Jump to content

Am I in the wrong


Adam911macdona

Recommended Posts

My ex partner has asked me if I could pick my son up from her wedding reception and I naturally said yes as I get to have my son. I'll be collecting from her father my sons grandad. My current partner went crazy threw food at me and shouted and bang stuff around and just basically went bat crazy and kicked me out the house. Am I in the wrong for going to get my son or is that just a normal thing to do. Bearing in mind I am not allowed to drop my son to his mothers house or pick him up from there as my partner says its disrespectful to her. I don't know what's right or wrong anymore as its happened for the last couple years now. Please help me out as I just don't know anymore

Link to comment

Your partner is not right at all. Your son comes first and has to come first. I would be severely cautious about a partner who was trying to get in the way of that.

 

Her response also makes it sound like she's abusive. Does she often go off like this? Because it's throwing food and banging around really isn't appropriate behaviour for an adult.

 

Has she ever interacted with your ex? Does she have any reason to not want you to go near her?

Link to comment
My ex partner has asked me if I could pick my son up from her wedding reception

 

Is your current partner jealous? Your ex just got married. Pretty sure there won't be any cheating happening. She needs to let you parent your son how you choose. Absolutely unacceptable behavior.

Link to comment

Hi thanks for reply. She goes off like that alot. If I wear aftershave or read a paper. There is no reason for her to be like it as I have nothing to do with my ex other than when it concerns our son.

There have been lots of arguments surrounding my son or his mother. Iv felt a couple times that maybe she is jealous of my son. She has called him names and everything and if I get to have him at times when its not the arrangement ( every other weekend) she goes mental saying it messes everything up. The thing is I just don't know if I'm in the right anymore cos for the past 3 years iv had it drummed into me that I'm in the wrong

Link to comment

You child will always come first. And you should pick him up from his mothers house. You two will always be connected and it is important that you he regular contact to talk about your chuld. If your partner can't undertand this then she shouldn't be in a relationship with someone who has a child. So she is worng and you should pick your child anywhere that is convinient. Seeing the mother of your child during pick up and drop off is not disrespectful. If she can't deal with this then it's time to move on. You aleady have given in too much.

Link to comment

Wow, what an overreaction. The only one "disrespectful" is her. She would absolutely have a heart attack if she knew the frequency in which my BF communicates with his ex. She sounds like she has serious issues. Sure, it's OK to set "normal" boundaries, but her demands seem ridiculous. One would expect a father to interact with the ex at least a little bit, with regards to the child. The fact that you are not allowed to pick the child up from the ex's place is catering to her jealousy and warped sense of what kind of interactions you are "allowed" to have with the ex. If I was the ex I would be concerned my kid is around such a nut job. Don't mean to name call, but throwing food, really???

Link to comment
Hi thanks for reply. She goes off like that alot. If I wear aftershave or read a paper. There is no reason for her to be like it as I have nothing to do with my ex other than when it concerns our son.

There have been lots of arguments surrounding my son or his mother. Iv felt a couple times that maybe she is jealous of my son. She has called him names and everything and if I get to have him at times when its not the arrangement ( every other weekend) she goes mental saying it messes everything up. The thing is I just don't know if I'm in the right anymore cos for the past 3 years iv had it drummed into me that I'm in the wrong

 

Your a saint for putting up with it for 3 years because I wouldn't put up with it for 3 weeks. Time to reflect if it's time to dump her. She's outrageous.

Link to comment

Thanks guys. At the start I basically told her to deal with it as its my son and that's all that matters. But over the years and the constant battles I'm just so confused. I don't think we have made a full week in at least the last 2 years I ain't been in trouble for something. And its usually that.

Link to comment

Wow sorry to hear this. Surely she knew you have a child and a custody/visitation arrangement, when you began dating.

 

How long have you been dating? Does she drink or have a mood problem? Are there outbursts like this about many things?

 

Basically anyone who interferes with quality time with your child is a deal-breaker. But this is a huge red flag 911macdona;6785229]My current partner went crazy threw food at me and shouted and bang stuff around and just basically went bat crazy and kicked me out the house.

 

]

Link to comment
Hi thanks for reply. She goes off like that alot. If I wear aftershave or read a paper. There is no reason for her to be like it as I have nothing to do with my ex other than when it concerns our son.

There have been lots of arguments surrounding my son or his mother. Iv felt a couple times that maybe she is jealous of my son. She has called him names and everything and if I get to have him at times when its not the arrangement ( every other weekend) she goes mental saying it messes everything up. The thing is I just don't know if I'm in the right anymore cos for the past 3 years iv had it drummed into me that I'm in the wrong

Anyone who called my son names partner or not would be out on their ass on the end of my shoe.

Link to comment

Yes and no. No, for simply going to pick up your son. That's what parents do, unless they want CPS banging on their door over why they abandoned a child.

 

But yes, you are totally 100 percent in the wrong for staying with someone who assaults you, goes psycho, and is a controlling abusive you know what.

 

Please just leave her and be a decent parent. Your poor kid is bound to have gotten the brunt of her nastiness as well and don't try to tell us differently. It is your job to give your child a calm, happy, loving environment. And don't you dare try and say you have that, because no you don't and I can see right through it.

 

Also who's house is it? Yours or hers or shared? She cannot just kick you out of your own house, call the cops on her and report her for assault and for attempting to bar you from your own home. Although no don't do that with your child there, don't put him at risk like that.

 

I wouldn't have put up with three hours of this crap, let alone three years. Get yourself into therapy to figure out why you would put someone abusive before your own kid. She wants you out, great then go and don't look back. Also look up the cycle of abuse in case she keeps hoovering you back in by then acting nice after she's had her fix of violence.

 

P.S. It's actually child abuse to call a child names. Not to mention disgusting behavior from an adult, seriously go get therapy to figure out why you'd rather kowtow to a total cowardly snake and let her abuse your child than to kick her out and get a restraining order. Or send the boy back to his mother, tell him your partner is abusive and you don't have the backbone to stand up to her, and tell the courts that too.

 

If you're going to be that at least warn everyone and keep your son out of it. Sure he'll lose his dad, but he already kind of has and you've put him at the mercy of a full grown psychotic adult. That's not being a parent, and yes I am going to be really hard on you. Because I'm the one who had to counsel kids who survived households like yours. You'd be kinder simply to get out of his life altogether if that's the sort of parent you aren't going to be. I'm betting his mother also doesn't know the half of it, because if she did I can't see her doing anything but taking you to court for full custody based on the fact you're living with someone who is threatening your son's mental and physical well being.

Link to comment

I'm guessing the sex must be fantastic.

 

I can't see any other excuse (yes, EXCUSE, not "reason") to stay with someone who calls your child names and assaults you for wearing aftershave.

 

Does she really think you're going to have sex with your ex wife at her wedding?

 

I hope you're not seriously considering continuing your "relationship" with this psycho control freak. If you do, be prepared to have NO relationship with your son once he's old enough to decide if he wants to see you or not. And he'll grow up knowing his dad chose sex over him. Harsh? You betcha. And this is from someone who was in a similar situation. I haven't seen my father in over 30 years because he chose some bimbo over us kids. Think about that.

Link to comment
Iv felt a couple times that maybe she is jealous of my son. She has called him namesg

 

Dump her right now. She's abusive and she will abuse your son (if she's not already).

 

You need to get into therapy/councelling. You are not wrong, you're being abused and that can make it very difficult to see which way is up. But you have to work now at getting out. Because she is damaging your son, and if your ex-wife gets scent of this, you will lose him.

Link to comment

She does drink and she does have massive mood problems. And she pretty much goes off about anything. We have been together for a little over 3 years and we have a child as well which is why iv tried my best to stick around. People have told me its mental abuse but iv refused to believe it as I'm a man and men don't get abused. So I always thought anyway. She has gone for me a couple times but stopped herself before she done anything.

As far as I know she has never said anything to my sons face its only to me she has called him names as she knows it really upsets me when she does it.

Last year I was out the house for 3 months cos of all the arguing and she didn't want me back till I gave in to her demands. Then on the phone one evening she said she was going out to f**k someone els and I obviously was upset but I thought right that's it then so I got a house of my own. The day I was due to move in she pleaded with me said she will change promised that she wouldn't be like it anymore. Stupidly I believed her and gave the house up. The day after she started again. This has happened twice since with houses and I always give in. I'm not afraid to admit I'm scared of her and how she will make my life hell if I did leave for good. I am weak after the 3 years of abuse. I don't know what to do and I have a counciling session booked in to help.

Link to comment

Stay strong for your kids. Yeah, get a house petition for full custody (of the child with her) but before you do that, start documenting this stuff and consult an attorney. Don't be afraid to call the cops, etc. Start severing things privately and discreetly. With crazies you've got to be stealth and tiptoe out

Link to comment

One of the crazy things is my whole life iv been quite a strong minded person I wouldn't take crap from people. I was always chilled out take each day as it comes and happy. Which is why now I'm so confused cos I'm not one of those things anymore I'm weak always on edge and scared. Its scary how situations can change a person so much

Link to comment
Hi thanks for reply. She goes off like that alot. If I wear aftershave or read a paper. There is no reason for her to be like it as I have nothing to do with my ex other than when it concerns our son.

There have been lots of arguments surrounding my son or his mother. Iv felt a couple times that maybe she is jealous of my son. She has called him names and everything and if I get to have him at times when its not the arrangement ( every other weekend) she goes mental saying it messes everything up. The thing is I just don't know if I'm in the right anymore cos for the past 3 years iv had it drummed into me that I'm in the wrong

 

She is in the wrong, totally. Your son comes first, ahead of her. Throwing food and yelling at you are signs of immaturity and perhaps some sort of mental problem. Are you sure you want to live like this? I'd be long gone.

Link to comment

Just to be clear, she will NOT "change".

 

Talking to her will be a waste of time.

 

If you leave her, she will once again beg and plead and promise to change, but she will not change, as she's proven to you time and again.

 

If you value your children and care about their well being at all, please end this and go to court to get custody of your child with this woman. And work on repairing your relationship with your other child. It affects him even if you want to believe it doesn't.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...