PLEASE HELP any men out there that are attracted to just one woman?

[Unreasonable]

I was just wondering if there is any men out there that are attracted to just one woman?

No. Being generally attracted to people of the opposite sex is essential to the continuation of the human race. Expecting otherwise is unrealistic. What separates us from many of the lower species, however, is our ability to control what we do with that attraction.

 

That said, there are smart people, and there are dumb people. The smart ones don't indicate in any way that they find other people attractive to their S.O., even when asked (yes, lying is appropriate here - especially if the S.O. is extremely insecure and expects "obsession" over them - which btw is an expectation most people aren't going to put up with for long). I've found "Eh, she's ok, not really my type" or something to that effect generally sufficient. And, if they use porn, they are discrete about it.

 

Dumb people ogle, say "check him/her out!" to their S.O's face, etc., and don't keep their fantasies private.

 

Your BF sounds a little middle of the road, but leaning towards smart. I'd give him credit for that.

[Lisii]

Or, maybe instead of looking at the pics negatively, agree with him and try to see their beauty as just that. I enjoy people watching (not perving there is a big difference - ok maybe a bit If something is of beauty, I appreciate it, so if a gorgeous woman walks by I will appreciate her same goes with a beautiful specimen of a man, I will possibly think about what I could do to look somewhere near as good - It's good for me. It's not that I'm bi-sexual, it's because I'm in awe.

 

Men are visual creatures - 9/10 they wont touch or go near the women - usually as the girls are out of their league. (if they do, then they aren't good mating material, toss them... as they will always be on the lookout for something better)

 

Good luck! let us know how you go

[thealchemist]

I honestly have never found the really fake and "typically" hot women attractive. I don't know what about their fakeness is so repulsive but for some reason my brain is rebelling against what I see. That disconnect irks me.

I'm just someone who has weird attractive standards.

 

That being said, I still find the occasional women attractive. How the hell could someone not? My wife thinks a lot of guys are attractive. Way more than I think girls are.

 

That attraction is what lead her to be with me. How can I try to kill the feeling that caused us to be together? It is pretty human to be attracted to others.

 

My wife had insecurities when we started dating yet ironically enough finds a lot of guys attractive. She would get annoyed at me thinking I was like most guys.

 

It sounds like you have unrealistic expectations. You will never be happy with strong insecurities that require you to dictate your bf can't think anyone but you is attractive. Any guy who tells you he is like that is lying to you.

[musician05]

You know what i am in the same exact boat as you're in right now except the difference is is that the girl i am dating or dated (i will get into detail about that later) was dating a man that did the same thing to her he would tell her things to make her feel insecure about her body and they would argue and tell her what to eat and not eat well eventually they broke up but are still in contact with each other and we started dating again we actually dated before for a year then stopped and a year passed and we started dating again and that year that has passed she was with him but eventually she broke up with him and she claims she doesn't want anything to do with him but she still hangs out with him on weekends which is why we stopped dating again the second time she confessed that she was secretly seeing him on weekends and wasn't aware of it since before when we dated for the first time she was never like this she had no interest in other men and she invested all her time in what we had and she was just different and now she's secretly seeing him and she even said she dated her personal trainer while she was dating her then boyfriend i just don't understand why she is acting this way now but when she confessed about secretly seeing him she says they never did anything they wouldn't even sleep in the same rooms the guy she secretly sees is rich and is an evp for a mortgage company and i am just an average joe but she lied and i knew something was off since on weekends i wouldn't hear from her and when i did she would say that she was at the movies or dinner with her fam and she didn't like having her phone out while she was spending time with them so i brushed it off and thought nothing of it but she says she's really sorry and she even said she didn't wanna date since she's trying to focus on herself and she didn't know who she was anymore she even sent me pics of the texts she sent her then boyfriend about that she told him the same thing and she wanted to be left alone but yet they still hang out which is what i don't understand and she says one of the reasons she says she broke it off with him is that she never could see herself with him for the longrun and she never did love him she just liked him she had told me all this after we decided to stop dating she has said all this to me but i keep getting the feeling she still loves him just due to the fact that she still hangs out with him and she keeps saying that he would be a good father someday and wouldn't have to worry about providing for his kid financially and she said other reasons she talks to him is that they talk about other things but decided no to get into detail with me about it and that the stuff she told me was only the surface so i keep wondering what she meant by that i don't what's going on with her we still talk but just as friends and she said she even felt bad since she's stringing him along and i even asked her if i was a rebound guy and she has said no i never thought of you as a rebound why do you think i keep asking you if you would be ok with us just being friends since from what she says to me that she had a deeper connection with me and felt love so i don't know what's going through her mind and why she's acting the way she is she just transformed into a different person it's like i don't know her anymore i miss how things used to be ever since she met him she has changed and has been so fixated on her looks she even said she hated him for making her feel so insecure and she never had to or cross her mind about doing all this until she told me she went through his phone one day when they were still dating that she caught him talking to other women who were physically fit and it really got to her she even said when she gets to where she wants to be and reaches her goal she wouldn't give him a second chance but what i don't understand is if you feel this way about someone why keep them around if they make you feel this way i keep thinking she still loves him and she's still trying to please him and when she gets to where she wants to be at her goal she will take him back i mean what do you guys think and i apologize for the long story

[musician05]

You know what i am in the same exact boat as you're in right now except the difference is is that the girl i am dating or dated (i will get into detail about that later) was dating a man that did the same thing to her he would tell her things to make her feel insecure about her body and they would argue and tell her what to eat and not eat well eventually they broke up but are still in contact with each other and we started dating again we actually dated before for a year then stopped and a year passed and we started dating again and that year that has passed she was with him but eventually she broke up with him and she claims she doesn't want anything to do with him but she still hangs out with him on weekends which is why we stopped dating again the second time she confessed that she was secretly seeing him on weekends and wasn't aware of it since before when we dated for the first time she was never like this she had no interest in other men and she invested all her time in what we had and she was just different and now she's secretly seeing him and she even said she dated her personal trainer while she was dating her then boyfriend i just don't understand why she is acting this way now but when she confessed about secretly seeing him she says they never did anything they wouldn't even sleep in the same rooms the guy she secretly sees is rich and is an evp for a mortgage company and i am just an average joe but she lied and i knew something was off since on weekends i wouldn't hear from her and when i did she would say that she was at the movies or dinner with her fam and she didn't like having her phone out while she was spending time with them so i brushed it off and thought nothing of it but she says she's really sorry and she even said she didn't wanna date since she's trying to focus on herself and she didn't know who she was anymore she even sent me pics of the texts she sent her then boyfriend about that she told him the same thing and she wanted to be left alone but yet they still hang out which is what i don't understand and she says one of the reasons she says she broke it off with him is that she never could see herself with him for the longrun and she never did love him she just liked him she had told me all this after we decided to stop dating she has said all this to me but i keep getting the feeling she still loves him just due to the fact that she still hangs out with him and she keeps saying that he would be a good father someday and wouldn't have to worry about providing for his kid financially and she said other reasons she talks to him is that they talk about other things but decided no to get into detail with me about it and that the stuff she told me was only the surface so i keep wondering what she meant by that i don't what's going on with her we still talk but just as friends and she said she even felt bad since she's stringing him along and i even asked her if i was a rebound guy and she has said no i never thought of you as a rebound why do you think i keep asking you if you would be ok with us just being friends since from what she says to me that she had a deeper connection with me and felt love so i don't know what's going through her mind and why she's acting the way she is she just transformed into a different person it's like i don't know her anymore i miss how things used to be ever since she met him she has changed and has been so fixated on her looks she even said she hated him for making her feel so insecure and she never had to or cross her mind about doing all this until she told me she went through his phone one day when they were still dating that she caught him talking to other women who were physically fit and it really got to her she even said when she gets to where she wants to be and reaches her goal she wouldn't give him a second chance but what i don't understand is if you feel this way about someone why keep them around if they make you feel this way i keep thinking she still loves him and she's still trying to please him and when she gets to where she wants to be at her goal she will take him back i mean what do you guys think and i apologize for the long story

[Esglee]

He is lying to you.

I went through the very same thing....was engaged to a man that I discovered was an ADMITTED porn addict. It is an addiction for them and very hard to break. And, very, very hurtful because I loved him so very much.

Move on. I did

I am now engaged to a wonderful man who is turned on BY ME.

No, he is not dead. Men are naturally visual beings. He looks at other women at a glance, so what.

But, when you have on a phone what your boyfriend has on his phone is purely sick, he will never, ever change and your lack of security on your self will get worse. Been there.

[Careerchoice]

He is lying to you.

I went through the very same thing....was engaged to a man that I discovered was an ADMITTED porn addict. It is an addiction for them and very hard to break. And, very, very hurtful because I loved him so very much.

Move on. I did

I am now engaged to a wonderful man who is turned on BY ME.

No, he is not dead. Men are naturally visual beings. He looks at other women at a glance, so what.

But, when you have on a phone what your boyfriend has on his phone is purely sick, he will never, ever change and your lack of security on your self will get worse. Been there.

 

Please explain to me how you can tell this guy has an addiction. Just because your ex was addicted to porn and this other guy is also a male? In your book, what's the difference between casually liking porn and being addicted to it?

 

I like porn just as much as any regular guy. I am not addicted to it. Stop shaming men for enjoying sex. Stop the blatant sexism against men in general.

[Esglee]

We can be attracted to many people, but only want to be with one.

 

I might think the girl down the road had an amazing body, but choose not to do anything about it.

 

As for people on the screen, if you see Johnny Depp on the screen you might feel attracted to him. Your BF might not be as good looking and rich as he is, but that doesn't mean that your about to track down Mr Depp and leave your BF and I'm sure your BF knows that. In the same way the actresses on the screen might be subject of private fantasy, but he's choosing to be with you in real life.

 

As for looks, yes they're important. But the elements of personality, moral integrity and compatibility are just as important perhaps more so.

 

A woman who's striving for her best mentally and physically, who's a good person and emotionally responsible, is far more attractive to me in real life than a young woman who has simply been blessed with good looks.

That was nice. FYI. I am nuts about Johnny Depp. I would stalk him...lol. But, he is pretty much broke, right now.

[Esglee]

Your right. Because of the amount of pics he had on his phone.

[Esglee]

Please explain to me how you can tell this guy has an addiction. Just because your ex was addicted to porn and this other guy is also a male? In your book, what's the difference between casually liking porn and being addicted to it?

 

I like porn just as much as any regular guy. I am not addicted to it. Stop shaming men for enjoying sex. Stop the blatant sexism against men in general.

I am not shaming men. I like a little porn, myself, sometimes. Nothing wrong with porn. But, when you look at it as much as people who are addicted to porn, they CANNOT have regular intercourse with a women, because he was used to the way he liked it with his hand.

[Careerchoice]

I am not shaming men. I like a little porn, myself, sometimes. Nothing wrong with porn. But, when you look at it as much as people who are addicted to porn, they CANNOT have regular intercourse with a women, because he was used to the way he liked it with his hand.

 

I'm not talking about your ex, I'm talking about OP's bf. How can you tell he's a porn addict?

[Liraele]

His response actually sounds like a pretty good one, to me.

 

It's not his job to address your insecurities by bending over backwards to do what you want/find acceptable (though it kind of comes across that he does...aside from looking at women - he's not liking/commenting/PM'ing them, from what you said). It's yours to come to terms with how you look/feel and be OK with that REGARDLESS of what other people look like. It's OK for someone to find multiple types attractive/appealing.

 

He obviously finds you attractive and worthwhile, or he wouldn't be with you.

 

Fantasy is just that... fantasy. If he's crossing some other line - trying to engage these "perfect" women, trying to get them to send him direct pics, etc etc etc...THEN you have a problem. Looking? Eh. It doesn't sound like he's being disrespectful about it at all.

 

If you are looking for advice...

 

Work on your self-esteem. I mean you work on your self-esteem, don't rely on others to build it up for you. Focus on the positives you like about yourself, and if there are things you don't like about yourself... work on those. Set some realistic expectations (If you're a 5'0 brunette you're obviously not going to manage to morph yourself into a 5'10 blonde, for example) and set some goals and smash the heck out of them.

 

Your sense of self worth is most valuable when it comes from you - because outside factors may put a ding in your armor, but they can't break it.

[thealchemist]

I am not shaming men. I like a little porn, myself, sometimes. Nothing wrong with porn. But, when you look at it as much as people who are addicted to porn, they CANNOT have regular intercourse with a women, because he was used to the way he liked it with his hand.

The frequency of watching porn isn't the only(or most important) indication of a porn addiction. You are also full of it if you think that a guy that looks a porn a lot cannot have regular intercourse with a woman. Totally absurd.

 

In college I was in a LDR with my gf(now wife) and I must admit I watched an absurd amount of porn. Guess what, no one will classify something as an addiction if it doesn't interfere with your life. I probably masterbated once a day (sorry for tmi but it is relevent) and my gf had no issue with it. We would also have sex 10 to 20 times during a weekend when we visited each other. We are now married and have been together for 13 years.

 

My wife is fine with me taking care of myself now because at nearly 30 my libido has only increased. Don't project your issues by saying if you watch a lot of porn you can't have great sex. Absolutes are dangerous.

[Capttrae]

I've got a super hot gf, she always has been. That don't mean I'm not going to check out a hot blonde walking by though if I'm at the Walmart or somewhere. I like looking at girls on ig that don't mean I'm gonna go out at try to screw one of them. And more than likley neither is your guy

[IAmFCA]

be aware of how we talk about other people: it is a clue as to how we talk to ourselves about ourselves.

 

eliminate the negative voice about anyone, always.

 

---

 

is his behavior indicative of all men? no.

are looks indicative of all things attractive or sexy? no.

are looks important? yes. it is all part of the whole. no one thing overrules everything else.

 

---

 

one of my longest-lasting, sexiest on multiple levels relationships: he is strong as an ox but not handsome and no six pack abs. he thinks I am hot as blazes, or lies to me saying that he does, and I don't much care which. He responds to me as if I am the most beautiful being. A little extra here or there... its as if he doesn't see it.

 

---

 

the issues here may be related to how we learn and interpret social norms, but they are very much specific to you (and to him, as relevant). There is no substitute for accepting the skin you're in.

[Hoosjer]

Sorry, delete

[Hoosjer]

Sorry phone glitch above. Good guys don't let it mess with their relationship. They just be honest about it and move on.

[j.man]

Sorry phone glitch above. Good guys don't let it mess with their relationship. They just be honest about it and move on.

Uh huh. Because good women are powerless for their own parts. Reeks of the 1950s if you ask me.

[Hoosjer]

I wasn't trying to say women are powerless. Where does my post go towards that? I was just answering the OP. I just don't think all guys are bad. They can be honest about finding people attractive and not act on it.

[IAmFCA]

J. Man,

 

For a while now I have been wanting to compliment you on your understanding of gender dynamics. I often wish I would hear (in everyday life) the sort of nuance that is obvious to you. Sending you your propers!

 

ITIC

[ParisPaulette]

he has already said he wishes i were skinnier.

 

I think this is your real problem. You're with a guy who has already made you feel insecure about your own body then on top of that he's got a skewed idea of female bodies based on pictures. Some people really are that beautiful, but most of us - yes even the pretty ones - get some serious airbrushing or have to be in a profession where all they have time for is to workout and tan and be perfect, because that's what they make their living from. Sure they work hard. They also spend a buttload on makeup, hair, and people to make them look good constantly. I used to live in Hollywood. I've seen behind the illusion. I can't think of a more boring existence personally.

 

Anyways what you may want to do is a) find a guy who can distinguish between reality and fakery, because honestly this guy does not sound like he can and most importantly b) one who doesn't criticize your body in the first place. How perfect is he anyways? It's been my experience the people, men and women, who most often judge others by their appearance only usually have something lacking in that department themselves. Or in the intellectual department, because I never met a truly intelligent person who saw others only as a pretty body or not a pretty body.

 

We all feel a bit insecure at times, some more than others and sometimes more at one point in life than another, but if you have a guy that truly loves you and isn't an moron about what they say to you then it shouldn't send you into a tailspin when you find porn. My husband is an artist who has and still does paint nudes. I never compare myself to those women, and yes he does his very best to make those women look good - they are paying him to do that after all, so lots of soft lighting and best angles of course he doesn't put in acne or back hair or ugly feet. He also doesn't make me feel less than anything perfect at all times, but here's the thing - he really doesn't focus on my physical beauty that much. He's more interested in my mind and my accomplishments, what I think about the world, what I do. Compliments are for when I dress up and expect him to say I look good and then he does. Otherwise, who cares. I'm old. Still I was plenty stunning in my day and I'm betting you are too and just don't know it.

 

The larger issue though is does this guy really make you feel loved and beautiful regardless, or does he tear you down subtly or not subtly making you feel insecure. And yeah, the whole idea that all a woman has to do is work out hard and she looks perfect? That just made me roll my eyes. He sounds like he's 13 with no other standards than porn to measure women by. Plus working out by itself is not an accomplish. You run a marathon or take up a major sport, now you're talking. You go to the gym every day to have taut thighs, big whoop. Anyone can do that. It's healthy, but it's not an accomplishment.

 

He should be absolutely wowed to have a woman who's working and going to school to get an education and better herself. Those things last, beauty doesn't, because Time is the great equalizer and none of us gets away from that.

 

And yes, there are men who are not all about looks only. Plenty of them. And there it's kind of on you to find them and give the superficial lot a "thanks, later dude" wave as you walk on by. Focus on real accomplishments that make you feel good about all of you, not just physically but mentally and emotionally. And have people in your life who appreciate more than a good boob job or airbrushed tan. You'll feel a lot better for it and you'll have better people in your life too.

[Lisii]

Do we as couples have to be so PC all the time?

 

I don't mind if my partner tells me he prefers me skinner - it helps me motivate myself. I would also tell them if I preferred them healthier (not really into skinny guys)... I guess i would be more upset if my partner would say "I wish you had bigger boobies" or "I wish you weren't so freckly" - those are things I cannot change and it would hurt and cause self esteem issues...

 

Guess it depends how he worded it .. Or whether he was prompted to reply to a question to if he preferred you skinnier - In this case I wouldn't be surprised his answer would be yes..

[IAmFCA]

This whole dynamic is toxic. What is constructive about your conversations? Why even have them?

 

Its why I said when the one guy compliments me i don't care if he is lying or telling the truth. He tells me to.make sure I feel.good and that is all those comments are worth. I am who I am. I am not perfect, and I'd like my body better if I changed it in certain ways. So what?

 

You need to stop. Seeking. His. Approval. And you need to approve of yourself. Always retain ownership of that power.

[Viewcart]

I can tell you posted this in hopes of someone reassuring you with "Oh guurrrl you are so right, men are pigs! He doesn't respect you! You're not insecure at all I agree with you! If he doesn't love you at your worse, he doesn't deserve you at your best! xoxo girl power lol"

 

But no, you need reality check, you know you're insecure yet you say you can't do anything about it. Uh yes you can. Get help and find out why you're so insecure and anxious. But you're not going to want to change except point fingers at others. You can't improve with victim mentality. Internally, you probably are insecure abut your body. So instead of complaining, why don't you do something about yourself? Go to the gym, be active and healthy.

 

Yes, men like big boobs and big butt because it represents a healthy fertile woman. You can complain about beauty standards all you want but it is what it is. Unless you want to date a gay guy, but even then he'll look at men with big butts so you'll still be mad lmao. Heck, i'm a straight girl and I still look at beautiful women (plastic or not) because I can appreciate a pretty woman. Please chill out.

 

 

Anyways, I probably wasted 5 min typing all this cuz you'll ignore the opinions you don't like to hear anyways. Human nature.

[j.man]

I wasn't trying to say women are powerless. Where does my post go towards that? I was just answering the OP. I just don't think all guys are bad. They can be honest about finding people attractive and not act on it.

I was giving you the benefit of commenting on the content of the thread rather than simply replying to the title on its own. This guy in particular didn't "let it" mess up the relationship. She helped herself to his phone's browser and didn't like the models that popped up in the search history. Her admitted severe insecurity took care of the rest.

 

So apologies for the previous whisky-infused hyperbole. It was just a bad thread for your generalized answer to the title's question.