30 days of No Contact log ( Think I can do it?)

[hrb23]

She messaged me telling me she understood and to 'be happy'.

 

I replied saying thanks and that it was time for me to move on and by doing this I will be happier. I said I would help with anything to do with her aunt but I need to block you now and be a man for once.

 

Her reply used a lot of curse words and inflammatory language but the basic jist was "Leave me alone, stop torturing me."

 

Is there another move to be made in this game we are playing. Or is this the message I just leave be. She wants me to leave her alone so she is never going to contact me again. This is it right?

[Whocares479]

She messaged me telling me she understood and to 'be happy'.

 

I replied saying thanks and that it was time for me to move on and by doing this I will be happier. I said I would help with anything to do with her aunt but I need to block you now and be a man for once.

 

Her reply used a lot of curse words and inflammatory language but the basic jist was "Leave me alone, stop torturing me."

 

Is there another move to be made in this game we are playing. Or is this the message I just leave be. She wants me to leave her alone so she is never going to contact me again. This is it right?

 

Do not reply. It's for the best.

[hrb23]

Do not reply. It's for the best.

 

She looked genuinely sick last I saw her. I've never seen her look worse. Pale, stressed, exhausted, sad and not at all like I remembered her.

 

It's really hard to see her make all of these decisions and even harder when they have a negative affect on me.

 

One day she will realize what a huge mistake she made if she hasn't already. Hopefully by then it's not too late for her.

[Whocares479]

She looked genuinely sick last I saw her. I've never seen her look worse. Pale, stressed, exhausted, sad and not at all like I remembered her.

 

It's really hard to see her make all of these decisions and even harder when they have a negative affect on me.

 

One day she will realize what a huge mistake she made if she hasn't already. Hopefully by then it's not too late for her.

 

So it is not already too soon? Nothing I say will open your eyes. They say " Sometimes it takes for someone to get severely burnt for them to stop touching the stove", that's you. The people on this thread have literally offered you some of the best advice, you refuse to take the most important piece. You are taking snippets of it by "Only staying away until she wants you back". Where is your self respect? Do you not love yourself?

 

You got to want to help yourself before anyone can help you.

[1a1a]

Sorry guys I've been a lil distant. My work load has been rigorous to say the least. I will get better with posting and responding! I hope everyone is keeping that NC going! Day 10? I think was complete yesterday. Now on to day 11!

 

Echoing don't sweat if life sweeps you up and you go quiet. I hope your cold clears up quick smart, and I'm glad you didn't cave and seek out your ex on your last day in town (definitely a sentimental time). Boltnrun is nail on the head reminding you how last time went *bows down*

 

Black Chapter, that's awesome about your instructor telling you you're making great progress. Kicking goals

 

ShunSparkle, hang in there, after a while it feels good to ignore messages from people who are just toying with us.

 

hrb231 I side eye your ex SOOO MUCH! She wants everything. She doesn't care about what you want though, she doesn't care about you, just what you can provide her. Having said that, she did get one thing right, which was breaking up (absolutely not a reflection on your fine self). For a relationship to work, both people have to want it with conviction. I think if she had stayed with you you would have felt unloved and there's a high likelyhood she would have cheated, she'd have been wasting your time! I'm glad you got some enjoyment out of your game. What were you playing?

 

I think, I have not really thought about or missed my ex at all today. Checking the thread made me think about him but, *prods scab*, it's not provoking any intense feelings right now. There is just a hint of sad, like a drop of black paint in a tin of white but it's been stirred in and you'd hardly know it to look at it.

 

How are we all going today? *Sends good vibes*

[hrb23]

 

hrb231 I side eye your ex SOOO MUCH! She wants everything. She doesn't care about what you want though, she doesn't care about you, just what you can provide her. Having said that, she did get one thing right, which was breaking up (absolutely not a reflection on your fine self). For a relationship to work, both people have to want it with conviction. I think if she had stayed with you you would have felt unloved and there's a high likelyhood she would have cheated, she'd have been wasting your time! I'm glad you got some enjoyment out of your game. What were you playing?*

 

She cheated on me to be with her new boyfriend. He is clearly not making her that happy if she keeps running back to me with all of her sadness but that's not my business even if it makes me feel slightly better about the whole situation. I'm glad she broke up with me and finally did the right thing. It's just letting her leave my life is so so hard when I love her with all my heart. There was a time that she wanted to be with me way more than I wanted to be with her. For the last 6 mos of our relationship though I wasn't getting back nearly as much as I put in.

 

When I started vocalizing that frustration the cracks began to surface. I would just have loved the chance to work on it rather than give up but that decision was taken out of my hands.

 

I haven't responded to her last text telling me to leave her alone and am not going to.

 

That's it now it seems.

 

Thanks for the kind words.

 

I played soccer, played my whole life.

[Blackchapter]

Well I didn't quite say that. What I said was please do not contact me unless you or your family needs anything with regards to your Aunt or if you want to meet up and seriously discuss reconciling. She won't.

 

Ohhh. I remember you now. You made a thread a while ago about your situation. After 11 or 12 pages of advice of people to tell you to stop replying and move on you constantly ignored their valuable insight to help YOU. You would come back and ask for the next step of what to do after you did the complete opposite of what they told you. And then you'd the opposite again. Then go back to your thread. An endless cycle until everyone got fed up with you. And your thread was shut down. Yet you were the one who made a whole thread asking for help.

 

People here are genuinely taking the steps, no matter how hard it is or what needs to be done, to heal. And you're more than welcome to join the quest. But if you keep breaking NC and coming back here to ask what to do next then you're not only wasting your time, but ours as well. And like those on the other threads people will loose patience with you here as well.

 

The reason she is swearing at you is because to her you're no more worthy than the crap under her boots. If she really REALLY respected you do you think she would even use those vulgar language? If she had respect her mind would run ahead of her and be like "woah, you really want to say that to him?" Like I said it's all about respect, and as Whocares said she has not one shred of respect for you. Stop treating this like a game. Your whole approach to this is wrong. You want to win in this "game"? Just ignore. That one word is all we are telling you to do. Ignore.

[Blackchapter]

So it is not already too soon? Nothing I say will open your eyes. They say " Sometimes it takes for someone to get severely burnt for them to stop touching the stove", that's you. The people on this thread have literally offered you some of the best advice, you refuse to take the most important piece. You are taking snippets of it by "Only staying away until she wants you back". Where is your self respect? Do you not love yourself?

 

You got to want to help yourself before anyone can help you.

 

I swear i just saw this after replying to his earlier message. I more or less said the same thing you did. But I've read his original thread. He won't be able to untangle himself from her web. And if I'm not wrong, which I hope I am, she's going to have unrestricted access to his life, and the only way it will end is if she gets bored of him like a child gets bored of their Funtime, or he's going to meet someone and transition from this to the new relationship without having healed whilst being single. Mark my words.

[Blackchapter]

 

Black Chapter, that's awesome about your instructor telling you you're making great progress. Kicking goals

 

ShunSparkle, hang in there, after a while it feels good to ignore messages from people who are just toying with us.

 

I think, I have not really thought about or missed my ex at all today. Checking the thread made me think about him but, *prods scab*, it's not provoking any intense feelings right now. There is just a hint of sad, like a drop of black paint in a tin of white but it's been stirred in and you'd hardly know it to look at it.

 

How are we all going today? *Sends good vibes*

 

Hey 1A. I'm going to call you Wanay as that's what it sounds like when I say it lool. Wanay Wanay. Yeah I'm not too bad. Injury is irritating me today so I skipped practice. Hate those days where I'm not on the mats or doing pad work. Work was fun, always cracking jokes with people. Oh atleast over 10 different people commented on my new look ( new clothes as my old ones feel like robes on me now haha). Great haircut, damn you've lost weight, hey loving the new clean shaven face. My confidence is skyrocketing

 

How are you? And how's all my lovely people?

[hrb23]

Ohhh. I remember you now. You made a thread a while ago about your situation. After 11 or 12 pages of advice of people to tell you to stop replying and move on you constantly ignored their valuable insight to help YOU. You would come back and ask for the next step of what to do after you did the complete opposite of what they told you. And then you'd the opposite again. Then go back to your thread. An endless cycle until everyone got fed up with you. And your thread was shut down. Yet you were the one who made a whole thread asking for help.

 

People here are genuinely taking the steps, no matter how hard it is or what needs to be done, to heal. And you're more than welcome to join the quest. But if you keep breaking NC and coming back here to ask what to do next then you're not only wasting your time, but ours as well. And like those on the other threads people will loose patience with you here as well.

 

The reason she is swearing at you is because to her you're no more worthy than the crap under her boots. If she really REALLY respected you do you think she would even use those vulgar language? If she had respect her mind would run ahead of her and be like "woah, you really want to say that to him?" Like I said it's all about respect, and as Whocares said she has not one shred of respect for you. Stop treating this like a game. Your whole approach to this is wrong. You want to win in this "game"? Just ignore. That one word is all we are telling you to do. Ignore.

 

Youre right. I dont belong on here and im sorry for wasting all of your time. She made me a person i hate but cant escape

[Shunsparkle]

Does he send you messages with a clear intent to get back together? If not, block him.

I can't block theyre emails 🙁

[boltnrun]

I can't block theyre emails 🙁

 

Change your email address and close the other one.

 

Yes, you can.

 

All you have to do is create a new one (don't use the same or a very similar user name!), then email those who you want to have the new email address.

 

Unless, of course, you want to keep this unhealthy interaction going. And if you do want to keep doing this, it doesn't make sense to complain about it.

[Shunsparkle]

Change your email address and close the other one.

 

Yes, you can.

 

All you have to do is create a new one (don't use the same or a very similar user name!), then email those who you want to have the new email address.

 

Unless, of course, you want to keep this unhealthy interaction going. And if you do want to keep doing this, it doesn't make sense to complain about it.

 

Yeah I suppose. It's just such a hassle cause this email is literally connect to my whole life. I'll get on it when I have some spare time thank you

[boltnrun]

Yeah I suppose. It's just such a hassle cause this email is literally connect to my whole life. I'll get on it when I have some spare time thank you

 

It literally takes 15 minutes.

 

If you spend 15 minutes a day posting on this forum, you have 15 minutes to change your email address.

 

It's all a matter of how important it is to you. Don't you have 15 minutes to do something that will be of great benefit to your emotional health?

[Whocares479]

Youre right. I dont belong on here and im sorry for wasting all of your time. She made me a person i hate but cant escape

 

You do belong on here. Sorry if I was rude. However, you need to listen. We are trying to help you.

[Whocares479]

Echoing don't sweat if life sweeps you up and you go quiet. I hope your cold clears up quick smart, and I'm glad you didn't cave and seek out your ex on your last day in town (definitely a sentimental time). Boltnrun is nail on the head reminding you how last time went *bows down*

 

Black Chapter, that's awesome about your instructor telling you you're making great progress. Kicking goals

 

ShunSparkle, hang in there, after a while it feels good to ignore messages from people who are just toying with us.

 

hrb231 I side eye your ex SOOO MUCH! She wants everything. She doesn't care about what you want though, she doesn't care about you, just what you can provide her. Having said that, she did get one thing right, which was breaking up (absolutely not a reflection on your fine self). For a relationship to work, both people have to want it with conviction. I think if she had stayed with you you would have felt unloved and there's a high likelyhood she would have cheated, she'd have been wasting your time! I'm glad you got some enjoyment out of your game. What were you playing?

 

I think, I have not really thought about or missed my ex at all today. Checking the thread made me think about him but, *prods scab*, it's not provoking any intense feelings right now. There is just a hint of sad, like a drop of black paint in a tin of white but it's been stirred in and you'd hardly know it to look at it.

 

How are we all going today? *Sends good vibes*

 

Thank you so much sweetheart. You are the kindess. I am still a little sick but ill be okay! I'm glad you are making progress!!

[Whocares479]

I can't block theyre emails 🙁

 

Yes!! Make another one! He does not want anything but an ego boost. Do NOT give it to him.

[1a1a]

He is clearly not making her that happy if she keeps running back to me with all of her sadness

 

This doesn't mean that she still loves you though, just that she is sad. You can love someone till you're blue in the face (exhibit A, all of us), but if they don't love you back it's for nought.

 

Good on you for going silent (stop picking at the scab) and yay soccer. Play more of that

 

Black Chapter, hehehe Wanay Wanay, I like it Better to skip practice that make injury worse. Getting fit is always a good feeling!! I am less commital than you, but I have been doing this little 7 minute work out I got from a new york times article. It's harder than it looks. and cos it's short (about 25 mins once I add warm up and cool down) I've been doing it almost daily. This is good progress. I want to be more fit!!! (And yeeees, clean shaven is best!!)

 

Behhhh, I've been oscillating between thinking about what's coming up (mostly work missions I need to achieve) and missing ex. In three days time I can stop reading this chapter/close this book. I was a fool for volunteering to go back into limbo 5 weeks ago. (But back then the thought of ending it was unbearable. Time apart has made me more game for being alone although I am still gonna be saaaaaaad when he comes back with tepidness). Today I know I will feel better once I get up and start doing things but, inertia. (Psych would say I have been hooked on my thoughts and feelings. She gave me exercises for getting unhooked but they stopped being effective after a while because the point of stress never changed. I should do them anyway.....I post here to try and unhook myself.)

 

Shun Sparkle, new email is probably the best thing to do. But an alternative would be to filter his email address into a folder marked do not read me on pain of pain. Which ever you do, the game you are playing currently is called emotional whack a mole. And I wish you strength to win at it.

 

May your days all contain small (or even big) delights.

[Whocares479]

Day 12 complete ? I'm losing the urge to count the days, instead I want to make the days count. I hope everyone is well!!!

[1a1a]

Oh yeeees, Who cares, that is the best perception shift!!!

 

*flail* ex sent me photos of his lighting set up (but no words). What does it mean? I want to have a conversation. What's the point though? It won't change the outcome of Monday. Where ever his heart is now, it won't change that either. I bite my tongue and consider that for better or worse I'm also somewhat of a mentor figure to him so of course he is going to send me work triumphs. *flails more* I still want more from him though. Why, why'd you give your heart to this kid?! He doesn't know what to do with it.

 

Less dwelling, more making today a good one yes yes *shakes self*

[1a1a]

Ex sends me random pictures of work, I always acknowledge them. But if I do the same, like I did today, he doesn't. It didn't bother me, and then, when hours had passed it did. And I told him as much. And the fact that we are still having this conversation proves it is still so so broken. Was fighting not to cry for the tail end of work. I'm out of there now though. Going straight home and going to try and make music. That's what this lump in my throat means, go do.

[1a1a]

Argh, he replied saying he hasn't had a chance to look at them yet (he's been at work same as me). I wish I had kept my insecurity to myself.

[Whocares479]

Argh, he replied saying he hasn't had a chance to look at them yet (he's been at work same as me). I wish I had kept my insecurity to myself.

 

I would ignore him!!! He is acting strange and playing little games. Do you want him back?

[Whocares479]

Argh, he replied saying he hasn't had a chance to look at them yet (he's been at work same as me). I wish I had kept my insecurity to myself.

 

Cheer up, that feeling will subside soon 😊

[Annia]

I'm sorry I haven't followed up this thread. Are you feeling better? Is NC becoming something more natural?