30 days of No Contact log ( Think I can do it?)

[Whocares479]

So what a change in scenery this week has been. I've gone from being torn up about an ex that was absolutely horrible to me in many many ways to being torn up about meeting one of the nicest girls ever.

 

We started talking on Tinder on Saturday night and while we have yet to meet we have had many many great conversations. We are at the same stage in life, same interests, same goals, similar plans. We both were cheated on and have spoken about this openly. She was briefly upset by the fact I hadn't deleted pictures of my X from social media but I get that. She just wants to know that phase of my life is over.

 

I've tried on several occasions to try and initiate a meet up but she has been busy each time. Last night I got a little frustrated and ended up basically telling her I was sorry but I was scared that I was more interested in her than she was in me and I didn't wanna be hurt again. I told her I was sorry for coming on so strong and pushing her away and that I was going to back off now.

 

This morning she texted me good morning but didn't respond to anything I had said until just now. She said that I shouldn't be scared and need to just go with the flow.

 

I'm so worried that this disgustingly terrible ex I let myself get so absorbed in has put me in a place where I can't be a normal human being towards someone I really like. It's like I've lost all of my instincts and just say/do irrational things. I really like this girl I've met but I don't know how to progress.

 

She sounds like a good girl, however, take precautions.

[Whocares479]

Day 26 complete! I am aslo to day 30...wow. Feels like I started this thread yesterday. Boy have time flies. I don't miss him, I miss intimacy and affection. Anyone else suffering from this? Does this mean I am needy?

[1a1a]

That is some excellent progress!! First time around it took me almost 6 months to get past missing the person and just miss having someone. Aww heck no, intimacy and affection are both pretty basic needs. (And for those not ready for the piles of feelings that come with sex, might be possible to find a cuddle buddy?

 

In the absence of cuddle buddy, massage is a pretty neat, no feelings involved way to get some touch in.

[hrb23]

Day 26 complete! I am aslo to day 30...wow. Feels like I started this thread yesterday. Boy have time flies. I don't miss him, I miss intimacy and affection. Anyone else suffering from this? Does this mean I am needy?

 

Awesome job. You're so close now! Not missing him and missing intimacy and affection? That's pretty much how I feel at this point. So totally normal. I don't think you're needy.

[hrb23]

Today is a hard day for me. It's her graduation and all her family is in the city for it. Her new boyfriend will be there meeting everyone and that's the thought that hurts the most. The good news I have no desire or thoughts or implication to make any contact with her. Now or hopefully ever again. This is Day 6 now.

[Dominique]

Today is a hard day for me. It's her graduation and all her family is in the city for it. Her new boyfriend will be there meeting everyone and that's the thought that hurts the most. The good news I have no desire or thoughts or implication to make any contact with her. Now or hopefully ever again. This is Day 6 now.

 

I'm sorry you even know this information. It is so hard when you think about events like this. Focus on protecting your heart and not on what she is doing. I am thinking of you and sending strength and love and light.

[hrb23]

I'm sorry you even know this information. It is so hard when you think about events like this. Focus on protecting your heart and not on what she is doing. I am thinking of you and sending strength and love and light.

 

Yeah I knew the dates because I took them off work so that I could go. I was originally the one meant to be there. It feels like in my heart of hearts I should be there. I was the one by her side throughout her degree, supporting her. I'm so proud of her. But she knows that, and she also knows I'm the one that really should be there, that's for sure.

 

Sometimes people are meant to be loved in our hearts but not in our lives.

[1a1a]

Today is a hard day for me. It's her graduation and all her family is in the city for it. Her new boyfriend will be there meeting everyone and that's the thought that hurts the most. The good news I have no desire or thoughts or implication to make any contact with her. Now or hopefully ever again. This is Day 6 now.

 

Lucky him, he gets the selfish narcissist (or sociopath or just plain cruel, whatever it is that makes her such a jerk).

[Dominique]

Yeah I knew the dates because I took them off work so that I could go. I was originally the one meant to be there. It feels like in my heart of hearts I should be there. I was the one by her side throughout her degree, supporting her. I'm so proud of her. But she knows that, and she also knows I'm the one that really should be there, that's for sure.

 

Sometimes people are meant to be loved in our hearts but not in our lives.

 

focus on you today and make sure you treat yourself to something good.

[1a1a]

Didn't get much sleep, did the work thing, played the gig thing, pretty good gig (but I was fair tired by then), I managed to bring a handful of friendly acquaintances. One of them got really into it which was awesome cos we thieve energy off of the audience too. And then it was the end, and everyone left (except one offered to stay if I wanted but I slightly didn't want to make him stay through pack up and slightly wasn't really enjoying conversation with him....I think, he feels anxious and drinks and that curbs that but beyond a point he can't pick up on my eyes glazing over when I'm not interested in the topic, and I thought there would be Someone to get post gig food with). Felt anticlimatic, felt alone. Felt lonely. Was just trying to be excited about solo 1a1a things like finding food and getting home and resting and watching something, and then on the drive I thought about asking my psychologist how do I get better at doing internal validation and then I thought I hate being the way I am (extraverted, craving companionship). I was already crying about that when I reached my house and saw my housemate's car and remembered he is interstate playing a show for Devin Townsend. He booked another sound tech to do that show, and paid him, and his accom, and flights. And my ex is playing that show in his own band too, the band that used to book me as their sound engineer but stopped once they started touring interstate because can't afford it (I Wanted to tour interstate with them, I had been prioritising them above all else because I wanted that more than anything, I still do, but it's obviously not going to happen with them any time soon, my ex on the other hand, is well and truly along for the ride since he switched from doing their lights to playing keyboard with them and is now actually in the band. ) All of the many layers of being left out, of my career dreams being unrealised, of my ex rejecting me. Sadness intensified significantly.

 

I threw food and Drawn Together at it, worked ok, very tired enough for bed now but going to have to have an icey cold shower because the stupid gas hasn't been reconnected. ing worst energy company ever!

 

Writing about this has made me sad again but hopefully it will be cathartic.

 

Does anyone have any good recommendations for humorous warm hearted shows I can watch? Or humorous and engaging? Things I have watched that were really good for taking me out of myself (what feel like the TV watching equivalent of taking valium, or at least, how imagine taking valium to feel), Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Last Man On Earth, Bojack Horseman, Rick and Morty, Venture Bros, Archer before it got tired, Metalocalypse. I need more things to watch that are going to make me feel good.

[Whocares479]

That is some excellent progress!! First time around it took me almost 6 months to get past missing the person and just miss having someone. Aww heck no, intimacy and affection are both pretty basic needs. (And for those not ready for the piles of feelings that come with sex, might be possible to find a cuddle buddy?

 

In the absence of cuddle buddy, massage is a pretty neat, no feelings involved way to get some touch in.

 

Lol a cuddle buddy!!! Sounds nice!! Unfortunately, I feel I would probably get attached. Every form of intamacy is a big deal for me lol. Thank you for the reassurance that I'm not crazy!

[Whocares479]

Awesome job. You're so close now! Not missing him and missing intimacy and affection? That's pretty much how I feel at this point. So totally normal. I don't think you're needy.

 

Thank you!!!!! You are doing well too!

[Whocares479]

Didn't get much sleep, did the work thing, played the gig thing, pretty good gig (but I was fair tired by then), I managed to bring a handful of friendly acquaintances. One of them got really into it which was awesome cos we thieve energy off of the audience too. And then it was the end, and everyone left (except one offered to stay if I wanted but I slightly didn't want to make him stay through pack up and slightly wasn't really enjoying conversation with him....I think, he feels anxious and drinks and that curbs that but beyond a point he can't pick up on my eyes glazing over when I'm not interested in the topic, and I thought there would be Someone to get post gig food with). Felt anticlimatic, felt alone. Felt lonely. Was just trying to be excited about solo 1a1a things like finding food and getting home and resting and watching something, and then on the drive I thought about asking my psychologist how do I get better at doing internal validation and then I thought I hate being the way I am (extraverted, craving companionship). I was already crying about that when I reached my house and saw my housemate's car and remembered he is interstate playing a show for Devin Townsend. He booked another sound tech to do that show, and paid him, and his accom, and flights. And my ex is playing that show in his own band too, the band that used to book me as their sound engineer but stopped once they started touring interstate because can't afford it (I Wanted to tour interstate with them, I had been prioritising them above all else because I wanted that more than anything, I still do, but it's obviously not going to happen with them any time soon, my ex on the other hand, is well and truly along for the ride since he switched from doing their lights to playing keyboard with them and is now actually in the band. ) All of the many layers of being left out, of my career dreams being unrealised, of my ex rejecting me. Sadness intensified significantly.

 

I threw food and Drawn Together at it, worked ok, very tired enough for bed now but going to have to have an icey cold shower because the stupid gas hasn't been reconnected. ing worst energy company ever!

 

Writing about this has made me sad again but hopefully it will be cathartic.

 

Does anyone have any good recommendations for humorous warm hearted shows I can watch? Or humorous and engaging? Things I have watched that were really good for taking me out of myself (what feel like the TV watching equivalent of taking valium, or at least, how imagine taking valium to feel), Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Last Man On Earth, Bojack Horseman, Rick and Morty, Venture Bros, Archer before it got tired, Metalocalypse. I need more things to watch that are going to make me feel good.

 

You want modern or classics?

[1a1a]

Allllll of them.

 

Ahh, that is fair, feelings are awfully hard not to catch.

[hrb23]

focus on you today and make sure you treat yourself to something good.

 

Thanks! I've already had a strawberry shake and a sushi burrito! I think I'm doing okay!

[hrb23]

Allllll of them.

 

I loooove Always Sunny in Philadelphia. It's a riot and makes me feel better about my own relationship struggles!

 

Most have seen The US Office but if you haven't that's definitely the way to go. Very warm hearted and very funny throughout all 10 seasons.

[Whocares479]

Allllll of them.

 

Ahh, that is fair, feelings are awfully hard not to catch.

 

Full House!! If atleast one episode doesn't make you laugh or feel fuzzy then I don't know lol! Even the theme song makes me happy. It's a nice classic!

[Roz]

That's how my ex treated me. I thought we was on the same page and I planned my future with him, but really he was taking each day as it came. We're better off without them

 

Exactly! Whilst it might not seem like that now, I am sure you are right and that with time we will rebuild lives that are much better and happier for us without them involved! I hope you reach a better place with it soon, it sounds like you're doing really well to be thinking like that already!

[Roz]

I think I know a bit of how you're feeling dude. It's horrible. I have the feeling of 'it should be me and she knows it', but unfortunately, as in your case that doesn't seem to bother her. Hurts how much you can be there to love and support someone and they can't reciprocate or at least appreciate what you're giving them. Just shows you're deserving of some one so so much better!

[1a1a]

Shall give Always Sunny and Full House a go (still grumpy about the existence of US Office cos it completely missed the point of UK office. Having said that UK Office is kinda cringey painful dark humour, can totally imagine the US one doing a better job of being warm).

 

Today sucked, sad feel from last night persisted and I was all out of cope (losing it at such minor things as realising I was going to have to add another 5 minutes to my trip to work picking up a piece of equipment when I was already running late). It's not just the boy who left, it's the being left by everyone last night, anticipating tonight going the same way, feeling unloved and unsupported. Tried to get the other sound tech to hang out with me after work but he preferred to go to trendy pub and drink (very not my alley), waited around for a good hour and a half after I had finished hoping to infiltrate knock off drinks. I don't drink, but I like the people time. I had given up on that and was walking out, then I turned back and succeeded.....and now I don't feel as miserable as I did. But I do feel that no one chats me up, and no one will chat me up, and I can be out but I still won't be approached. How am I ever supposed to meet someone?

[Dominique]

Thanks! I've already had a strawberry shake and a sushi burrito! I think I'm doing okay!

 

Sounds good to me. Keep smiling. That's good for your heart.

[1a1a]

Housemate asked ex about me over the weekend and relayed the conversation. Ex said 'my heart wasn't in it but I didn't have the balls to say so'. As much as I already knew this, I wanted so much for it to not be the case, I had faith in him to be honest with me. It hurts all over again to know He knew!!

[Whocares479]

Housemate asked ex about me over the weekend and relayed the conversation. Ex said 'my heart wasn't in it but I didn't have the balls to say so'. As much as I already knew this, I wanted so much for it to not be the case, I had faith in him to be honest with me. It hurts all over again to know He knew!!

 

I'm so sorry you keep getting bad news. Please keep your head up. The light is at the end of the tunnel.

[Shunsparkle]

Hi everyone, sorry I haven't been speaking I've been on holiday and omg. I needed that week away. I feel like a new girl and my confidence is through the roof. I had a very very fun week and had men at my feet which is just... wow. Like I men real men! Hunk men. What was my exs name again? 😂 I can't even remember what day I'm on. I did think of him today, maybe that's because I'm at home. But I don't want him back. I'm sure I'll have my down days again, but I realise I don't miss him. I miss the intimacy and now I know I can do and deserve so much better. I'll wait and wait untill the right guy comes to me. I will never be treated like that again. I am worth so much more 😁

[Dominique]

Hi everyone, sorry I haven't been speaking I've been on holiday and omg. I needed that week away. I feel like a new girl and my confidence is through the roof. I had a very very fun week and had men at my feet which is just... wow. Like I men real men! Hunk men. What was my exs name again? 😂 I can't even remember what day I'm on. I did think of him today, maybe that's because I'm at home. But I don't want him back. I'm sure I'll have my down days again, but I realise I don't miss him. I miss the intimacy and now I know I can do and deserve so much better. I'll wait and wait untill the right guy comes to me. I will never be treated like that again. I am worth so much more 😁

 

This is a great perspective. I'm impressed and thinking positive thoughts for you. 💙