30 days of No Contact log ( Think I can do it?)

[1a1a]

*feels a little invisible*

 

Be patient heart of gold, your heart is dead now but it will slowly but surely come back to life.

 

Well done passing the 7 day mark Whocares

[Whocares479]

Would you like to explain and write about your dream?

 

It was silly, we were sneaking into my moms house to fool around. Which was weird because I do not live with my mom. I don't know. Maybe that's the spirits telling me I only liked him because he gave me a thrill? Thanks for your inquiry.

[Whocares479]

*feels a little invisible*

 

Be patient heart of gold, your heart is dead now but it will slowly but surely come back to life.

 

Well done passing the 7 day mark Whocares

 

Thank you so much!! Why do you feel invisble?

[Whocares479]

I wanted him to so I could tell him where to go..but whether I'd be strong enough to do that I don't know...I've changed my number tho.

I drove past him the other day and I didn't feel what I usually feel...it made me feel better seeing him looking so unkempt (I know I sound like a cow) but he's put me through so much.

 

I fell in love with him and always thought id marry him and now I'm being introduced to other people and my heart is just dead. I hate him for that. I can't hate myself because my intentions were clear and pure but i hate him for stealing my chance of meeting someone happily. Now I feel like il just settle then maybe later il fall in love.

 

He is not worth you at all, don't allow a bad experience with a jerk make you give up on love. You will find someone who will match your greatness.

[Whocares479]

Thank you, i really appreciate it also and i know im late but im glad to hear you made it passed day 7 good job.. Keep going

 

Thank you so much!!! I was shocked I made it too lol!

[Whocares479]

This thread is such a good idea!!! Lonely Loner tiny boats analogy is so on point. Couldn't help but try expanding it in my head. Do we slowly but surely build those tiny boats into big boats out of flotsam and jetsam? Or do we use them to get to shore, and how in touch we stayed with the rest of our lives dictates how close or far the shore is? Do we buy a bigger boat and head back out to sea again? Are we meant to be land or sea based?! (I take them too far).

 

Other analogy I've been toying with is that a relationship is like a pillar that holds our life up. But pillars can be made out of other things like meaningful platonic connections, hobbies, passions, goals, ambitions. A year and a half ago some one left me and I had none of those things, he'd been the only thing holding me up. I shattered, it was awful. Second time around has been awful too (I mean here I am posting on enotalone at 2:30am instead of sleeping because I feel like something is missing, I feel insecure as a single person - adrift, ah hah), but no where near as much so. In no small part because a day after we went on break I had a really awesome series of friendly interactions, a good night at work, and sometimes I feel sad I tell myself to take that feeling and use it to create something. Once I even successfully did it! (in my case, music, something I always thought I would make, but have for ever been too lazy to do so).

 

So, I am hoping I can join you all, although I'm not quite in the same boat. (Ex and I are currently on break at the end of which we meet to see how each other feels, back story here ). But I am striving to be content alone and I think there is a 99% chance that when I meet with my ex he will say "I still don't know what I want". Which is very definitely the same as saying "I don't want you". And in this current break situation, and when we meet and he says something other than "I emphatically want to be with you", (although one day we shall be friends again,) I won't be turning to him for comfort any time soon so no contact outside of work is definitely a goal. (And I didn't expressly state this as a boundary for the break and he's been sending me bread crumbs and it is soooo easy to clutch at them like the straws they are. I am trying very hard not to do that).

 

I am so so so sorry I completely miss this!!! I love your intake on the boat analogy, it was wonderful! You can definitely join, there's always room for me. We all support eachother! Do not clutch on to bread crumbs! You guys are not together, therefore, he no longer has the right to see how you're doing. I hope you guys meet up go well, and if not you have a friend in me for support. However, I am pretty sure it will go well!

[Whocares479]

Youre doing what i cant. Proud of you. Keep it up. Here for you

 

You can do it too, I know you can. Thank you for the support. I hope you're okay.

[Whocares479]

Hello everyone. I'm glad all of you are keeping NC.

 

Just would like to share a personal experience because some of you want to stay NC only for 30 days and try again. I tried doing 30 days NC. When I got close to it ( around day 27 or 28 ) I had this super strong urge to text her. I stopped myself and said that if somehow this superstitiously 30 number is the day her heart starts missing me, why should I cave in 3 days left when I've done 7 times that amount already so I waited.

 

When day 30 came I was feeling very good and didn't miss her so 30 days turned to 60. I broke NC after 2 months to see how she was and all I got was a cold shoulder and ghosting.

 

So my advice would be to carry on NC indefinitely. Dw that's the same advice I've sworn to go by.

 

I still haven't opened her last message, been 2 weeks now since she sent that. I thought I'd be weak and open it eventually but I'm doing great. I'll keep it there and if she contacts me somewhere down the road being all nice I can read her cold text she sent me 2 weeks ago for the first time and just say ain't you the same person being all cold a while back?

 

Keep up the good work!!! Yes I will continue on with my journey and eventually the number of days that have passed won't matter. I rather suffer but know there's light at the end of the tunnel than move in a toxic cycle.

[Whocares479]

Day 8 complete. Nothing really special happened except for tons of school work. He was on my mind earlier in the day but his role inside my mind diminished as I kept myself busy. Hope everyone else is okay!

[Heart of gold]

 

Be patient heart of gold, your heart is dead now but it will slowly but surely come back to life.

 

Thank you but i don't know if it will. My emotions were already dead after the trauma my family went thru. When I was around my ex, it made me realise that I do have some feeling and emotion. Now that's over, I don't think I'l ever allow myself to get close to anyone. Seems no one is here to stay.

As I've explained before, around my family,I'm fine would never want them to see my heartache but inside me I just feel dead.

 

Last night I wanted to fone him and tell him that he's ruined my chances of finding happiness. Ask him why he thought he had the right to ruin my life with his lies when he knew what type of person I was and what I'd been through but I knew there's no point!

 

He's a selfish dog and il never get the truth. Today here I am in bed thinking maybe he is happy with his "wife" and kid but I know that's not my problem. My problem is my inability to move on or even give someone else a fighting chance.

[hrb23]

Day 8 complete. Nothing really special happened except for tons of school work. He was on my mind earlier in the day but his role inside my mind diminished as I kept myself busy. Hope everyone else is okay!

 

Awesome job. Those days are the best, and they get more common the further you are able to go.

 

This weekend was rough. Friday started with me breaking NC, she told me to leave her alone etc, I didn't listen.

 

Saturday I sent her 'one final' message telling her to hear me out, I told her if she ignored this that I would swear not to contact her ever again. She didn't ignore it. She reached out and we had a fun conversation. I told her how proud I was that she had gotten to the end of school. We made some inappropriate jokes and then she abruptly was like "I have to sleep now goodnight"

 

I told her thanks for talking to me and goodnight. Yesterday I woke up to a text asking if I wanted to meet her for coffee before work, which I did. It was fun for a while until I started turning the conversation down a serious path. She told me there were some things she didn't like about her new BF like the fact he smokes and I was trying to convince her she should be with me instead. It was all pretty friendly but she insisted he was first choice and too much had happened for us to be together again which I was inclined to agree with despite the fact I want her back so so much because I love her.

 

Anyway, I walked her to work and we kissed and went our separate ways. Last night I basically sent her a huge text telling her to block me if that's really what she wants and maybe its best for us both. I told her I hope she doesn't regret her decisions later. I also told her I forgive her for everything but that she needs to start considering what she's doing and the effects it can have. She hasn't replied or blocked me yet so who knows what she's thinking.

 

I just know I've let myself get caught again but this time I do feel more in control which is a plus. I feel as if I can handle whatever happens and move forward with it. We'll see

[1a1a]

Whocares - invisible cos no one noticed my first post. Feel visible now Yay! I will be glad to be here, I think everyone is sick of hearing me talk about my ex. Your dream reminds me of that expression about friends (and lovers and partners), people come into your life for a reason, a season or a life time. I can usually pinpoint something specific that dud partners made me realise about myself. And when they have gone, that realisation or personal development stays with me. Maybe you are lacking excitement, and maybe there are things outside of boys that can meet that need? (Very hopefully so). *high fives the good day* It's true, the good days do come more and more frequently.

 

*offers Heart of gold Jedi hugs and tea* I think it is natural to put up defenses when people hurt us, your family, your ex, your heart needs time to heal, maybe a lot of time (potentially a therapist as well). But it will heal, if you aren't dead, it will heal, or at least it has the potential to. I am glad you met someone who made you realise you can feel, maybe the thing you take from this is that you would like to get back to that point some day. For whatever it's worth, I have a friend who's heart is barricaded up very super safe at the moment too and it means although she likes intimacy, she doesn't feel comfortable getting close with anyone or being touched. I believe you will both recover in your own times.

 

Hrb23 - that thing where it feels like too much has happened, I can relate to that. If relationships were houses then they need maintenance and sometimes something happens that cracks the foundations and there's no saving it. Meanwhile, you deserve someone who wants you 100%, we all do! I'm glad you're feeling more in control, I hope that feeling persists.

 

Ahhhh, I was having a neutral day, and then a friend asked me out for hot chocolate and by the time I replied, she had made plans with her new boy and I felt like I was being passed up in favour of the potential partner (and said something to that effect which is how I found out she had made plans with him cos I hadn't replied quick enough, is fair enough). Still bummed me out. Plus looking through my calender and being reminded Monday coming is meet up with ex day and find out how he's feeling. So anxious making. I can't imagine him going from where he was to loving and engaged partner so even the possibility of him saying yes I want to date you makes me anxious. At the start of this break, if he'd come back with an I 6-out-of-10 want to try dating you again I would have accepted it. The other side of 4 weeks my resolve is steeled, anything short of a 9 and *underlined* I! am going to say let's be friends. I deserve someone who wants to be with me with conviction. Still I cried a bit thinking this thought, natural to grieve the death of the imagined relationship.

 

To ease my sadness I have thrown chocolate and food at myself and tried to learn a new song on guitar (and sing it at the same time, and rope in a friend to try and learn it as well, spreading the challenge around yes yes). Umm, I think I feel ok at the moment. (writing here helps).

[hrb23]

She replied this morning basically saying we would see each other again but never be together and I need to accept that.

 

Time to initiate NC. It's always been her to initiate and leave me feeling in this horrible state of rejection. I feel the rejection but now she will too, I'm gonna turn this around and have her left to wonder. If she doesn't want to reconcile I don't want to know.

 

Maybe this will be a case of her not knowing what she has until it's gone. Hopefully by the time she realizes I actually will be gone. I've written a pretty composed text out ready to send before I hit the block buttons. Just want her to know I'm doing it because I have to and not because I want to. She made the choice to betray me and she made the choice to not be with me despite my forgiveness. She can't have me in her life anymore though.

[Whocares479]

Awesome job. Those days are the best, and they get more common the further you are able to go.

 

This weekend was rough. Friday started with me breaking NC, she told me to leave her alone etc, I didn't listen.

 

Saturday I sent her 'one final' message telling her to hear me out, I told her if she ignored this that I would swear not to contact her ever again. She didn't ignore it. She reached out and we had a fun conversation. I told her how proud I was that she had gotten to the end of school. We made some inappropriate jokes and then she abruptly was like "I have to sleep now goodnight"

 

I told her thanks for talking to me and goodnight. Yesterday I woke up to a text asking if I wanted to meet her for coffee before work, which I did. It was fun for a while until I started turning the conversation down a serious path. She told me there were some things she didn't like about her new BF like the fact he smokes and I was trying to convince her she should be with me instead. It was all pretty friendly but she insisted he was first choice and too much had happened for us to be together again which I was inclined to agree with despite the fact I want her back so so much because I love her.

 

Anyway, I walked her to work and we kissed and went our separate ways. Last night I basically sent her a huge text telling her to block me if that's really what she wants and maybe its best for us both. I told her I hope she doesn't regret her decisions later. I also told her I forgive her for everything but that she needs to start considering what she's doing and the effects it can have. She hasn't replied or blocked me yet so who knows what she's thinking.

 

I just know I've let myself get caught again but this time I do feel more in control which is a plus. I feel as if I can handle whatever happens and move forward with it. We'll see

 

Honestly? You are not in control. You are back into her web. Where is your self respect? Why are you allowing her to bounce back and forth between yall two? She complains about her boyfriend? That is what every girl does, that does not mean shes going to leave him for you. She has no room to complain about idiotic behavior anyways. Is she made of diamonds? She knows that you desperately want her so she will continue to milk the attention you give her until she gets tired of you. The girl you fell in love with is no longer there. She can say all the sweet things she want but at the end of the day she is still going back to him saying the same thing. You are in a toxic cycle that will never end unless you break out of it. This relationship will not end up with yall happily married in a big house with kids. It will end poorly if you continue giving in, it's all a matter of when. Or you can grab whatever diginity you have left, and better yourself. Mark my words, this will not end well if you continue.

 

 

Sorry if I was harsh.

[Whocares479]

She replied this morning basically saying we would see each other again but never be together and I need to accept that.

 

Time to initiate NC. It's always been her to initiate and leave me feeling in this horrible state of rejection. I feel the rejection but now she will too, I'm gonna turn this around and have her left to wonder. If she doesn't want to reconcile I don't want to know.

 

Maybe this will be a case of her not knowing what she has until it's gone. Hopefully by the time she realizes I actually will be gone. I've written a pretty composed text out ready to send before I hit the block buttons. Just want her to know I'm doing it because I have to and not because I want to. She made the choice to betray me and she made the choice to not be with me despite my forgiveness. She can't have me in her life anymore though.

 

Or you could just block her with no goodbye text. She will not take your 'goodbye' seriously because you have said 'goodbye' so many times before.

[Whocares479]

Whocares - invisible cos no one noticed my first post. Feel visible now Yay! I will be glad to be here, I think everyone is sick of hearing me talk about my ex. Your dream reminds me of that expression about friends (and lovers and partners), people come into your life for a reason, a season or a life time. I can usually pinpoint something specific that dud partners made me realise about myself. And when they have gone, that realisation or personal development stays with me. Maybe you are lacking excitement, and maybe there are things outside of boys that can meet that need? (Very hopefully so). *high fives the good day* It's true, the good days do come more and more frequently.

 

*offers Heart of gold Jedi hugs and tea* I think it is natural to put up defenses when people hurt us, your family, your ex, your heart needs time to heal, maybe a lot of time (potentially a therapist as well). But it will heal, if you aren't dead, it will heal, or at least it has the potential to. I am glad you met someone who made you realise you can feel, maybe the thing you take from this is that you would like to get back to that point some day. For whatever it's worth, I have a friend who's heart is barricaded up very super safe at the moment too and it means although she likes intimacy, she doesn't feel comfortable getting close with anyone or being touched. I believe you will both recover in your own times.

 

Hrb23 - that thing where it feels like too much has happened, I can relate to that. If relationships were houses then they need maintenance and sometimes something happens that cracks the foundations and there's no saving it. Meanwhile, you deserve someone who wants you 100%, we all do! I'm glad you're feeling more in control, I hope that feeling persists.

 

Ahhhh, I was having a neutral day, and then a friend asked me out for hot chocolate and by the time I replied, she had made plans with her new boy and I felt like I was being passed up in favour of the potential partner (and said something to that effect which is how I found out she had made plans with him cos I hadn't replied quick enough, is fair enough). Still bummed me out. Plus looking through my calender and being reminded Monday coming is meet up with ex day and find out how he's feeling. So anxious making. I can't imagine him going from where he was to loving and engaged partner so even the possibility of him saying yes I want to date you makes me anxious. At the start of this break, if he'd come back with an I 6-out-of-10 want to try dating you again I would have accepted it. The other side of 4 weeks my resolve is steeled, anything short of a 9 and *underlined* I! am going to say let's be friends. I deserve someone who wants to be with me with conviction. Still I cried a bit thinking this thought, natural to grieve the death of the imagined relationship.

 

To ease my sadness I have thrown chocolate and food at myself and tried to learn a new song on guitar (and sing it at the same time, and rope in a friend to try and learn it as well, spreading the challenge around yes yes). Umm, I think I feel ok at the moment. (writing here helps).

 

Ohhh you play the guitar that cool!!! I love your analogys lol they bring a smile to my face. Maybe it is the loss of excitement. Being in college, most girls tend to find their excitement with boys. Whenever I go home, I don't care rather or not a guy is in my presense. I need to find other thrills than a companion. You will get through the meet up no matter what happens. You seem very put together, and honeslty I don't think you should be waiting on him to make a decision. Either he wants to be with you or he don't. Breaks are useless in my opinion. He has too much power, you need to take some back.

[hrb23]

Or you could just block her with no goodbye text. She will not take your 'goodbye' seriously because you have said 'goodbye' so many times before.

 

I never say goodbye. It's always her. I don't take her goodbye's seriously.

[Whocares479]

I never say goodbye. It's always her. I don't take her goodbye's seriously.

 

You don't take her goodbyes seriously because either you will initate contact, and she will vast in the attention and respond. Or she will initate contact, and you will respond. An endless toxic cycle.

[hrb23]

You don't take her goodbyes seriously because either you will initate contact, and she will vast in the attention and respond. Or she will initate contact, and you will respond. An endless toxic cycle.

 

I completely understand why not sending a message would be a good idea. I did however promise I would be there for her with her anxiety disorder and everything else she struggles with. Just walking away would make me feel terrible. There needs to be an explanation even if she already knows what that explanation is.

[Whocares479]

I completely understand why not sending a message would be a good idea. I did however promise I would be there for her with her anxiety disorder and everything else she struggles with. Just walking away would make me feel terrible. There needs to be an explanation even if she already knows what that explanation is.

 

These are excuses. At one point you have to realize that you can no longer be her savior. You will forever be trapped if you don't wake up and smell the coffee. She has someone now, why are you playing the supportive SIDE guy? If she really wanted you to be there, she would be with you. What's understood doesn't need to be explained.

[hrb23]

These are excuses. At one point you have to realize that you can no longer be her savior. You will forever be trapped if you don't wake up and smell the coffee. She has someone now, why are you playing the supportive SIDE guy? If she really wanted you to be there, she would be with you. What's understood doesn't need to be explained.

 

Again, I completely understand exactly what you're saying. The problem is that for myself to feel better I need to have a clear conscience and know in myself that I've left things in a good place on my side. I was never the bad guy, walking away from her and ghosting would make me feel like that and I know that's the way she would look at it too.

[Whocares479]

Again, I completely understand exactly what you're saying. The problem is that for myself to feel better I need to have a clear conscience and know in myself that I've left things in a good place on my side. I was never the bad guy, walking away from her and ghosting would make me feel like that and I know that's the way she would look at it too.

 

Who cares how she would look at it? She should of lost the privledge of you caring a long time ago. But I understand. I will not deter you if it means that much to you. Good luck.

[Shunsparkle]

I'm in day 2 or 3 of NC... around 2 weeks since the break up and I honestly feel great. I had a day of realisation yesterday that life was too damn short to spend wasting and moping for people. I'm honestly so done!! He doesn't even seem that special anymore

[Shunsparkle]

I actually seen him yesterday when I was out having a few drinks with my friend. And him and his father completely blanked me. I just thought it was rude tbh. He even barged past me instead of jist asking me to move 😂 oh well he's done and he has officially lost the best thing to happen to him

[hrb23]

I'm in day 2 or 3 of NC... around 2 weeks since the break up and I honestly feel great. I had a day of realisation yesterday that life was too damn short to spend wasting and moping for people. I'm honestly so done!! He doesn't even seem that special anymore

 

I had a weird and random interaction with one of the cleaners around my office today. He's the same age as me and he just said: "You're so young, you only get one life and it's too short, have fun."

 

I think I will.