30 days of No Contact log ( Think I can do it?)

[Roz]

Going through the same thing bro, absolutely kills, the worst part came when I started to realise she had never had the same dreams or plans at all, after leading me to believe we were always on the same page and feeling the same. She doesn't understand that she lost a temporary 'fling', and I lost my entire future that I pictured revolving around her. I don't know what to say to you other than to say that I know your pain, and I found reading your post, particularly the end of it, incredibly inspirational and so strong! Keep going mate!

[Shunsparkle]

Going through the same thing bro, absolutely kills, the worst part came when I started to realise she had never had the same dreams or plans at all, after leading me to believe we were always on the same page and feeling the same. She doesn't understand that she lost a temporary 'fling', and I lost my entire future that I pictured revolving around her. I don't know what to say to you other than to say that I know your pain, and I found reading your post, particularly the end of it, incredibly inspirational and so strong! Keep going mate!

 

That's how my ex treated me. I thought we was on the same page and I planned my future with him, but really he was taking each day as it came. We're better off without them

[Annia]

Yeeees, that was the one! Meeting in a green field or something.

 

Hearing you describe being further along the path of healing is encouraging.

 

Yes, I think it was in a meadow, a lake or a beach (I think we could choose)... God, I cried so much, but I did it in the first weeks, so maybe the emotions were still very fresh. I confess I felt better and relieved after it, but I cried like a madwoman every time I did it. It was so intense that I'd feel exhausted and drained at the end... maybe that's why I could sleep afterwards lol

[Annia]

I think I can, I think, I can try, I know what to do if it leaves me feeling worse. ..... How it actually panned out, work ended. He said "well, I'm going now". I was disappointed. I was too insecure to just let him go so I called him back and asked him to place himself on a sliding scale where 10 is friends and 1 is not. He said "After the cordiality of tonight, I'd say, 9". Similar reaction to me I suppose. The rapport is still there. But I am still hurt by Monday jerkishness. I said as much. He received that passively. I mentioned wondering if he would invite me out for food and he said he had thought about it but was craving mcdonalds from suburb far away from my home. And thus we parted, and I cried, because the new normal is apart and I grieve the death of the romantic relationship. And then I bought myself a pie, and thought about how someone who used to run a local punk pub was at work last night and came over and struck up a conversation with me saying my mix was excellent (I'm a sound tech by trade) and how he regretted never giving me work at his pub when it was open, in other words, I had had a successful work night emotional turmoil aside. And I thought, just for a glimmering moment "my life is pretty good. I don't need the addition of ex to make it good". I really hope that thought hangs around.

 

Other observations. He did not ask me where I was on that sliding scale. And I mentioned this to a friend, who flagged that as a probable indicator of poor mental health. So yeah, you can have chemistry and mutual attraction and it Seems like everything fits and you should be together but it doesn't and you absolutely should not and oh my how much worse I would have felt last night when he went home, if we were still trying to date, and I had the expectation that we would spend time together (I would have been gutted!!!!)

 

And, getting outside of myself, today I woke feeling glum. And the feeling has dissipated, in the face of an unexpected visit. My old old old old old old old old housemate had an old housemate who became a fan of the persimmon tree out the back. And over the years, he has returned to my house from time to time to pick persimmons. This year he wasn't expecting me, last year he came and I wasn't home and he thought I had moved. So this year when I answered the door he was like 1a1a old friend how are you? Like, really happy to still have the loose connection that's been ongoing for like 8 years now. (All thanks to persimmons haha). Found out he has a brand new baby girl, 15 weeks, with the woman of his dreams. And she is not the woman he was with when I first met him because that woman massively betrayed him. And they divorced, and he was single and studying for two years. And then he qualified and got the job, and met the current partner, and has the family. Talk about trusting the universe.

 

It's great that there are great examples that show us that it's possible to overcome all this and get a much better future than our past.

[Lonely Loner]

Going through the same thing bro, absolutely kills, the worst part came when I started to realise she had never had the same dreams or plans at all, after leading me to believe we were always on the same page and feeling the same. She doesn't understand that she lost a temporary 'fling', and I lost my entire future that I pictured revolving around her. I don't know what to say to you other than to say that I know your pain, and I found reading your post, particularly the end of it, incredibly inspirational and so strong! Keep going mate!

 

Thank you bro, yea its like when they fall out of love, everything we talked about when we were together, just don't matter anymore. Being mislead is the worst, her excuse was she was young and in love when she said all those things i took seriously. In my mind im like "you just said all that being together forever stuff" in December, we brokeup in January.. She's not that much older from that time then? People become that old in a short month?

 

Its real depression even after 30 days of no contact, your whole future and dreams, are only dreams now. Dreams that became nightmares. Why is it a nightmare now? Because that dream you thought was your future, will never be a reality. So it scares you, hurts you emotionally to the point you dont wanna think about it.

 

Im glad inspired you, i really appreciate bro, i just say what my heart feels. Its better to just move on, and try to live life without her, it hurts but you have no choice. They have to want us back, we got dumped, some got replaced, i don't see how i can be in person life who treats me like crap, and feel entitled to do so. When it get like that, you have to let go.. For your health.. Love yourself good luck

[Roz]

Had a stupid dream about him ...ugh

 

Story of my life at the moment. It's been nearly 6 weeks and I still dream I am back with her nearly every night, then she leaves me for some terrible reason, and I wake to realise she is actually gone. Sucks, let's hope time deals with that one for us, I certainly hope it helps you Keep going! One day you'll dream about a better person than them!

[Whocares479]

Story of my life at the moment. It's been nearly 6 weeks and I still dream I am back with her nearly every night, then she leaves me for some terrible reason, and I wake to realise she is actually gone. Sucks, let's hope time deals with that one for us, I certainly hope it helps you Keep going! One day you'll dream about a better person than them!

 

Thank you so much for your kindness and support, you as well !

[Whocares479]

Happy Mothers day!!! To all the mothers out there!!!!! I am on day 22 whoop whoop!! I hope everyone is doing well!

[Annia]

Fml.

He got in touch with my parents asking me to message him and send him some photos and videos of him and his grand parents that I had of them on holiday we went too a few months ago.

So I did I sent that over

Now he decided to send a me a message aboit how I wasn't his first love ( which has really upset and shocked me as he told me while we was together that he has never felt this way about anyone else before) and that I won't be his last and he wishes me the best.

That really hurt the absolutely d**k. I hate men

 

There are great men, but this one is a passive aggressive immature man. You certainly dodged a bullet.

[Dominique]

Happy Mothers day!!! To all the mothers out there!!!!! I am on day 22 whoop whoop!! I hope everyone is doing well!

 

Day 22. That's good! How r u holding up?

 

Thanks for the HMD wishes. 😊

[Roz]

Thank you bro, yea its like when they fall out of love, everything we talked about when we were together, just don't matter anymore. Being mislead is the worst, her excuse was she was young and in love when she said all those things i took seriously. In my mind im like "you just said all that being together forever stuff" in December, we brokeup in January.. She's not that much older from that time then? People become that old in a short month?

 

Its real depression even after 30 days of no contact, your whole future and dreams, are only dreams now. Dreams that became nightmares. Why is it a nightmare now? Because that dream you thought was your future, will never be a reality. So it scares you, hurts you emotionally to the point you dont wanna think about it.

 

Im glad inspired you, i really appreciate bro, i just say what my heart feels. Its better to just move on, and try to live life without her, it hurts but you have no choice. They have to want us back, we got dumped, some got replaced, i don't see how i can be in person life who treats me like crap, and feel entitled to do so. When it get like that, you have to let go.. For your health.. Love yourself good luck

 

Thank you so much man, it doesn't sound like either of us are there yet, but one day we will stop comparing everyone to 'them' and just start living again, without having to worry about the dreams or constant reminders of them. I got dumped less than 48 hours after she told me for the first time I was 'the one' and 'the man for her' and 'her one true life partner', you can imagine my surprise and probably have felt the same pain!

Honestly dude, sounds like we're both better of without 'self entitled' partners mate, I don't hold anything against my ex, but I am deeply hurt by how she treated me, as we all have a right to be. The most important thing is to not fight or ignore your emotions, but to only give in to them for as long as is healthy to do so. Soon there will be a day when we can stand up, brush ourselves off and feel ready to take on new things without thoughts of the past holding us back. Let's make new dreams that don't need other people, but just exist in order to give us aspirations and make us happy and fulfilled.

Like you said, better to move on and try to live without them! Let's just be proud that we wouldn't treat anyone the way we have been treated, I like to think that's kind of noble in some way!

People will always be here for you bro!

[Whocares479]

Day 22. That's good! How r u holding up?

 

Thanks for the HMD wishes. 😊

 

I am doing well, how are you ?

[Dominique]

I am doing well, how are you ?

 

Sad as heck. Been crying on and off all day. But it is what it is. I'm still NC. I guess it's been 3-4 weeks. I don't count.

 

I want to call him. But I don't. I miss hims so much it makes my whole body hurt.

 

Spent the day watching movies with my kid, cleaning the house and doing laundry. Not my dream Mother's Day but I could have less and be worse. I focus on what I have. Counting my blessings.

 

I'm glad you asked and glad you are doing well. That does my heart good to hear.

 

Love and light to you, My dear.

[Annia]

Had a stupid dream about him ...ugh

 

I had a dream too that set me back a little. It was about him and his girlfriend. I woke up really sad and depressed but I think I'm back on track again.

 

I don't know what day of NC I'm in. I'm not counting. I broke NC about 2 weeks ago or something but it was a productive conversation where I let out some more things and he told me others and after that conversation I stopped wanting to contact him again. I have nothing else to say. I miss him, but I don't feel like contact him again. He expects us to become normal friends soon and for me to contact him when I'm ready, but at this moment I just want to move on and I don't feel like talking to him. I just want to move on with my life and give him the space for him to move on and be happy with his new girlfriend.

 

It hurts but all I want is for this to become a distant memory and if I ever talk to him again it will be when I don't feel anything about him nor hurts me the fact that he's with someone else. And that might take time so I'll take my time. And maybe at one point I'll reach that state and move on and even forget to actively try to be his friend. But yeah, I don't have that urge to contact him anymore, even though I still think about him a lot. This too shall pass.

[Whocares479]

Sad as heck. Been crying on and off all day. But it is what it is. I'm still NC. I guess it's been 3-4 weeks. I don't count.

 

I want to call him. But I don't. I miss hims so much it makes my whole body hurt.

 

Spent the day watching movies with my kid, cleaning the house and doing laundry. Not my dream Mother's Day but I could have less and be worse. I focus on what I have. Counting my blessings.

 

I'm glad you asked and glad you are doing well. That does my heart good to hear.

 

Love and light to you, My dear.

 

It does seem like you are getting better. Be patient, the pain will go away. You are very strong!

[Whocares479]

I had a dream too that set me back a little. It was about him and his girlfriend. I woke up really sad and depressed but I think I'm back on track again.

 

I don't know what day of NC I'm in. I'm not counting. I broke NC about 2 weeks ago or something but it was a productive conversation where I let out some more things and he told me others and after that conversation I stopped wanting to contact him again. I have nothing else to say. I miss him, but I don't feel like contact him again. He expects us to become normal friends soon and for me to contact him when I'm ready, but at this moment I just want to move on and I don't feel like talking to him. I just want to move on with my life and give him the space for him to move on and be happy with his new girlfriend.

 

It hurts but all I want is for this to become a distant memory and if I ever talk to him again it will be when I don't feel anything about him nor hurts me the fact that he's with someone else. And that might take time so I'll take my time. And maybe at one point I'll reach that state and move on and even forget to actively try to be his friend. But yeah, I don't have that urge to contact him anymore, even though I still think about him a lot. This too shall pass.

 

Same with me! I have no urge to text my ex but I still think about him. I think the dream comes from us thinking them alot, not necessarily us wanting them back. I wish you all the beat hun!

[1a1a]

Did you get a good nights rest?

 

Oh My Glob, No, in the end, I stayed up thinking and planning and prepping and only got 3 hours. And then the job turned out to be a full 20 hours!!!!!!! I think, it all ran smoother than last year but still not as smooth as I want, I still missed most of my sound checking window (and this window is bloody huge, like 9amthrough 5pm because I was setting up and plugging things in and chasing problems and trying to get my stage hand up to speed, and then trying to get my new stage hand up to speed because when I said 6 till 12 I didn;t specify that 12 was at midnight and the first guy thought he knocked at noon and couldn't stay on. (and that's just as well in the end because he wasn't doing as well as I thought he would and the guy that took over was much much much better). So it didn't sound as good as it could. Guy who hired the PA to me thought it sounded better than last year. But then it's his super expensive gear so I don't think he's entirely unbiased hahaha

 

And then there was my ex. He absolutely saved my bacon over the course of the day helping me out with audio set up and recording set up and everything I asked him to do, he could do, cos he's competent and takes initiative (neither stage hand quite at his level, the town hall sound tech was Feh! better than last year but not by much. I am going to request an audio tech next year, we have to pay for them, they should pull their weight!). Ex helping made me want to express my gratitude as a massive hug, platonic, leaving relationship out of it, this is work, and you're saving me, and work is more important to me even than relationships (driven yo). That thought led to more morose thoughts about how we were split and we would not go home at the end of the day and curl up in an exhausted ball and was there mutual chemistry like my jazz friend speculated? And did he love me but bad brains and or wrong time of life was the thing that made it not work? Or is he actually not attracted to me at all anymore? And does it even matter the why because the outcome is the same. I wanted to ask him questions. I thought I should not (no contact essentially). Then I thought, if he goes straight home I won't say a word, if he invites me for food after I might. He did. I did, except I prefaced it by asking him to pick a safe word for use when conversations get uncomfortable and he wants them dropped without question. I think the conclusion of my querying was yes mutual attraction (except hard for him to say because too tired to think or feel anything), can imagine us drifting back together in the future, to which I said out loud that I thought regardless I needed to be completely over him in the present. And I said about how I wanted nothing more than to curl up together and is that a thing that's appealing or unappealing? He said both, but not a good idea. I agreed, "if you want me to not have feelings for you it's the worst idea ever". We parted as friends. But unofficially, friends in stasis. I'm gonna need months apart before I can engage with him platonically again (watching him packing up on stage, with his hair tied back, dayam), I know this from previous experience. I don't want to jinx it but I think I'm recalibrating to the new normal (a million faster than last time). It IS a relief to not be trying to force together two things that do not fit. Today I have been mostly dead (cos lack of sleep yesterday) and thinking about work things, what do I need to do next, big picture stuff. *gently prods self* no social hangover or anything, this is pretty good. Way different to this time a year ago. Although, also, this time a year ago, although I was still very lonely, ex and I worked this same huge show, and I did not yearn to go home with him. And I was thinking that last night even as I was thinking I wish I could. It was a really useful comparison. I know I can get over him, I've done it before, I will do it again. I am still going to ask the psych how to let go of thinking he's the right one.

 

I had a dream too that set me back a little. It was about him and his girlfriend. I woke up really sad and depressed but I think I'm back on track again.

 

Dreams are sucky mcsuck like this. You dream of the person you long for with someone else. Or arguably worse, over the last year and a half I have had a few dreams where guys I've been sweet on have declared that they feel the same, and I wake up feeling safe and loved for like 30 seconds until I realise just a dream (and it's really only recently that I have started to feel ok with the idea of being alone, so back when I still ing hated being single, those dreams were all kinds of salt in the wound). I am glad to hear you bounced back *cheers from the sidelines*

 

I hope everyone is doing well? *Offers hugs and tea for anyone who wants them*

[hrb23]

If you pulled the same stunt on her, messaged and said you were in a bad place. Would she comfort you?

 

It's really funny you should ask. Saturday I had a soccer match in the afternoon. The day before she had said she really wanted to come. That day she told me she wasn't going to make it because she was exhausted. I reluctantly accepted it. Ended up breaking my foot in that game. Text her that night telling her after being in hospital. She replied saying "What? Really" to which I said "Yes why would I make that up, just got back from ER" I said I was miserable and things kept going wrong for me. She then blocked me instantly. No sympathy, no are you okay, no im sorry that happened. So to answer your question. No, she wouldn't comfort me, and didn't.

 

She blocked me and is gone (again).

[Annia]

Same with me! I have no urge to text my ex but I still think about him. I think the dream comes from us thinking them alot, not necessarily us wanting them back. I wish you all the beat hun!

 

Yes, I think it's also our brain giving us a "free test" to check how we still feel about them, and yes also the fact that they still have a strong presence on our mind.

I think we're reaching the state of acceptance, however I think that recovery doesn't end there. They still affect us and they still (or at least I do) cause us sadness when we think about them and what happened.

 

It's great that you also lost that urge.

 

We're all going to make it!

[Annia]

 

 

 

Dreams are sucky mcsuck like this. You dream of the person you long for with someone else. Or arguably worse, over the last year and a half I have had a few dreams where guys I've been sweet on have declared that they feel the same, and I wake up feeling safe and loved for like 30 seconds until I realise just a dream (and it's really only recently that I have started to feel ok with the idea of being alone, so back when I still ing hated being single, those dreams were all kinds of salt in the wound). I am glad to hear you bounced back *cheers from the sidelines*

 

I hope everyone is doing well? *Offers hugs and tea for anyone who wants them*

 

Thank you hun!

 

I offer you all a big glue supply, so that we all can mend our "broken hearts"

[Whocares479]

Yes, I think it's also our brain giving us a "free test" to check how we still feel about them, and yes also the fact that they still have a strong presence on our mind.

I think we're reaching the state of acceptance, however I think that recovery doesn't end there. They still affect us and they still (or at least I do) cause us sadness when we think about them and what happened.

 

It's great that you also lost that urge.

 

We're all going to make it!

 

Yep we are! Do you have a particular goal in mind where you will stop counting ?

[Whocares479]

Oh My Glob, No, in the end, I stayed up thinking and planning and prepping and only got 3 hours. And then the job turned out to be a full 20 hours!!!!!!! I think, it all ran smoother than last year but still not as smooth as I want, I still missed most of my sound checking window (and this window is bloody huge, like 9amthrough 5pm because I was setting up and plugging things in and chasing problems and trying to get my stage hand up to speed, and then trying to get my new stage hand up to speed because when I said 6 till 12 I didn;t specify that 12 was at midnight and the first guy thought he knocked at noon and couldn't stay on. (and that's just as well in the end because he wasn't doing as well as I thought he would and the guy that took over was much much much better). So it didn't sound as good as it could. Guy who hired the PA to me thought it sounded better than last year. But then it's his super expensive gear so I don't think he's entirely unbiased hahaha

 

And then there was my ex. He absolutely saved my bacon over the course of the day helping me out with audio set up and recording set up and everything I asked him to do, he could do, cos he's competent and takes initiative (neither stage hand quite at his level, the town hall sound tech was Feh! better than last year but not by much. I am going to request an audio tech next year, we have to pay for them, they should pull their weight!). Ex helping made me want to express my gratitude as a massive hug, platonic, leaving relationship out of it, this is work, and you're saving me, and work is more important to me even than relationships (driven yo). That thought led to more morose thoughts about how we were split and we would not go home at the end of the day and curl up in an exhausted ball and was there mutual chemistry like my jazz friend speculated? And did he love me but bad brains and or wrong time of life was the thing that made it not work? Or is he actually not attracted to me at all anymore? And does it even matter the why because the outcome is the same. I wanted to ask him questions. I thought I should not (no contact essentially). Then I thought, if he goes straight home I won't say a word, if he invites me for food after I might. He did. I did, except I prefaced it by asking him to pick a safe word for use when conversations get uncomfortable and he wants them dropped without question. I think the conclusion of my querying was yes mutual attraction (except hard for him to say because too tired to think or feel anything), can imagine us drifting back together in the future, to which I said out loud that I thought regardless I needed to be completely over him in the present. And I said about how I wanted nothing more than to curl up together and is that a thing that's appealing or unappealing? He said both, but not a good idea. I agreed, "if you want me to not have feelings for you it's the worst idea ever". We parted as friends. But unofficially, friends in stasis. I'm gonna need months apart before I can engage with him platonically again (watching him packing up on stage, with his hair tied back, dayam), I know this from previous experience. I don't want to jinx it but I think I'm recalibrating to the new normal (a million faster than last time). It IS a relief to not be trying to force together two things that do not fit. Today I have been mostly dead (cos lack of sleep yesterday) and thinking about work things, what do I need to do next, big picture stuff. *gently prods self* no social hangover or anything, this is pretty good. Way different to this time a year ago. Although, also, this time a year ago, although I was still very lonely, ex and I worked this same huge show, and I did not yearn to go home with him. And I was thinking that last night even as I was thinking I wish I could. It was a really useful comparison. I know I can get over him, I've done it before, I will do it again. I am still going to ask the psych how to let go of thinking he's the right one.

 

 

 

Dreams are sucky mcsuck like this. You dream of the person you long for with someone else. Or arguably worse, over the last year and a half I have had a few dreams where guys I've been sweet on have declared that they feel the same, and I wake up feeling safe and loved for like 30 seconds until I realise just a dream (and it's really only recently that I have started to feel ok with the idea of being alone, so back when I still ing hated being single, those dreams were all kinds of salt in the wound). I am glad to hear you bounced back *cheers from the sidelines*

 

I hope everyone is doing well? *Offers hugs and tea for anyone who wants them*

 

Gosh I know all this suck. It sound hard because no matter what you can truly never go no contact. You seem like a strong person and if you had the opportunity to go full cold turkey you would be a lot further. Give it time, the mental attractionwill slowly subside. I am proud though! Just get some rest! Thought about dating? It may be a lil too soon.

[Whocares479]

It's really funny you should ask. Saturday I had a soccer match in the afternoon. The day before she had said she really wanted to come. That day she told me she wasn't going to make it because she was exhausted. I reluctantly accepted it. Ended up breaking my foot in that game. Text her that night telling her after being in hospital. She replied saying "What? Really" to which I said "Yes why would I make that up, just got back from ER" I said I was miserable and things kept going wrong for me. She then blocked me instantly. No sympathy, no are you okay, no im sorry that happened. So to answer your question. No, she wouldn't comfort me, and didn't.

 

She blocked me and is gone (again).

Your foot will be better in no time!!! Feel better!

[hrb23]

Your foot will be better in no time!!! Feel better!

 

It's true! I do miss my playoff game on Wednesday though which is pretty devastating as I captain my team and they were pretty much relying on me to help them win.

 

In other news I started talking to a girl on a dating app. We have switched to texting and snapchat etc since and we get along REALLY well. It has taken my mind almost completely off the X. It's such a breath of fresh air to talk to someone that doesn't have some kind of agenda.

 

I'm very nervous to meet her though. I've only ever met people organically and I worry about disappointing someone I meet online. I guess it's a pretty natural fear though. Anyway, hopefully meet them soon and see what happens.

[Annia]

Yep we are! Do you have a particular goal in mind where you will stop counting ?

 

I want to not talk to him until I leave my country (I still have 5 months to go)... after that I think I'll be so busy moving and adapting that I think it'll all be easier. I know there are going to be some events from common friends that I might see him at, but I'll think about that later when and if they come up. He knows when I leave and he told me he had written down the date, but to be honest I even hope that he doesn't contact me until then.

 

I was even thinking that I didn't want him to think that I'm so affected and broken by this that I don't contact him for so long but now that I think about it, I don't even care about what he thinks. It's best if I take my time to fully heal and put myself back on track, and even if I arrive to that point before leaving, I think it's better to just let it be on my side. Not out of resentment, but because I think it's better to wish him well from the sidelines and from a distance (literally and figuratively lol).

 

And you, do you have any specific goal?