when love is involved, and youve given your all...its nature's law that in any way possible, good things are on the way for you.

[Empathy]

There is truth in everything you just said, bittersweet. Very well done. =D>

[bittersweetly healed]

well thanks empathy! heh...

jaded- i knw EXACTLY how you feel with the driving by thing...i live right off of our town's main road and my ex has this abnormally loud,raspy sounding exhaust thats unmistakable...i even woke up to it this morning! as soon as i wake up i hear vroooooooooooomerrefhvhdjjd!! and im like u gota be joking me. i said that outloud. (i didnt actually say it to no one- i did in fact have my lil stuffed dg that i sleep with so he was listening...yes i'm 19 and have a dog i sleep with lol...) soooo hey, anyway...i know that it feels like a damn knife in your stomach everytime u see him. mine was such a jerk that thats the only reason i cry...i dont miss him he was so mean. IM me if u ever wana talk....

and to Buba...sounds like you are taking awesome control of your life...like i said, i'm so proud

[Dakota6560]

Buba, I am truly sorry for what you are going through but you must realize drinking is not the answer. The best way to get over this is day by day. Just get by today. That is all you have to worry about. As for this gentlemen. I must ask you this. If one of us emailed you about the same problems you are going through what type of advice would you give us. I don't doubt you love this man with all your heart but true love is not one person giving all of themselves and the other person not giving anything. Buba, you mention how you want to end your life and drink and smoke away the madness but honestly the best way to get over him is talking about it. We will be here to help you because in one way or another on one level or another we have all felt that pain and we don't want to see a great-hearted person go through this alone because I can honestly say I don't thing any of us deserved what we went through.