30 days of No Contact log ( Think I can do it?)

[1a1a]

What's that ASRM thing? Does it help?

 

I listened to some "letting go" meditation/ sleeping hypnosis youtube things when I was at my worst and I confess that I usually fell asleep before the ending. But I'm usually night owl, so it's hard for me to sleep early but I'm trying.

 

Oh what a disrespectful thing for him to do! I can imagine why you felt so upset! I hope you can use it as one more nail to the coffin. I know it's hard not to have the closure you wanted, but maybe this is a strong indicator that it's not worth it to try seeking it from him.

 

ASMR is recordings of soft speaking, gentle tapping, scratching sounds, often pretend things like having your hair brushed or make up done. With a little luck some of the sounds will give you 'tingles', the combination is good for falling asleep. I wouldn't believe it as at all because most haven't been effective for me but the first one I ever listened to I fell asleep before the end.

 

On that tangent, I think if you fall asleep during in the meditation it's done it's job. Are there any you recommend? I've just been using the top results on google but I'd like to find someone with more visualisation in them.

 

 

 

16 days Whocares, that is glorious. What are your top picks of things you have started doing with your life since you resolved to forge one alone? (Mine is, slightly predates the day of great jerkiness but it is learning to play a Porcupine Tree song on the guitar and sing it at the same time. *looks wistfully at the guitar*. But, I haven't picked it up in the last few days. It's like I know the medicine will cure me but I forget/procrastinate taking it.)

 

 

Today I had a chance encounter/catch up with an old uni friend, that was kinda nice. And I finished off West World (entire season completed in 3 days). And I did no work because far too *slump*. Right now I'm finding it hard to make myself go to bed, I think because I am anxious about the future, being alone. But I will after I hit enter, need to swing my sleep cycle back around for a job on Sunday (one of the things in the future that is making me feel anxious). Thinking warm thoughts for all of you.

[Whocares479]

ASMR is recordings of soft speaking, gentle tapping, scratching sounds, often pretend things like having your hair brushed or make up done. With a little luck some of the sounds will give you 'tingles', the combination is good for falling asleep. I wouldn't believe it as at all because most haven't been effective for me but the first one I ever listened to I fell asleep before the end.

 

On that tangent, I think if you fall asleep during in the meditation it's done it's job. Are there any you recommend? I've just been using the top results on google but I'd like to find someone with more visualisation in them.

 

 

 

16 days Whocares, that is glorious. What are your top picks of things you have started doing with your life since you resolved to forge one alone? (Mine is, slightly predates the day of great jerkiness but it is learning to play a Porcupine Tree song on the guitar and sing it at the same time. *looks wistfully at the guitar*. But, I haven't picked it up in the last few days. It's like I know the medicine will cure me but I forget/procrastinate taking it.)

 

 

Today I had a chance encounter/catch up with an old uni friend, that was kinda nice. And I finished off West World (entire season completed in 3 days). And I did no work because far too *slump*. Right now I'm finding it hard to make myself go to bed, I think because I am anxious about the future, being alone. But I will after I hit enter, need to swing my sleep cycle back around for a job on Sunday (one of the things in the future that is making me feel anxious). Thinking warm thoughts for all of you.

 

I've got into reading, writing, oh and the show the Walking Dead lol. Its all about distractions and eventually I came to actually enjoy those distractions. The guitar? Wow that's awesome! You will not be alone trust me, you are too good of a person to never find love again.

[Lonely Loner]

I've got into reading, writing, oh and the show the Walking Dead lol. Its all about distractions and eventually I came to actually enjoy those distractions. The guitar? Wow that's awesome! You will not be alone trust me, you are too good of a person to never find love again.

 

Are you ok? Day 18 right??? Congrats!!! I hope you are well, keep being strong.. Im into walking dead too lol but unfortunately i watched every season accept the latest one with my ex.. So until i heal fully that show is off limits.

 

Take care, thank you for the support

[Dominique]

It's weird because I would think that a year would take a lot longer to get over. Thank you so much, are you feeling better hun?

 

Keep feeling good. Focus on that as much as you can.

 

I'm here.... Alive and pressing forward .... My heart aches. But it is what it is. Thanks for asking. 💙

[hrb23]

For what it's even worth I got a sincere apology the other night. Then we met up yesterday in the morning and she told me she had cried after seeing something that reminded how much I cared about her. I'd forgiven her at this point and really just want her back. I told her this but she said she would have too much guilt if she were to be with me and that's why she can't. I've been much more distant with my texting her recently and have even point blank ignored her at times. She has been going crazy sending me multiple texts and calling me non-stop to the point of turning my phone off. It's all nice for the ego but means absolutely nothing if she won't commit to me which she won't. She's still with her boyfriend.

 

Last night I sent her a long email detailing why she won't be hearing from me again. It just explains why I can't do it anymore. I need to heal. She made the choice and now she gets to live by it.

 

I assume she's seen it as I haven't heard anything back. This feels like it but I guess that's ultimately up to me. The truth is I don't know what I'm going to do if it hits 5pm today and I've heard nothing. Maybe i'll panic and call her or maybe i'll keep it together. All I know is I have the most control I've ever had between myself and her but it feels like I have the least.

 

So scary to me right now.

[Shunsparkle]

On day 5 now NC. This was the day I broke last time and I'm doing very well. Thinking of him less and less. He hasn't tried to contact me and I'm glad.

Got holiday now with my friend on Sunday so concentrating on that 😁

[Dominique]

On day 5 now NC. This was the day I broke last time and I'm doing very well. Thinking of him less and less. He hasn't tried to contact me and I'm glad.

Got holiday now with my friend on Sunday so concentrating on that 😁

 

Good work! Keep doing your best. Sending you light and love

[1a1a]

I've got into reading, writing, oh and the show the Walking Dead lol. Its all about distractions and eventually I came to actually enjoy those distractions. The guitar? Wow that's awesome! You will not be alone trust me, you are too good of a person to never find love again.

 

Ooooh, writing, that is a thing I've been considering taking up. What do you write? Fiction? Poetry? Essays? *beams* Thank you, that is a lovely thing to say

 

Lonely Loner, seeeeeize the walking dead for yourself. I did that coming out of a 6 year relationship back in season 3 and there was something satisfying about not having to wait for the ex to be around to watch the next ep (having said that, I have yet to be able to do that with One Piece. Last time I was waiting because I had this sentimental notion that even though we had split we would get back some day and finish it, even if that was just as friends. And we did, watch a heck of a lot over the first two months of this year, before he bailey mc fecking bailed on me. My sentiment is all dead now though, I will probably finish it alone).

 

It's all nice for the ego but means absolutely nothing if she won't commit to me which she won't. She's still with her boyfriend.

 

Hrb23 knowing this is an excellent first step

 

 

 

So, I broke no contact today, with a feeeeelingstext. Because I felt like ex doesn't appreciate how cruel he was on Monday, and I have to work with him on Sunday, and when I left he hugged me goodbye like we're friends all good and he hadn't just been uncommonly cruel to me, and we probably Will stay friends (after a bit of space), but faaaaaaaaark, he needs to know. Writing it meant remembering, remembering made me feel sad. Once I'd sent it I had to go into town and do some tech support so I had things to do and didn't have time to notice he did not reply (it didn't really require a reply). From now and till Sunday I will be preparing for Sunday job, don't think there will be time to feel things. I guess it's all going to hit after work Sunday. I should prepare myself now, we'll finish, ex will go home, I will go home, I'll be too shattered to seek out a friend (17 hour day) but I can go home, have a shower in candle light, maybe watch something - need to find something really good to watch, enjoy fine food and sleeeep. So, a couple of weeks ago, I tried putting tealight candles along the frame of the shower door so I could shower in dim light and omglob it's so pleasant!! ("Lavender scented too so, immersive). And I have nice fairy lights up in my room, but I still need to do more to make bed enticing because, I don't know what it is, but actually going to bed is just hard.

[Shunsparkle]

Good work! Keep doing your best. Sending you light and love

 

I'm feeling pretty good. I know I can message him and he'll message back but what's the point?

I'm actually enjoying being in my own

[Lonely Loner]

Lonely Loner, seeeeeize the walking dead for yourself. I did that coming out of a 6 year relationship back in season 3 and there was something satisfying about not having to wait for the ex to be around to watch the next ep (having said that, I have yet to be able to do that with One Piece. Last time I was waiting because I had this sentimental notion that even though we had split we would get back some day and finish it, even if that was just as friends. And we did, watch a heck of a lot over the first two months of this year, before he bailey mc fecking bailed on me. My sentiment is all dead now though, I will probably finish it alone)..

 

i don't know if i can, i mean we watched every season on netfilx together, it was like a deal lol she wanted me to watch every season of orange is the new black,if she watched every season of the walking dead with me.

 

We finished both oitnb and twd.. every season on netfilx by mid December last year, i became a fan of oitnb, and she became a fan of twd. *sighs* i bet she is watching all those seasons with her new bf now. I don't wanna be friends with her, so we won't be watching those shows together ever again.

 

Oh well i won't be watching them no time soon anyway, lol oh one piece, that anime is literally my 3rd. Fav of all time, i only made it to season 4/5 (yea i know) but i wanna get back into it soooo bad!!! I miss it sooo much.

..it sucks, that we have to watch those shows alone now.. Its life..

[Annia]

On Friday night we slept together again (I know.)

 

On Saturday night I didn't reply to her all day and she was texting me relentlessly. She ended the mass of texts with a f u.

 

On Sunday morning she called three times and I finally text her "I can't talk right now but I promise I will call you later."

 

I did but she was in work. I then proceeded to ignore her again before she sent me this.

 

"If you don't reply you aren't going to like what happens."

 

I dread to even think what that means. I didn't want to find out so we have been talking ever since.

 

This is totally toxic...

[Annia]

ASMR is recordings of soft speaking, gentle tapping, scratching sounds, often pretend things like having your hair brushed or make up done. With a little luck some of the sounds will give you 'tingles', the combination is good for falling asleep. I wouldn't believe it as at all because most haven't been effective for me but the first one I ever listened to I fell asleep before the end.

 

On that tangent, I think if you fall asleep during in the meditation it's done it's job. Are there any you recommend? I've just been using the top results on google but I'd like to find someone with more visualisation in them.

 

 

 

16 days Whocares, that is glorious. What are your top picks of things you have started doing with your life since you resolved to forge one alone? (Mine is, slightly predates the day of great jerkiness but it is learning to play a Porcupine Tree song on the guitar and sing it at the same time. *looks wistfully at the guitar*. But, I haven't picked it up in the last few days. It's like I know the medicine will cure me but I forget/procrastinate taking it.)

 

 

Today I had a chance encounter/catch up with an old uni friend, that was kinda nice. And I finished off West World (entire season completed in 3 days). And I did no work because far too *slump*. Right now I'm finding it hard to make myself go to bed, I think because I am anxious about the future, being alone. But I will after I hit enter, need to swing my sleep cycle back around for a job on Sunday (one of the things in the future that is making me feel anxious). Thinking warm thoughts for all of you.

 

I've done some that I found on youtube but I don't have the links here. It was something like "letting go sleep hypnosis" or something like that. I never finished it because I always fell asleep before the end. I haven't done it in a long time.

I also done a meditation for letting go but that didn't make me sleep... that made me cry like a madwoman but it was good in the end in terms of relief lol

I'll experiment more sleeping meditations and I'll tell you the ones that have effect in me once I find them.

[Annia]

For what it's even worth I got a sincere apology the other night. Then we met up yesterday in the morning and she told me she had cried after seeing something that reminded how much I cared about her. I'd forgiven her at this point and really just want her back. I told her this but she said she would have too much guilt if she were to be with me and that's why she can't. I've been much more distant with my texting her recently and have even point blank ignored her at times. She has been going crazy sending me multiple texts and calling me non-stop to the point of turning my phone off. It's all nice for the ego but means absolutely nothing if she won't commit to me which she won't. She's still with her boyfriend.

 

Last night I sent her a long email detailing why she won't be hearing from me again. It just explains why I can't do it anymore. I need to heal. She made the choice and now she gets to live by it.

 

I assume she's seen it as I haven't heard anything back. This feels like it but I guess that's ultimately up to me. The truth is I don't know what I'm going to do if it hits 5pm today and I've heard nothing. Maybe i'll panic and call her or maybe i'll keep it together. All I know is I have the most control I've ever had between myself and her but it feels like I have the least.

 

So scary to me right now.

 

You have already sent her an email explaining your intention of going NC, you don't need to call her or anything. Let it be and try not to contact her so you can heal and move on like you said. It's a good that you want NC to heal. Don't depend on her reaction and answer to the email. She has probably read it. If necessary delete and block so you don't have temptations.

[Shunsparkle]

On Friday night we slept together again (I know.)

 

On Saturday night I didn't reply to her all day and she was texting me relentlessly. She ended the mass of texts with a f u.

 

On Sunday morning she called three times and I finally text her "I can't talk right now but I promise I will call you later."

 

I did but she was in work. I then proceeded to ignore her again before she sent me this.

 

"If you don't reply you aren't going to like what happens."

 

I dread to even think what that means. I didn't want to find out so we have been talking ever since.

 

Omg.

This is so unhealthy. Please for the sake of both of you stop.

Youve said she is with someone else, so please now you've explained why you're not talking her. Do not contact her anymore.

You need to move on and so does she this isn't healthy for either of you.

I've been there myself in past break ups and going back and forth is the most painfull thing of all. Especially after finding out that he had slept with someone else a day after sleeping with me and telling me he loved me etc.

Go not contact.

Delete her.

Block her.

For both of your sakes.

[hrb23]

It's so funny and so difficult. I'm no longer asking for advice because I don't deserve advice because I struggle so hard with taking it. I do however want to write down my feelings here just now because I feel it will help me process and get through the day.

 

Having broken up with her on several occasions during our relationships because of red flags I always knew it was unhealthy as you guys were saying. I could just never pull the trigger and stick to my instincts. I think my biggest struggle is the fact that she did pull the trigger and now I'm the one that has to suffer. I have no control, I have no grasp on my feelings or hers, she has someone else and that is extremely painful for me to get over.

 

Last night I just called her and cried. The social worker in her was able to take control of the situation and calm me down. Mostly through lies but it worked. She knew what to say to calm me down. She promised she would see me today. She won't, she just told me what she knew I wanted to hear.

 

It's weird. I've fallen more in love with her since she cheated and broke up with me. It may be because I've put so much MORE effort into sustaining and rebuilding our relationship and the things we have done have made us both so happy since.

 

I just want this all to go away

[Shunsparkle]

It's so funny and so difficult. I'm no longer asking for advice because I don't deserve advice because I struggle so hard with taking it. I do however want to write down my feelings here just now because I feel it will help me process and get through the day.

 

Having broken up with her on several occasions during our relationships because of red flags I always knew it was unhealthy as you guys were saying. I could just never pull the trigger and stick to my instincts. I think my biggest struggle is the fact that she did pull the trigger and now I'm the one that has to suffer. I have no control, I have no grasp on my feelings or hers, she has someone else and that is extremely painful for me to get over.

 

Last night I just called her and cried. The social worker in her was able to take control of the situation and calm me down. Mostly through lies but it worked. She knew what to say to calm me down. She promised she would see me today. She won't, she just told me what she knew I wanted to hear.

 

It's weird. I've fallen more in love with her since she cheated and broke up with me. It may be because I've put so much MORE effort into sustaining and rebuilding our relationship and the things we have done have made us both so happy since.

 

I just want this all to go away

 

Distract yourself.

It's time to end this suffering and only you can do it

[Whocares479]

Hello wonderful people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can I get a little update on how everyone is doing? I just finished finals! Whoop whoop! I hope everyone is doing well!

[Whocares479]

I have no idea what day I am at lol. Sometimes you have to stop counting and just live life ya know? I feel good though. I finally get to go back to the North! I hate hot weather.

[Shunsparkle]

I have no idea what day I am at lol. Sometimes you have to stop counting and just live life ya know? I feel good though. I finally get to go back to the North! I hate hot weather.

That's awesome.

I'm doing well, still think of contacting him so I'm still counting.

I'm hoping this holiday will open my eyes and I'll completely forget him haha.

Well done on completing finals!

[1a1a]

i don't know if i can, i mean we watched every season on netfilx together, it was like a deal lol she wanted me to watch every season of orange is the new black,if she watched every season of the walking dead with me.

 

We finished both oitnb and twd.. every season on netfilx by mid December last year, i became a fan of oitnb, and she became a fan of twd. *sighs* i bet she is watching all those seasons with her new bf now. I don't wanna be friends with her, so we won't be watching those shows together ever again.

 

Oh well i won't be watching them no time soon anyway, lol oh one piece, that anime is literally my 3rd. Fav of all time, i only made it to season 4/5 (yea i know) but i wanna get back into it soooo bad!!! I miss it sooo much.

..it sucks, that we have to watch those shows alone now.. Its life..

 

Ok, maybe One Piece peaked around the time they caught the up current, but it still holding steady. Get into it Watching One Piece in your solo time is a precious treasure (yes, definitely treasure).

 

For what solace it might bring, I came out of one relationship and pretty soon into another a few years ago. And one thing is for absolute certain, people are not interchangeable. The things about you she liked, she'll be grieving them. She still wasn't the lady for you in the end. And now you are free and unattached which means if another fine person crosses your path, you can get to know them. (Me toooo, I am also no longer cooling my heels with someone who is but lukewarm about me. This is good right?! It's good *nods* )

[1a1a]

that made me cry like a madwoman

 

Haha, I dipped my toes into one of the ones for letting go, while it was still just a break. Maybe too early, and it was just weird and unpleasant conjuring him up in my mind. Maybe I should try again now we are split. Might have been better to say my piece to imaginary him than send him that feelings text yesterday. *shrugs* It done, there is no more to say.

[1a1a]

Last night I just called her and cried. The social worker in her was able to take control of the situation and calm me down. Mostly through lies but it worked. She knew what to say to calm me down. She promised she would see me today. She won't, she just told me what she knew I wanted to hear.

 

It's weird. I've fallen more in love with her since she cheated and broke up with me. It may be because I've put so much MORE effort into sustaining and rebuilding our relationship and the things we have done have made us both so happy since.

 

I just want this all to go away

 

*howls* the person who hurts you should not ever be the one to console you. Promise me next time you need to speak to someone about how much it hurts you will call a friend or post here or both. And then ask that friend and two more how they're doing. (which is like affirming your connection with them, without maxing out your venting credits, in fact, it gives Them an opening to vent).

[1a1a]

I have no idea what day I am at lol. Sometimes you have to stop counting and just live life ya know?

 

Yeeeeeees!! *high fives*

 

Oh, the heat, I hate it as well (I live in Adelaide South Australia, it's a basin that traps heat, in Summer it stinks - not literally, just really really hot think like 90 degree nights!!!)

 

I have Finally started preparing for my job on Sunday. I'm not done but I made good progress, I have been enjoying the work even while fretting about making the right choices and not wasting time (spoiler, I wasted plenty of time pursueing dead ends, like firing up and testing an analogue mixing desk that turns out to be too noisey and have a third of it's foldback sends broken. Ok, I can discount that as an option for this show, maybe next time if I service it).

 

Earlier today (before I started working), I was feeling a very strong feeling like "If I'm so awesome and unique, why didn't he want to stay?" The fact that he bailed is making it hard to internalise that idea and hold onto that self confidence. But I have to right, otherwise it will be a self fulling prophecy. I told a couple of friends about that thought (the then why did he leave) and it was cathartic to say it out loud. And then a few hours ago I realised we will be working together tomorrow. Pros, face to face I can ask him to bring x y z to the Sunday job (that was in my text he never acknowledged). Cons, he was still awful to me Monday. I wondered if he might not come because too awkward. Then I told myself I have absolutely No control over that and I shouldn't worry about it. But telling myself to stop worrying and actually stopping worrying are two different things.

 

Who cares, your positive and caring attitude is really motivating About to make myself go to bed, earliest night yet!! (Fighting the good fight because of a 5 am start Sunday.) Tomorrow I get up and do more prep work!!!

 

 

 

Edit to add: I am noticing most nights a thing that keeps me from going to bed is a thought like I wish I had a hug right now. And I flick through pages online hoping to find something that substitutes. Has anyone found any websites that feel like hugs? haha (going on forums or facebook and finding posts/messages feels good. Going on and finding nada way less so. I think I need to go somewhere that isn't forums or facebook. A webpage dedicated to videos of capybaras maybe. And perhaps I need to treat myself to a massage and or find a cuddle buddy. Oh the loss of intimacy is the kicker isn't it. I need to learn to be my own security blanket).

[Neoiso]

Hello everyone,

I got dumped 6 months ago and she texts me how I'm doing every now and then and also said she is thinking about me sometimes to which I just replied thank you and no contact so I had a little hope that we might reconcile and now she got a new bf. anyone has suggestions on how to cope with this? I live alone in a completely different country away from family and it hurts alot

[Lonely Loner]

Hello everyone,

I got dumped 6 months ago and she texts me how I'm doing every now and then and also said she is thinking about me sometimes to which I just replied thank you and no contact so I had a little hope that we might reconcile and now she got a new bf. anyone has suggestions on how to cope with this? I live alone in a completely different country away from family and it hurts alot

 

I got dumped 3 months ago, she would text me every now and then and ask how im doing. at the time i was trying to get her back but last month she told me she might be in a relationship soon, so i tried to convince her to be with me one last time but she kept making up different reasons why we couldn't be. Then she told me she is moving on and i should too

 

I told her ok i will move on too and then went no contact. Im now on my 29th day of no contact, and she only sent one message within that time.. She asked "how im doing??" i didn't reply because i felt as though it really wasnt worth replying too.

I didnt wanna feed her ego any longer because thats all i did for the past 3 months of trying to get her back after the breakup.

 

So i say either go no contact and see how much she misses you, now that she has a new bf, see if all the "how you doing" or "i miss you" messages stop.. Like they did for me.. Or if you can handle her being with another guy, then keep replying to her messages if she still send any while she has a new bf, but i don't recommend doing that, too heartbreaking for me

 

I think its best for you to go your separate ways now, give her and the new guy space, give her time to miss you entirely.

You in the meantime are free to move on now and heal up before you start dating if you need too. She left you, and now she has to live with that decision. No contact, is the best choice because it helps you move on and no contact is about "you" its not about getting your ex back, its about focusing on "yourself" and maybe your ex comes back in the process..

 

Good luck