30 days of No Contact log ( Think I can do it?)

[Annia]

Haha, I dipped my toes into one of the ones for letting go, while it was still just a break. Maybe too early, and it was just weird and unpleasant conjuring him up in my mind. Maybe I should try again now we are split. Might have been better to say my piece to imaginary him than send him that feelings text yesterday. *shrugs* It done, there is no more to say.

 

Haha is it one where you have to imagine his soul in front of you and you tell him everything and then you say goodbye and imagine you two departing from each other and then you imagine a bright future you want to have? The one that made me cry uncontrolably was that one... I repeated it some more times and everytime cried rivers lol

 

It's ok. You've told him what was on your mind. Now you know you shouldn't do that again. It's done.

 

I must confess that though this situation still stings and though I still somehow miss him, I can tell you that I finally don't feel like contacting him nor have the urge to do so. I've accepted that he's with someone else and it makes me lose the willingness to hear from him. I even wish that he respects my NC wishes and let me heal in peace.

[Annia]

Hello everyone,

I got dumped 6 months ago and she texts me how I'm doing every now and then and also said she is thinking about me sometimes to which I just replied thank you and no contact so I had a little hope that we might reconcile and now she got a new bf. anyone has suggestions on how to cope with this? I live alone in a completely different country away from family and it hurts alot

 

She seemed to be wanting to have you as an ego boost or an emotional crutch while she didn't find someone new. Some people do this even if they're not exactly being evil and planning this. It's an ego thing that is very inconsiderate for the dumpee who wants to heal. Why would you want someone who does that? Use the fact that she has someone as a mechanism to lose hope on getting back together. I know it's hard for the ego, but with time it gets easier.

[Whocares479]

Yeeeeeees!! *high fives*

 

Oh, the heat, I hate it as well (I live in Adelaide South Australia, it's a basin that traps heat, in Summer it stinks - not literally, just really really hot think like 90 degree nights!!!)

 

I have Finally started preparing for my job on Sunday. I'm not done but I made good progress, I have been enjoying the work even while fretting about making the right choices and not wasting time (spoiler, I wasted plenty of time pursueing dead ends, like firing up and testing an analogue mixing desk that turns out to be too noisey and have a third of it's foldback sends broken. Ok, I can discount that as an option for this show, maybe next time if I service it).

 

Earlier today (before I started working), I was feeling a very strong feeling like "If I'm so awesome and unique, why didn't he want to stay?" The fact that he bailed is making it hard to internalise that idea and hold onto that self confidence. But I have to right, otherwise it will be a self fulling prophecy. I told a couple of friends about that thought (the then why did he leave) and it was cathartic to say it out loud. And then a few hours ago I realised we will be working together tomorrow. Pros, face to face I can ask him to bring x y z to the Sunday job (that was in my text he never acknowledged). Cons, he was still awful to me Monday. I wondered if he might not come because too awkward. Then I told myself I have absolutely No control over that and I shouldn't worry about it. But telling myself to stop worrying and actually stopping worrying are two different things.

 

Who cares, your positive and caring attitude is really motivating About to make myself go to bed, earliest night yet!! (Fighting the good fight because of a 5 am start Sunday.) Tomorrow I get up and do more prep work!!!

 

 

 

Edit to add: I am noticing most nights a thing that keeps me from going to bed is a thought like I wish I had a hug right now. And I flick through pages online hoping to find something that substitutes. Has anyone found any websites that feel like hugs? haha (going on forums or facebook and finding posts/messages feels good. Going on and finding nada way less so. I think I need to go somewhere that isn't forums or facebook. A webpage dedicated to videos of capybaras maybe. And perhaps I need to treat myself to a massage and or find a cuddle buddy. Oh the loss of intimacy is the kicker isn't it. I need to learn to be my own security blanket).

 

Tacos is equivalent to a hug to me lol but I would look at some quotes about self confidence and how to let go! It really helps me. You are awesome, him letting you go have nothing to do with you. Even the best woman can not make a disrespectful, deceitful, and immature man stay. Thank you so much for the compliments. You guys has helped me so much. Each and every one of you contribute something different. I wouldn't have made it without you guys. I hope you sleep well and good luck at work tomorrow!

[Whocares479]

Keep feeling good. Focus on that as much as you can.

 

I'm here.... Alive and pressing forward .... My heart aches. But it is what it is. Thanks for asking. 💙

 

You got this. You are literally the sweetest person ever. You deserve the absolute best and trust me he will come.

[Whocares479]

That's awesome.

I'm doing well, still think of contacting him so I'm still counting.

I'm hoping this holiday will open my eyes and I'll completely forget him haha.

Well done on completing finals!

 

Thank you so much. Whatever you do, do not break NO CONTACT. You will get burned everytime. If you change nothing, nothing will change. Just remember those words. What day are you at hun?

[Whocares479]

Hello everyone,

I got dumped 6 months ago and she texts me how I'm doing every now and then and also said she is thinking about me sometimes to which I just replied thank you and no contact so I had a little hope that we might reconcile and now she got a new bf. anyone has suggestions on how to cope with this? I live alone in a completely different country away from family and it hurts alot

 

First thing you have to do is get rid of the hope. I know it's hard, but it only slow down the progess. Sometimes they do come and yall reconcile, however, 90 percent of the time the same problems that broke yall up in beginning arise again. Leaving another break up and BAM no contact again. See what I mean? An endless cycle. An endless cycle I know you deep down want to get out of. No one likes to be constantly hurt. Why did yall break up?

[Whocares479]

Are you ok? Day 18 right??? Congrats!!! I hope you are well, keep being strong.. Im into walking dead too lol but unfortunately i watched every season accept the latest one with my ex.. So until i heal fully that show is off limits.

 

Take care, thank you for the support

 

Thanks for helping me with my day! And thank you for all the well wishes. I love the Walking Dead video game, have you played it? It's AMAZING! Awe I am sorry that your ex kind of ruin that show for you. When you are healed, make new memories with the show. Like watch it with your bestie or pet lol. I know it's not ideal but it helps.

[Lonely Loner]

Thanks for helping me with my day! And thank you for all the well wishes. I love the Walking Dead video game, have you played it? It's AMAZING! Awe I am sorry that your ex kind of ruin that show for you. When you are healed, make new memories with the show. Like watch it with your bestie or pet lol. I know it's not ideal but it helps.

 

No problem your welcome i just notice you wasn't posting lately and was wondering if you were doing ok. Yes i have played it, me and my ex played it actually the 1st season.. Lee shouldn't of died at the end, my ex cried when he died.. I watched season 2 on youtube, my ex started out watching it with me. Im watching season 3 as of now, waiting for the next chapter.

 

Yea i will eventually start watching the show again but i will be watching by myself though my ex was my bestie and i have no pets.. So yea *laughs at self* but its good to hear from you and good luck to you, to everyone

[Whocares479]

No problem your welcome i just notice you wasn't posting lately and was wondering if you were doing ok. Yes i have played it, me and my ex played it actually the 1st season.. Lee shouldn't of died at the end, my ex cried when he died.. I watched season 2 on youtube, my ex started out watching it with me. Im watching season 3 as of now, waiting for the next chapter.

 

Yea i will eventually start watching the show again but i will be watching by myself though my ex was my bestie and i have no pets.. So yea *laughs at self* but its good to hear from you and good luck to you, to everyone

 

Yea I am okay! Just had finals, I appreciate you looking out for me though. I cried when Lee died as well. He was so sweet to Clementine. I'm watching the youtuber Pewdiepie play season three as of now. It has a slow start but definitely worth it to watch it! How about everytime it comes on, cook yourself your favorite meal?

[Shunsparkle]

Fml.

He got in touch with my parents asking me to message him and send him some photos and videos of him and his grand parents that I had of them on holiday we went too a few months ago.

So I did I sent that over

Now he decided to send a me a message aboit how I wasn't his first love ( which has really upset and shocked me as he told me while we was together that he has never felt this way about anyone else before) and that I won't be his last and he wishes me the best.

That really hurt the absolutely d**k. I hate men

[boltnrun]

No, you don't "hate men".

 

You can hate him if you need to, but I'm willing to bet there are men you love (Dad? Grandpa? Brother, cousin, uncle?).

 

If hating him helps you move on, then by all means hate him. You know now he has no problem at all hurting you.

 

Time to block him and go 100% no contact...right?

[Lonely Loner]

Yea I am okay! Just had finals, I appreciate you looking out for me though. I cried when Lee died as well. He was so sweet to Clementine. I'm watching the youtuber Pewdiepie play season three as of now. It has a slow start but definitely worth it to watch it! How about everytime it comes on, cook yourself your favorite meal?

 

Good!! Im glad you found something else to focus energy on and thanks, i appreciate the support as well awwww.. You cried too? Lee was the father she never know she had, he looked after Clementine like she was his own. Season 3 is ok so far, clem kinda took the back seat but im glad shes still in the game and thanks i well try that, cook my fav meal when im ready to watch the Walking dead.

 

Oh yea, i fell asleep and dreamt about my ex it felt so real. I asked her in the dream how things were going, and not to mention things i didn't wanna know about (like her current boyfriend) smh.. I felt the urge to call her but i decided to get on here instead, it won't go the way it went in my dream.. Stupid dreams,I bet she's not dreaming about me -_-

[1a1a]

So, I'm working with ex tonight, and it would be so easy to slip back into the friendship, and I probably will choose that over holding onto resentment. But I neeeeeed to be mindful not to prioritise him!!! Like, if nothing else comes up he might say let's get food after (ritual we developed while friends), and of course he's the number one person I want to be around, because not over it yet. Date turned mate expressing an interest in seeing me tonight, impulse is to say nah busy. I need to burn that impulse with fire!!!

 

Will catch up on missed posts when I'm on my pc, just needed to say the above outloud (so to speak).

[Annia]

I think you should do what will make you feel better. If eating with him will make feelings arise or make it more difficult to move on I'd tell him politely that I can't. If you think you're in a position where you can do it without damage, then it's ok.

[Shunsparkle]

No, you don't "hate men".

 

You can hate him if you need to, but I'm willing to bet there are men you love (Dad? Grandpa? Brother, cousin, uncle?).

 

If hating him helps you move on, then by all means hate him. You know now he has no problem at all hurting you.

 

Time to block him and go 100% no contact...right?

 

That's is very true. I was just angry and upset yesterday.

Yes definitely no more being nice I'm done with him.

[hrb23]

X messaged me yesterday telling me she was in a bad place. I called her and spoke for 15 mins as she cried. She kept telling me to go away because she needed to be alone.

 

She graduates next Friday and all her family is coming from all over to be there. Turns out her internship might not give her the recommendation she needs which would almost certainly mean she does not graduate.

 

She sent me a text as soon as she hung up saying "Thanks for calling but I need to be alone, please understand that."

 

That was at 11AM yesterday and I haven't heard from her since, I kinda hoped I would. Feels like she is gone. I'm worried about her. So sad to hear her like that.

 

She probably blames me for it all. The stress and anxiety our relationship dealt her meaning she couldn't focus on school etc...

[Whocares479]

That's is very true. I was just angry and upset yesterday.

Yes definitely no more being nice I'm done with him.

 

Do you feel better?

[Whocares479]

I think you should do what will make you feel better. If eating with him will make feelings arise or make it more difficult to move on I'd tell him politely that I can't. If you think you're in a position where you can do it without damage, then it's ok.

 

I agree!!!

[1a1a]

Hello everyone,

I got dumped 6 months ago and she texts me how I'm doing every now and then and also said she is thinking about me sometimes to which I just replied thank you and no contact so I had a little hope that we might reconcile and now she got a new bf. anyone has suggestions on how to cope with this? I live alone in a completely different country away from family and it hurts alot

 

It's brainstorming time. Leave having a partner right out of the equation for now, what does your most awesome life you could possibly live look like? Begin an ongoing, low pressure mission to meet new people who live where you live. The primary objective is to practice meeting people but you might find a few you'd like to try and connect with on a friend level too, are you a person who sends letters, do you want to speak another language, do you want to be a person who has traveled? Maybe you want to hike more, or learn book making or painting or dancing or music, do you have a career goal you want to work towards? What are your favourite self care activities? Do you treat yourself to them? Work out the things you want and work towards them. Or, if you don't know what you want, work out things you can try and try them. Maybe most of them will fail the test and no make you feel any better but that's the only way to find the things you enjoy.

[1a1a]

Haha is it one where you have to imagine his soul in front of you and you tell him everything and then you say goodbye and imagine you two departing from each other and then you imagine a bright future you want to have? The one that made me cry uncontrolably was that one... I repeated it some more times and everytime cried rivers lol

 

Yeeees, that was the one! Meeting in a green field or something.

 

Hearing you describe being further along the path of healing is encouraging.

[1a1a]

Fml.

He got in touch with my parents asking me to message him and send him some photos and videos of him and his grand parents that I had of them on holiday we went too a few months ago.

So I did I sent that over

Now he decided to send a me a message aboit how I wasn't his first love ( which has really upset and shocked me as he told me while we was together that he has never felt this way about anyone else before) and that I won't be his last and he wishes me the best.

That really hurt the absolutely d**k. I hate men

 

What a douche canoe. If he really wished you the best, he would not be contacting you at all. Selfish fecking jerk! Use it to fuel the fire that burns the connection so you can be freeeeeee!!

[1a1a]

X messaged me yesterday telling me she was in a bad place.

 

If you pulled the same stunt on her, messaged and said you were in a bad place. Would she comfort you?

[1a1a]

Tacos is equivalent to a hug to me lol but I would look at some quotes about self confidence and how to let go! It really helps me. You are awesome, him letting you go have nothing to do with you. Even the best woman can not make a disrespectful, deceitful, and immature man stay. Thank you so much for the compliments. You guys has helped me so much. Each and every one of you contribute something different. I wouldn't have made it without you guys. I hope you sleep well and good luck at work tomorrow!

 

Tacooooos *goes to look at pictures of tacos* I want to eat tacos now! I shall try the looking at quotes thing tonight (tonight is super imperative I go to bed early ack!!)

[1a1a]

I think you should do what will make you feel better. If eating with him will make feelings arise or make it more difficult to move on I'd tell him politely that I can't. If you think you're in a position where you can do it without damage, then it's ok.

 

I think I can, I think, I can try, I know what to do if it leaves me feeling worse. ..... How it actually panned out, work ended. He said "well, I'm going now". I was disappointed. I was too insecure to just let him go so I called him back and asked him to place himself on a sliding scale where 10 is friends and 1 is not. He said "After the cordiality of tonight, I'd say, 9". Similar reaction to me I suppose. The rapport is still there. But I am still hurt by Monday jerkishness. I said as much. He received that passively. I mentioned wondering if he would invite me out for food and he said he had thought about it but was craving mcdonalds from suburb far away from my home. And thus we parted, and I cried, because the new normal is apart and I grieve the death of the romantic relationship. And then I bought myself a pie, and thought about how someone who used to run a local punk pub was at work last night and came over and struck up a conversation with me saying my mix was excellent (I'm a sound tech by trade) and how he regretted never giving me work at his pub when it was open, in other words, I had had a successful work night emotional turmoil aside. And I thought, just for a glimmering moment "my life is pretty good. I don't need the addition of ex to make it good". I really hope that thought hangs around.

 

Other observations. He did not ask me where I was on that sliding scale. And I mentioned this to a friend, who flagged that as a probable indicator of poor mental health. So yeah, you can have chemistry and mutual attraction and it Seems like everything fits and you should be together but it doesn't and you absolutely should not and oh my how much worse I would have felt last night when he went home, if we were still trying to date, and I had the expectation that we would spend time together (I would have been gutted!!!!)

 

And, getting outside of myself, today I woke feeling glum. And the feeling has dissipated, in the face of an unexpected visit. My old old old old old old old old housemate had an old housemate who became a fan of the persimmon tree out the back. And over the years, he has returned to my house from time to time to pick persimmons. This year he wasn't expecting me, last year he came and I wasn't home and he thought I had moved. So this year when I answered the door he was like 1a1a old friend how are you? Like, really happy to still have the loose connection that's been ongoing for like 8 years now. (All thanks to persimmons haha). Found out he has a brand new baby girl, 15 weeks, with the woman of his dreams. And she is not the woman he was with when I first met him because that woman massively betrayed him. And they divorced, and he was single and studying for two years. And then he qualified and got the job, and met the current partner, and has the family. Talk about trusting the universe.

[Whocares479]

Tacooooos *goes to look at pictures of tacos* I want to eat tacos now! I shall try the looking at quotes thing tonight (tonight is super imperative I go to bed early ack!!)

 

Did you get a good nights rest?