New to dating. is it possible he likes me/

[electricorchid]

Really confused as to how me might be using you? I dont think this guys using you. BUT DO understand that in a casual relationship you are technically using eachother for sex, and somewhat fake company. If thats what youre ok as you said in your description then understand that a casual relationship is you give me this i give you that with no strings attached.

[Imjustagirl222]

I'd end contact then - given your view of him just let it be and don't meet him just as some kind of validation for your ego.

 

no, im not. i didnt even reply after that. and i never saved his nunber

[katrina1980]

Ah, I didnt realize I was a page behind!

 

Keep dating. Learn from every single person you meet. The weird dynamic about who shows interest is just... irrelevant. When it works it won't matter. Some men require she initiate a lot; I have ideas about why that it is with the ones I've met but it doesn't matter. Initiate if you want to, or don't. I've never been cheapened by how I express interest, but it doean't mean my target offers what I seek. Respect your instincts to take risks you are willing to take like asking someone out or saying you are interested. Learn to fail, and also how to be unflappable. Learn to say what you need and move on till you find it, owing no explanation to anyone.

 

Beware of collecting acquaintances as friends. It is easy to do. Cutting the cord is a skill that helps you curate who is in your environment. Important.

 

My story is different than Batyas and remains unwritten but I will share a bit. I have been dating in various ways for about 8 years. I have little interest in dating now; if a man is compelling, yes. If he is almost but not quite, no. I need a long time to get to know someone and to absorb them. I figured out what values are important, what world views I require in a partner. Mostly, I am not available. There is so much I want to do intellectually that I'd rather go to the library. Until nowish, I needed to date a lot to figure myself out.

 

Just wanted to chime in guys to say I really enjoyed this thread! Learned a lot, especially from ITIC and Batya.

 

ITIC, re what you wrote above, I wholeheartedly with all of it.

 

I am also currently in same mindset as you. Almost exactly.

 

The only difference is for me, it's only been 1.5 years dating (after ending LTR) with a very short 2.5 month relationship thrown in for good measure.

 

It feels good. Just being on my own for awhile. No drama.

 

I will be gone traveling for three weeks too, this month. So it feels good not being all wrapped up with some guy I'm dating or would like to date.

 

To the OP, I have no advice about this guy (the subject of this thread).

 

I think there were "mistakes" made on both sides, miscommunication.

 

However, at this point I think you are both playing games.

 

I think he knows this too, hence his response to your not being able to make it at 9 the next night (which you admitted was a lie), "makes sense."

 

As if he expected it.

 

You are obviously not into him any more so just walk away.

 

If he attempts to make plans again, just tell him it's not working for you anymore, good luck.

 

I wish you good luck too, moving forward.

[figureitout23]

no, im not. i didnt even reply after that. and i never saved his nunber

 

I don't buy it. You wouldn't have agreed to go out with him if you were over it. He pulled away and you freaked out. He came back, is he playing games or are you over analyzing? Do you want sex or a relationship with this guy? Stop with the games and have a conversation or continue to play and risk getting hurt again. Up to you.

[Batya33]

I don't agree that casual relationships involve using each other. This would be a sexual arrangement where you'd mutually agree to have sex when you felt like it. No using at all - nothing wrong with two single audits meeting up to have sex. The problem is that the OP wants a potential relationship and this guy does not and it kind of dissolved into game playing on her part. What was positive is she stopped lying to herself about what she was really looking for.

[figureitout23]

What was positive is she stopped lying to herself about what she was really looking for.

 

You don't really believe that do you?

 

 

This is textbook lying to ones self.

[Batya33]

You don't really believe that do you?

 

 

This is textbook lying to ones self.

 

I was referencing earlier in the thread when she admitted she did not want just a casual sex arrangement with him.

[Imjustagirl222]

lol you dont buy i didnt reply OR save his number? cuz i didnt!

 

he has no chance of hanging out with me again. i am not emotionally attached in anyway. Lol! I know he doesnt want a relationship, never probably would and he isnt reltionship material. I DID make myself believe casual was cool withme, but it isnt! i actually have been on a couple dates w/ a guy who WANTS a relationship, so we are seeing where things go

[figureitout23]

lol you dont buy i didnt reply OR save his number? cuz i didn't!

 

No,I believe you. I don't believe that you're over it. I think you're playing games. It's probably for the best though, you two probably aren't a good match

 

he has no chance of hanging out with me again. i am not emotionally attached in anyway. Lol!

 

But you agreed to meet with him... in fact the only reason why you aren't is because he cancelled...

 

Again, this seems to be for the best, you both seem to be playing games and that's not a good start to a relationship. Maybe use this as a learning experience with this new potential guy. Be open and honest about what you want and what your boundaries are. I wish you luck!

[Imjustagirl222]

No i'm def over it.

 

 

And well......looks like i got ghosted again. Not as upset about it as I was in this post. I tend to keep people at arms length now and not expect much from them.

 

went out on a date w/ a guy, had a good time we talked quite a bit. He even text me shortly after that he had a great time hadn't talked that much on a first date in forever and he wanted to set up a 2nd one.

 

So the next day he invited me over, we hung out. Did end up kissing but nothing more. HE even mentioned going bowling together, more than once and as I left as well. He wanted me to go fishing with him the next day but I had to work!

 

The following day after hanging out he text me good morning, and was talking to me on and off. Then he stopped replying figured okay he's busy. Next morning, no good morning text..no text at all. I said Happy 4th and got nothing back.

 

2 days later and nope nothing back. So what in the world did I do wrong? I know he isnt too busy because he added me on facebook before we met and it shows him as active.

 

 

I have the type of personality that opens up to people WAY too quickly. And I think that's what I'm doing wrong. Lol! I swear, I have the worst luck with men. Not really super upset about it bc i know one day i'll meet "the one". i wont lie though it is frustrating that i pretty much am seeing a pattern of guys just disappearing. im def not ugly, and i have a fun personality. super outgoing and up for anything, i dont think im a bad person but i just feel so comfortable with people i tend to open up quickly.

[Cope]

I honestly believe it's just the new way of dumping. We either have to get used to it or be extremely clear on what we want from them.

 

As for being open, keep being yourself, if they can't handle it, they're not a good match. I'm open too in general, anytime I tried to tone it down, I regretted it.

[Imjustagirl222]

I honestly believe it's just the new way of dumping. We either have to get used to it or be extremely clear on what we want from them.

 

As for being open, keep being yourself, if they can't handle it, they're not a good match. I'm open too in general, anytime I tried to tone it down, I regretted it.

 

 

U are right! I just really am an honest, open person. We both actually stated we weren't interested in casual, but a relationship more type. Lol.

 

I mean I'm a grown adult i'd rather a person say hey i dont think this is going to work instead of just disappearing. A lot of them seem to be doing that. Oh well! Guess it saves the pain for later down the road haha

 

Wonder if bc he invited me to his house but we didnt sleep together that maybe he didnt get what he really wanted? Bc i was not going to sleep with him that fast. Who knows!

[Cope]

I think this is why as we get older we stop caring. I refuse to get my hopes high with the next one and I really don't know how long it will take to trust someone. It's sad yet I need to do it to protect myself. I hope I don't turn cold.

 

Its so weird that you even talked about it and he still ghosted! 😂😂

[Imjustagirl222]

I think this is why as we get older we stop caring. I refuse to get my hopes high with the next one and I really don't know how long it will take to trust someone. It's sad yet I need to do it to protect myself. I hope I don't turn cold.

 

Its so weird that you even talked about it and he still ghosted! 😂😂

 

omg yes! hahaha. i seriously dont see myself trusting anyone anytime soon lol! i do it to protect myself too. im worried also about turning cold. esp bc i come from an abusive relationship of 10 years. its kinda scary! but protecting urself is the best thing to do i think.