New to dating. is it possible he likes me/

[Batya33]

So here's the thing. You're telling him what your standards are. You agreed to go to his place after a breakfast date even though you'd recently told him you wanted to date in public. Given the context, this gave him the impression you were ok with hooking up. And, not that safe given how little you knew of him. "Let's hang out in the future" is not asking you out on a date -it means just that- he intends to see you again to hang out at some time in the future but is not interested in making a specific plan just like many people say "let's get a drink sometime".

 

He may have meant it then and then changed his mind, hard to say. But try not to assume that he's done something wrong or has bad intentions -mostly he's following your lead with what you are comfortable with. Also since he tried to have sex with you the first time you hung out that tells you that he is ok with casual sex -so you knew that already and you wrote you were fine with casual, not looking for a relationship, etfc. Now it sounds like you're changing your mind and making him out to be the bad guy somehow.

[Imjustagirl222]

So here's the thing. You're telling him what your standards are. You agreed to go to his place after a breakfast date even though you'd recently told him you wanted to date in public. Given the context, this gave him the impression you were ok with hooking up. And, not that safe given how little you knew of him. "Let's hang out in the future" is not asking you out on a date -it means just that- he intends to see you again to hang out at some time in the future but is not interested in making a specific plan just like many people say "let's get a drink sometime".

 

He may have meant it then and then changed his mind, hard to say. But try not to assume that he's done something wrong or has bad intentions -mostly he's following your lead with what you are comfortable with. Also since he tried to have sex with you the first time you hung out that tells you that he is ok with casual sex -so you knew that already and you wrote you were fine with casual, not looking for a relationship, etfc. Now it sounds like you're changing your mind and making him out to be the bad guy somehow.

 

No i dont mean him to be a bad guy. lol i am not trying to come off like that at all. I didnt really expect to enjoy his company as much as I did I guess. So i think whats happening is maybe I am wishing he would wanna talk /hangout but its not really happening enough.

[Batya33]

If he texts you again without making a plan to take you out on a date somplyvtext tjetveholevyoivenkoyvcjsttokgveoth him you're not really up for being a chat buddy and if he wants to talk more to let you know when he has time to make a plan to get together. So far it doesn't seem like he's a person you should be investing any more time in but now you do know you get attached through casual hook ups. That's good to know about yourself.

[Imjustagirl222]

If he texts you again without making a plan to take you out on a date somplyvtext tjetveholevyoivenkoyvcjsttokgveoth him you're not really up for being a chat buddy and if he wants to talk more to let you know when he has time to make a plan to get together. So far it doesn't seem like he's a person you should be investing any more time in but now you do know you get attached through casual hook ups. That's good to know about yourself.

 

Ok, thanks. I'll just back off and if he doesnt seem to wanna actually go do something then screw it I guess. I def dont wanna be netflix and chillin all the time.

[Batya33]

Ok, thanks. I'll just back off and if he doesnt seem to wanna actually go do something then screw it I guess. I def dont wanna be netflix and chillin all the time.

 

Yes- sounds like a plan and keep in mind that you teach people how to treat you. It will all be ok.

[Imjustagirl222]

Thanks......good advice.

 

I definitely feel dumb now, I obviously was looking/hoping for more. Because I find myself annoyed when he doesnt text / try to make plans. He text me at like 10 last night saying "Woahhh insane!" to a picture i sent him, then asked if i had fun at the beach. I said Yes and he never text again after that and I doubt he will text me ever again. I am NOT going to text him though.

 

Yet other guys who im not super interested in are texting me. How the F does that work?

[Batya33]

Thanks......good advice.

 

I definitely feel dumb now, I obviously was looking/hoping for more. Because I find myself annoyed when he doesnt text / try to make plans. He text me at like 10 last night saying "Woahhh insane!" to a picture i sent him, then asked if i had fun at the beach. I said Yes and he never text again after that and I doubt he will text me ever again. I am NOT going to text him though.

 

Yet other guys who im not super interested in are texting me. How the F does that work?

 

Because life isn't fair. And because the men who you're not interested in see you as a challenge because you obviously don't respond with much interest.

[figureitout23]

Thanks......good advice.

 

I definitely feel dumb now, I obviously was looking/hoping for more. Because I find myself annoyed when he doesnt text / try to make plans. He text me at like 10 last night saying "Woahhh insane!" to a picture i sent him, then asked if i had fun at the beach. I said Yes and he never text again after that and I doubt he will text me ever again. I am NOT going to text him though.

 

Yet other guys who im not super interested in are texting me. How the F does that work?

 

Because life isn't fair. And because the men who you're not interested in see you as a challenge because you obviously don't respond with much interest.

 

Just as Batya said, just like this guy is a challenge to you, you're a challenge to these other guys. I'm back into the dating game after a super long 'hiatus' and what I'm learning is when its NOT right, there's tons of games, stalls ans starts, you want what you cant have and when you have it, its kinda meh. Like you, I've been on both sides, chaser and chased and it gets old, so Im learning to walk away when I notice this happening. To me, when its actually going somewhere the 'chase' is there, but you both show a genuine interest, so the anxiety shouldn't be bad. Like someone else mentioned in another post, you anticipate a text or a call or a date, that you know is coming vs agonizing over a 50/50 chance.

[Imjustagirl222]

Thanks, U guys are so right. No wonder i am so interested in him too..hes a challenge to me . ! I think i hate dating! lol

 

He hasnt text me at ALL today....and since 10pm last night with our 3 worded convo. so im guessing no interest on his part. What should I do if he does contact me? Not reply? Idk how all these stupid games work

[figureitout23]

Thanks, U guys are so right. No wonder i am so interested in him too..hes a challenge to me . ! I think i hate dating! lol

 

He hasnt text me at ALL today....and since 10pm last night with our 3 worded convo. so im guessing no interest on his part. What should I do if he does contact me? Not reply? Idk how all these stupid games work

 

May I ask 'why' you want to know how they work?

 

I'm not judging, I've been there, I wanted to decipher the codes and 'win' the game, but in the end, from my expierience, it's just not worth hurting yourself over.

 

My advise would be to try to back off a little, maybe even try to date others. Once that intensity leaves, he will come sniffing back around wanting his toy back or you will meet someone new. Either way you'll be on sturdier ground.

 

If he texts you, look at it the same as a guy you're not that into. Do you overthink your response? Use that same mindset.

[Imjustagirl222]

May I ask 'why' you want to know how they work?

 

I'm not judging, I've been there, I wanted to decipher the codes and 'win' the game, but in the end, from my expierience, it's just not worth hurting yourself over.

 

My advise would be to try to back off a little, maybe even try to date others. Once that intensity leaves, he will come sniffing back around wanting his toy back or you will meet someone new. Either way you'll be on sturdier ground.

 

If he texts you, look at it the same as a guy you're not that into. Do you overthink your response? Use that same mindset.

 

Thanks you're right I shouldnt wanna know how they work. I appreciate y'all not being too rude to me lol I know i'm a hot mess.

 

yeah im going to back off, and just not talk to others as well. i do have some other guys who text me but i just dont really care if they do talk to me or not so of course they talk 10x more than he does. lol.

 

I think i'll just treat him like i treat others who i am not super into. bc whenever i am not super into a guy, he is always contacting me

[Batya33]

Thanks, U guys are so right. No wonder i am so interested in him too..hes a challenge to me . ! I think i hate dating! lol

 

He hasnt text me at ALL today....and since 10pm last night with our 3 worded convo. so im guessing no interest on his part. What should I do if he does contact me? Not reply? Idk how all these stupid games work

 

Dating requires a thick skin. Since you say you don't really want a relationship then I'm not sure how worth it is to date right now - some people enjoy just meeting people and going on dates but at least to me the only reason the hard work and time was worth it was because I wanted marriage and family.

If he gets in touch with you and doesn't ask you out on a date within a short amount of time of chatting simply tell him nicely that you don't have time for chat buddies and if he ever wants to get together to let you know, and if you're still interested and available you'll consider it.

[Imjustagirl222]

ok i think that is a fair plan.

 

yeah im not sure it is worth it to date right now. i think i try to convince myself im good with causual, but then i end up getting feelings..lol i dont think it could work with me!

[Batya33]

You don't get feelings - it's not like catching a cold. You make a choice to get involved with someone while telling yourself you're fine settling for a casual fling when you're really not. So the feelings might be a surprise since you were choosing to be in denial. That's a sure way to getting jaded and cynical about men.

[Imjustagirl222]

True. Lol. Yeah.....not a good way to live. I am truthfully a little frightened. I came from a 10 year emotionally abusive relationship. I am co-dependent and often time want to please others forgetting about my own self.

 

Does it actually exist out there where there are decent guys who are genuinely interested in you? I have a hard time finding/attracting them.

[Batya33]

True. Lol. Yeah.....not a good way to live. I am truthfully a little frightened. I came from a 10 year emotionally abusive relationship. I am co-dependent and often time want to please others forgetting about my own self.

 

Does it actually exist out there where there are decent guys who are genuinely interested in you? I have a hard time finding/attracting them.

 

I'm sorry about what happened to you. And of course, yes. You just have to be good at screening and willing to put in the time and effort it takes. Also depends on what you are looking for in someone who would be a good match for you.

[boltnrun]

If you're only attracting guys who abuse you or who are not "decent", look at what it is that attracts you to a man.

 

Maybe the traits you find attractive are common in abusive men or men who aren't interested in treating women well or as equals.

 

For example, I was dating this guy a few years ago who at the time I described as a "real man". He would never, ever let me pay for anything, even if I was shopping for my kids. He felt protective toward women and offered to help financially even when I didn't really need him to. He gave me money to reimburse me for expenses since we stayed at my place 99% of the time.

 

BUT...he also had very chauvinistic attitudes toward women. He believed women are helpless creatures who NEED a man in their lives or they couldn't cope. He felt it was fine to not only ogle women in front of me, but make comments like "Wow, look at that big t*tted one over there!!" loudly, when he was standing right next to me. He felt it was fine for him to sleep around but it wasn't OK for me to. He actually said "If a woman wants to have sex with me, I'm up for it as long as she isn't too fat and doesn't have any diseases". Yep, he could have sex with as many women as he wanted, but I was supposed to sit at home waiting for him to decide to come see me.

 

So, now I know to look deeper next time.

 

What traits attract you to a man?

[Imjustagirl222]

If you're only attracting guys who abuse you or who are not "decent", look at what it is that attracts you to a man.

 

Maybe the traits you find attractive are common in abusive men or men who aren't interested in treating women well or as equals.

 

For example, I was dating this guy a few years ago who at the time I described as a "real man". He would never, ever let me pay for anything, even if I was shopping for my kids. He felt protective toward women and offered to help financially even when I didn't really need him to. He gave me money to reimburse me for expenses since we stayed at my place 99% of the time.

 

BUT...he also had very chauvinistic attitudes toward women. He believed women are helpless creatures who NEED a man in their lives or they couldn't cope. He felt it was fine to not only ogle women in front of me, but make comments like "Wow, look at that big t*tted one over there!!" loudly, when he was standing right next to me. He felt it was fine for him to sleep around but it wasn't OK for me to. He actually said "If a woman wants to have sex with me, I'm up for it as long as she isn't too fat and doesn't have any diseases". Yep, he could have sex with as many women as he wanted, but I was supposed to sit at home waiting for him to decide to come see me.

 

So, now I know to look deeper next time.

 

What traits attract you to a man?

 

I like a man who is funny, easy-going, good with kids [whether he is a dad or not, bc i have 2 kids], works/provides for himself.

 

For ex this guy seemed really respectful to others and me while we hung out. Very playful, and funny.

 

Def if a man made comments like that or looked at women too much its a turn off. Reminds me of my dad!

 

I tend to open up to men way too fast and overshare etc, or come off as "needy" so it scares them away. Esp when i really like a guy, i think he will know it and just feels like hes already got me.

 

Bc otherwise men im not AS interested in, or just treat casually...they ALWAYS keep hitting me up, text me daily, etc try to get to know me more. Its frustrating.

[Imjustagirl222]

and of course over 24 hours already he hasnt text me, i know in my gut he probably wont and that sucks.

[Batya33]

Be respectful to yourself then by being honest -brutally honest -with yourself about what you want -I think you'll stop playing the "oh, moving fast and having a casual fling is fine with me" game.

[Imjustagirl222]

yeah, i am going to work on that. definitely sucks. I feel like a dummy

[Batya33]

yeah, i am going to work on that. definitely sucks. I feel like a dummy

 

No need to beat yourself up at all. Onward and upward and making better choices next time -you're fine!

[figureitout23]

and of course over 24 hours already he hasnt text me, i know in my gut he probably wont and that sucks.

 

You just said yesterday you were going to try to step back. I know its a challenge but you really need to try to do that.

[Imjustagirl222]

yeah im stupid and i text him "hey sup"

 

he goes "hey how are you?" and then i said great, what about you. that was 5 hours ago and no reply. i think i just need to chill out but i feel like a loser who cannot chill out.

 

i have low self esteem, and i admit it. i get told im attractive all the time, and im a funny person with a decent personality but im obviously lacking self esteem.

[Imjustagirl222]

of course as soon as i post, he replies "ready to get off work" yeah he has told me before he works 60+ hours and im over here overthinking. omfg. i def going to need to stop acting like that.

 

i just make myself look SOOO dumb..