Masturbating in a relationship is wrong?

[Hollyj]

Seeing her first post regarding her predicament is only a 7 days ago, it's not like she's been asking for help for the same thing for months now.

From where I sit and you don't have to agree with me, she is in the process of flushing all things out and bouncing things off of other people

and no, no coddling is necessary. Support maybe.

 

If she's here month from now complaining about the same thing and not doing anything about it then yes, then you can lose your patience and tell her to quit whining.

 

I didn't look at the dates.

 

I wasn't referring to this forum, in particular, but the fact that this has been going on for a long time. At some point we have to protect ourselves. This guy is dangerous on many diferent levels!

[LaHermes]

Perhaps, and given the various mental health issues the OP has, by her own admission, we can only provide so much help and encouragement. As one can see from the OP's various earlier threads, many many posters supplied heartfelt and encouraging advice. We can only do so much in virtual reality. I do so hope her therapist is properly qualified and suited for dealing with the OP's issues.

 

First thread by OP was 4th April 17.

[Hollyj]

The guy is also demanding that she move in with him, and she does not want to. Once he gets her under the same roof, she will have a more difficult time escaping this creep.

[Hollyj]

Perhaps, and given the various mental health issues the OP has, by her own admission, we can only provide so much help and encouragement. As one can see from the OP's various earlier threads, many many posters supplied heartfelt and encouraging advice. We can only do so much in virtual reality. I do so hope her therapist is properly qualified and suited for dealing with the OP's issues.

 

I wonder if the family is involved in all of this?

[LaHermes]

Indeed, Holly. Family. Another difficulty with virtual reality (here) is that we do not know the whole background, going back 10 years, or the FOO issues, if any, or in what milieu the OP got into the clutches of this individual.

[Hollyj]

Clearly he does not give a damn:

 

Unhappy Boyfriend wants me to stop my medication because of SEX!

Okay so me and my boyfriend are both 22 years old. We both have mental health issues. I have major depression, anxiety, ocd, and ptsd. 7 months ago I started this medication called Lamictal. It's a mood stabilizer used for Bipolar Disorder. However I wasn't diagnosed as Bipolar I take it for symptoms of it such as anger, irritability, mood swings, etc. I started taking it in the beginning of my relationship with him because my feelings were so intense when it came to him and he always called me crazy and told me to start medication. I know that sounds so ridiculous now that I'm reading that while typing it out. I would react very strongly and get mad or upset super easily. When I look back now, I reacted that way because of this behaviors. (lying, cheating, sneaking around, verbal insults, etc) so I had every right to act the way I did. To him though, It was "out of control". So I began taking the med. Anyway, flash forward to now.. 11 months into our relationship and 7 months later on Lamictal.. our relationship has changed a lot. My intense feelings have subsided. I can't tell if it has been because of the medication or just because our relationship has grew and my "first love/first relationship ever" crazy emotions have died down. He is my first boyfriend so I also knew that I was super stressed and confused during those first few months of the relationship. I felt as though I didn't know what I was doing because I never have been with anyone before. He had girlfriends in the past/other sexual partners and I never had anybody I was ever with before, so that added to my "craziness" because I always felt like I was competing with them and I constantly felt insecure which brought out my anger and frustration. Sometimes I don't think I ever needed the medication. I think it was just the environmental events that were happening in the relationship that caused me to act out.

 

Anyway, I am on the Depo Provera birth control shot. While taking my Lamictal, I can still get pregnant if he were to ejaculate inside me. The meds makes the birth control less effective. He has only ejaculated in me before I ever started the medication, but since I have been on it no way has he done it. He has been asking a lot lately if I could go off my meds so he can start doing it again. I see it as very selfish. He should be the type of boyfriend who would care about my mental health before sex and tell me to stay on them. I am actually considering doing this... I know I should do what is right but I don't want him to be so disappointment and upset. He won't let this topic go. Whenever we have sex he always tells me he is going to/or wants to finish inside of me. I always tell him "No. I will get pregnant, you know this." but his response is always "You're not gonna get pregnant." He still pulls out though.

 

I have thought to myself though how I don't want to be on this medication. Having nothing to do with his reasons why he wants me off it, I just want to deal with my anger by myself with no pills at all. I actively go to the gym and have been losing weight, which exercise is the best medication for me. It gets rid of all my stress so I'm thinking if I tapered myself off Lamictal maybe I would be okay. Like I said our relationship is different now and he doesn't behave like he used to (as much) so I'm not as strongly responsive to things anymore. (but I also can't tell if it was because the medication was working or if it was the change in dynamic of the relationship)."

[Brokenheartedm]

I think its hot when a girl plays with herself, rather her play with herself waiting for me than playing with another guy

[Ms Darcy]

This is the question of the century. No one claims it's easy for everyone to up and leave, but the fact of the matter is OP is at least partly conscious of matters, as evidenced by her accurately identifying these issues. She's also undergoing therapy, wherein both she and her therapist agree she should leave her boyfriend.

 

OP doesn't live with him and hasn't divulged any financial dependence otherwise, so given her relative physical and financial freedom alongside her apparently being pretty cognizant, I'm not sure what it is we can offer other than joining her in her in misery at the invitation of a sorta toxic ritual complaining I'd hate to see her come to depend on-- much more for the sake of her not adopting it off these forums and burning bridges when she needs them most than for any of our benefits.

 

I mean vent away, I suppose. I'd never tell someone they simply can't or shouldn't post. But at the end of the day, while I'm truly sorry she's found herself with this ***hole, no one can help someone not willing to help themselves.

 

I agree completely. What would a poster expect a rational reader to advise other than to leave him.

 

It seems you need to ask your therapist to really help you get out of this relationship OP.

[reinventmyself]

I agree completely. What would a poster expect a rational reader to advise other than to leave him..

 

We are all in agreement.

I just had an issue with someone telling her to stop whining

[Ms Darcy]

We are all in agreement.

I just had an issue with someone telling her to stop whining

 

Interesting. I never saw your post.

[Hollyj]

Interesting. I never saw your post.

 

That was me.

Yes. It was insensitive, but this girl needs to do something. She knows this guy is sick and dangerous, and wantss out of the relationship, but keeps returning. It is so frustrating to see people who chose to return, again and again.

 

I cannot understand where the family is in all of this, if she lives with them.

[Birdie]

Seeing her first post regarding her predicament and her realizing she is actually in trouble is only a 7 days ago,

it's not like she's been asking for help for the same thing for months now.

From where I sit and you don't have to agree with me, she is in the process of flushing all things out and bouncing things off of other people

and no, no coddling is necessary. Support maybe.

 

If she's here month from now complaining about the same thing and not doing anything about it then yes, then you can lose your patience and tell her to quit whining.

 

She's been posting much longer than 7 days? On April 2nd she acknowledged this relationship is unhealthy and controlling and she knew she should end it....and said she had tried.

[Whocares479]

I don't have backgroud information like the other readers have but from this post alone I was baffled. This relationship is going nowhere. You can't even touch your own body? Is he nuts?? More importantly...why are you allowing him to be a nut to you?

[Hollyj]

I don't have backgroud information like the other readers have but from this post alone I was baffled. This relationship is going nowhere. You can't even touch your own body? Is he nuts?? More importantly...why are you allowing him to be a nut to you?

 

Great question. Her other threads are much worse.

[boltnrun]

Why would anyone expect leaving this relationship to be "easy"???

 

Things that are worth doing are almost never "easy". We do the tough things because the end result is completely worth whatever effort we had to put in.

 

The OP needs to save herself, because obviously this guy she's involved with isn't interested in what's good for her. Waiting until it feels "easy" to leave him could take years.

 

The fastest way out is to tell your father, brother, male cousin, mother, sister, female cousin, etc. exactly what's going in in the relationship. They will protect you and encourage you to stay away.

[Paige1991]

The issue I'm seeing here though is, if your significant other isn't comfortable with you doing something...either stop or leave them. Getting a whole bunch of people to confirm that they think masterbation is okay, isn't going to change your partner's mind. As well, it's still going to cause problems when you do so, as long as he sees it as a problem.