Help me, I am drowning...

[nebbish]

THAT'S GREAT!

 

see, you are making progress. look at where you have come from. you at where you are. the kidney stone is passing.

[tarheelfan]

Oh Buba... I have been following all of your posts and you sound SO much better.

 

Keep it up gal. You are doing GREAT! I know it still hurts somewhat... but it should be getting easier everyday.

 

How's the smoking going? Have you quit?

[buba]

Yesterday I had a bad relapse of pain.

But two weeks of N/C really do help.

Help me realize how little I really meant to him despite his declarations of love for me.

Despite his tears and " for better or worse, till death do us part..."

I am sure, 10 years from now he will still live with his mother in her one bedroom condo.

It doesn't bother him, as long as it's free...

Wow! He will still self medicate with weed and use someone else to get ahead in life.

He will still be angry, cruel and abusive.

Staying out of contact makes me realize this things.

I wish I could just fall in love all over again.

Spit him out of my system, stop hurting...

It will be a long while, but I am looking forward to that day.

Wow! I was blind and taken advantage of!

No more he will have the luxury to hurt me!

And he will miss it, guarranteed!

[nebbish]

you're doing greater and greater. note you used the word relapse-- so you're obviously doing better.

 

and that's really good. plus you must be feeling better about yourself knowing that you have made it through the most difficult part of this challenge.

 

now you can start working on getting rid of the cancer sticks!

[buba]

Oh, my God!

after two weeks of N/C, he just called...

He wanted to know how I am doing..

I said I was doing great, better than ever!(LIE!)

He said there is no 20y.old lover and he said it in anger.

I said that I am doing things, going out and living my life.

I said that we obviously wanted different things in life and I understand.

I also said that I will never date him. Not him.

I wished him good luck and happiness.

That was it .

Kept it short. Said Good bye in a very calm manner.

I hang up the phone and started crying. I faked every single word.

That's it guys, I guess he is curious...

Did I do the right thing by acting so happy and indifferent?

I'm sure he expected me to be miserable.

[thisisnotanexit]

BRAVO!

 

indifference is certainly the best way to handle that kind of situation. he WANTED to hear you miserable. let him know you can function without his abusive relationship. you're so much better off, let him know that. i know it's hard, but try to keep that attitude up. you're doing AWESOME! =D> =D>

[michelemybell]

Buba, You responded perfectly.

I know you are still hurting. Just hang in there girl. Dont drop the ball now because I assure you he will end up hurting you again and you will be back at square one. Keep on getting healthy away from him.

[buba]

Just wantede to let you know..

I don't know what I will do without you.

It's hard and it's unfair, but you guys tought me to be strong and, yes, I am faking it, but it feels good to be confident.

I miss him very much and I probably will never hear from him aGAIN, but he doesn't know that and it's good enough.

thank you so much for your support,

Love, buba

[nebbish]

daaaaaaaamn, buba, you did great. i don't think anyone here could have scripted it as well as you did. i guess it's the artist thing.

 

so what's worse? a real 20 y/o he's running around with or a fake one he fabricates to hurt you? tough call.

 

but you're beyond that because you are seeing that either one-- the real 20 y/o or the fake one-- shows he is a meathead. and a not very nice one at that.

 

there used to be a tv show called inliving color and one of the sayings i picked up from it was:

 

you go girl!

 

and i think that really applies to you right now.

[buba]

Thank you guys.

can anyone tell me why is he even calling me?

Curious?, Missing me?

Wants to make sure I am miserable?

Has anyone had similar experience?

[ryan14]

he's curious of

 

why are you not calling him?

what have you been upto?

are you dating someone else?

 

he is just plain curious, he's like an emotional vampire

[buba]

Thank's Ryan.

You're absolutely right.

He is an emotional vampire.

I guess, some people feel a lot better about themselves, when they control/abuse others.

And when the supply is not there any more they freak...

It saddens me deeply to realize how unfair life can be at times and how cruel people act.

I am sorry to be such a bore.

You must be tired of me by now, but I just can't stop posting, it helps me heal...

[ryan14]

so true

 

just focus on yourself its not bad to be selfish for awhile, whats important here is your healing, and after that you're ready to love and be loved back.

 

i think you're a very nice person, so don't waste it to someone who's not worth your time (ex-hubby).

 

you don't bore me at all, you gave me hope in healing, pls continue to inspire us, keep posting.

[buba]

Thank you, Ryan.

Are you going through the same pain now?

What happened?

[ryan14]

yup i still feel the pain its been 11 months now, and no progress for me i still miss my ex, but i am so dedicated to NC, i have to agree with all the people around here that it does get better.

 

if you want to know my story here's the link link removed

 

i must say you're doing a lot better than me, keep up the good work

[michelemybell]

Hi Buba,

I think he is calling you because he still wants his cake and eat it too. It's like he wants a relationship with you, but doesnt want a commitment. He wants the freedom to do what he wants with whoever, but wants to keep you on the backburner. He will probably freak out if you started dating others, despite the fact that he doesnt want to be in a committed relationship with you. This is a no-win situation because everytime you want something more, he'll withdraw. Everytime you back off, he'll come back. You can never be real with your feelings in this situation. The only way it can work out with a person like this is if he seriously wants to change and probably some deep counseling, but I doubt it he's the type that will want to do that.

Just keep on doing what you're doing. Keep busy with your outside interests and hobbies. Hard to believe now, but this situation will ultimately make you a much stronger person if you deal with it right.

Michele

[buba]

Thank you, Michelle.

I am trying my best, it's just soooo sad.

I wanted this marriage to work so badly and never saw it coming...

Feels like I will never be able to love or trust again.

I miss him still.

I am not myself. I became bitter and angry. N/C is very hard to fallow.

But I am not calling him, no matter how much it hurts.

God! When will I be happy again?

Will I ever be able to love again?

[nebbish]

of course you will be able to love again. you will be sadder but wiser.

 

eventually you will trust again. it's human nature. which is why bfreeach of trust is so painful.

[Hope75]

Hi Buba,

 

I just caught myself up on your post, you are doing wonderful!! I've got a good motivational song for you, it's call "Long Time Ago" by Concrete Blonde,

I'm rusty and it's been a few years since I've heard it but the words go something like this...

 

When you turned out the light

And walked out the door

I said to myself

What did I come here for?

 

Did you have a good time

Drinking whiskey and ryhme

And did you want to be

Bonnie and clyde?

 

What goes on in your mind,

What goes on in your head?

Who did you think I would be

Ha, well you got me instead.

 

You think there's some connection

That I'm your female reflection

But no...

 

I can be loyal

And (a) I can be true

But that's for somebody else

And it will never be you.

 

You think we're predetermined

But babe you're learning

Way to slow...

 

But it seems such a long time ago.

 

(oh...) he can see things

You'll never know how to see.

He's three times the man

You'll never know how to be.

I'll do anything he wants

And I'll go anywhere

He wants me to go.

 

And if that isn't love

Then I guess I'll just never know.

 

But it seems a long time ago...

 

(Johnette Napolitano sings it and she has such a powerful belting voice it always makes me feel so good!)

 

Anyway that's my two cents, hope you can find the song and you do sound ever so much stronger than you were before, and please believe me when I tell you marijuana addiction kills your motivation, I lived with and was engaged to a pothead who smoked daily and he was so unmotivated it was unbelievable.

 

You are truly better off.

[buba]

Thank's Hope.

Glad to hear from you again.

Addiction...

Well, his own mother who is a functioning alcoholic and a gambler thinks that weed is not a problem and supports his addiction.

That's why he is more comfortable there.

When we were dating and he was smoking a lot of pot , I dumped him and said I wasn't happy seing him either stoned out of his brains or angry when he wasn't.

After two weeks of N/C he called crying and told me how much he loves me and he is quitting cold turkey if I give him another chance.

I took him back and married him a few months later.

It lasted two months before he started smoking again...

loosing job after job, getting into raging fights with his boss...

Running to mama who defended him.

No wander he is divorcing me.

I can't compete with his addiction and his mom.

Now he is proud to be a pothead, he always says, "I do what I want and noone will tell me otherwise...'

I am sure, he is happy in his wanderland, he treats me like I am his enemy.

Why do I even suffer?

Life is strange at times.

[michelemybell]

I swear Buba, an ex of mine sounds like this guy! He's a druggie (though his drug of choice is painkillers), he can't keep any job, and he lives with his mom. His mom is the one who takes him back him when it doesn't work out with his girlfriends. His mom has a long history herself of poor relationships and drug abuse. She has never set limits with him. Whatever he does, he never has to face the consequences of his actions because his mother is always there to support him. It's a weird relationship.

I honestly dont see any healthy future with your ex. I know it's hard to accept because if you are like me, you hope things will work out and he will change. And it's hard to accept that as much as you do for a person like this, it's not enough to make him want to change.

He's an unhealthy person and I'm sorry you are going through this. Just take care of yourself during this time. This kind of relationship--and recovering from it--can bring you down.

[buba]

Michelle,

It's amazing that you went through what I am going through.

How long did it take you to heal?

He is damaged and confused...

Fake. Immature.

And I am a fool, who believed in miracles.

I hope he regrets. I will never know.

Today I am depressed again. Life used to be fun.

Now it's just meaningless existence. Every day is filled with sadness and despair, just trying to survive.

I don't believe in miracles any longer.

[manu]

The best thing for you now is to indulge in some social activities.May b join a music class .do some thing to take you mind off him.

I understand thant you are trying to forget him or get over with what has happened.DONT DO THAT.If his thoughts com rushing to your mind dont try to push it away coz that will hurt and eventually lead to the return of the same thought.Let the thought complete.It will go away itself if you let the thought to complete itself rather than fighting it.

 

Write out you thought or sorrow as a song we all like to read it.that will be a grate release Remember dear change is the essense of life..

 

There is no sorrow that time cannot change.

 

What are you going to do with somebody who does not earn a penny for the family(you).In my country it is a common belife that you love your family ,earn for then and make their life safe and confortable....

 

Please dont try to win him back coz he is not worth you......

[buba]

Thank's Manu.

I just got a call from his mother! She said that she woke up thinking about me, was tearful.

She said that she wishes things were different and something is missing in her life,-ME.

She is going through divorce number 3 now and wanted me to know that she understands how hard it may be on me, she said, she would love to stay friends with me and I will always be her family.

she also said that He was wandering why I wasn't calling in three weeks, wandering if I had somebody...

Wow! So weird...

I wished her a happy mothers day and said that I am moving on the best I can, getting out of the house, seing people...(LIE!)

When I hang up the phone I got a call from him, didn't pick up the phone.

He left me a message saying HI and wandering how I am doing. Wished me to have awonderful day and said that he will talk to me later.

Nothing more.

I guess it's nice of him. God knows.

Why, why? What is he doing?

He is divorcing me!

What the hell is he doing?

Should I continue N/C and let him think that I am dating someone or should I call back?

For some stupid reason I can't even think about dating right now.

I am so confused... I don't know if it was the right thing to do to tell her that I am seing people...

Please help me understand what's best to do...

Why is he calling still?

[buba]

All right guys, now I really need your help.

He just called from private number and I picked up the phone.

He said that he will be in LA on Thursday and asked me if I wanted to meet with him...

I said, it will be O.K, we can meet and talk.

He sounded nice and told me that he is not seing anyone.

In the end of the conversation he asked me if I want his new cell number, that he changed two months ago just to hurt me.

I said, it will be O.K, he gave it to me.

I am not going to call him.

If he wants to talk, he knows where to find me.

What a day...

Do you think he is playing mind games with me?

What should I do?

I love him very much but I am so afraid to get hurt again...

Please help.